How to deal with annoying people

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upbeatjonm

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We are supposed to love everyone. What should I do with someone whose personality really rubs me wrong? I mean, just seeing this person makes my skin want to crawl. I don’t hate him, I just don’t like him very much. I try to be polite and respectful. A personality conflict is suppose. Is this a sin to feel this way? He is a person I work with, so I can’t simply avoid the person.
 
upbeatjonm said:
We are supposed to love everyone. What should I do with someone whose personality really rubs me wrong? I mean, just seeing this person makes my skin want to crawl. I don’t hate him, I just don’t like him very much. I try to be polite and respectful. A personality conflict is suppose. Is this a sin to feel this way? He is a person I work with, so I can’t simply avoid the person.
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Scripture reminds us that the personalities and beliefs of the Pharisees really rubbed Jesus the wrong way. We were not created to get along with everyone. We know this because Jesus says that we must love our enemies. So He knew that not everyone will get along. But the key here is that we love everyone. Even if someone annoys the daylights out of us, we must love him or her.

I pretty much know that the clergy, religious, prominent Saints and even Jesus went through these kinds of people. I have one of those on my job as well. I just act as I should as a Christian and make each day a new day. I greet him every morning with a smile and then go from there. Much of it has to be avoidance but when that can’t be I just remind myself to be the best version of myself and offer it up to God. And, lastly, if you can find humor in their actions because of how ridiculous they act then you can find more peace in your heart.

No one can change you except yourself. If you don’t let that happen then perhaps that person will see the light in you. It ain’t easy but then Jesus never said that it would be…teachccd 🙂
 
teachccd said:
Scripture reminds us that the personalities and beliefs of the Pharisees really rubbed Jesus the wrong way. We were not created to get along with everyone. We know this because Jesus says that we must love our enemies. So He knew that not everyone will get along. But the key here is that we love everyone. Even if someone annoys the daylights out of us, we must love him or her.

I pretty much know that the clergy, religious, prominent Saints and even Jesus went through these kinds of people. I have one of those on my job as well. I just act as I should as a Christian and make each day a new day. I greet him every morning with a smile and then go from there. Much of it has to be avoidance but when that can’t be I just remind myself to be the best version of myself and offer it up to God. And, lastly, if you can find humor in their actions because of how ridiculous they act then you can find more peace in your heart.

No one can change you except yourself. If you don’t let that happen then perhaps that person will see the light in you. It ain’t easy but then Jesus never said that it would be…teachccd 🙂
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Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I will try to be patient, pray for him and me, just try my best. I guess I don’t need to like him.

Jon
 
I have a coworker who gets to me like that, OP. He insists on standing up at his desk, discussing his girlfriend and their exploits from the night before, he has very very poor hygiene and keeps trying to get us all to taste his food. Just hearing his voice sets me on edge, even though he has never personally done anything to me. I try to breathe through it, and just be as respectful as possible and not allow myself to get a “tone” to my voice when he speaks to me. I don’t think we are meant to automatically like everyone, but what counts is that even in our indifference, that we treat people with respect, and maintain dignity for them as well as for us. 🙂

Good luck!!!👍
 
When Jesus commands us to love everyone, He means for us to desire the utmost good for them, that is, their salvation. We must act in a way that will help them attain this. No matter how annoying they are, we pray for them, treat them with respect and kindness and assist them if they are in need. We are not required to have romantic feelings for them, enjoy their company or even like them.

When I am confronted with one of my least favorite people, my prayer usually is, “Lord, may Your Will be perfectly fulfilled in them.” That is the best thing we can wish for anyone, and still does not stir up the bad feelings that more specific prayers might.

Betsy
 
baltobetsy said:
When Jesus commands us to love everyone, He means for us to desire the utmost good for them, that is, their salvation. We must act in a way that will help them attain this. No matter how annoying they are, we pray for them, treat them with respect and kindness and assist them if they are in need. We are not required to have romantic feelings for them, enjoy their company or even like them.

When I am confronted with one of my least favorite people, my prayer usually is, “Lord, may Your Will be perfectly fulfilled in them.” That is the best thing we can wish for anyone, and still does not stir up the bad feelings that more specific prayers might.

Betsy
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Thanks. I went to confession today, and the priest I talked to about this said that I should try to think about this person as a child of God, and I should do whatever I can to help him towards heaven, just like anyone else. I agree with your thoughts about prayers. Makes sense.
 
upbeatjonm said:
We are supposed to love everyone. What should I do with someone whose personality really rubs me wrong? I mean, just seeing this person makes my skin want to crawl. I don’t hate him, I just don’t like him very much. I try to be polite and respectful. A personality conflict is suppose. Is this a sin to feel this way? He is a person I work with, so I can’t simply avoid the person.
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God puts people like this in our lives to sanctify us. Most times, people that irritate us the most are the ones that are the most helpful in that regard. People like this show us a side of ourselves that we like the least. They usually represent a part of ourselves we really despise. That is why learning to love them is so important to our spiritual progress.
 
God says we have to love everyone, but we don’t have to like them. 😉

Sometimes if it’s one or two single behaviors, there’s a possibility of “helping” that person to modify their behavior when they’re around you.

Maybe not in your case; it depends on the situation. For example, if one prattles on endlessly with personal stories, it’s possible to stragically interrupt them with pointed questions to break their concentration, which then gives you a chance to gain control over the conversation and bring it to an end.

But I assume that from your question that this is more of a personality thing instead of a specific behavior or two.
 
upbeatjonm said:
We are supposed to love everyone. What should I do with someone whose personality really rubs me wrong? I mean, just seeing this person makes my skin want to crawl. I don’t hate him, I just don’t like him very much. I try to be polite and respectful. A personality conflict is suppose. Is this a sin to feel this way? He is a person I work with, so I can’t simply avoid the person.
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We’re supposed to love 'em but we don’t have to like 'em.

Especially when speaking of love as an act of the will.
 
I think it is important to keep in mind that there is a difference between the kind of love Christ was talking about, and “emotional love” or affection. Many people seem to think that when Christ says “Love you enemies.” He means that you have to feel emotional affection for them. That is, of course, ridiculous, not the least because emotional feelings are involuntary. What He really means is that we are to love them on an intellectual and spiritual level. The Latin term, I believe, is caritas and, in Greek, it’s agape. The English word love is, I think, kind of imprecise; it can have so many different connotations. Christ’s love means you care for the wellbeing of the person’s soul (and body), not that you necessarily want to be around them and enjoy their company.
 
Thanks for bringing this up. Someone I know annoys me so much she sets off my insomnia and I have to avoid her, tactfully.
 
I agree with the comments so far, but how are we supposed to handle the person who actively (and successfully) creates divisions in order to be important, and who is devious and manipulative in the nicest possible way.

Yes, pray for God’s will, offer respect and kindness…but isn’t it sometimes necessary to to protest about such behaviour?
 
EllieMary said:
Yes, pray for God’s will, offer respect and kindness…but isn’t it sometimes necessary to to protest about such behaviour?
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Absolutely. Remember Jesus and the money changers? It’s possible, in fact sometimes a duty, to protest someone’s actions (think abortion clinics), but we must try to do it with respect for the other person’s dignity and humanity.
We can even express anger at someone’s actions, as long as we don’t use violence, name-calling, or disrespect. I find this works much better for me in the long run, and even if I lose an argument, at least I haven’t lost my self respect.
 
EllieMary said:
I agree with the comments so far, but how are we supposed to handle the person who actively (and successfully) creates divisions in order to be important, and who is devious and manipulative in the nicest possible way.

Yes, pray for God’s will, offer respect and kindness…but isn’t it sometimes necessary to to protest about such behaviour?
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Yes it is, and the world has no shortage of such people.

Sometimes one needs to confront them directly, sometimes to a boss or manager, sometimes to a coworker, but always one has to be careful to be charitable and keep things work related.

I used to work with such a person in a professional setting. After a few months of working there and a couple blow-ups, it became clear that this person was valued by the boss and I came to the realization that I’d either have to deal with them or move on.

In all seriousness, if I would have stayed there, in my youthful rashness I probably would have laid a beating on this person eventually. It wasn’t worth the stress.

Sometimes you can get these people to at least leave you out of their pettiness if you confront them directly, but the risk is that they’ll double their actions directed at you; it really depends on the situation and the size of the workplace.

What I know now that I didn’t know then is that these people are for the most part very unhappy, and have only the petty satisfaction that they get from such behavior. You cannot change their unhappiness, but one needs not allow oneself to be manipulated. Prayers help too; not necessarily to change them, but to change us. 👍
 
I work with several people like this. And sometimes it is really hard being nice to them. Maybe that’s why I am in the medial profession. Because then I HAVE to be nice, so the patients get the best care. The Lord’s probably laughing at me when I go to work and either Donna or Gina, or sometimes BOTH are working. I try really hard those days to keep myself busy.

Kathy
 
In the most annoying of moments…I look them straight in the eyes and say…something tell me that I need to pray for you today, and I promptly do.
 
RosalieM said:
Thanks for bringing this up. Someone I know annoys me so much she sets off my insomnia and I have to avoid her, tactfully.
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Pray for her fervently every day, and ask God to enable you to see her as He sees her. It is amazing how well that works.👍
 
guanophore said:
Pray for her fervently every day, and ask God to enable you to see her as He sees her. It is amazing how well that works.👍
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I have to try not to think about her at all. She has been a source of serious stress. Whenever she pops up in my mind, I think “Jesus I trust in you”. It’s working. And I have prayed for her also; but this is now more a situation of self-preservation. She has disturbed my peace as though she were in league with the enemy himself.
 
RosalieM said:
I have to try not to think about her at all. She has been a source of serious stress. Whenever she pops up in my mind, I think “Jesus I trust in you”. It’s working. And I have prayed for her also; but this is now more a situation of self-preservation. She has disturbed my peace as though she were in league with the enemy himself.
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I know some people like this too.
The only advice I have is try to do the right thing yourself. It’s what you do that’s important.
 
Gene_G said:
I know some people like this too.
The only advice I have is try to do the right thing yourself. It’s what you do that’s important.
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It’s reassuring (although unfortunate) to know there are similar situations. Part of the person’s effect would influence one to do the wrong thing. When I had my bouts of insomnia because of this person; I took refuge in the rosary. I even received an unexplanable bruise during one of the sleepless nights. What saved me completely was following the Pope’s visit to Lourdes (live, in the wee small hours of the morning) and receiving Apostolic blessings. I call upon the Lord as I said whenever she comes to mind.
Perhaps these people are some kind of lesser demons or imps. So yes, what you or I do, our reaction, is extremely important.
 
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