How to make my atheist boyfriend more comfortable with NFP (for when we're married obviously)

[ReasonBeing]

Where did I, at any point, state that I was making concessions that went against my faith? I did not. I would never sacrifice my values for a relationship. Period.

And thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut regarding your secular view of NFP. It is very useful to hear

…This is in no way directed at you, but I gotta say: I think it’s quite sad the views some people on this forum have of non-Catholics. There have been PLENTY of non-Catholic people who have married Catholics and have very happy marriages. I have seen evidence of it on these forums. Yes, St Paul states not to be unequally yoked, but he always states the good that can come from a pagan coming to Christ (whether that be conversion, or simply seeing the good of Catholic values) through a Christian spouse, and there is also evidence in 1 Corithians.

Thank you. It’s refreshing to hear someone who is open minded and non-judgmental and filled with love and caring. It sounds like not only are you lucky to have found such a great guy, but he’s lucky to have found you as well. Don’t let this guy slip away. It sounds like you have found true love and I wish you all the best in your relationship and in your life.

In case y’all didn’t realize, we are in a VERY secular world. The fact that you have a 24 year old woman who is defending NFP to such an extent, and an atheist 24 year old man who is 100% open to the “Catholic” things brought forward to him and you don’t see how rare and yes, good that is, is frightening to me. My sisters and I have dated a couple devout Catholic men, and they were simply following a faith they never thought about, and in my sister’s case, emotionally abusive. I am in no way saying that Catholic men are WORSE than non-Catholics, but I have realized that I will not say that non-Catholic men shouldn;t be able to experience some of the amazing teachings of the Church through his wife.

My boyfriend is in his early 20’s and raised in a very secular way. Yet, he is spending weekends full of adoration and homilies, going to Mass with me to hear me sing, not complaining in the slightest about the fact that I am chaste and is open to NFP. He even reminds me to say grace before meals on the odd chance I forget. He has stated that he wants me to keep my faith because of all the good it has done in my life. He does not hate religion, just cannot believe it himself, no matter how much he tries. Our faith is a gift. Please stop painting him with your “atheists are all close minded jerks who will do everything they can to undermind you” brush. He is a good guy. If you don’t realize how rare that is, then I feel sorry for your lack of awareness into how 99% of people in their 20’s are these days.

And saying passive aggressive things such as “But it seems as though the OP has made her mind up anyway” is incredibly patronizing. It’s true, I love my boyfriend, but I feel I have demonstrated my commitment to leave as soon as I feel my faith is being challenged or falling. I’m sorry to sound rude, I am really not trying to. I just get frustrated by these forums sometimes. Doesn’t shock me that there are so many young people turning away from the faith, frankly.

It is hard enough being a 24-year-old Catholic these days, and all I am looking for is support here. You don’t have to agree with me that Catholics can marry men who have struggled in faith, yet treat them like a queen and accept the faith that comes with her. But please stop making hopeless assumptions about non-Catholics. I think living in our own little “Catholic bubble” is far from useful to our secular world.

That being said, I am very thankful for some of the comments I have received here. All (name removed by moderator)ut is appreciated, just please keep a level-head about the situation we are in these days . I truly believe we are called to see Christ in everyone. There is PLENTY of Christ in my boyfriend. Try to see it, and in all the amazing non-Christians you have had the pleasure of encountering in your life. I know I have growmn in Christ through the lessons I have learned through them.

Thank you. It’s refreshing to hear someone who is open minded and non - judgmental and filled with love and caring. He sounds like a great guy and you’re lucky to have found him and he is lucky to have found you as well. It sounds like you have found true love and I wish you all the best in your relationship and in your life.

 

[ReasonBeing]

Oops. I screwed up my previous answer by posting my response in the middle of the OP’s comment by accident. Sorry for any confusion.

I also wanted to say to the OP that I think it’s great that you’re not trying to change him and he’s not trying to change you either. You both love each other for who that person is. It sounds like you have a great relationship and he has a lot of love and respect for you. He sounds like a keeper.

 

[HouseArrest]

You may want to consider how your boyfriend would support your faith if you suffer a crisis. What if you cannot conceive and want so badly to try IVF? Would he go along with that? What if you tire of NFP and want to use ABC? What if you (God forbid) lose a child and no longer feel God is there?

In the long run, you are going to want a husband that will hold you up in the faith in times when you are struggling.

That being said, from what you describe he could be on his way to reversion. Pray for him!

 

[lily20]

An athiest may commit to NFP, or a marriage, for a while, but wavering beliefs produce wavering results.

Source: experience

 

[vera_dicere]

Thank you for your kind words I’ve never been one to believe that any relationship that is not between two devout Catholics is doomed. He is very unlike what a lot of posters have said here.

To everyone else:

I know it will be tough, and I am discerning A TON about it (I’m in no way taking this lightly). All his best friends are CAtholic, his family’s Catholic, he’s promised not to talk to our future children (should we be so blessed) about not believing in God until they are 18+ and even then, he said he can tell my faith has worked wonders in my life and would have no problem if his children were the same. I have faith because of God’s grace and consider it a gift, not an accomplishment. The fact that my boyfriend has been struggling in seeing that gift does not mean I should throw him to the curb, in my opinion. He has treated me far better than some of my previous (devout Catholic in some cases) bfs.

Just as a matter of interest, why is he atheist? I mean, if he’s surrounded by all those Catholics, friends, families et al, going to Mass with you, retreats, what is it that convinces him its all rubbish?

But its not a good look, regardless of whether he stays atheist and lets you raise any children as Catholics, what will that say to the children? Its okay to live a lie? Its okay to go to a Church even if you don’t believe any of it?

A rather decent and large study came out recently said that its the father’s faithfulness to his religion that determines whether the children carrying it on into their adulthood, like about 70%, but the mother doesn’t seem to impact much at all.

Of course, you know better than anyone else here what’s going on in yoru relationship. We’re only getting a pin prick view, so perhaps ask these questions yourself in your time of discernment.

There are many, many mixed marriages in my family. Every single one, the Catholic spouse has become lukewarm in their faith, and their children not even bothering. One cousin married a Protestant, that Protestant is now atheist, and that catholic only goes to church to play the organ.

God bless you though, and may He close all doors that are not of Him and enlighten paves that are.

 

[steve_b]

Thank you for your kind words I’ve never been one to believe that any relationship that is not between two devout Catholics is doomed.

That’s true
s:

To everyone else:

I know it will be tough, and I am discerning A TON about it (I’m in no way taking this lightly). All his best friends are CAtholic, his family’s Catholic, he’s promised not to talk to our future children (should we be so blessed) about not believing in God until they are 18+ and even then, he said he can tell my faith has worked wonders in my life and would have no problem if his children were the same. I have faith because of God’s grace and consider it a gift, not an accomplishment. The fact that my boyfriend has been struggling in seeing that gift does not mean I should throw him to the curb, in my opinion. He has treated me far better than some of my previous (devout Catholic in some cases) bfs.

Just because someone is a friend, and you really like them, even love them, doesn’t translate into marriage material. Some people are meant to stay friends. This shouldn’t be an exerise in how to make this work before you get married. .

 

[Planet_Claire]

Even if he were to attend Mass with you and your future children every Sunday, they would notice him not taking communion, and would wonder why. So the two of you would need to come up with an answer ahead of time. I mention this because I have acquaintances whose son asked this same question.

I am assuming he knows he shouldn’t be taking communion if he does not believe in God.

If you teach your kids about the Real Presence in the Eucharist, and they see Dad sitting that out, they’ll ask you and him questions.

It’s not just NFP issues that you’d have to discuss, so that’s why it’s difficult for me to just answer the NFP query; I see much bigger issues you’d have to eventually discuss. I’m not saying this to hurt you or criticize him, but to bring up the kinds of things kids notice and ask about.

FWIW, I married a Protestant man when I, a lapsed Catholic at the time, considered myself a Protestant. I reverted and he converted about a year and a half later. Long story but the point is, people can change. However, we always both believed in God, Jesus, the Trinity, etc. Still, that in between time was hard.