How to gain custody of the eyes?

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Ok, I am seeking advice from those of you who have overcome the problem of lusting with the eyes. I am always unclear about when it is actually lusting, but I realize that without gaining custody of the eyes, I will not make progress on this bad habit.

I don’t need advice from those of you who have never really dealt with this problem, but would rather hear from someone who has suffered with this, and found a real way to kick the habit of having “wandering eyes”.
 
Do this: Pray daily for purity, chastity and modesty. Ask St. Augustine to be your prayer partner-- he suffered from lust. Make the decision of the will not to stare. When you get the urge pray a Hail Mary and ask St. Augustine to pray for and with you. Do this as it is happening. The more you do this the weaker your drive to lust will become. It won’t disappear. It will become weaker and have less control over you. Try fasting also. Fasting is a traditional remedy to lust.
 
atassina said:
Do this: Pray daily for purity, chastity and modesty. Ask St. Augustine to be your prayer partner-- he suffered from lust. Make the decision of the will not to stare. When you get the urge pray a Hail Mary and ask St. Augustine to pray for and with you. Do this as it is happening. The more you do this the weaker your drive to lust will become. It won’t disappear. It will become weaker and have less control over you. Try fasting also. Fasting is a traditional remedy to lust.
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Thanks, what sort of fasting is good for this sort of thing?
 
I crave coffee (not caffeine). I enjoy the best coffee. I fast from coffee. When I fast from coffee I get headaches all day. I accept this pain and do not take medicine for it because I am fasting. I have made a choice to improve my life and grow closer to Jesus. Sacred suffering is good because it has a purpose-- union with God and purification from sin.

You could fast from food, TV, internet, music, texting, smoking, drinking alcohol, gossiping. It won’t be easy. You simply make the decision to fast and then follow through with the grace of God. Just do it.

You could fast for prayer, sacrifice of time, alms giving. After work stop by church and pray for an hour. Adore Jesus and love him. Repeat this prayer: My God I believe, I hope, I adore and I love you. I beg pardon for those who don’t.
 
You’re not alone!

What I found very helpful is the following:

Be vigilant to little things, little opportunities where you might be able to “look” without lusting, and decide not even to look in those easy to handle cases. In these cases you’re training your will to be compliant with the easy things. But it’s still in these cases a deliberate good choice made.

Be aware of the “nanosecond” in between the presentation of object (as it’s barely coming into your attention)…as it’s coming in to your field of view, and when it’s fully in view.

In that nanosecond, sieze with joy the opportunity, with God’s grace, to CONVERT that moment into a conversation with God. Chatter with Him like a small child. “Dear Father, I don’t think I can avoid looking/lusting…you have made [in my case, Women] such beautiful things to stare at…why did you make them so beautiful. Why am I so selfish. I don’t want to disappoint you…I pray for the sanctity of all women and all families. I pray for an end to abortion…Give me, Holy Spirit, help right now. Do not abandon me”

Get the chatter going “early and often” but do it cheerfully like a child (that we all are).

Convert your periods of “indecision” into conversational prayer, before you decide to lust.

In this way, temptations become “occasions” for conversation with God. God can use even our temptations and weaknesses to bring us closer to Him.

How cool is that!

Where I drive in the morning, there is a parkway with a running path parallel to the road way. Many women run that parkway; some are more tempting to stare at than others; some wear outfits that are really unhelpful. (I know…not their problem). But I find if I start my chatter with God early as I am my driving, the desire for lusting goes to just about zero.

I hope this helps. It has helped me.
 
I like your ideas and find them practical instead of just “spiritual”. Also I wish our women would dress more modestly-- at least in church during any liturgy. Some of our women also wish this.
 
Edward_H said:
You’re not alone!

What I found very helpful is the following:

Be vigilant to little things, little opportunities where you might be able to “look” without lusting, and decide not even to look in those easy to handle cases. In these cases you’re training your will to be compliant with the easy things. But it’s still in these cases a deliberate good choice made.

Be aware of the “nanosecond” in between the presentation of object (as it’s barely coming into your attention)…as it’s coming in to your field of view, and when it’s fully in view.

In that nanosecond, sieze with joy the opportunity, with God’s grace, to CONVERT that moment into a conversation with God. Chatter with Him like a small child. “Dear Father, I don’t think I can avoid looking/lusting…you have made [in my case, Women] such beautiful things to stare at…why did you make them so beautiful. Why am I so selfish. I don’t want to disappoint you…I pray for the sanctity of all women and all families. I pray for an end to abortion…Give me, Holy Spirit, help right now. Do not abandon me”

Get the chatter going “early and often” but do it cheerfully like a child (that we all are).

Convert your periods of “indecision” into conversational prayer, before you decide to lust.

In this way, temptations become “occasions” for conversation with God. God can use even our temptations and weaknesses to bring us closer to Him.

How cool is that!

Where I drive in the morning, there is a parkway with a running path parallel to the road way. Many women run that parkway; some are more tempting to stare at than others; some wear outfits that are really unhelpful. (I know…not their problem). But I find if I start my chatter with God early as I am my driving, the desire for lusting goes to just about zero.

I hope this helps. It has helped me.
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This is great advice. I am weak, but I agree with the starting with the small things, getting a habit of small wins.
 
My formative years where in a spanish culture where “lusting with the eyes” was a male sport. It was everywhere. It was emulated by the youth. It was expected. And on some occassions, the eye went to the mouth where a hissing or kissing sound was made so that the women could hear it, and know they were being “appreciated”.

You walk through a Mall or theater or park today in America and you see women dressed in clothing that has cultural approval, but yet truly leaves nothing to the imagination. The goal for young women today is to emulate the magazines and the magazine only show flesh. Even at Mass, some of the clothing worn will work perfectly fine at the pool or park, and yet they are in the presence of the Lord. In Mass I try to sit in the very first pew, so as not to be distracted.

It has become for me a distraction comparable to losing your concentration in prayer. You don’t know it’s gone, until all of a sudden, you realize it’s gone. It is that easy. Focused one minute, lost without recognition the next.

I use the prayer of St. Michael the Archangel continuously to bring me back to focus. I will look at my watch, my cell phone, the cieling , the floor, turn 90 degrees to avoid looking, anything that physically forces me to divert my eyes.
 
Julian0404 said:
My formative years where in a spanish culture where “lusting with the eyes” was a male sport. It was everywhere. It was emulated by the youth. It was expected. And on some occassions, the eye went to the mouth where a hissing or kissing sound was made so that the women could hear it, and know they were being “appreciated”.

You walk through a Mall or theater or park today in America and you see women dressed in clothing that has cultural approval, but yet truly leaves nothing to the imagination. The goal for young women today is to emulate the magazines and the magazine only show flesh. Even at Mass, some of the clothing worn will work perfectly fine at the pool or park, and yet they are in the presence of the Lord. In Mass I try to sit in the very first pew, so as not to be distracted.

It has become for me a distraction comparable to losing your concentration in prayer. You don’t know it’s gone, until all of a sudden, you realize it’s gone. It is that easy. Focused one minute, lost without recognition the next.

I use the prayer of St. Michael the Archangel continuously to bring me back to focus. I will look at my watch, my cell phone, the cieling , the floor, turn 90 degrees to avoid looking, anything that physically forces me to divert my eyes.
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Thanks for the tips. How long did it take for you to make real progress? I have been struggling for years and years, so the habit is hard to break. Were you able to make a clean break “cold turkey”, or was it a gradual improvement?
 
Prayers for all of us strugglers.

Progress was actually fairly rapid (weeks/a couple of months) but it seems to reach a limit. We’re always going to struggle. Some other tips below.

None of these ideas were mine; they were given to me by a priest from Opus Dei (a whole lot of sound, practical help).

He told me once (in response to my suggestion that I have my wife stash the “bills” on my desk, away from my view upon my entering the house so as to not put me in a bad mood): “No, don’t run from the mail, look at the mail with God”.

So maybe this is a stretch, but maybe, after you get some custody back, maybe one day it will be possible to “look at the women with God”. Lord, you made her beautiful, may she have many wonderful children and help them all to heaven. I thank you for Beauty. Use her beauty to give you Glory. Have St Joseph protect her and her husband’s family."

Other helps: Frequent Confession (“manfully done”…:“worst first”…get the worst sins out w/in the first minute of your confession…no candy coating sins…no excuses, but don’t belabor either or whine about your sins either).

Frequency of Confession? Couple/several times a month. Make a “purpose of amendment” (form a key point to work on…and this then becomes the focus of your examination of conscience"…go back to confession…and review your progress on your purpose of amendment. Then confession doesn’t become a “laundry list”; it becomes a real ongoing conversation with God about your improvement.

Evening Exam…with specific/concrete resolutions. 3 questions. 3 minutes. What didn’t go well, what went well, what, with Your help, will I work on tomorrow. Act of Contrition.

We’re all strugglers, or need to be. But the struggle is done with God, for God, and others, and then it becomes possible to struggle with real joy.

Not an expert, just 50 year old struggler.

God Bless
 
Edward_H said:
Prayers for all of us strugglers.

Progress was actually fairly rapid (weeks/a couple of months) but it seems to reach a limit. We’re always going to struggle. Some other tips below.

None of these ideas were mine; they were given to me by a priest from Opus Dei (a whole lot of sound, practical help).

He told me once (in response to my suggestion that I have my wife stash the “bills” on my desk, away from my view upon my entering the house so as to not put me in a bad mood): “No, don’t run from the mail, look at the mail with God”.

So maybe this is a stretch, but maybe, after you get some custody back, maybe one day it will be possible to “look at the women with God”. Lord, you made her beautiful, may she have many wonderful children and help them all to heaven. I thank you for Beauty. Use her beauty to give you Glory. Have St Joseph protect her and her husband’s family."

Other helps: Frequent Confession (“manfully done”…:“worst first”…get the worst sins out w/in the first minute of your confession…no candy coating sins…no excuses, but don’t belabor either or whine about your sins either).

Frequency of Confession? Couple/several times a month. Make a “purpose of amendment” (form a key point to work on…and this then becomes the focus of your examination of conscience"…go back to confession…and review your progress on your purpose of amendment. Then confession doesn’t become a “laundry list”; it becomes a real ongoing conversation with God about your improvement.

Evening Exam…with specific/concrete resolutions. 3 questions. 3 minutes. What didn’t go well, what went well, what, with Your help, will I work on tomorrow. Act of Contrition.

We’re all strugglers, or need to be. But the struggle is done with God, for God, and others, and then it becomes possible to struggle with real joy.

Not an expert, just 50 year old struggler.

God Bless
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Thanks for the practical advice Edward.👍
 
upbeatjonm said:
Thanks for the tips. How long did it take for you to make real progress? I have been struggling for years and years, so the habit is hard to break. Were you able to make a clean break “cold turkey”, or was it a gradual improvement?
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Do not kid yourself. This is like being an alcoholic. It will never leave you until your mind leaves you with old age. We will always be tempted. We must always be vigilant and ready to defeat the temptation. Make St. Michael the Archangel prayer your own. Use physical relocation of the eyes as soon as you realize your simply looking toward a woman.
 
Driving west on the 60 FWY there are several, huge billboards advertising strip clubs. As I drive by, in those few seconds, I pray for that particular woman and all women like her. I ask God to heal her of the evil she is doing to herself and the evil she is helping to create.

St. Jerome ran away to the desert to get away from the dancing girls and found they were inside his head. Prayer and fasting will drive away this lust of the eyes. It works. Just try over and over until you have purity of the eyes.
 
=upbeatjonm;6694149]Ok, I am seeking advice from those of you who have overcome the problem of lusting with the eyes. I am always unclear about when it is actually lusting, but I realize that without gaining custody of the eyes, I will not make progress on this bad habit.

I don’t need advice from those of you who have never really dealt with this problem, but would rather hear from someone who has suffered with this, and found a real way to kick the habit of having “wandering eyes”.
Click to expand...
It took many years and TONS of prayer, but what I found useful to me was to think of the beauttiful women as “God’s Art” an when I see a beautiful women now. I thank God for His Gifts of Creation. I know its corney, but…

I also with God’s help, really try not to look more than once.
 
I PROMISE you this works. Wear a blessed Miraculous Medal and when you find your eyes wandering, pray the prayer on the medal for the object of your interest. So you turn the temptation into an opportunity for praying for another. (I sometimes wonder at the fairness of only giving good looking women the benefit of my prayers but they probably need it more than the homely girls!)
 
Sounds good. They don’t have prayers for homely men because that includes most of us.
 
Guys, I have been reading a book called Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis De Sales (a terrific book I highly recommend), and as you would expect, the Holy Spirit put before me last night one of his chapters on this topic that I found most helpful:

Be then very courageous amid temptation, and never imagine yourself
conquered so long as it is displeasing to you, ever bearing in mind the
difference between experiencing and consenting to temptation, [181]
–that difference being, that whereas they may be experienced while
most displeasing to us, we can never consent to them without taking
pleasure in them, inasmuch as pleasure felt in a temptation is usually
the first step towards consent. So let the enemies of our salvation
spread as many snares and wiles in our way as they will, let them
besiege the door of our heart perpetually, let them ply us with endless
proposals to sin,–so long as we abide in our firm resolution to take
no pleasure therein, we cannot offend God any more than the husband of
the princess in my illustration could be displeased with her because of
the overtures made to her, so long as she was in no way gratified by
them. Of course, there is one great difference between my imaginary
princess and the soul, namely, that the former has it in her power to
drive away the messenger of evil and never hear him more, while the
latter cannot always refuse to experience temptation, although it be
always in its power to refuse consent. But how long soever the
temptation may persist, it cannot harm us so long as it is unwelcome to
us.

But again, as to the pleasure which may be taken in temptation
(technically called delectation), inasmuch as our souls have two parts,
one inferior, the other superior, and the inferior does not always
choose to be led by the superior, but takes its own line,–it not
unfrequently happens that the inferior part takes pleasure in a
temptation not only without consent from, but absolutely in
contradiction to the superior will. It is this contest which S. Paul
describes when he speaks of the “law in my members, warring against the
law of my mind,” [182] and of the “flesh lusting against the spirit.”
[183]
 
upbeatjonm said:
Thanks, what sort of fasting is good for this sort of thing?
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Two things here: the near occasion of sin which involves the eyes, and lusting, which is an act of the will. Eye control is the first to tackle in my, uh, view. Our culture is ridden with fleshy images. As to your eyes, look at the faces of others - into their eyes. We have no business looking at other parts of them, since that can be a near occasion of sin for us. Eyes need to look at eyes. This you can train yourself to do.

As to the lusting portion, you might find that it all begins with a visual (name removed by moderator)ut via your eyes. That is why wandering eyes need to be controlled. If the lust leads to wandering eyes, then attack the lustful urge first. This comes from the heart and seeks to control the body. This is spiritual and needs to be addressed on a base level with your confessor.

As to fasting, it is the denial of self which is important and brings graces. Jesus fasted of all food and drink in the desert as a perfect example for us. We have no such strength, but the denial of self via fasting from even basic food and drink can be very helpful. You may pick something which you particularly desire, or simply abstain from a normal meal. On Fridays, in memory of Jesus’ crucifixion, it can have a very profound meaning.

Prayers for you.
 
Well, I have had a very successful week, putting all of the ideas into practice. Especially helpful was the hint to physically redirect the eyes.

Overall, the week went very well without any sinful looks or thoughts (the kind I wrote about at the beginning). This is very encouraging for me.

It makes me feel that the habit of having purity is one of commitment and practice. I guess it was a habit like any other bad habit.🙂

I know this may be difficult to keep perfect on indefinitely, but I very happy to have made good progress. Thanks for the prayers and ideas.
 
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