How to FORCE our children to say rosary daily?

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panorama

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Maybe the word “FORCE” is too harsh for saying the rosary.
I am a father of 3 kids (8, 12, 15) & here is the situation in my family.

My 2 teenage kids are highly influenced by the rampant profanity in the social media & moral degradation in the society. They think, say, & behave contrary to the moral values as taught in the catholic church. I worry if I don’t take proper action immediately, their mind & behavior will become more corrupt to the point of being irreversible.

They are so addicted to social media that they are being lazy to do their obligations responsibly. All of my advice & instructions seem to fall on their deaf ears. I used to be emotional with them but then I learned it didn’t improve the situation.

I & my wife prayed countless times for them but it changes very little to nothing or maybe superficially changed but deep inside, we know that their mind & behavior is getting more corrupt. Their souls are slowly being lost in the jungle of the internet.

They used to get free unlimited access to wireless internet at home and they use it also for doing school homework & projects. And I decide to cut off their access unless they say a rosary. They used to say some rosaries as a family here and there when younger but then it’s not regular. They haven’t said rosary for years and now suddenly I require them to say one rosary daily in order to get daily internet.

There is only one reason why I force them to do this exchange (rosary for the internet):
I believe that by saying a rosary daily with total consecration of their mind, body, & soul to the Immaculate Heart will minimize the damage inflicted upon their souls due to the evil things found easily in the internet.

So far, they stand their ground and they just do not want to say the rosary even if they don’t get the internet. This has been going on for almost a week!

If I go further, for example by taking away their computer & phone, until they are willing to say the rosary for it, will this be so counter productive?

I need ideas and advice on how to deal with this situation.

Thanks.
David
 
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Using prayer as a punishment or bargaining tool is never a good idea.

I think some good communication and boundaries are in order. Enlist the help of your priest and maybe a family counselor.

I will pray for you and your family.
 
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If they see the Rosary as a punishment, I think there’s a good chance they will leave prayer behind at mom and dad’s house once they are old enough to be on their own. I would strongly encourage it but not force it.
 
I am not one to suggest how other people should raise or discipline their children, but since you asked, I have to say that this will very likely bring them to dislike the rosary. I am with @twf, I would strongly encourage it (as I in fact do with my own son — he knows I pray nightly and knows he is always welcome to join me) but not absolutely require it. The other night he was gently teasing me by mimicking what sounded to him like mumbling — I pray softly — and I told him yes, and you should do the same thing, you need to have reverence for this.
 
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Limiting their access to internet? Definitely yes. You could put the cell phones in a basket far from their room during the night and/or until they have finished their homework.
Forcing to say a Rosary to get internet access? Please don’t do that. It will backfire big time. Rosary is not a punishment or a bargain tool and what is happening right now is a power struggle.
 
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Politely ask them to pray the rosary, while explaining why you feel strongly about the matter. Hopefully they will listen out of good will to you and your wife. If that doesn’t work, I would recommend a carrot and stick approach. Rewards for praying, punishments for not praying.
 
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Perfect recipe for your kids to learn to hate the rosary and the faith.

Don’t conflate your religious beliiefs with the fact that you have a problem with the way you have chosen to raise your kids. It has backfired, and now at is time to clean up. Certainly not the end of the world. It happens to most parents at one point or another.

Teach them to use the internet with responsibility.
 
I don’t know if this will help or not nor if it’s even applicable, not knowing their ages but…

We had 8 children in our family, the first 3 of us in the 60’s used to say the rosary as a family on the couch every night.

The family got bigger and mom and dad worked a lot (stay at home mom) so the couch rosary stopped. However the 3 of us continued on our own and the other kids followed that example. Only one, who married a fundamentalist, doesn’t any longer. Fairly hates the church now.

My kids: one became an athirst now a deist, to fit in with his friends. The other is lazy with prayer but believes. They both know the rosary. I still pray the rosary (and LotH) on my couch every day. The best thing imho is to lead by example. Let them see your devotion and offer a rosary for them. Remember St Augustines mom, St Monica.

Peace and God Bless
Nicene
 
I would not connect the rosary to the internet issue. The two are separate. I would establish a regular pray time for the whole family. For us, it was eight p.m…

I would reduce their use of the internet. They have to have time limits so they get their homework done quickly. If they want to view youtube, instagram or anything like that, you should be present and that will reduce the time spent on that.

But it’s better for you to decide how time WILL be spent than how it WILL NOT be spent. As an educator, I fear most parents do not have specific goals for their home life. For instance, you could decide that every Monday night, your family will visit senior citizens at the nursing home. It could help one child become a nurse or doctor. But the main goal is to help the seniors. Tuesday could be family sport night, in which you do sports together, not one kid being driven to hockey practice, but all family members going swimming, going bowling, playing tennis, playing baseball which can be done even in the winter, playing soccer, which can also be done on snow, taking a horseback riding lesson, going cycling, playing football, or even walking at the zoo. Wednesday could be “creating” evening, when all members can create art, or learn to build a puppet theatre, or play board games, or take a woodworking lesson together, bake bread, make Hallowe’en costumes or read books.

Your kids will thus avoid boredom. If you feel too tired for all of this, don’t just watch t.v. yourself. Rather, ask one child to read you a story, or speak to them about all the correct moral decisions they should be making. Does this sound like lecturing? Well, some of it should be storytelling and some of it should be lecturing. When nothing else is happening, the children should be playing but make sure there’s stuff to play with. I find most homes have nothing to play with; I’d be dreadfully bored at most people’s homes.
 
panorama said:
They are so addicted to social media that they are being lazy to do their obligations responsibly.
Click to expand...
Is there any reason why they aren’t required to fulfill these obligations before they can have Internet access? Why a Rosary? Why not chores and homework instead?

I agree with others above: Please don’t drag the Rosary into this. Doing so turns a beautiful and powerful prayer of devotion to Our Lady into something punitive.
 
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You’re not forcing them to say the rosary. That would be true if you made rosary a condition for water or shelter.

You’re merely putting a condition on a privilege.

Carry on , they’ll thank you later.

My parents had us do rosary daily as kids and I hated it at time but so grateful now
 
I agree with the first part of your post (setting limits etc). The same calendar for the all family every night of the week with educational/social activities all together sounds good in theory but not very practical in real life. Are you able to do that with your own family and children EVERY night? A home is not a class at school. I honestly have hard time imagining it in a regular family with exhausted parents, cranky kids, dinner to make, homework, children of different ages and with different interests/abilities, ongoing extra curricular activities etc.
 
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David, there is no challenge more difficult than parenthood, is there!

I really think that the wisdom would be to consult your priest, with fill disclosure of your children’s reaction. As the situation stands, the outcome of forcing your children to say the Rosary would almost likely tend ultimately to drive your children ( some or all) from the faith altogether.
You are all now in a fixed stand-off.

It might have worked better to lead off with the Lords Prayer, the Hail Mary, the Glory Be each evening. Gently.
And to promote family interaction time together (as Jesus said, love others as yourself) rather than to seek the isolation of long digital periods.

I consulted my husband regarding your post because he was a very authoritarian father for many years, with some benefits but some serious drawbacks and his reaction was that your insistence and attempt to force your children comes too late and is too autocratic to be successful, or to overcome resentment. Both you, and your children, are painted into corners. I hope and pray there will be room for negotiation.

Our children would not have taken that stand, but it would have driven their hearts to secret rebellion if they were suddenly denied privileges and suddenly required to pray a series of repetitive prayer, that would go on too long to their minds.

We did in fact say the family Rosary, but it was gently introduced at a fairly early age, and my sons love to please me. It was love that won my sons, not orders, and the more so because my husband was autocratic for a number of years. He eventually learned the cost to himself and to the boys, most of all to our eldest, but their relationship healed long ago due to the fact that they’re smart enough to know he cares. One of our sons was being super-critical of his son once, and my husband choked up. “Don’t make the mistakes I did,” he said to our son. “ and if you criticise him for what he does wrong, also make time to praise and thank for what he does right”

Suddenly introduced in an era of constant (name removed by moderator)ut and often of short- attention span, the Rosary will most likely seem terribly boring, an evening ordeal that they dread.
I implore God that you will find a way that will work to relieve your fears and to bring about a love of prayer, deeper faith in God, and proper spiritual perspectives to your dear children.
May God bless your family

You are a good Dad who only wants what is right for your children’s spiritual well-being. God bless you for your wonderful intentions
 
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That’s how I grew up. But more to the point, if you can’t imagine it, you can’t create it. I’d private message you some ideas but it didn’t work when I clicked on your name.
 
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What could be a good beginning might be to sit together as a family, and ask each person to make a prayer for some intention
Or for the moment, each to say a Hail Marry, then to say The Lord’s Prayer together.
 
It is often, if not always, counterproductive to force a person to do anything against his/her will.

The best way to get your kids to say the rosary is to be an example to them yourself.

Why not set a specific time everyday (when everyone is at home), and a visible spot (eg. livingroom), to pray the rosary together as a family.

Invite your kids to pray along with you and your wife. If they decline the invitation (which they would most probably do so), nevermind, just go ahead and pray as a couple.

Remember, great patience is required here, for it will take quite a period of time for things to workout. But I guarantee you, it’s really worth the effort when you see the fruit of your labour in the end.

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GOD bless you and your family, my friend! 😇😇😇
 
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Maybe you could rotate some of the video rosaries on Youtube. I am fond of the one with Fr Benedict Groeschel but I bet you’ll find something more attractive for teens. By choosing to pray one that they like hopefully they’ll get the message that you are not just trying to impose your spirituality and prayer preferences on them.

There are also videos of the Divine Mercy Chaplet, various litanies, etc.

Allworship.com’s “Praise” music channel has Christian music that is prayerful. Most of the songs have words in the form of a prayer. That could be played in the background while checking their social media sites.
 
Rather, give them a compelling reason to keep the faith - Rosary or no. Far better that reason compels them than other methods.
 
I cannot imagine being forced to pray the rosary.
Full disclosure: I struggle with it as an adult. I cannot imagine doing that to a child.
 
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