How to forgive and heal when someone hurts you?

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AuraLu

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I met a man in church a few years ago but since we ended up living on different sides of the country we were just friends.
I felt like we had a really close bond. We would always talk on the phone and I thought he was really caring and supportive. Recently I went to visit him and even though we met up a few times a year, this time I saw another side to him… we had a argument about something and he ended up trying to injure me and has threatened to cause me serious harm. He said awful hurtful things as well as make threats of violence.
I went home and have blocked him from being able to contact me but I’m living in fear. I believe he is a sociopath now that I look back on things, he used me and since he didn’t get what he wants now wants me to suffer.
This man is a church going Catholic.
I feel so hurt, I believe I’m safe now but I can’t shake the fear and I also feel hatred towards him and feel like he deserves to be dead so I won’t have to fear him anymore. I know this is wrong but how do I forgive this and heal?
 
Hi

I am sorry to hear about that dreadful experience you suffered. Recently I was betrayed by what I thought was a good friend, again a Church going Catholic. I was very hurt and extremely angry. It is still early days. It hurts to be so let down. I went to confession for my sins committed in anger over the betrayal. I read a meditation on Our Lord in the garden of gethsemane which helped me.

How the betrayal hurt Him. Not only by judas but by His friends abandoning Him also. He sweated blood in anguish. Was this because of the fear of torture and death or because of the bitterness of betrayal and abandonment?

I pray the sorrowful mysteries every day and my recent experience has given me a deeper insight into Our Lord’s agony.

Perhaps it might help you to meditate on the agony in the garden while praying the rosary?

All I know is it is not easy. Keep praying and in time you may be able to forgive: ask for the grace to forgive. Forgiveness will help you to let go.

Remember, this individual’s behaviour is about him, not you.

Be at peace.
 
AuraLu said:
I met a man in church a few years ago but since we ended up living on different sides of the country we were just friends.
I felt like we had a really close bond. We would always talk on the phone and I thought he was really caring and supportive. Recently I went to visit him and even though we met up a few times a year, this time I saw another side to him… we had a argument about something and he ended up trying to injure me and has threatened to cause me serious harm. He said awful hurtful things as well as make threats of violence.
I went home and have blocked him from being able to contact me but I’m living in fear. I believe he is a sociopath now that I look back on things, he used me and since he didn’t get what he wants now wants me to suffer.
This man is a church going Catholic.
I feel so hurt, I believe I’m safe now but I can’t shake the fear and I also feel hatred towards him and feel like he deserves to be dead so I won’t have to fear him anymore. I know this is wrong but how do I forgive this and heal?
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I would not worry too hard about forgiving him at this point. Keep yourself safe, have no contact with him, and do not allow him to occupy more space in your mind than strictly necessary.

Once you’re safe and not having contact with him, forgiveness will come eventually. But at the moment, it would not be my priority.

Best wishes!
 
Just breathe and move on.

Forgiveness is not a matter of restoring an association that once existed, or even contacting them, particularly if said association was hurtful or damaging to oneself.

It does require that we not actively desire ill to the other. But that too takes time.

ICXC NIKA
 
He is troubled.
  1. Pray for him.
  2. See above.
  3. Ditto.
Amazing healing will come from simply offering yourself and your sufferings completely on his behalf.
 
Unplug.

Turn the other cheek and look the other way and never look back.
 
GEddie said:
Just breathe and move on.

Forgiveness is not a matter of restoring an association that once existed, or even contacting them, particularly if said association was hurtful or damaging to oneself.

It does require that we not actively desire ill to the other. But that too takes time.

ICXC NIKA
Click to expand...
This.

If you are correct that this fellow is a sociopath, what you mostly want to do is to stay off of his radar. If you neither pose a threat to him nor an opportunity for him to enhance himself in some way, the chances are that he will essentially forget you exist. He will soon find someone else who is more of an immediate concern, who does pose either a threat or an opportunity to him. With a sociopath, being on their out-of-sight-out-of-mind list is a good thing. Get there and count yourself fortunate to have dodged the bullet of being in a close association without an easy way to withdraw.
 
That sounds like a really scary experience. Take your time, forgiving someone isn’t like flipping on a light switch of instant forgiveness, you may need to work on it through distance and prayer. I would keep away from him for your own safety.
 
Takes time as all here have said and yes stay safe and away

My take on forgiveness… If I am walking on a high bridge with someone and they push me over the edge, I may well forgive them as I am recovering in hospital but there is no way I would ever ever walk on a bridge with them again.
The trust has been broken.

Also they may never know that you have forgiven them. It is not needful. The person who all but caused my death never knew I had forgiven her. Doing so healed me, and yes with the help of God I escaped from her “domain” into safety,
 
I’m going to stay away. I feel like there is ‘evil’ out to get me. It’s hard to forgive when I feel someone is evil and wants to harm me… I don’t want to live in fear but I’m scared God won’t allow me into heaven unless I can forgive.
I feel like I’m beyond Gods love now.
 
Pray for this person when possible. We cannot earnestly pray for someone and hate or be angry with them at the same time. It is not possible. The prayer may feel forced, contrived to begin with but that is okay. Fake it until you make it. True forgiveness just like physical or emotional healing takes time.
 
Auralu

Know that you are never beyond God’s love. Not as long as you live and breathe and desire to do His will. He loves you. He knows that you are not perfect: none of us are. Your imperfections, and ours collectively do not stop Him loving you and all of us. Learn from this. That is all He would ask. God is good.

He is so good in fact that even if you cannot at this moment desire to do His will, He will accept your desire just to desire to do His will. If that makes sense. Give it time. Forgive yourself for your frailty and imperfections for that is human. If you are of good will and learn from this and keep praying then you are on the right road. Just take baby steps for now. When the going gets tough just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
 
AuraLu said:
I also feel hatred towards him and feel like he deserves to be dead so I won’t have to fear him anymore.
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The person who angers you, controls you, they could be a thousand miles away, you may not have seen them for years, but they control what goes on in your head.

Anger is like picking up a burning coal with the intention of throwing it at the person who angers you, and the person who gets burned the most is you. The longer you hold onto this burning coal of anger, the hotter it becomes.
I know this is wrong but how do I forgive this and heal?
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Forgiveness is the only way to find peace, We pray the Lord’s prayer, hat God will forgive us in the same way that we forgive others.
 
Obviously I don’t know the details but is there any possibility of reporting what he has done so that there can be an intervention that protects others from him? I get that being afraid of someone can kind of take over and you aren’t unreasonable to want to be safe from him. Take your time with forgiveness.
 
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