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BEattitude
Guest
How do you handle this after the fact? I was not home when this happened. I do not want to get the authorities involoved, my dh is the bread winner etc.
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kage_ar
Guest
It would seem that your husband needs to see a professional.
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BEattitude
Guest
Thank you, he is but he sugar coats everything! I have approached his dr. about it. The dr. can not ethically dianose on someone elses opinion. for example-alcoholism etc.
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hasikelee
Guest
What a tough situation to be in and I sympathize! But you need to ask yourself a question:
Do you want to properly deal with this situation so your husband can get help for his condition, possibly involving authorities…
Or
Do you want to get a call about how your babies are dead because he ran off the bridge?
Why not check out madd.com or other drinking sites to see the horror and suffering that drinking and driving causes. I’d involve the authorities any day over possibly allowing my hubby and kids to be killed.
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queen_anne78
Guest
Maybe the authorities do need to be involved…to give him a reality check?? I don’t know your family situation, esp your finances, but driving while drinking, esp. with your children in the car is serious…You may have to take drastic measures if other things don’t seem to make an impact (i.e getting professional help, etc.)
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BEattitude
Guest
I was really hoping I would not have to deal with either situation! Of course if I had to choose between one or the other I would choose telling the authorities. Its just heresay if I call and tell them that “two weeks ago, my husband did this, I did not witness it, I just heard about it from someone else after the fact”
Nothing would come of that. The authorities would do nothing!
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BeeSweet
Guest
BE, have you already said anything to him about it? How old are the children, were they aware of what he was doing? Was he drinking while he was driving?
You’ll be in my prayers, I worry about the same thing with my husband. He thinks it’s just fine to crack open a “cold one” while he’s in the drivers seat (thankfully he’s never driving when the baby’s in the car, my car is the baby car, and I’m the driver always). I’m praying he’ll come to his senses about the kind of example that behavior is setting before our son can be infuenced by it.
You’ll be in my prayers, I worry about the same thing with my husband. He thinks it’s just fine to crack open a “cold one” while he’s in the drivers seat (thankfully he’s never driving when the baby’s in the car, my car is the baby car, and I’m the driver always). I’m praying he’ll come to his senses about the kind of example that behavior is setting before our son can be infuenced by it.
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BEattitude
Guest
No he was at a family party before hand! I dont think he was stumbling around but definitely more than just a little “buzzed”! The kids are too young to know what he is doing! I am sure he would have blown more than the legal limit. But then again, I was not there!
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BeeSweet
Guest
That’s a tough situation because he’s going to say he wasn’t really that bad off to drive ect. ect… How do you know about it if you weren’t there? Did he tell you himself?
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BEattitude
Guest
Yeah, he slipped up and told me a story about when he was at my parents house and having a good time and making funny jokes while he was “rocked”. I put two and two together. I knew it was the time that he had the kids!
FYI-my fam drinks pretty heavily and would never take his keys away!
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Keikiolu
Guest
If you’re serious about wanting this change, of him driving intoxicated with the kids, then the kids need to NOT BE WITH HIM IN A CAR WHILE HE DRIVES, until you KNOW he won’t do that.
How can you know that? By him convincing you that it’s an impossibility.
How can he do that? You must devise a test of some sort which he must pass to that effect.
In other words,… he is NOT to be alone with the kids while the possibility of his being able to drive a car exists.
If he wants to change (not drive drunk) then he will, and you can motivate him in that direction.
BUT,… it’s YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to protect the kids, as he’s proven that he is not to be trusted.
It’s on you dearheart. (As usual.)
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BeeSweet
Guest
Did you confront him at the time? Have you said anything to him about what you put together?
Would he be likely to jump to the defensive if you were to talk to him about it?
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LSK
Guest
Do you have a good relationship with your priest/pastor? You need to have an environment where your husband can hear your concerns and where you can express those concerns without coming across as a ‘hysterical drama queen looking to spoil all the fun’ (notice the quotes? I have heard that line before).
I do not want to presume regarding your relationship; however, you need to ask yourself what your biggest fear is regarding your saying the following to him: Honey, I love you and want to be your wife until the day we die but I will not stand for you putting our children in danger. Nope, end of discussion. If it happens again I will take them and go to a shelter if necessary but I will not allow you to put our children in danger by drinking and driving.
If your fear is financial then weigh that fear against the idea of burying your children in closed caskets. If your fear is being called names, weigh THAT fear against the fear of burying your children in closed caskets…and on and on and on.
Then pray. Pray that the Holy Spirit can guide you to find just the right moment and the right words to say to your husband. They are his children too and you know he would never want to hurt them either…but if he has a disease like I have a disease he is battling a mighty foe.
I do not want to presume regarding your relationship; however, you need to ask yourself what your biggest fear is regarding your saying the following to him: Honey, I love you and want to be your wife until the day we die but I will not stand for you putting our children in danger. Nope, end of discussion. If it happens again I will take them and go to a shelter if necessary but I will not allow you to put our children in danger by drinking and driving.
If your fear is financial then weigh that fear against the idea of burying your children in closed caskets. If your fear is being called names, weigh THAT fear against the fear of burying your children in closed caskets…and on and on and on.
Then pray. Pray that the Holy Spirit can guide you to find just the right moment and the right words to say to your husband. They are his children too and you know he would never want to hurt them either…but if he has a disease like I have a disease he is battling a mighty foe.
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BEattitude
Guest
I am not really sure how to do that, he does have to take them places such as the dr. while I am at work or school. I think that at night or at parties when he is more prone to drinking I will have to crack down on this. The only time he really has this temptation is when he is at MY parents house, namely because they shove alcohol down everyones throat! Which may be why he goes there in the first place!
My response I got from the priest was this…
tell your parents to give him a ride home. Thats not going to happen! then he said that he doesnt know of anything else but he will pray for the wisdom to find the answer. I definitely would call the cops if I caught my dh red handed and knew he was about to or in the process of driving the kids around.
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LSK
Guest
no one shoves alcohol down anyone’s throat - if they do that is a physical assault. I know - I used to claim that about my father until I got sober…
talk with your pastor and priest…evaluate the situation in the way I suggested…then pray and pray and pray…and make a decision about an action and put the results of that actions into the hands of Jesus.
talk with your pastor and priest…evaluate the situation in the way I suggested…then pray and pray and pray…and make a decision about an action and put the results of that actions into the hands of Jesus.
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kage_ar
Guest
Have the intervention that was described above. Until/unless this is resolved, I would never ever allow him to be responsible for the care of my babies.
Any parent who piles the kids in the car while the other parent is at work and goes to drink/party is a danger to all involved.
We as responsible parents MUST put the saftey of our children first and foremost.
Be brave, do NOT put your head in the sand!
Any parent who piles the kids in the car while the other parent is at work and goes to drink/party is a danger to all involved.
We as responsible parents MUST put the saftey of our children first and foremost.
Be brave, do NOT put your head in the sand!
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BEattitude
Guest
I just wan to add…We are in destitute, while I know that is not excuse, we just CANT afford to pay anyone to watch the kids, and certainly cant have gma and gpa do it. I feel out of options! Trust me, we cant cut anything else out of our lifestyle, we barely get groceries every week.
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shannyk
Guest
All the more reason for hubby not to get into an accident that could cripple or kill himself, your children, not to mention your car, and your lively hood.
I have been there with a drug addicted husband, and believe me the kids pick up on these things.
You can’t allow it to go on, nor can you be ‘nice’ about it for fear of loosing him as a breadwinner. If he’s dead, he won’t be bringing home much money
Personally, having been there done that in this kind of situation, I’d say
" If you ever do that again, as your wife and the mother of your children, I will be forced to call the authorities. "
I’ll be praying for you guys.
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BeeSweet
Guest
BE, have you talked to your husband at all about how you’re feeling?
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