How to FORCE our children to say rosary daily?

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panorama said:
With the statue of Mary on the altar table, I and my wife (together) will say the daily rosary for their special intentions in their study room. Even though they don’t have to join us, still they have to be inside the room during the rosary. I know they can escape to other rooms but I will FORCE them to be inside the room during the 30 minutes evening rosary. And by FORCING them to be inside their study room, will they hate the rosary permanently?
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This is still terrible. Here is what I want you to try to understand. You should never try to force anyone into religion. Teenagers, especially, will most certainly learn to hate the religion, as a result. It isn’t beyond the realm of possiblity that they will learn to hate you and resent you for it, too.

Their line of thinking will be, if the religion is the be all and the end all, then it should stand on its own. Parents shouldn’t need to feel they have to force it on anyone. And they will be correct.

Somewhere along the line you have learned that religion is a child rearing method. It isn’t. Let it go.

You and your wife should show your kids how to be healthy Christians through your actions. Invite them to join you, if you like. When you do that, invite them in the same way you would invite them to go see a great movie, or read a great book, or go to a fabulous holiday meal. Expect to be rejected, though. It is a normal part of parenting teenage kids.

I think your intentions are good. But honestly, you have to quit trying to get your kids to be who you want them to be by cramming your religion down their throats. It is an abuse of power.
 
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JMMJ said:
This is still terrible. Here is what I want you to try to understand. You should never try to force anyone into religion. Teenagers, especially, will most certainly learn to hate the religion, as a result. It isn’t beyond the realm of possiblity that they will learn to hate you and resent you for it, too.
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Yeah, my sons have a friend who said that everything his parents did to force him to be more religious had the effect of making him want to avoid everything that had anything to do with religion. The parents mentioned to his observant Catholic roommates that they ought to try to force him to go to Mass with them on Sundays, and their response was, “Um, no, it doesn’t work like that. If he wants us to wake him up, he can ask himself.”

This is different, however, from expecting someone who wants to be treated like an adult to exhibit some adult behaviors. It is very common to expect children who want to be trusted to earn the trust. It is also common to expect children to do the very chores that they will have to do all on their own when they leave home to start their own household. I would focus on that–that is, back up to the things that are clearly related to their transition into self-propelled adults. Go easier on the things, even religious duties, that they can drop as soon as they leave home. Stick with requiring only those things that truly are obligatory, and make the rest voluntary and be very clear that the child has some room for their own decision-making.

I would even be concerned about family politics putting the youngest in the bad spot of being the “goody goody” who does what Mom and Dad want vs. joining in a “oppressed children vs. oppressive parents” group. Don’t put the youngest on the spot like that. These are the kind of dynamics that can show up when you’re being taken to the cemetery, and not in a good way.
 
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You’re looking at the wrong problem. What exactly are they looking at when they are online!!??!?!?
Are they communicating with people who are trying to scam them economically!!???!
What about sexual predators???
 
TTCUSM said:
You’re looking at the wrong problem. What exactly are they looking at when they are online!!??!?!?
Are they communicating with people who are trying to scam them economically!!???!
What about sexual predators???
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Also, don’t forget that middle schools and high schools can be good resources to learn about the practical side of managing students’ internet and social media use.
 
Praying for them frevently and frequently is the only reliable recourse at this stage that I can think of.
 
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The use of the word FORCE bolded in all caps is unsettling. Why the need to be controlling about their prayer life? You can teach them the faith, but shoving it down their throat doesn’t work. Also, it’s important to teach kids the why of religious practice, not just the rules. I was raised by a pastor and yet never taught why we prayed and went to church. Kids are looking for reason, not rules. Also, the rosary doesn’t resonate with all. I love it but even I don’t use it all the time. Let them discover their own way of being intimate with Jesus and the rosary will always be there.

As far as the social media issues, you do need to set boundaries and have secular punishments and rewards. You are a parent, not a priest giving penance.
 
When I was a kid we were forced to say the rosary - it didn’t make anyone religious or have a strong desire for the faith probably because it was forced all my brothers and sister no longer attend church - you can force someone but you can’t change what the person is going to believe all you can do is be an example.
 
panorama said:
And spending time with their phones is so much more convenient than spending time with us in family prayer. They just never want to join us UNLESS we FORCE them to do so.
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Hmmm… these are teens, right? I would sit them down and explain that you have been too lax with the rules. Internet access is from 6-8pm (.or whatever) & then it’s gone. Chores are (fill in the blank). Family night is (day of the week).

I don’t have a lot to say about the rosary except that I think it’s missing the point. Your teens sound like they need some direct boundaries from you. More work than just saying a rosary together…

In our home I play a rosary dvd every day. It’s optional to join but you must be respectfully quiet if you choose to opt out. Also, pray-ers May sew, draw, build quietly with legos, etc while participating. Usually everyone joins in. My kids are all under 10 though, so younger than yours it seems. Point is, even at their less-rebellious ages my kids can opt out. They may not opt out of our family prayers before bed though. But those only take 7 minutes (my 8 year old snuck a stop watch and timed us one day, lol.) A whole mandatory rosary seems like a lot.
 
JMMJ said:
you have a problem with the way you have chosen to raise your kids.
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Counterexample: Super Holy TLM family has done everything right when raising a kid who still becomes atheist.
 
Hi Panorama,
panorama said:
They are so addicted to social media
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You’re a good dad, but you gotta fight the battle with the tools your kids are using.

Have you seen what the Vatican launched a little over a week ago?

It’s an app driven smart rosary, that reminds me of the “fitbit” concept but for the rosary.

“Aimed at the peripheral frontiers of the digital world where the young people dwell, the Click To Pray eRosary serves as a technology-based teaching tool to help young people pray the Rosary for peace and to contemplate the Gospel,” the Vatican said.

This wearable smart rosary might hit the target for your children and get them interested in praying the rosary.

Here are some excellent links for more info:
https://www.vaticannews.va/en/vatic...-rosary-smart-digital-device-world-peace.html

https://www.cnet.com/news/the-vaticans-110-erosary-is-an-app-connected-wearable-for-prayers/

And of course, the link to the Pope’s Worldwide Prayer Network website with up-to-date Papal prayer projects, resources, and intentions.
https://www.popesprayer.va/

I’m hoping to get a smart rosary bracelet for me and my little one from St. Nick this Christmas. Maybe your teens would like one too.
 
@panorama — David, you seem to be a caring and loving, but bewildered dad right now. Welcome to the roller-coaster world of parenting! We easily can see that you love your children and want to one day rejoice with them in God’s love in Heaven; similarly, we can see your anxiety and desperation at their seemingly nonchalant, if not disdainful, attitude toward all things religious, if not, also, to you and your wife.

What disturbs me most, as others have noted, is your thinking that you must—or CAN—force your children to do anything, let alone force them to talk to God. The fact that you use very large and very bold type for the word “force” is especially concerning. Although I may be wrong, it says to me that your back is against the wall and you’re backed into a corner by your children because they, not you and your wife, are accustomed to calling the shots, and some type of intervention is needed to break the role-reversal pattern that has developed.

If I were in your shoes, my husband and I would first meet with a priest, asking his (name removed by moderator)ut and for a referral to a family counselor, because people—especially teenagers—don’t like to relinquish authority. That needs to happen, but not in a haphazard way, trying one thing after another. You need to smoothly regain control, with the cooperation of your children. You need expert guidance.

A family round-table with discussion and agreement as to distribution of chores (and maybe allowances and extra fees for bigger chores), so Mother and Dad have more free time is in order, but religion should not figure into that conversation because it should come from the heart.

I urge you to read “The Five Languages of Love for Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively” by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, MD. (Chapman, a Calvary Baptist minister, has a series of similarly titled books for learning to get along better in different relationships, including with a spouse and with coworkers.) Among over 1,000 Amazon reviewers, the book earned a 4.8 out of 5 stars. If you google that, you’ll see many more books, by these and other “expert” authors, that might be helpful. In the US, such books can be obtained through interlibrary loans, so you can read them without spending money.
 
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Well, a lot to think about here. Have you ever heard of Ray Guarendi? Practical parenting advice from a Catholic psychologist, I think. That would help with the boundaries/rules aspect here.

With respect to kid participation in the family prayer life, whether that is the rosary or something else, I think it is reasonable to require participation by the children, but in making that call I am assuming that it started at a fairly young age, i.e., younger than the kids are here. I think the parenting goal in such participation is that it becomes a habit, a good one, and the more so if you offer intentions as part of the rosary or family prayer - - ideally one wants them to think about others who may need prayer. I think it is OK if initially the prayers are somewhat rote as long as they are growing into it.

If the outward participation of the rosary is too much to initiate at the moment, perhaps requiring attendance at a silent prayer time of ten minutes or so, and giving them a method of prayer to begin using (ACTS - adoration, contrition, thanksgiving, supplication, or a method of contemplative Ignatian prayer with practical steps to go through) would be more suited to your current circumstances. Are you in the U.S., by the way?
 
If you want to make them hate Catholicism and especially the rosary, keep doing what you’re doing. You’re being WAY to domineering and this will breed resentment and rebellion.

That said, monitoring and restricting their time online is important, but it needs to be done in a way that fosters your relationship with them. Overall, you need to be a WITNESS to the gospel for them. They need to see how your own faith life is a source of strength, how it makes you a better person, helps you in rough periods etc.

When I was a teen, my Dad’s approach was to have a family meeting every Sunday evening where we all talked about how things were going and what we needed from each other. We tried to find compromise. I would recommend beginning these meetings in prayer. Don’t expect them to repeat after you. Just ask God to help open your ears and your hearts to each other. After the meeting, then you invite the family to prayer and pray for them.

Believe me, nothing is a guarentee when it comes to faith. But it’s important to foster a healthy relationship with your children. They will come to you for guidance and advice if they see wisdom and strength in you and especially through your faith. When the faith gets tied to ways they come into conflict with you, then they’re more likely to see your religious faith as a weakness that contributed to your unhealthy relationship.
 
@panorama
@PatK63: “I heard once the parents teach their children all they will learn from the parents by about 12 years of age.”

I used to believe that, too, Pat, but I’m thinking that the age cut-off for Mother-and-Daddy-know-best is more like 10-yrs-of-age now, with all the non-family influences from television and the Internet, and perhaps 9 -yrs-old, in some cases. Parental influence begins to diminish once the child looks beyond Mom & Dad for answers. They may be polite and listen without contradicting, but you can see on their faces, in their eyes, and in their body language when they’ve made the break. Reverence, respect, the sincere desire to do Our Lord’s bidding because of deep love for Him, the beauty and peace of prayer, a finely tuned understanding of sin, reconciliation and reparation, and a yearning for both the Eucharist and eternal life in Heaven are an uphill battle if these facets of our faith aren’t instilled within a child before he begins to turn to others for answers.

I’m hoping that all who read this thread say a prayer for your family, David, and for all families across the world. I’ve added your family to my personal prayer book.

Please let us know how things are progressing from time to time. I’m guessing, since you have a home altar designed for offering Mass, that you’re not in the US?
 
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twf said:
If they see the Rosary as a punishment, I think there’s a good chance they will leave prayer behind at mom and dad’s house once they are old enough to be on their own.
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From a purely psychological standpoint, I would agree with this. But I think that you’re underestimating prayer, even unwilling prayer. They are still allowing God to work in them.
 
The children of Fatima were made to say the Rosary every day. The one girl stated sometimes she would skip some Hail Mary’s when she was young, before the Miracle at Fatima. Thought it’s well documented all 3 of them learned to love our Blessed Mother and the rosary and would pray it all the time.
 
Children need direction. Rosary is the least amount of daily prayer they should be doing. No different from Baptizing them or bringing them to recieve Jesus at mass. We are not convincing anyone to be Catholic which is forbidden. But we are parents with spiritual authority and responsibility to lead.
 
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Again, the word “Force” is being used here, which I’m totally against at.

GOD, Himself, gave us FREE WILL. He never FORCE us to do things against our will.

Sorry to say this, but your 2nd option doesn’t make much of a difference as compared to your 1st one. You’re just putting more icing on the cake. Basically, they’re just the same.

Remember, change begins within oneself. You can never FORCE another individual to change. You can only achieve your goal by being a good model, yourself, to others. When others see the genuine transformation within you, they will, without you having to tell them, automatically change for the better.

I pray that the Holy Spirit will give YOU the grace to become a more understanding, patient and loving father.

Peace be with you and your family. 😇😇😇
 
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@panorama I get what you are trying to do, a family who prays together , stays together.

Why not have a family meeting and say you would really like it if your children prayed with you… Then get them to come up with a prayer you can all do together. Include Grace before meals as part of this.

Let them come up with a prayer, If it is only one Our Father, or one Hail Mary or one Glory Be, go with that. Just make the condition it is said with a quiet rhythm and not rushed.
Then you and your wife continue with the Rosary.
Do not try and consecrate your children, they must want to do that themselves.

Be the example. Fast once a week, and pray, Let them know you are fasting for the family, for everyone’s intentions. You could also ask what their intentions are.

Some easy ones would be help studying and passing exams, and other issues that come up.

God has to be in our heart. God cannot be forced.

Why do you want a priest to say Mass in your home? Do your children interact with other children that attend Mass, is there a youth group at your Parish
 
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