Z
zab
Guest
That’s cool
- Status
That’s cool
P
ProVobis
Guest
I’ve always had this theory that cry rooms work best not because they’re closed but the kids seem to be better with each other (not siblings) rather than with adults. Kids learn to develop social skills rather early.
B
babochka
Guest
Kids learn to appreciate liturgical prayer rather early as well and they have plenty of other opportunities to develop their social skills.
Besides, how much time have you actually spent in -]purgatory/-] a cry room to test your theory? The kids basically view it as a play room. They zoom cars (often real, but if you’ve forgotten to bring yours, imagination works fine), throw sippy cups, squabble with other kids… all things that they do in the congregation, mind you, but consolidated in one place. If you happen to be a parent who doesn’t bring toys to Mass, it is pure torture for your toddler, who insists upon wanting to crawl around and snatch someone else’s toys.
A cry room is a nice place to retreat if you’ve got a fussing baby or toddler, while the baby is fussy, It is nice to be able to hear the readings and the homily while my baby insists upon babbling non-stop. It is nice to be able to give a wiggling toddler a break from the developmentally inappropriate demands to sit still and be quiet for an hour. It is entirely appropriate to remove a distracting child from the congregation until the child is better able to sit quietly. It is nice to give the parents a break from constantly feeling watched and judged (real or imagined). It is actually quite an awful place to remain for any length of time, especially if you hope to eventually teach your child decent behavior in Mass.
My current baby is 10 months. She’s only just starting to be a problem during Divine Liturgy. It is generally easier to have a baby during Divine Liturgy that during Mass because there is more sound to begin with. A baby babbling usually break the silence. If she starts to fuss, I walk around the walls of the church with her, venerating the icons on the wall. A former parishioner once complained that he thought that was inappropriate and distracting. He apparently hasn’t spent too much time in eastern churches, where the adults sometimes get up in the middle of the service to venerate icons. I suppose we’ll become reacquainted with the cry room before this is all done. Ours is usually pretty quiet, because our parish is small and the parents don’t usually stay there for more than 10 or 15 minutes. Despite the quiet, I’ll still look forward to bringing my baby back into the church, where she can experience the sights, smells and sounds of the Divine Liturgy in person.
Please don’t misunderstand. I am grateful that my parish has a cry room. It has a purpose and I’m happy to use it for a crying baby. But I’m also grateful that my fellow parishioners and my pastor are welcoming of children in the congregation, and tolerant of the reality that sometimes kids will struggle to sit still and be quiet for 90 minutes.
B
babochka
Guest
I think the temperament of the priest comes into play here. I once went to a parish with a priest who could tolerate almost no distraction, because he was very distractable. I very quickly learned to leave immediately if my child made any noise. He also occasionally lost his place at the sound of a siren going by outside. This was an unusual circumstance and I was happy to accommodate. The vast majority of priests that I’ve encountered, however, have amazing concentration skills.
Does that also apply to the woman with the chronic cough (that would be me)? Or the teenager with Tourette’s Syndrome? Or the autistic adult? Or any other developmentally delayed person? Sometimes, we just have to deal with this sort of thing in our midst in this fallen world, and thank God that he has called these people to himself.
F
Faith1960
Guest
I agree.
P
ProVobis
Guest
Toys I see at the doctor’s and dentist’s offices. In line with your calling for liturgical prayer, I’ve seen parents bring along religious coloring books. It’s not guaranteed to keep anyone quiet, though. I don’t know the answer to that.
F
Faith1960
Guest
Same here.
P
ProVobis
Guest
I’ve found people who come in late and force people to move down pews or walk over them to be most distracting as well, even if you try to follow the readings along with your missal or missalette. We’ll never make everyone happy.
B
Bonnie
Guest
The title of this thread is “How to handle screaming baby during mass.”
Screaming - take child out. How can anyone hear/pay attention with a screaming child?
My mother got a dose of “let the children stay no matter what” when my eldest had her 1st communion. This was Mom’s 2nd Mass - the first was our wedding. One baby screamed & cried thru the entire Mass, not taken out until about 10 minutes before the end. My mother thought it incredibly rude, as did I. This was a very small rural parish, but it did have a cry room.
There are no do-overs for 1st Communion.
Screaming - take child out. How can anyone hear/pay attention with a screaming child?
My mother got a dose of “let the children stay no matter what” when my eldest had her 1st communion. This was Mom’s 2nd Mass - the first was our wedding. One baby screamed & cried thru the entire Mass, not taken out until about 10 minutes before the end. My mother thought it incredibly rude, as did I. This was a very small rural parish, but it did have a cry room.
There are no do-overs for 1st Communion.
I think the answer to the original question does somewhat depend on circumstances such as configuration of the church and the event.
I would hope parishes would be more tolerant of children at a regular Sunday Mass than at a special event that mainly involves adults and/or much older children.
But the way the sound carries in the church building does matter. Some church buildings amplify every little sound while others (often newer ones) tend to dampen sound. In a large crowded church, a parent and child leaving and coming back multiple times during Mass might not even be noticed except by those sitting in the same location. In a small rural church, just about everyone will notice.
Also, the age of the child matters. A newborn cry is usually mean the parent HAS to do something. That something may or may not involve leaving the nave of the church. A toddler who is upset because her parents don’t want her crawling under the 4 pews in front of (or behind) her may need 30 seconds to express her displeasure or she may need the rest of the Mass.
There’s no way to know without the parents experimenting. Yes there is a time limit but I think the 6 seconds suggested earlier in this thread was excessive. (And yes, I know 6 seconds actually is a fairly long time and can seem like an eternity when one hears an unpleasant sound.)
T
TyburnTreeHuggr
Guest
We have a 19 month old and we always tried to sit near the front of the Church. We found at least up there he had something to look at besides the back of heads.
Also, we have a really nice older couple who sits behind us and will hold him if he gets too rowdy.
That’s about it. After that, we just hope our pew-neighbors can bear it.
Also, we have a really nice older couple who sits behind us and will hold him if he gets too rowdy.
That’s about it. After that, we just hope our pew-neighbors can bear it.
B
babochka
Guest
Absolutely, this should be the response if you have a child who is screaming for more than a few seconds. Sometimes, it is easier said than done to accomplish this immediately, however. The example that comes to mind is a parent with two young children, and no other adult in the pew. Both kids have to be taken out, often at awkward times, crawling over others in the pew. Sometimes, parents make a judgement call in hopes that it will get better, and it ends up going on too long. I would just hope that we could all have patience and mercy toward parents who are doing their best.
I actually would remove an inconsolably screaming child from a cry room as well. Cry rooms exist so that the people in them can still hear and see the mass, without disturbing others. If I have a loudly screaming child, I’m not able to benefit from the cry room, nor is anybody else.
While the title of this thread might be “How to handle screaming baby during Mass”, a number of the comments seemed to extend this to any child noise whatsoever.
F
Faith1960
Guest
I totally agree. It’s beyond rude to let your child scream throughout Mass and ruin it for everybody else.The title of this thread is “How to handle screaming baby during mass.”
Screaming - take child out. How can anyone hear/pay attention with a screaming child?
.l
B
babochka
Guest
I’ve got to say - I’m 46 years old and a cradle Catholic. I don’t recall ever hearing somebody’s child screaming throughout Mass. For an uncomfortably long time, yes. But never more than a minute or two, which can seem like forever, of course. But I really think this kind of behavior is extremely rare. But what constitutes a scream is subjective, of course, and I have a high tolerance for baby noises.
F
Faith1960
Guest
I 've seen kids eating in Mass, leaving crackers or whatever crumbs ground into the carpeting. I’ve seen kids walking back and forth on the pews. I’ve heard babies screaming loud enough that I can’t hear or pay attention. It’s just all rude behavior on the part of the parents.
Luckily, I haven’t seen or heard either in awhile.
I have heard babies crying but the parent took them out.
F
Faith1960
Guest
B
babochka
Guest
Wow. Things happen. Usually well-behaved babies and toddlers have bad days. Parents, who generally try to remain at the end of pews (allowing for a quick exit), find themselves trapped in the middle of the pew and have to make a choice - stay and hope the baby will calm down soon, or cause certain disruption as they try to crawl over keeling people in the pew. Sometimes perfectly quiet, but wiggly children fall and hit their heads on the pew in front of them. It happens, and it is almost a guarantee of a prolonged scream. (It isn’t negligent parents; falls are just a part of toddlerhood. Can we just not assume the worst of someone (rudeness) and assume the best and sympathize with the struggle, even if they don’t make the best choices. Mass isn’t the theater and we cannot set our expectations as if it is.
There is a hymn in the Byzantine Divine Liturgy, the Cherubic hymn, in which the people sing, "Let us who mystically represent the cherubim, and sing the thrice-holy hymn, now set aside all earthly cares, that we may worship the king of all, invisibly escorted by angelic hosts. " The liturgy of the Eucharist begins with this hymn. I’ve always had to chuckle a bit at this, because it is at this point, just as we sing “now set aside all earthly cares”, that my babies have always decided that they’ve had quite enough. My earthly cares intrude upon my attempts to pray, and I tend to them. Sometimes I nurse them, sometimes I try to distract them, and sometimes I take them out. Such is the reality of life this side of heaven. We have earthly cares.
Again, I don’t advocate keeping a screaming baby in Mass. This isn’t helpful to anyone - not the baby, not the parents of the baby, and certainly not the other people in the Mass. I just advocate compassion and understanding, along with the acknowledgement that those babies, along with others who might make noise that distracts us and makes us uncomfortable, have a right to be there. Should we work on teaching them good Mass behavior? Absolutely. (This is a process that takes years.) Should we take them out when they cannot or will not be quiet? Of course! But again, I ask that we have tolerance and compassion for parents who are doing their best. Show them the same mercy that God shows us. Do we want to drive them away, so they next show up to Mass when it is time to sign their child up for First Communion classes?
2
27lw
Guest
Okay,
This is kind of one of my pet peeves. I am probably being judgmental. When there is a cry room, why do parents not use it when their kids are being noisy at Mass? If they have to bring other kids there too, so be it. I agree that it seems rude to sit there and let a small child cry / make loud noises for a prolonged time.
I get it that the cry room is not a great place, but it is a useful place. I have used it as well when my kids were too little to understand that they should be quiet during Mass. Me and my husband had lots of times at Mass walking in the back (at a previous parish), wishing there was a cry room, so I don’t understand why people don’t use it when there is one?
This is kind of one of my pet peeves. I am probably being judgmental. When there is a cry room, why do parents not use it when their kids are being noisy at Mass? If they have to bring other kids there too, so be it. I agree that it seems rude to sit there and let a small child cry / make loud noises for a prolonged time.
I get it that the cry room is not a great place, but it is a useful place. I have used it as well when my kids were too little to understand that they should be quiet during Mass. Me and my husband had lots of times at Mass walking in the back (at a previous parish), wishing there was a cry room, so I don’t understand why people don’t use it when there is one?
B
babochka
Guest
I was specifically referring to screaming children in Mass. I have seen all those other things.
I just don’t recall having seen a parent not take out a baby who is engaged in prolonged crying (more than a minute at the most).
B
babochka
Guest
There are many reason that I prefer not to use a cry room unless it is necessary. Primary is that many other parents treat it as a playroom. The kids bring toys and run around. I guess that’s ok - it seems to be the norm, but it doesn’t facilitate my attempts to teach my child how to eventually behave in church. Also, because I’m the parent who doesn’t bring food and toys, etc, my kids are always trying to get into other kids’ stuff. It just makes my life easier to not have to deal with it.
I do retreat to the cry room if necessary, but as I’ve previously mentioned, if my child were all-out screaming, I would go outside, or somewhere else.
My current parish does have a cry room, and it is occasionally used, but nobody parks in it from the beginning to the end. We come in and out as needed. We have a rocking chair, and it provides a nice, quiet place to nurse a baby to sleep if the sights and sounds of the liturgy are too distracting. Most moms stay there for 5-10 minutes, and then quietly come back into the church. Most of us seem to prefer hanging out in the vestibule, waiting for a moment to slip back inside. My parish is teeming with little kids, by the way.
- Status