How to develop a relationship with Jesus?

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Melina83

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Hi all!

Please forgive me if this isn’t the right place to post this. I’m a relative newbie to CAF, though I’ve been lurking for quite a while. 😛

I’ve recently made the decision to convert (hooray!!) and started attending my parish’s RCIA inquiry sessions. RCIA will begin later in the year. So far I’m loving it! I’ve been attending mass, stations of the cross as well as numerous other activities in my parish which, fortunately, is super active. I’m meeting people, making friends, and generally feeling great about my decision.

I have one problem though (and please forgive me if this offends anyone!) I just can’t seem to find that connection to Jesus, or that swelling of love for Him that, in my opinion, should be the cornerstone of faith.

I was raised in a very anti-religion environment. While there wasn’t any outright hostility for religion (well, except for southern baptists, but that’s a long story) I would have rather told my mother that I was pregnant at 15 than interested in religion, ESPECIALLY one having to do with Jesus (I was taught that he was a nice, wise, man, but a man only.) We were “spiritual” and we prayed, but only to God directly. I grew up believing that there should never be anything/anyone between God and man. Over the years though, something shifted in me, and I felt called to Catholicism.

So here I am, at the relative beginning of my journey. I KNOW I am in the right place and I KNOW this is a journey I am supposed to be taking. I certainly don’t have any disdain for Jesus but I just find it so unnatural and difficult to pray to him. I pray to God directly (yes, I know, Jesus is God, but the whole trinity thing is SO new to me!) or ask Mary to intercede for me. In all of these prayers I ask them to help open my heart to Jesus. Surprise surprise, it seems to be working. The other day in mass, I kneeled to pray while everyone went for communion and the oddest words (for me) escaped my lips and I just started bawling. I looked up at the cross and said “Please, live in me!” :eek: Anyone who knows me knows that saying something like that out of the blue is like me suddenly becoming fluent in Mandarin. I’m embarrassed to admit even thinking that because it is SO unlike me. I mean, I don’t even know what that is supposed to mean. But since then, I’ve not felt this odd block that I’ve felt when praying directly to Jesus, and therefore have been able to do it, but I still feel that the connection is not whole. I still feel like I’m praying to a stranger.

I know I can’t be the only one, so here I am, on CAF, looking for some validation that I’m on the right track, and that others have experienced the same thing. It seems to me like most members of my RCIA group are coming from Protestantism, so Jesus is the least of their doubts. When did you feel that overwhelming love for Jesus for the first time? I imagine even some cradle Catholics had to have felt if for the first time at one point too, right?

Thanks everyone!
 
Melina83 said:
Hi all!

Please forgive me if this isn’t the right place to post this. I’m a relative newbie to CAF, though I’ve been lurking for quite a while. 😛

I’ve recently made the decision to convert (hooray!!) and started attending my parish’s RCIA inquiry sessions. RCIA will begin later in the year. So far I’m loving it! I’ve been attending mass, stations of the cross as well as numerous other activities in my parish which, fortunately, is super active. I’m meeting people, making friends, and generally feeling great about my decision.

I have one problem though (and please forgive me if this offends anyone!) I just can’t seem to find that connection to Jesus, or that swelling of love for Him that, in my opinion, should be the cornerstone of faith.

I was raised in a very anti-religion environment. While there wasn’t any outright hostility for religion (well, except for southern baptists, but that’s a long story) I would have rather told my mother that I was pregnant at 15 than interested in religion, ESPECIALLY one having to do with Jesus (I was taught that he was a nice, wise, man, but a man only.) We were “spiritual” and we prayed, but only to God directly. I grew up believing that there should never be anything/anyone between God and man. Over the years though, something shifted in me, and I felt called to Catholicism.

So here I am, at the relative beginning of my journey. I KNOW I am in the right place and I KNOW this is a journey I am supposed to be taking. I certainly don’t have any disdain for Jesus but I just find it so unnatural and difficult to pray to him. I pray to God directly (yes, I know, Jesus is God, but the whole trinity thing is SO new to me!) or ask Mary to intercede for me. In all of these prayers I ask them to help open my heart to Jesus. Surprise surprise, it seems to be working. The other day in mass, I kneeled to pray while everyone went for communion and the oddest words (for me) escaped my lips and I just started bawling. I looked up at the cross and said “Please, live in me!” :eek: Anyone who knows me knows that saying something like that out of the blue is like me suddenly becoming fluent in Mandarin. I’m embarrassed to admit even thinking that because it is SO unlike me. I mean, I don’t even know what that is supposed to mean. But since then, I’ve not felt this odd block that I’ve felt when praying directly to Jesus, and therefore have been able to do it, but I still feel that the connection is not whole. I still feel like I’m praying to a stranger.

I know I can’t be the only one, so here I am, on CAF, looking for some validation that I’m on the right track, and that others have experienced the same thing. It seems to me like most members of my RCIA group are coming from Protestantism, so Jesus is the least of their doubts. When did you feel that overwhelming love for Jesus for the first time? I imagine even some cradle Catholics had to have felt if for the first time at one point too, right?

Thanks everyone!
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Excellent question!

When I was in college, some friends invited me to a Christian fellowship, and I began going. We had weekly meetings where we were asked to memorize Scripture verses among other things, and I began doing that. Sometime during the process of going to this group, I asked Jesus into my heart. I began a relationship with Him and found I could talk to Him about all sorts of things.

One thing that helped me was reading the Gospels and finding out more about Him. I began with Mark as it was the shortest.

Keep in mind that it is a relationship, and that feelings will ebb and flow. Don’t rely on the feelings, but instead keep the lines of communication going. At night thank Jesus for all the good things that happened that day, and ask for protection during the night.

Memorizing Scripture helped me because I can now call the verses up when I need them.

Hope this helps.
 
Lisa1967 said:
Excellent question!

When I was in college, some friends invited me to a Christian fellowship, and I began going. We had weekly meetings where we were asked to memorize Scripture verses among other things, and I began doing that. Sometime during the process of going to this group, I asked Jesus into my heart. I began a relationship with Him and found I could talk to Him about all sorts of things.

One thing that helped me was reading the Gospels and finding out more about Him. I began with Mark as it was the shortest.

Keep in mind that it is a relationship, and that feelings will ebb and flow. Don’t rely on the feelings, but instead keep the lines of communication going. At night thank Jesus for all the good things that happened that day, and ask for protection during the night.

Memorizing Scripture helped me because I can now call the verses up when I need them.

Hope this helps.
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Excellent answer too!

As the old saying goes - count your blessings. Isn’t funny how this lifts us up.
 
I just can’t seem to find that connection to Jesus, or that swelling of love for Him that, in my opinion, should be the cornerstone of faith.
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First, i want to welcome you. I am so thrilled that you felt this call.

I was originally raise Catholic, i had this relationship with Jesus that you are wondering, sadly, i left the church (thinking i was still Catholic) and resume to Church last fall. I didn’t feel this relationship that i once felt but i wasn’t going to stop my renew to the church. I persevere with prayer and doing the rosary. I can say now, that i feel him so much more. Get the movie of Mother Teresa. Read about Saint. One main thing about mother Teresa, she was experiencing Jesus by helping others. “What you do to others, you do to me”. Focus on working on Humility (It seems to come strongly when you read about the Saint), charity and little sacrifice that you can do to help to save soul. You will without a doubt experience something like you never did.

When you get baptize and receive your sacrament of confirmation/communion etc…, you will feel completely different. Since i got those sacraments young, i couldn’t receive them again but my husband got baptize and he is about to have this sacrament. It is a blessings and such a wonderful gift.

Continue to go to mass, pray and follow your course and when you least expect it, you will feel this love within you. Talk to God as much you can, this will enhance a relationship that you are seeking.

Blessings and love!
 
Prayer may seem odd at first sometimes. As you use it more, you will become more comfortable with it.

I’ve an idea for you… you should start praying out loud at home. Go to a room and close the door and speak openly to Jesus. Talk to Him as a friend and say WHATEVER is in your heart…tell Him how you feel about pray, tell Him what you think about the church : fears, anxieties, questions, excitements…etc etc. Really open your heart as if someone is sitting right next to you (He is). Then, end your prayer time with a few minutes of complete silence with your eyes closed and breathing slowly and comfortably. End with just listening like this and being in the moment. Then just imagine your head on His chest and you can hear His heart beating out of love for you.

Do this every day! Make it an appointment time with the Lord. Prayer isint always natural for a lot of us at first. You are coming into the church because you want to know TRUTH…Christ…you want to know God. It takes time and energy to get closer to anyone so please stick with this regardless of feelings.

A second idea: Find a eucharistic adoration chapel in your area and go there for one purpose…sit there and just BE with Him. You don’t have to say or do anything…just spend time there! He’s usually pretty lonely in our chapels…be a friend and just be there with Him.

Doing these 2 prayerful ideas…REGULARLY…I guarentee your spiritual life will change!

Lastly, one real cute story for you…to make the point that Faith and Love are choices…they have NOTHING to do with feelings.

A seminarian asked his superior "father… I’m sooo confused. I don’t feel any strong emotions/love toward God. I don’t feel anything! I’m more dead, confused, I FEEL NOTHING … HOW DO I KNOW I LOVE GOD !! The priest said : I want you to talk to your guardian angel tonight. I want you to ask him two questions: 1 Do you love God ? and 2 : How does that feel .

The seminarian prayed to his angel that night and asked : Do you love God ? the seminarian couldint believe it…he heard a voice! It said " oh yes, with all my being! with all my existence! I love him so much !!! The seminarian was like : "WOW!!! I wonder how that must be! Thats amazing! " …So the seminarian asks the second questions " How does that feel " …there was dead silence…He asked again…silence…The seminarian all frustrated needed an answer and begged " please, why don’t you answer! how does it feel to love and know God that much ??? " The angel said : “feel…feel? I’m an angel…a pure spirit… I don’t feel anything!”

We are to know God “in SPIRIT and truth”…and if angelic love isin’t strong enough for you to love God by…than no form of love will ever suffice.

Loving, and faith in God is an act of the will.

God bless
Michael
 
Hello Melina 👋 and welcome home to Christ’s Church!

What you experienced in your overwhelming wave of feelings for Jesus is what the Church calls a consolation. God often gives us consolations to boost our faith, but they are not our faith or even the cornerstone of our faith. The cornerstone of our faith is Christ himself not our feelings about him.

The love relationship between us and God is a perpetual courtship. God is always there, but he lets us feel periods of dryness in order to prompt us to seek him for his own sake and not for the feelings we might experience. The whole book of the Song of Songs is about this–the Beloved and the Bride and their interactions with one another. Jesus is the Beloved and we are his Bride. But he is a King and so we owe him our time and attention while he is free to do as he pleases with us. Fortunately, he is a good king, but not a tame one, as C. S. Lewis described Aslan the Lion in his Chronicles of Narnia books. Jesus sometimes hides himself so that we will desire him all the more.

The way to draw close to Jesus is to do what he commands–that is how we show him we love him. He has asked us to avail ourselves of the sacraments, to pray, and to do good works of love and mercy. Develop a daily prayer routine and stick to it, go to Mass on Sundays and holy days of obligations. When you are received into the Church, go to confession and be a part of the communal life of the Church. Do good for others and pray for them. In a word, live your life according to God’s will in all things, so that you will become holy and so you will do good.
 
One last thing…reading the gospels as someone suggested.

Read a couple chapters a day from one of them and that can also give you things to talk about with Jesus when you pray as I mentioned to you.

Those stories of Jesus will help you come to know Him.
 
Everyone’s spiritual journey is a bit different. Just take it one day at a time.

I would point out that warm, loving feelings are not the basis for faith, nor will they always be present. We don’t always have those feelings toward are family members either, but we always still love them.

The key to developing a relationship with Jesus is much the same as any other relationship: spend time with Him. There’s no shortcut. It takes time, just as any other relationship. Maybe it feels weird and uncomfortable at first. Just keep pushing through it and stay committed to the course.

As others suggested, spending time prayerfully reading the Gospels would be great. You might also consider our Pope Emeritus’ trilogy of books on Jesus of Nazareth. For me, those books really made the Jesus of the Gospels come alive in new ways for me. I highly recommend them.
 
If you’re having trouble praying, you might not necessarily want to start with things like the Our Father or Glory Be, they might feel impersonal. Just talk to Jesus. Tell Him about your day, tell Him about your worries, ask Him for help praying, even. Just get comfortable with praying to Him. Prayer is asking for graces, but, even more important than the words, is the intent and your inner devotion to Him, so just try talking for a bit, then, when you are comfortable with it, move on to things like the Our Father, or the Glory Be, or the Hail Mary.

Pray regularly, this is also key to developing a relationship with Jesus. You can’t form a bond easily if you only see a person once every few months, after all.😛

I’ll pray for you.
 
I second reading the Gospels over and over. If you can find a place that offers Eucharistic Adoration, read the Gospels in front of the Blessed Sacrament exposed; otherwise, read them while sitting in a Catholic Church where Jesus is truly present. Ask Him to help you understand who He is. Also, read as much Scott Hahn as you can.
 
Melina83 said:
So here I am, at the relative beginning of my journey. I KNOW I am in the right place and I KNOW this is a journey I am supposed to be taking. I certainly don’t have any disdain for Jesus but I just find it so unnatural and difficult to pray to him. I pray to God directly (yes, I know, Jesus is God, but the whole trinity thing is SO new to me!) or ask Mary to intercede for me. In all of these prayers I ask them to help open my heart to Jesus. Surprise surprise, it seems to be working. The other day in mass, I kneeled to pray while everyone went for communion and the oddest words (for me) escaped my lips and I just started bawling. I looked up at the cross and said “Please, live in me!” :eek: Anyone who knows me knows that saying something like that out of the blue is like me suddenly becoming fluent in Mandarin. I’m embarrassed to admit even thinking that because it is SO unlike me. I mean, I don’t even know what that is supposed to mean.
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It sounds to me like your heart squeaked out some truth before your mind (with all its blockage) was able to stop it. By asking this of the Lord you have opened yourself up to a divine touch. ❤️

You want Christ to be in you by the way that’s a “good thing.” :cool:
But since then, I’ve not felt this odd block that I’ve felt when praying directly to Jesus, and therefore have been able to do it, but I still feel that the connection is not whole. I still feel like I’m praying to a stranger.
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Some people pray “to” Jesus, but personally I don’t. I might “talk” to Jesus, but more likely to the Father. But when I pray, I pray to the Father, in Jesus’s name like in John 15:

John 15:14-17
You are my friends if you do what I command you. I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father. It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you. This I command you: love one another.

He calls us friends instead of slaves because we “know about His Father’s business.” But if we do what He commands – which is to love one another – then we are His friend. :grouphug:

So I know He’s my savior, but on a day to day basis I accept His privileged title of “friend” and as the friend who showed me the Way into the kingdom and become close to the Father. Jesus never asked for any glory for Himself, except that glory be given to the Father. :bowdown:

For that matter, Jesus never asked us to worship Him either. Just to follow Him, and do His commands of love. But I have to be careful how loud I say that because it could kick a few “sacred cows.” 😛

Alan
 
I have to say the one event in my life that just was outstanding was going to a Cursillo.

It was a three or five day religious event with other catholic men years ago. We lived our lives in close companionship sharing with each other our spiritual thoughts. It was a very deep experience and nothing have I done before or since gave me such a close oneness with the Holy Spirit. It is still hard to describe what actually happened to me. I “knew” without trying the Holy Spirit was real and present. If you have an opportunity to make one, do so, for it is a life changing event I will never forget and will always look back on. It took me by complete surprise.
 
Melina, there are a lot of good suggestions here. I want to add another idea that I did not see. I started out as a Baptist but then fell away from all religion for about 25 years. Although I always knew God existed, I was suspicious of Jesus. I worried he was a lunatic or something. Long story, but I was called to the Catholic church and finally responded about 4 years ago. I was still wary of Jesus, but attended RCIA and mass regularly and prayed for faith in him.

About a year later, I started going to Eucharistic adoration. Over the course of many months, I began to fall madly in love with Jesus…and there really is no other way to describe it. I started going on Friday evening, a pretty unpopular time and then took a regular hour because they needed an adorer in one of the slots. My Baptist mother thought I was crazy when I was talking to her and would say I have to go now because it is my date with Jesus.

If you want to get close to HIM and there is an adoration chapel in your area that is what I would suggest to you. If not, try visiting Him at church in the tabernacle. It will seem a little weird at first, but just go there and read the Bible or other spiritual materials. Try to go about once a week. HE will guide you. You will receive many blessings and great peace. It will become natural to talk to HIM. After a while you will just want to sit there and bask in his love.

God bless you!
 
Personally, I feel more drawn to God the Father than to Jesus. Jesus scares me, he seems like a tough person to get close to. I just don’t feel drawn to Him like I am God the Father. I’ve always had that problem. I feel very drawn to Mary, though.
 
Adoration.

I used to feel the same way you do. I was not used to praying at all. It took me a long time to get comfortable with it at all and I’m still not all the way there yet. It felt embarrassing to me at first. But, the biggest way I got over it was to accept a lot of suffering I was having in my life in Christ. That was how I got to know him as a person. Plus, reading the book Consoling the Heart of Jesus. It kind of happened at the same time.
 
thomasf said:
Personally, I feel more drawn to God the Father than to Jesus. Jesus scares me, he seems like a tough person to get close to. I just don’t feel drawn to Him like I am God the Father. I’ve always had that problem. I feel very drawn to Mary, though.
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So funny, as a child, it was the other way around. I would ask Mother Mary or Jesus if they could ask God on my behalf, lol…As a child, i was seeing him as my best friend and to this day.

I pray for you to feel comfortable with him and to allow him to come in your heart.

Blessings and love!
 
That’s very kind of you. Thank you.

IMO, I had a strong father figure and a desire to be closer to him. I’ve never had an older brother or brother figure, so I am not sure of that relationship. Jesus of the gospels seems pretty mean and tough to me, yet the Jesus of personal revelation like the Divine Mercy seems much nicer and kinder. I try to get closer to Him through His mercy. Scripture just scares the heck outta me.

😃
 
Same with me. I always pray directly to God, rather than Jesus. It’s not that I don’t have that connection but I always pray to God. During the day however I feel the presence of Jesus more so than God, if that makes sense.

At night during prayer, even though I pray to God, I feel the presence of both.
 
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