Actually such a revelation even after the birth of a child is pretty good evidence the person was not open to children and so the marriage in the Church is invalid. At that point you would have to get a civil divorce and go through the annulment process to prove it.
The dispensation releases you from the obligation under the law – and the law forbids it.
Right, which is why I said I’m not sure how that changes things. Again, the spirit of the law exists to protect the children of a Catholic from being raised outside the faith, and the father being a nominal, lapsed Catholic-turned-atheist isn’t much guarantee in that regard. So possibly there are other provisions that apply here I’m not aware of.
I disagree, All marriages that have taken place in the church are presumed to be valid. There is no law in the church in which someone in a presumptively valid marriage is obligated to divorce their spouse.
God bless you.
As a man who is not gay, I cannot pretend to have ever had an atheist boyfriend before; however, I was an atheist myself once. This is my advice: stick to your guns. From the sounds of it, you’re a one-in-a-million, and that fact will not be lost on him. Even if or when he finds himself turning away - if he loves you, and I believe he does - he will find an equal, stronger pull pushing him back, and a readiness or willingness to make sacrifices for you, which is but natural for men to do, though it takes some getting used to the idea at first. Stay firm, though of course be understanding and do all you can to make it work within Church teaching: and be assured, he will (always) respect you for that.He’s been completely ok with the no-sex-before-marriage thing and never pressures me in the slightest. In fact I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t, even if I had a moment of weakness and gave him the go-ahead. When it comes to marriage I told him I want to get married in the Church (he’s baptized Catholic), our children MUST be raised Catholic, and we need to use NFP. When I mentioned NFP, he said he’d be fine with it as long as I can show him studies about it’s effectiveness, I did, he read them and agreed.
Last night we were talking and he admitted that NFP is starting to scare him because he would really like to avoid children for at least a couple of years after we get married (we’re both obsessed with travelling the world). I promised him I’d send him more research and he said it’s that, as well as the fact that without a physical barrier (i.e. condoms) he would feel really really nervous not knowing if it “failed” (apparently he never let his previous gf use just the pill either).
I could see how sincerely saddened and scared he was - this wasn’t him attacking my beliefs by any means, and it broke my heart. I know I’m following my beliefs with all the “rules” I’ve set up and I don’t regret it, but I can’t help but feel awful for all the concessions he is making for me.He has been SO open and ok with everything and I know he wants to be ok with NFP but just isn’t right now.
Has anyone dealt with an atheist husband + NFP? Other than showing him more studies and getting him to chart with me when the time comes, how can I help him feel better about it?
Actually all marriages between baptized individuals who are not Catholic are presumed valid, and marriages between Catholics and any baptized individual are presumed valid if the canonical form is followed or dispensations are obtained if required.
Pardon me for my confusion of your post…it’s just that when you said “At that point you would have to get a civil divorce.” I interpreted that as saying the OP has to get a divorce.
The text I used was an approved Vatican translation, and even if the English word doesn’t appear there doesn’t mean the Latin doesn’t imply this.
Forbidden is the wrong word to use. It would be more proper to describe it as a prohibitory impediment to marriage, which can be dispensed of.
Thank you for your kind words
I’ve never been one to believe that any relationship that is not between two devout Catholics is doomed. He is very unlike what a lot of posters have said here.No need to ask for pardon, I was a bit lax in expressing the necessary detail in the previous post. Sometimes I forget people can’t read my mind
The message I was replying to had the following statement that prompted my response:
Suggesting even if there is a defect at the the time of the wedding, you are validly married and (my word) “stuck.” As you point out, the Church recognizes there are valid reasons for even validly married people to live separately.
non catholics marry all the time. the main thing is agreeing to raise the children catholic. it’s a rubber stamp process.
As you’re discerning marriage to this man may I suggest a book for you? The Secret Diary of Elisabeth Leseur. She was a devout Catholic who married a staunch atheist and after her death her husband became a priest. She’s not a canonized saint yet…her current status is Servant of God. But, she may be a good intercessor for you as you pray and discern, and prepare for marriage to your boyfriend.Thank you for your kind words
To everyone else:
I know it will be tough, and I am discerning A TON about it (I’m in no way taking this lightly). All his best friends are CAtholic, his family’s Catholic, he’s promised not to talk to our future children (should we be so blessed) about not believing in God until they are 18+ and even then, he said he can tell my faith has worked wonders in my life and would have no problem if his children were the same. I have faith because of God’s grace and consider it a gift, not an accomplishment. The fact that my boyfriend has been struggling in seeing that gift does not mean I should throw him to the curb, in my opinion. He has treated me far better than some of my previous (devout Catholic in some cases) bfs.
I agree and I apologize for my misunderstanding.No need to ask for pardon, I was a bit lax in expressing the necessary detail in the previous post. Sometimes I forget people can’t read my mind
The message I was replying to had the following statement that prompted my response:
Suggesting even if there is a defect at the the time of the wedding, you are validly married and (my word) “stuck.” As you point out, the Church recognizes there are valid reasons for even validly married people to live separately.
Marriage should never be entered into without proper preparation. The ultimate reality here is the OP has some big issues to work out with her current boyfriend before considering marriage.
That doesn’t change the fact it’s normatively forbidden (though clearly in this case it may not be). Presuming that previous, voluntary trends will continue into the future is never wise. The prohibition is in place for a reason.
I would like to point out that the non-Catholic party does not have to agree to raise the children Catholic, they just have to be made aware that the Catholic has an obligation to raise the kids as such to the best of their ability. That does leave a lot of space open for subtle or not so subtle undermining by the non-Catholic spouse.
^^ This is all you need to read, right here.
Hi there
I suggest you re-evaluate when you are not at big career stages. One piece of advice about marriage that I think is actually useful, is make sure you are well-solidified in who YOU are before you think seriously about getting married. People change quite drastically during the years of young adulthood. The person you were when you graduated from high school is very different from the person who graduated from college, who is also quite different from the person getting their first job, who is quite different from the person in an established career. At some point, you continue to get older, and circumstances of life continue to change around you, but eventually you start to be settled and grounded in who you are. When you get to that point, chances are you will have much greater clarity about the questions you ask, and conversely you will see the advice you get from a bunch of strangers on an internet forum to be mostly rubbish.
That’s good that you are discerning. For my part, I did not mean to imply you are not. I figure it’s better to give you advice you are already considering than to not offer a perspective in case you haven’t heard it before.
