Several times! It goes in one ear and out the other. The heavy drinking is one of the more serious problems. I just dont know what I can do. A priest told me that we cant change people, only God can. All I can really do is pray? I dont think so. I guess I could leave him if he does this again. but go where?
What does he think about the amount he drinks? Does he even acknowledge that he goes overboard to often? Is it everyday?
No, my parents wouldnt drive my kds anywhere! My dad drinks pretty heavily and my Mom doesnt. She has her own health issues that I would not allow her to drive my kids. I really dont like other people driving my kids anywhere. Of course everyone sees it. I have a bunch of brothers and sisters that see what goes on. In fact-I am know as the BIT** for “counting” his drinks. Everyone jokes, “When is the old lady going to cut you off?” This is at family parties. I stopped doing that because it doesnt help anyway. Now its, “hi dear, can I get you anything?” when family is around.
That is definitely a drinking problem, even if he doesn’t do it every day. A person should be able to have a few drinks and stop before they feel the effects of the alcohol. If they can’t stop until they’re drunk, then that’s a drinking problem.
All histories, including each of our own personal histories, are full of tolerance for the intolerable, either because they (or we) were accustomed to it or because they (or we) feared that not tolerating it would require losing either family or homeland or something we had come to think of as our identity or support forever. It is not hard to understand at all.
Breadwinner or not, I would be extremely careful when your husband is driving with kids in the car.If you even suspect he may be drinking while driving and you let him do it, you also may be held culpable.
I know internet acess is everywhere these days, but how do you pay for having a computer and all the inherent expenses if you"barely get groceries every week"? And who buys his beer etc??
How we pay for our computer is none of your business. But since youve already stuck your nose where it doesnt belong i will tell you.
I also said that would never happen if I was around, hed have to rip my dead lifeless fingers off of the keys first. So how would that make me culpable?
Good thoughts, all, above. You DO have some power here and need to take on some responsibility for ending this cycle that began in your family of origin and continues in the family you chose for yourself by marriage. The first step is to recognize how pathological and destructive this behaviour is and to end your association with it and those who partake in it. If that means distancing yourself physically/socially from your parents/siblings–DO IT. If it means giving your husband an ultimatum and being willing to enforce it–then DO IT. Your kids have no one but you to protect them. You will NEVER forgive yourself if you fail them in this regard or witness someone else’s family destroyed by his reckless behaviour.
As I said before, he did NOT drink and drive with the kids, nor would I ever allow such a thing. I dont think that every wife of husbands that drink should leave their marriage! But thank you! I would call the police on anyone that got in a car drunk, with or without children involved!
Amen! I lost my grandfather and my uncle in different accidents. My father’s pain, the moment he found out about his younger brother, will be forever ingrained in my memory. Horror of horrors.
That’s a relief BE! I can understand you jumping to conclusions though, it’s tough not to when your a mom. I hope ultimately your husband understands that’s where you’re coming from. And hopefully if his feelings were hurt enough, he may make an effort to impress upon you that he is being more careful with his drinking. It’s not that difficult to drink responsibly, it’s just a habit, just like drinking too much too often becomes a habit. Either way the individual begins with making a decision, either to have another or not.