How to keep going when it seems you've been forgotten by God

  • Thread starter Thread starter LittleWay84
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Yes! If you are on Instagram, I highly recommend following her; she has all kinds of great posts on there, including several recent ones about the single life. She is by far my favorite account to follow. (If you aren’t, you can also find her at The Catholic Table blog. It’s not as active, but has a lot of great content, and I think it does have links to some of her Instagram posts.)
 
Last edited:
Hello again. I totally agree with you that God chooses the children who would benefit for us. I believe that’s why none of my attempts at overseas adoption worked out; they were not the right kids. I was about to finalize a group of 3 children when their aunt decided she wanted to keep them after all.
I wouldn’t worry about not being married. Many foster parents are single. And you know there are so many foster kids who age out of the system every year, feeling abandoned because no one wanted to adopt them. If you have experience with troubled or disabled children, you will be a great parent. If you ask for siblings, they will appreciate you even more.
I’m not one to talk since my kids are not following the Lord, but they are all law-abiding citizens. All it really takes for teenagers is a listening ear and some firm rules. You know what Christ expects of us. And there are some great books and advisors out there, like Dr. Ray Guarendi who adopted 10 kids.
 
Thanks, I’m not on social media but I can view some of her posts without an account luckily. Excited to read the book and her words of wisdom. God Bless.
 
Thank you for your supportive words and helpful advice. I feel bolstered by what you have said, that maybe it’s ok if things don’t work out the way I’d hoped. God just might have a better plan. I’m being simplistic. Theres still a lot of pain from potentially not being married, knowing love with a spouse etc and going through conception, pregnancy, birth and the biological side of motherhood. But it doesn’t feel “over”. There is some hope.

God bless you and your children for the beautiful work you’ve done in this world.
 
Thanks for the suggestion. There isn’t a local Charismatic group but I have attended Charismatic events and also did a course which had a Charismatic focus. In all honesty, it didn’t feel like a good fit for me but I gave it a good go! I do welcome the suggestion and advice though.
 
Thank you. It has been hard and I think the hardest part is accepting that it’s most likely not going to happen now and trying to understand why God wanted it this way.
 
LittleWay84 said:
to understand why God wanted it this way.
Click to expand...
God allows us to choose things, to decide if we are going to date this person, or attend that event, in His permissive will He allowed you to make the choices you have made. Don’t second guess them.
 
But I suppose that’s the point…I have attended so many different things, I have done things that would normally result in relationships or being asked on dates etc. I have only ever been asked out on two dates. One was a man who was a much older stranger who I’d never spoken to and I didn’t feel comfortable with so I said no. The other ended up in a relationship with a man who I adored but who ultimately didn’t choose me to be his wife and who has now married someone else. I feel I’ve had very little choice or say in decisions despite really putting myself out there and being very active. Other people seem to mainly have experiences where they get to go on lots of dates and have multiple relationships before settling down. That’s just not happened for me at all.
 
Also I’ve never asked a man out because a) I was raised that it was not an acceptable thing to do and b) I’ve never got the impression that anyone seemed to like me enough to be open to that.
 
Viki63 said:
I gave up on finding someone,
Click to expand...
Ditto my wife and I.
We met shortly afterwards.

There’s something to be said about giving up.
It changes your attitude, actions, walk, talk and appearance.

A coincidence, or maybe the welcome mat for spirit and mortal?
 
Last edited:
I think I gave up a long time ago to be honest. That was what led me to post in a way. I’ve given up and accepted it wasn’t what God had planned for me but the pain caused by it is affecting my relationship with God. Years ago when I said I’d given up my friends thought like you and laughed and said it wouldn’t be long before I met someone precisely because I’d said I’d given up. They were wrong but I wasnt expecting to meet
anyone anyway. I was just living my life as best as I could.
 
My husband of 29 years passed away a few weeks ago.

We would not have had 35 years of friendship, romance, laughs, tears, our child, our adventures had I not asked him out.

My mom and dad would not have going on 60 years of marriage had my mom not asked out my dad.
 
My sincere condolences TheLittleLady, my prayers are with you and your child in your time of bereavement and I will also pray for your beloved husband’s eternal repose.

Thank you for sharing that you and your mother were the ones who did the asking. That is very inspiring. There is no one I am interested in at the moment but I accept the way I was raised (that it was wrong for a girl to ask a boy out) was wrong and damaging even and, if I did meet someone I felt I had a connection with in future I would be more willing to put myself forward a bit.
 
I used to cry sometimes because I was so lonely. I had the worst of both worlds; parenting two boys, yet doing it alone.
One day I had an epiphany; I was walking through a college campus full of cherry trees in gorgeous bloom. It suddenly struck me that I could enjoy the blossoms whether I was married or single; beauty was still there for me. It sounds obvious, but I had allowed my desire for a husband to color all my thinking.

Keep in mind, it’s better to be single than married to some guys – cheaters, abusers, one who abandons you. Most men are decent, and after 17 years I met a nice man; I was 49. But the single life is not the worst that can happen.

I am sure that God has a plan for your life. Life is short; our goal is heaven. Unlike people in the world, this life is not all we have, so we don’t need to despair if it doesn’t give us all we want or even need.
 
For the most part, I think people mean well when the say you should try harder etc. But the thing Is, we already are trying everything wr could. Just because one has not found a life partner does not mean the person isnt trying to find one or being better. A lot of people found someone by accident and didnt even try. It’s hard to be on the receiving end when people lecture you to try, when you are already doing it. Sometimes this Is just one of the thing you have to let happen instead of making it happen. It’s not like one can wave a a wand and somebody would materialize. I for one know i am trying and have tried so many options even a crazy one, but still zilch. I have reached to point where i realize that finding someone isnt about following dating advice. A lot of the are conflicting anyway. People still find someone without following a list of dos and donts. Honestly it’s exhausting to continue trying.
 
Last edited:
Thanks Fin, I 100% agree with you. It happens offline too…people who didn’t need to try or go to any special effort at all lecturing me on everything I need to try or do, for the most part things I’m already doing or things they didn’t need to do in the first place. It’s really frustrating and makes you feel more isolated and like there is even more wrong with you because clearly people think it’s all your fault because you somehow haven’t tried enough. That’s why I pretty much gave up but, as I said earlier upthread, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt and its dealing with the pain of being alone and forgotten by God which I originally posted about.

Thank you for understanding and best of luck with your own search.
 
OP,

Do you know Polish? The reason I ask is that there has been an influx of Polish people into the UK since Poland joined the EU. The only drawback is trying to break unto the “clique”, as well as the fact that many already are “taken” or may have families back in Poland (or may dump you to enter religious life, as what happened to me). But Poles who are practicing Catholics tend to be very serious about their faith and family, in my experience.
Gilly_flower said:
I do indeed mean the minister…you shouldn’t dismiss a good Christian man simply because he is “the wrong brand”…
Click to expand...
How many threads are there where a Catholic wife laments the fact that the husband is not and it causes discord at home?
 
I don’t speak Polish, but have several Polish friends who live here. All of them are married and very traditional as you say, although they didn’t marry Catholics either. We go to retreats, extra masses and out socially together and they are good friends. I’m well into the “Clique” lol.
 
I understand you are “cross” and that you have made the decision to leave the thread.

Thank you for the advice you have given. I have taken it on board. However, it is unfair to repeatedly say that I am expecting a gorgeous man to parachute in. I’m not and I have never once brought looks into any part of this discussion. I have been proactive, just perhaps not in a way that you find acceptable. And that’s ok, that we differ in opinion and experience. I don’t know anyone personally who has asked a man out and my friends that tried Christian dating websites had negative and sometimes scary experiences that put me off. I have said I would try on here and these are things that would go outside of the comfort zone of what my family or social circles would find acceptable, so perhaps a bigger deal for me than people who’ve always been very good at putting themselves forward with men and dating alot online might realise. I am willing to try, as I’ve said. I’ve not rejected this advice.

It seems you have taken my comments about feeling judged and lectured offline too personally and now you are “cross” with me which has led to some unkind words about feeling sorry for myself etc. I’m sorry for the offence ive caused you. It was inadvertent and I didn’t mean to hurt you. I will try not to take your words and judgement of me personally. Thank you for your prayers.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top