M
Melina83
Guest
Hi all!
Please forgive me if this isn’t the right place to post this. I’m a relative newbie to CAF, though I’ve been lurking for quite a while.
I’ve recently made the decision to convert (hooray!!) and started attending my parish’s RCIA inquiry sessions. RCIA will begin later in the year. So far I’m loving it! I’ve been attending mass, stations of the cross as well as numerous other activities in my parish which, fortunately, is super active. I’m meeting people, making friends, and generally feeling great about my decision.
I have one problem though (and please forgive me if this offends anyone!) I just can’t seem to find that connection to Jesus, or that swelling of love for Him that, in my opinion, should be the cornerstone of faith.
I was raised in a very anti-religion environment. While there wasn’t any outright hostility for religion (well, except for southern baptists, but that’s a long story) I would have rather told my mother that I was pregnant at 15 than interested in religion, ESPECIALLY one having to do with Jesus (I was taught that he was a nice, wise, man, but a man only.) We were “spiritual” and we prayed, but only to God directly. I grew up believing that there should never be anything/anyone between God and man. Over the years though, something shifted in me, and I felt called to Catholicism.
So here I am, at the relative beginning of my journey. I KNOW I am in the right place and I KNOW this is a journey I am supposed to be taking. I certainly don’t have any disdain for Jesus but I just find it so unnatural and difficult to pray to him. I pray to God directly (yes, I know, Jesus is God, but the whole trinity thing is SO new to me!) or ask Mary to intercede for me. In all of these prayers I ask them to help open my heart to Jesus. Surprise surprise, it seems to be working. The other day in mass, I kneeled to pray while everyone went for communion and the oddest words (for me) escaped my lips and I just started bawling. I looked up at the cross and said “Please, live in me!”
Anyone who knows me knows that saying something like that out of the blue is like me suddenly becoming fluent in Mandarin. I’m embarrassed to admit even thinking that because it is SO unlike me. I mean, I don’t even know what that is supposed to mean. But since then, I’ve not felt this odd block that I’ve felt when praying directly to Jesus, and therefore have been able to do it, but I still feel that the connection is not whole. I still feel like I’m praying to a stranger.
I know I can’t be the only one, so here I am, on CAF, looking for some validation that I’m on the right track, and that others have experienced the same thing. It seems to me like most members of my RCIA group are coming from Protestantism, so Jesus is the least of their doubts. When did you feel that overwhelming love for Jesus for the first time? I imagine even some cradle Catholics had to have felt if for the first time at one point too, right?
Thanks everyone!
Please forgive me if this isn’t the right place to post this. I’m a relative newbie to CAF, though I’ve been lurking for quite a while.
I’ve recently made the decision to convert (hooray!!) and started attending my parish’s RCIA inquiry sessions. RCIA will begin later in the year. So far I’m loving it! I’ve been attending mass, stations of the cross as well as numerous other activities in my parish which, fortunately, is super active. I’m meeting people, making friends, and generally feeling great about my decision.
I have one problem though (and please forgive me if this offends anyone!) I just can’t seem to find that connection to Jesus, or that swelling of love for Him that, in my opinion, should be the cornerstone of faith.
I was raised in a very anti-religion environment. While there wasn’t any outright hostility for religion (well, except for southern baptists, but that’s a long story) I would have rather told my mother that I was pregnant at 15 than interested in religion, ESPECIALLY one having to do with Jesus (I was taught that he was a nice, wise, man, but a man only.) We were “spiritual” and we prayed, but only to God directly. I grew up believing that there should never be anything/anyone between God and man. Over the years though, something shifted in me, and I felt called to Catholicism.
So here I am, at the relative beginning of my journey. I KNOW I am in the right place and I KNOW this is a journey I am supposed to be taking. I certainly don’t have any disdain for Jesus but I just find it so unnatural and difficult to pray to him. I pray to God directly (yes, I know, Jesus is God, but the whole trinity thing is SO new to me!) or ask Mary to intercede for me. In all of these prayers I ask them to help open my heart to Jesus. Surprise surprise, it seems to be working. The other day in mass, I kneeled to pray while everyone went for communion and the oddest words (for me) escaped my lips and I just started bawling. I looked up at the cross and said “Please, live in me!”
I know I can’t be the only one, so here I am, on CAF, looking for some validation that I’m on the right track, and that others have experienced the same thing. It seems to me like most members of my RCIA group are coming from Protestantism, so Jesus is the least of their doubts. When did you feel that overwhelming love for Jesus for the first time? I imagine even some cradle Catholics had to have felt if for the first time at one point too, right?
Thanks everyone!