how to educate my son with a non-catholic wife

[Lapey]

The idea is that if the Catholic Spouse were in such a position then maybe the only way to get the child into a catholic church would be to sneak them there, that would be the violation of the other spouses trust.

The idea that breaking the trust of the covenant of god doesn’t matter to me or my spouse in this case (this is in reality, I’m speaking now). Since we are both Christians, both of our denominations priests have valid orders, and since even the Catholic church admits that salvation may be obtained in other christian churches we have a hard time reasoning any breaking of any covenant with God is actually occurring.

Are you saying I must disobey Christ in order to obey Christ?

I am confused, Jesus does not sneak and I never stated that I would sneak to teach my kids the truth.

 

[Cristiano]

The idea is that if the Catholic Spouse were in such a position then maybe the only way to get the child into a catholic church would be to sneak them there, that would be the violation of the other spouses trust.

The idea that breaking the trust of the covenant of god doesn’t matter to me or my spouse in this case (this is in reality, I’m speaking now). Since we are both Christians, both of our denominations priests have valid orders, and since even the Catholic church admits that salvation may be obtained in other christian churches we have a hard time reasoning any breaking of any covenant with God is actually occurring.

I think that we view things from the same point of view but the timing of events that we consider are different. My point is that as a Catholic I need to seek my future spouse’s consent before agreeing to marriage. Only after the future spouse gives the consent I get married and hopefully have children. At that points the children must be raised as Catholics. If later in time the spouse has a change of mind it does not matter to me and it cannot stop me from raising them as Catholics. However, I do not think that I can morally force the spouse to participate in that effort. At that point it would not be going behind the spouse’s back by raising the children as Catholics even if the spouse is firmly against it.

If I were not to seek the future spouse’s consent before marriage, then I would be in a can of worms and I should still be raising the children as Catholics even against the will of my spouse.

 

[NoAvailableName]

My wife was not too observant of her religion … But now my wife’s family (who lives in another country) is pushing my wife

So, it is not your wife’s desire to please God that is motivating her, but rather her desire to please her relatives.

It might be helpful to point out that you are motivated by God, who takes precedence over your wife’s family.

Also, teaching such a young child such differing beliefs is likely just going to confuse him. Why screw up the child to appease relatives? Relatives should not be calling the shots of how you raise your children.

Tell her that he can learn about his wife’s family religion when the child is older and more established in his faith, and that it is absolutely not OK for her family to be dictating how your child is raised.

 

[jnuevo]

Thank you for all your answers. They have given me light about dealing with the situation.

I take your advice to try my best and always talk with the true to my boy. Children are not fool, and with proper guidence and with the help of the holy spirit, he will compare and understand the good things about catholicism. Thanks for the recommended literature.

 

[solemnwarrior]

Why don’t you teach your son a bit about all the religions, the differences and similarities and then let him decide which is right for him when he’s older?

Seems like a nice compromise.

 

[Lutheranteach]

I have no doubt you both want what’s best for your child but she does not have a right to interfere with the child’s Catholic formation. She agreed to have any children raised Catholic when you married. The Church would not have agreed to the marriage otherwise. That is especially true for Jehovah’s Witnesses who do not even accept that Jesus is God.

As far as practical advice is concerned I don’t have any. I would suggest you contact your priest to ask him for guidance.

Yours in Christ
Joe

IF they were married outside the church I disagree entirely. She has every right to interfere if she feels some aspect is in opposition to her own religious beliefs. Her family, however, should butt out.

 

[Lutheranteach]

Read the entire post, I didn’t say the end result must be anything. The child may choose anything once he or she reaches the age of reason.

What an incredibly horrid situation. Seven years old and being asked which parent you want to disappoint. WAY to young to make any call on such a thing in my opinion and one of the things about the Catholic Church that I find distasteful asking a seven year old to make a decision they can, with recent changes, never change or be excused from following.

 

[Cristiano]

(Edited)

Why do not teach the children about the advantages of being honest and those of stealing and then when they are old they can make their minds?

Compromises in this case are just pure relativism! That is equivalent to saying that all the religions have the whole truth or that none of them has any.

 

[Cristiano]

IF they were married outside the church I disagree entirely. She has every right to interfere if she feels some aspect is in opposition to her own religious beliefs. Her family, however, should butt out.

I think that you are right, even if it is a very bad situation.

 

[Lapey]

What an incredibly horrid situation. Seven years old and being asked which parent you want to disappoint. WAY to young to make any call on such a thing in my opinion and one of the things about the Catholic Church that I find distasteful asking a seven year old to make a decision they can, with recent changes, never change or be excused from following.

You are correct here, I guess I was refering to my “age of reason”. Like confirmation age which is junior year in high school, around 16. I was not refering to the age you site, I am sorry for not stateing my thought correctly.

 

[nhylan]

Why do not teach the children about the advantages of being honest and those of stealing and then when they are old they can make their minds?

Compromises in this case are just pure relativism! That is equivalent to saying that all the religions have the whole truth or that none of them has any.

From now on, im going to start a countdown on every thread guessing the minutes till a Catholic brings out the “relativism” non-argument. Or perhaps we could do an over/under kind of thing, anyone in?

 

[kozlosap]

I have a similar situation with my ex-wife. The best advice I can give about it is that if you teach your child all that you know of the Catholic faith, and perhaps (if the wife lets you), have them in classes as well for Catholicism. Just let the Holy Spirit take over. It won’t be so easy, but all you can do is your best. God will prevail in the child’s life if you open that door.

It’s also a good opportunity to teach your child more about other faiths and why we, as Catholics, believe as we believe in contrast to other denominations.

Just my two cents.

A great simple and straightforward response Teneas! I know so many teenagers (I teach high school) who had the same problem with their parents and fighting over faith. As a parent you SHOULD do the best you can and not use your child as a pawn, however, letting my child become a JW is totally different than a Methodist or part of the Church of England. I wish this family hope and pray that the Holy Spirit is active in helping the child find the One True Faith!

 

[Cristiano]

From now on, im going to start a countdown on every thread guessing the minutes till a Catholic brings out the “relativism” non-argument. Or perhaps we could do an over/under kind of thing, anyone in?

Are you saying that exposing our children to false doctrines and going against our responsibilities as Catholic parents is a “relativism” no-argument? Sorry but we have the Code of Canon Law to follow.

 

[nhylan]

Are you saying that exposing our children to false doctrines and going against our responsibilities as Catholic parents is a “relativism” no-argument? Sorry but we have the Code of Canon Law to follow.

No, what I’m saying is that your kidding yourself if you think having your child brought up as an Anglican is any different in the eyes of God than he or she being brought up Roman Catholic. At the end of that persons life can salvation be attained in either denomination? The answer is yes, what else does one need?

 

[Advocatus_Fidei]

No, what I’m saying is that your kidding yourself if you think having your child brought up as an Anglican is any different in the eyes of God than he or she being brought up Roman Catholic. At the end of that persons life can salvation be attained in either denomination? The answer is yes, what else does one need?

It is far morel likely in one than the other, they are not equal, that is not a relative that is truth and woe to us if we hide that truth.

 

[Cristiano]

No, what I’m saying is that your kidding yourself if you think having your child brought up as an Anglican is any different in the eyes of God than he or she being brought up Roman Catholic. At the end of that persons life can salvation be attained in either denomination? The answer is yes, what else does one need?

I am not kidding myself. I believe that Anglicans do not have the fullness of the Truth and I also believe that there is no salvation outside the Catholic Church. I also believe that if I teach heresy I will go to hell.

 

[nhylan]

It is far morel likely in one than the other, they are not equal, that is not a relative that is truth and woe to us if we hide that truth.

no, Catholics think its far more likely in one than in the other, Anglicans don’t have any problem with either.

 

[VetA]

This is just wrong. Only the Catholic partner in the relationship has to agree to the understanding that the Catholic Church expects the children of the marriage to be raised Catholic.

Actually when my mother (protestant) got married to my father (catholic) the priest made my mother sign a paper saying that she would raise me catholic…

 

[nhylan]

Actually when my mother (protestant) got married to my father (catholic) the priest made my mother sign a xpaper saying that she would raise me catholic…

When do our folks get married? The RCCs policy changed a while ago, don’t know when for certain. 1970’s maybe. That used to be the case definitely but it is no longer that way. I know from irate hand experience having gone through this 2 months ago.

 

[stephe1987]

Parents need to decide on a faith to raise their children in BEFORE they get married, and then sign a pre-nup or some sort of agreement about which faith the child will be raised in. The only exception being if BOTH parents leave the faith they chose for their child, and then of course the child will be raised in the new faith they choose together. Religion is a spiritual journey and many people go through several sets of beliefs in their lifetime.

If the wife didn’t want her child to be raised Catholic, why did she get married in a Catholic Church? That doesn’t make sense to me. You should get married in the church you decide to go to during your married life.

As for her family pressuring her, they need to butt out. Marriage is between only two people and they need to solve problems among themselves. Many in-laws don’t respect boundaries anymore, and that only causes more problems. Especially if they don’t particularly like their family member’s spouse in the first place. No wonder the divorce rate is so high!