How to keep a friendship in unrequited love

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To comment on the standards thing
I don’t like to think about it that way
If she’s Catholic and I have those feelings for her and there could be a chance I’ll probably end up crushing on her

If you saw me
Standards wouldn’t be you’re recommendation 😂
 
Just a quick contribution on the subject of unrequited love. We’ve all been there.

I stumbled on this beautiful and succinct summary. I think it’s worth keeping as a reminder of what’s going on.
The feeling of gotta-be-with-that-person-or-I’ll-die is commonly mistaken for love, but it is not love. I like the name used for in it Walt Disney’s Bambi: Twitterpation. It is a biological effect and you have absolutely zero control over it. It will come on suddenly for someone you probably never expected and in virtually all relationships, the feeling will fade away after about a year.
Click to expand...
(Although, “about a year” can be a bit optimistic, especially if you feed it).

https://www.quora.com/Am-I-in-love-1
 
ineedofmercy said:
I know I need to move on or just give up on love in general
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Wait—so now you give up on love for the rest of your life.
And you’re only 17.
Because one romantic disappointment???

Pull. Yourself. Together!!!

🙂🙂🙂
 
It’s come and gone as it pleased
And it rarely wants to be gone 😂

I hate to hear it chopped down to biological because for me it’s not a sexual attraction I have for her :confused:
 
That’s probably me going to far yes

But when I see the way college age kids act I don’t like it
And I have a weird feeling that it won’t work with them and adults are too serious
At my age and a little younger
I think love is really special (even if the way it works today it’s basically bound to fail 😦 )
I hope to find another group of Catholics some day
 
Bro you can only be friends with her if you meet her halfway and accept it’s likely not gonna happen. And dude you are gonna meet someone later that is gonna make you feel like an idiot for wasting time on this girl. One all in all, that is what marriage is for… And even that being it’s ideal state is rare these days. If loving her inspires you by all means be content and be a praying mantis alone… But dude it it makes you sad get rid of her. You are not living in reality. It’s great to have a fantasy about someone but you have to be delicate about it otherwise it will be withered by circumstances. I 100% urge you to invest more time in yourself and individual goals and seriously ship around. Edit: and unfortunately for young people dating… church is sometimes not a good place to be. There are all sorts of different kinds of people in the world. And your romantic idealism that we prefer in church will be burdened by our harshly secular culture, financial responsibility and the overall tragic direction a lot of life goes in youth. Anyway. Not really listening to us. But do some soul searching. Learn to enjoy the sorrow of solitude and when you have a real romance it will be all the more magical. Peace.
 
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I’ve been seventeen.
Romance hurts like a son-of-a-gun at seventeen.
You need to honor these feelings, to acknowledge them and to give yourself time to heal.

Your feelings are real.

But…you will have better days.

And the worst thing you can do is to write off your entire future because of present pain.

Truly. It hurts now. It won’t hurt forever. 🙂
 
ineedofmercy said:
It’s come and gone as it pleased
And it rarely wants to be gone 😂

I hate to hear it chopped down to biological because for me it’s not a sexual attraction I have for her :confused:
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Yep… We’ve all said that too… “It’s not a sexual attraction”

It WILL pass. Just try to minimise the damage. Don’t feed it.

Easier said that done… 😦
 
It actually isn’t and I have a porn adduction I’d have no shame saying that it was that too

For me I just want to hold her and talk to her
Her smiles are great too but if you asked me what I wanted in my life that would be it at the moment
 
We’ve already met halfway
She’s knows and we’ve both been respectful of the positions we are in

We’ve done alright as friends but there is just a distance we have compared to other friends and that hurts…

Maybe I will find someone else but I’m starting to feel I might not and next one will hurt more
And if I focus I myself all I have is to beat this addiction (yay fun :/)
And that’s not easy when everything hurts
 
ineedofmercy said:
It actually isn’t …[sexual attraction]
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I wasn’t suggesting you were being dishonest about it not being a “sexual attraction”. My point is that we’ve all said that about these feelings. We go through all sorts of contortions: “It’s not sexual. I don’t really like her. It’s just a friendship…blah blah…”. Whatever it is, if you are thinking and talking about one person uncontrollably, then it’s “twitterpation”, and is just a chemical and will pass.

The less you feed it, the quicker it will pass., and you will be able to live without her even though right now it feels like you can’t.
 
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I think that’s why my ex stays away. She promised frienship after the divorce and I had this dream that we were friends. Next thing I know I’m freaking out like “just friends?”

I couldn’t handle it at all tbh. Stay cool with her for sure and hopefully she won’t try to get your attention by messing around with guys she perceives are close to you. She will likely end up spun inside her own web.
 
Just wanna say thanks for constant replies

My emotions are probably getting the better of me (when I’m without a crush I lose my direction maybe I’m afraid of that)

But I want all to know this girl isn’t at all mean it bad
If it sounds like It misspoke

Please pray for my heart and addiction if you could
Would mean a lot to me
 
I can understand for the depression and addiction I could maybe use counseling

But for being bit lost when I seek marriage and there’s no one to persue isn’t really a big deal in my opinion

I’m just afraid of making the announcement to my family that out of nowhere I have emotional struggles
Plus they’ll have to pay for it
 
You say it is not a big deal, but you have multiple threads about unrequited love, and continue to argue with anyone that tries to help you see things clearly. You are having trouble understanding what the reality of the situation is. The depression is real and is fueled by your failed relationships. Your family cannot be clueless that you are depressed. They would want you to get help to feel better. Some places have counseling available on a sliding scale depending on income. One of the things about growing up and becoming an adult is taking care of your life, including your mental health. At your age, still dependent on your parents, they will provide you with that help, but only if you tell them you need help. There is only so much help you can get on the Internet.
 
Dude, you need to focus on growing up; and making new friends, male and female. This girl is not interested in you. Let her go. There are a lot of fish in the sea.
 
I will consider asking to be taken to counseling
Hopefully the word doesn’t get around if I do
I don’t want people treating me with caution or differently

But I believe my depression started and is fueled by my hatred for the habitual sin I struggle with

Sure this and other things fuel it as well and at times it is more than the sin does.

And having depression while trying to get over someone probably isn’t good for establishing hope and trust with God and my future
 
I went through all this as a teenager (and a couple of times when I was much older!).

The best bit of advice I ever heard was delivered quite casually. I met a former teacher a few years after I was in his class and he mentioned “I see boys like you from time to time. The best thing they can do is forget about themselves and get on with the job”.

My recommendation is to just look at the job that’s in front of you, particularly your studies, and work at it. When your emotions and thoughts are ripping you apart then think about ONE THING you can do right now to keep working. eg. get that book you are meant to be reading and put it in front of you. Done! Then, think about the next thing. Read the first page. Ooops… too much. Read the first paragraph! Then read the next paragraph. Take some notes. Just keep breaking it down like that. Just do ONE THING.

This has actually worked for me through three romantic crises, including my divorce. I didn’t have it in my youth and there were literally whole days when I did nothing but think about the object of my desires. Since I discovered it as an adult there has never been one day which was completely written off.
 
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