How to FORCE our children to say rosary daily?

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Even the 8 year old?

I would just set up some basic expectations. Mass attendance, grace and a healthy respect for catholicism. Don’t force them to be as passionate as you, because you are probably causing more damage and resentment than you realise.

Remember children aren’t particularly hardwired to be spiritual. I remember loving church as a child because it meant biscuits and friends after. I also remember thinking once we got to the end of the creed we were half way through. The process gave me a moral compass for when I was older but it took time.

OP my relationship with my parents has been damaged and won’t be repaired. Most of this is due to my very strict upbringing and brutal religious education. While I am a faithful catholic certainly affected my prayer life in a significant way and I cannot get too spiritually deep.

Your children are a gift and would love you very much. Don’t make them feel your dogma is more important than their feelings. Communicate and be gentle.
 
Yes, you’ve covered that. I’m talking about answering their questions. If their only exposure of religion is their parents forcing them to do something, they will turn away. Because I’m going to be honest, finding a child (around your kids’ ages) that actually wants to go to Mass is almost impossible.

So don’t expect too much from them. Focus on planting seeds. Ask them why they hate it, and then explain it to them in a non-judgemental way. Encourage discussion. Don’t scold them for not believing, but encourage debates etc. When I used to say how protestant churches seem more fun, my dad would tell me about the history of it and why my argument is not good enough.

I now enjoy debating in general.

Share about how God helped you in difficult times. Do more than praying near them/forcing them to hear you pray. Their exposure must be more than that.
panorama said:
I still don’t know what to do if they are disobedient to my request to stay in
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Discipline. If they don’t obey you in general, cut off their internet privileges. Give them chores, or cut their allowance (obviously make sure they still have enough to eat).

They need to respect you in general. You can’t just enforce discipline in one area (eg religion) and not the next. Because they know they can walk all over you.

So tell them that they can believe in whatever they like, but they are still children and they have to listen to you. Whether that means sitting down quietly or coming back home on time.

Telling them why may help. Sitting down quietly is a sign of respect for people’s views. They should sit quietly whether there are Muslims/Protestants/etc too.

You just have to be consistent. If you’re not nurturing and open to them in general, you can’t expect them to run to your arms in matters about religion.

I really recommend you working on your relationship with your children first before bringing religion into it. Spend more time together. Watch a movie. Talk about something. Give advice about their school problems, share funny stories about your youth.
 
Really, OP, I’d lay off the hard-sell (and yes, rearranging the furniture is the hard-sell).

Mass on Sundays and Holy Days, grace before meals. Leave it at that.

Have you stopped to consider your kids may be trolling you? They can make you jump up and down by behaving this way.
Like somebody upthread said, you don’t let them disrespect Catholicism in front of you, but calm down and back off.
You’re just handing them weapons to mock you.
Pray for them (but DONT tell them), show that you’re calm, relaxed and pleasant faced in spite of their antics and they will back off (most likely after a period of testing, anyway).

Remember, it’s human nature for people to make other people jump through hoops if they have something the other person wants.
You want them to be devout and saintly Catholics.
They will make you jump through hoops for it. Don’t give them the power and satisfaction.
 
This is a great way to drive your kids away from faith. One reason I’m not really religious anymore is being forced to go to church. I don’t understand why you’re harping on the rosary so much. It’s a great tool for some, but it never did much for me. Maybe you can use community service as a way to exercise your faith. Prepare for rebellion if you continue down this path.
 
OP, any time you have used the word force in your posts, I cringe. I can only imagine how your children feel. I want you to consider this: all of your forcing is all for you. It is not benefiting your children because it is not sincere. It is not coming from their hearts.

No one else has mentioned this, but you had an altar built so you can have a priest say mass in your home? How often does that happen? And why? Why the need to inundate your children with their faith so vehemently?

You keep hitting them over the head with it, and when they are old enough, they will run and never look back. We are to lead by example, not by bribery and coercion. By all means, say the rosary with your wife all you wish, but you should allow your children to join you, not make it a requirement. Let them see for themself the joy that it brings you, and let them choose if they want to join you in their own timing. “Let the children come to me” not force the children to come to me.
 
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panorama said:
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Catechism of the Catholic Church
2562 Where does prayer come from? Whether prayer is expressed in words or gestures, it is the whole man who prays. But in naming the source of prayer, Scripture speaks sometimes of the soul or the spirit, but most often of the heart (more than a thousand times). According to Scripture, it is the heart that prays. If our heart is far from God, the words of prayer are in vain.
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Cannot fathom forcing anyone to pray.

I would suggest buying Sherry Waddell’s book “Forming Intentional Disciples” and picking up a used copy of an out of print book called “Converting The Baptized”.

Sounds to me as if your children have never been introduced to a personal relationship with Christ and His Church. Forced prayer will not convert hearts.

Does your parish offer you a “Formed” subscription? If not, it is worth the monthly subscription price simply for the series called “Why Believe?”.

Another good program is Catholic Alpha for Teens, but, it may not be offered near you.

Do your teens go to Diocesan Youth Rallies? CYM/LIFETEEN/Edge? Have they been to a summer conference like the Steubenville Youth Conferences? Does your Diocese do SEARCH retreats?

At age 15, honestly, you are really at a critical age. Forcing prayer will not convert hearts. Help your kids meet Jesus. Let them see Christ’s love in your life.

Do you do volunteer work together as a family? Do a Habitat build? Work at a soup kitchen this Thanksgiving? Volunteer for the Trunk or Treat at Church?

Christianity is taught through discipleship.
 
I won’t retread ground already covered by other posters, but another issue seems to be that you aren’t appropriately restricting your kids’ internet access. Regulating the hours they can do it is a start, but especially for the 8 and 12-year-olds you should be heavily supervising what they consume on the internet–I personally wouldn’t allow social media accounts, for instance, and the kids need to allow you to check their browser histories.

You’ll need to have a lighter touch with the 15-year-old, who is just a few years from legal adulthood and who has been used to apparently doing what (s)he likes. If you haven’t already, have regular talks about safety online, future repercussions of anything (s)he posts, and critical thinking skills. It might help to do a project together where you evaluate a few different health sites, for instance–one from the National Institutes of Health, one from WebMD, and one from some crank site like Natural News.

It’s going to be really confusing to your kids if you waver between “Do what I say! Now!” and “Do whatever.” Try to keep your rules reasonable and age-appropriate, and be consistent in enforcing them. And kids absolutely do respond better when they feel like they can openly communicate with their parents, so do all you can to create a harmonious, safe family environment where your kids can bring up questions, complaints, and confessions without feeling like they’re going to be jumped on.

Mind you, your teen/preteen are at Difficult Ages. I’m sure every parent would like the magic key to ensure that they go through puberty and beyond acting in kind, sane, responsible ways, but even if you were a perfect parent (and no one is) your kids would still be imperfect kids.

Good call on ceasing to be emotional. Calm and steady works much better than outbursts.

Another thing: I think your kids will receive absolutely no grace at all through saying the Rosary if they’re just going through the motions. The prayers of the Rosary simply aren’t some magical talisman that will turn your kids into awesome little Catholics; even the Devil could recite Scripture, and it didn’t make him any holier!

Finally, this whole thing will work SO MUCH BETTER if you get some buy-in from your kids. Can you call a family meeting to work out together your expectations and reasonable rules? I volunteered with a group that took some inner-city kids (who’d been exposed to drug use, violence, broken families, extreme poverty, etc) hiking. Before we left, we tried to get the kids to “make up” some rules (with heavy guidance from the leaders, of course). That way, when kids transgressed during the trip, we could remind them, “Hey. Remember that we agreed not to call each other disrespectful names?”
 
That’s a very good point–but bear in mind that sometimes 12-year-old and 15-year-old kids are little pills who think anything with Mom and Dad is dumb, even if it’s an activity they would otherwise enjoy.
 
In my experience as a teen, as a parent, and in working with teens, when there has been a spirit of fun that is instilled in the family, there is far less resistance to family things. Our house was the house were all of the teens came to hang out. They loved doing things with our family, and if it was a weekend, that included taking a pew full of non-Catholic teens to Mass with us.
 
Your kids will see it has a punishment, that is not a good thing. I do think you should limit their access to the internet. I would talk to your priest about how to motivate them more, but please don’t make your kids say a rosary to get the internet access.
 
I definitely get the vibe that the parents aren’t trying to interact with their kids in fun ways, but want to give them the benefit of the doubt.
 
I heard once the parents teach their children all they will learn from the parents by about 12 years of age. After that they will learn from
“panorama said:
Maybe the word “FORCE” is too harsh for saying the rosary.
I am a father of 3 kids (8, 12, 15) & here is the situation in my family.

My 2 teenage kids are highly influenced by the rampant profanity in the social media & moral degradation in the society. They think, say, & behave contrary to the moral values as taught in the catholic church. I worry if I don’t take proper action immediately, their mind & behavior will become more corrupt to the point of being irreversible.

They are so addicted to social media that they are being lazy to do their obligations responsibly. All of my advice & instructions seem to fall on their deaf ears. I used to be emotional with them but then I learned it didn’t improve the situation.

I & my wife prayed countless times for them but it changes very little to nothing or maybe superficially changed but deep inside, we know that their mind & behavior is getting more corrupt. Their souls are slowly being lost in the jungle of the internet.

They used to get free unlimited access to wireless internet at home and they use it also for doing school homework & projects. And I decide to cut off their access unless they say a rosary. They used to say some rosaries as a family here and there when younger but then it’s not regular. They haven’t said rosary for years and now suddenly I require them to say one rosary daily in order to get daily internet.

There is only one reason why I force them to do this exchange (rosary for the internet):
I believe that by saying a rosary daily with total consecration of their mind, body, & soul to the Immaculate Heart will minimize the damage inflicted upon their souls due to the evil things found easily in the internet.

So far, they stand their ground and they just do not want to say the rosary even if they don’t get the internet. This has been going on for almost a week!

If I go further, for example by taking away their computer & phone, until they are willing to say the rosary for it, will this be so counter productive?

I need ideas and advice on how to deal with this situation.

Thanks.
David
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Please don’t force them to pray. I have a 15 and a 13 yr old and I have learned that forcing most things on teenagers will backfire. I have spoken to my priest about some issues, especially about my 13 yr old’s lack of faith right now. His advice is to lead by example. Being a teen is all about rebellion. I think you will find very few teens that don’t rebel on some level. Let them see your devotion to your faith and never stop praying for them, but please don’t force this on them.
 
panorama said:
They used to get free unlimited access to wireless internet at home and they use it also for doing school homework & projects. And I decide to cut off their access unless they say a rosary. They used to say some rosaries as a family here and there when younger but then it’s not regular. They haven’t said rosary for years and now suddenly I require them to say one rosary daily in order to get daily internet.
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No. I would not do this. Totally separate whether they are using the internet responsibly from whether they are praying with the family.

My rule with my children was this: If you use something of mine responsibly, you can use it when I am not there to watch you directly. If you are irresponsible, then you use it only when I am there to supervise. If you don’t do your chores reliably on your own time, then you get to drop whatever you are doing when it is convenient for me to supervise you. I have to feed you, but I don’t have to feed you things you like. I would also talk to teachers about the problem of your children abusing internet access, because they can tell you what your children really need for homework and what they don’t. (Schools are not in favor of students becoming social media addicts, either, believe me.)

Having said that, you have now put yourself into a power struggle with your teens, and that is not a good place to be. This is how dorm crazies are born–the students who do everything stupid as soon as they leave for college, just to rebel. I can say that I worked in a place where the language (including mine) would have made a sailor blush, as the old saying went, but it was not irreversible. What can be irreversible is the loss of your position of trust and leadership with your teens. Once that is gone, they will very often cut off their noses to spite their faces; it is not pretty. The idea is to lead them to be self-propelled Catholics when they leave your home, and that is not the direction your leadership style is having on them right at the moment. It is time to reboot, and I’d say to do it sooner rather than later.
 
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I know, it is so hard to be a parent right now in the modern world with the technology. I strongly agree with the other posters that forcing them to pray the rosary is not a good idea. They have to want to do it. Maybe instead of a rosary, you could just lead the family in a shorter prayer every night. You could either write them yourself or read a few prayers from a book every night. That will help model the habit of prayer for them without the stress of saying the whole rosary.

Then I would try to cut down on their social media time slowly. Start to make them take screen time breaks every evening after school. Even an hour will help. If you haven’t already, talk with them about how important it is for them to develop other interests besides social media.
Secondly, I would try to introduce them to apologetics. It’s very important that they know that there are good reasons to believe in God, Christ and the Church. Catholic Answers has a number of good books that you could use to begin to get them to think about their faith more. That’s really important to introduce because if they go off to a secular college they’re going to be in great danger of losing the faith altogether.

Another thing I’d do is text them short Bible verses or quotes from the saints on their phone so you’re supplying them with little nuggets of truth and wisdom without overwhelming them with (what they would probably see as) lectures.

I hope this helps!
 
Wait, you are just now waking up to the fact that your kids are more influenced by secular society than by you? When one is already 15? What were you guys doing before that?

I suggest try spending more time together as a family so that you can rub off on them more. I turned out pretty different in mindset from my parents and part of it has to do with the fact that we each did our own thing as home and left one another alone. Very little family things.
 
During “phone turn off hour”, do something fun. Play Settlers of Catan or go outside and go geocaching.
 
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