How to Marry an Idiot

[MarcoPolo]

A little wit from Catholic Lane (via Ruth Institute)*To the rest of you who wish to join the cultural norm of marrying an idiot and eventually getting divorced only to marry yet another idiot, please keep reading. I will help you find fulfillment.

Here are five steps to get you started:

Continue dating that person whom you’ve already determined you would never want to raise children with or even spend the rest of your life with.

Who cares about Mr. Right? Just go with Mr. Right Now. ……*Full article posted at Ruth Institute

 

[Polluted]

That’s awesome

 

[po18guy]

Who cares about Mr. Right? Just go with Mr. Right Now.

…only to find out that his first name is “Always”

 

[AnneElizabeth]

A little wit from Catholic Lane (via Ruth Institute)*To the rest of you who wish to join the cultural norm of marrying an idiot and eventually getting divorced only to marry yet another idiot, please keep reading. I will help you find fulfillment.

Here are five steps to get you started:

Continue dating that person whom you’ve already determined you would never want to raise children with or even spend the rest of your life with.

Who cares about Mr. Right? Just go with Mr. Right Now. ……*Full article posted at Ruth Institute

\

Love the article, but its not the person they decided to marry who’s the idiot!

I don’t know if I am allowed to say this publically or not, but maybe since its never ever said these days anymore, maybe I should, and so, daringly will do so here:

Big Sigh

I absolutely  ABHOR going to a wedding of a couple who cohabitated for years- the more years together, the worse I can't stand the concept and the waste.   In fact, I don't even want to go.   There is no celebration there, just a show and a social move.   The most dry, the most dead, the most uncelebrationistic thing EVER.     I don't give a rat's about your "wedding"  -its dry and empty, although I will give you a supportive (sarcastic)  thumbs up for finally getting with the picture and going through with it.  How sad.   All of this might seem super mean of me to say, I'm so sorry,  I know its probably arrogant of me to be so mean about this, but I really hate it so much.  Its just a serious waste of what should have been 'the happiest day of your life'-  and along with other's shared joy in that joy of yours.  Its just as bad as those people who don't wait for you to be there when they open the gifts you gave them on Christmas so that you can see their joy- instead you see your gift, unwrapped and sitting in the corner while they are doing something else....  gee, thanks for waiting for me.    :mad::(

The wedding is supposed to be *before *you get to consummate the relationship and its about that, and only that, and nothing else. ( PPPPSSSSSSTTTTT that is what people are really happy about) Its not a shallow social performance- been to so many of those I want to puke. ** So lukewarm!!! **

The more weddings I attend where its obvious the couple has been testing the living conditions first, the more angry and disgruntled I get, because I’d like to have something to actually CELEBRATE. Its lame. Just like Cain’s sacrifice to God.

By the way, to those who might think after reading that rant of mine that I believe weddings should be hoity toity and stiff and elaborate, I don’t at all. I truly believe the best wedding is where the two honored God first, then honored others and each other and it doesn’t even have to be elaborate. It can be as simple as getting married in the middle of a regular day Mass with no frills, but it will still be something with VAST meaning, because the two were not slackers in their intentions. Sliding into marriage is not intent-ful, and true love calls for intent.

 

[edwest2]

They should put out An Idiot’s Guide To… Wait a minute - bad idea. Very bad idea.

Ed

What was I thinking? Oh, I remember. The gorgeous, 6", 1" Italian girl who told me she was divorced. What happened? “I had to kick my husband out of my house because I found out he was a nut.” How long were you married? “Nine months.”

Hmm. I wonder what they were doing before the ceremony…

 

[edwest2]

\

Love the article, but its not the person they decided to marry who’s the idiot!

I don’t know if I am allowed to say this publically or not, but maybe since its never ever said these days anymore, maybe I should, and so, daringly will do so here:

Big Sigh

I absolutely  ABHOR going to a wedding of a couple who cohabitated for years- the more years together, the worse I can't stand the concept and the waste.   In fact, I don't even want to go.   There is no celebration there, just a show and a social move.   The most dry, the most dead, the most uncelebrationistic thing EVER.     I don't give a rat's about your "wedding"  -its dry and empty, although I will give you a supportive (sarcastic)  thumbs up for finally getting with the picture and going through with it.  How sad.   All of this might seem super mean of me to say, I'm so sorry,  I know its probably arrogant of me to be so mean about this, but I really hate it so much.  Its just a serious waste of what should have been 'the happiest day of your life'-  and along with other's shared joy in that joy of yours.  Its just as bad as those people who don't wait for you to be there when they open the gifts you gave them on Christmas so that you can see their joy- instead you see your gift, unwrapped and sitting in the corner while they are doing something else....  gee, thanks for waiting for me.    :mad::(

The wedding is supposed to be *before *you get to consummate the relationship and its about that, and only that, and nothing else. ( PPPPSSSSSSTTTTT that is what people are really happy about) Its not a shallow social performance- been to so many of those I want to puke. ** So lukewarm!!! **

The more weddings I attend where its obvious the couple has been testing the living conditions first, the more angry and disgruntled I get, because I’d like to have something to actually CELEBRATE. Its lame. Just like Cain’s sacrifice to God.

By the way, to those who might think after reading that rant of mine that I believe weddings should be hoity toity and stiff and elaborate, I don’t at all. I truly believe the best wedding is where the two honored God first, then honored others and each other and it doesn’t even have to be elaborate. It can be as simple as getting married in the middle of a regular day Mass with no frills, but it will still be something with VAST meaning, because the two were not slackers in their intentions. Sliding into marriage is not intent-ful, and true love calls for intent.

Aw, c’mon. You didn’t live through the late 1960’s and 1970’s when “alternative lifestyles” were being marketed as cool? When mom and dad tried, in vain, to convince their son and daughter to marry the other person because they were “living in sin.”? And today? Who wants to feel bad about their behavior anymore? Especially regarding sex? Who is doing the “wrong” thing by not going for a “test drive”? How can you not get that? Everybody’s doin’ it.

No. You’re right. In the 1980s, I met a young guy at a gathering and we got to talking, and he told me he was getting married. Silly me. I thought commitment meant… uh… commitment. Noooooooo… He said, “Well, if it doesn’t work out. We can always get a divorce.” Yeah, right. People were at least committed to their jobs. When did marriage fall by the wayside? Oh, I know. When the family destroyers appeared in our neighborhoods and then on TV and in movies and showed us how happy we’d be if we ignored our Gospel and followed theirs.

Ed

 

[GEddie]

When getting sexual whenever with whomever as a form of recreation became acceptable, it was inevitable that marriage would fall by the wayside. What after all does it celebrate?

How often do we see the sequence: years-long fornicative relationship ------> huge fairytale wedding --------> much shorter marriage?

IMNAAHO, huge weddings should be discouraged when a lengthy live-in situation exists. Why blow the money?

ICXC NIKA

 

[lifeandhope]

AnneElizabeth, I’ve thought that for years. A wedding is to celebrate the joining of two individuals to create an entirely new family. It’s not about the decorations or open bar or fancy table settings. People spend a ridiculous amount of time and money on a party, essentially, that lasts a few hours instead of investing that time and effort into preparation for the marriage–what follows the wedding is really what is important and ‘should’ be the couple’s main focus.

My brother lived with his girlfriend for years and when they were officially engaged I did my best to pretend to be happy. But year after year passed, and the girl wanted a huge party, open bar, a DJ, the works. She was so obsessed with showing off to and partying with her friends; I just couldn’t understand it. Well, of course the wedding never happened; my brother was in a terrible accident and had a severe traumatic brain injury after which she left and couldn’t (or didn’t want to) handle ‘real life’.

As for me, I did want a beautiful dress, which I found used in excellent condition, having only been worn once before. The rest: I couldn’t care less and was just fine using a He church I attended at the time, having the reception in the lower level of the church with simple food, using the church decorations, keeping bridesmaid dresses simple and inexpensive, and I didn’t care about the cake. During the six months of planning, my husband to be did most of the wedding planning as I suffered from debilitating headaches. Three weeks before the wedding I had a brain tumor removed and was diagnosed with a cancer disease and more tumors. By the time the wedding day arrived, I was happy to have my beloved daddy walk me down the aisle and join my life officially to my amazing husband and I honestly couldn’t get out of there fast enough! Nearly everyone, including the tough men in attendance, said they were crying the whole time and it was the most beautiful wedding they’d ever been to. Now, of course much of that was due to the fact I nearly died and had a horrible diagnosis, but also we were 99% focused on being married and 1% (if that!) focused on the wedding event itself. That was sixteen and a half years ago, and the event that had deepest meaning for both my husband and I was our convalidation around four years ago, after we became Catholic. My marriage has been the greatest blessing in my life.

Allll of this to say: I completely agree that cohabitation essentially destroys any joy a wedding would bring. And I won’t get started on the showers and parties and registries and gift expectations. Yikes. Both my husband and I had our own homes prior to getting married and while we didn’t have the best of everything, collectively had what we needed. People still gifted us with generosity and we received some beautiful (and some bizarre!) gifts as well as enough cash to buy a bedroom set. But we certainly had no expectations of getting anything.

 

[AClaire11]

I guess those of us who converted after marriage should just go jump in a lake, then.

 

[Wesrock]

The more weddings I attend where its obvious the couple has been testing the living conditions first, the more angry and disgruntled I get, because I’d like to have something to actually CELEBRATE. Its lame. Just like Cain’s sacrifice to God.

While I understand where you are coming from, we can still celebrate that this couple has chosen to regularize their situation. While we might not be happy about the road they took, we can at least be happy that they chose to get onto the right one. They may still have further to go. But anyway, every time an irregular union turns regular, we have cause to celebrate. The lost sheep is (at least a little, little bit) on their way home.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I guess those of us who converted after marriage should just go jump in a lake, then.

Oh no, I wouldn’t say that. But you do need to understand that your wedding was meaningless, a waste of money, devoid of joy, and a shallow social display.

So says the choir of never-marrieds.

 

[MaryT777]

Article made some very valid points. Thanks for the link.

 

[Sarcelle]

Oh no, I wouldn’t say that. But you do need to understand that your wedding was meaningless, a waste of money, devoid of joy, and a shallow social display.

So says the choir of never-marrieds.

What choir of never marrieds?
I only saw one poster who essentially said that. Her post does not state her marital status.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

What choir of never marrieds?
I only saw one poster who essentially said that. Her post does not state her marital status.

And several who agreed. If I remember correctly, she and Ed are unmarried, and I don’t know about Geddie. Regardless, even if I’m wrong on their status, it was still a terribly ugly thing to say. When you make gross and insulting generalizations like that, you never know who you’re talking about. In this case, she spit on the marriage of a fellow Catholic who converted after her wedding.

Situations like this are exactly why the Catholic church insists on charity and speaking with love, btw.

 

[kozlosap]

I guess those of us who converted after marriage should just go jump in a lake, then.

Evidently, if we agree with the notion that living together negates having a public wedding ceremony with reception then, at least in my life, I would never have too attend another wedding, and I’m only 63. My daughter has been in SEVEN weddings in the last 6 years and everyone of the couples had lived together. They are all still together. Just being happy and joyful for the couple is not a waste of your time, if it’s hard for you to understand that concept, then I’m sad for you. The Church has no problem in celebrating the sacrament with those sinners, so I’m happy to attend and witness their joy.

 

[AClaire11]

Evidently, if we agree with the notion that living together negates having a public wedding ceremony with reception then, at least in my life, I would never have too attend another wedding, and I’m only 63. My daughter has been in SEVEN weddings in the last 6 years and everyone of the couples had lived together. They are all still together. Just being happy and joyful for the couple is not a waste of your time, if it’s hard for you to understand that concept, then I’m sad for you. The Church has no problem in celebrating the sacrament with those sinners, so I’m happy to attend and witness their joy.

Why is this directed at me? I agree with you and lived with my husband for six months before we were married. Soon after, I was led to the church through him and we had our marriage convalidated.

 

[edwest2]

Evidently, if we agree with the notion that living together negates having a public wedding ceremony with reception then, at least in my life, I would never have too attend another wedding, and I’m only 63. My daughter has been in SEVEN weddings in the last 6 years and everyone of the couples had lived together. They are all still together. Just being happy and joyful for the couple is not a waste of your time, if it’s hard for you to understand that concept, then I’m sad for you. The Church has no problem in celebrating the sacrament with those sinners, so I’m happy to attend and witness their joy.

As another sinner, if I was living with and having sex with a woman I’m wasn’t married to, that’s still a sin. Always was. By getting married, the Church agrees that regularizing the situation is the best option. But normalizing cohabitation is totally wrong.

foryourmarriage.org/catholic-marriage/church-teachings/cohabitation/

Ed

 

[Sarcelle]

And several who agreed. If I remember correctly, she and Ed are unmarried, and I don’t know about Geddie. Regardless, even if I’m wrong on their status, it was still a terribly ugly thing to say. When you make gross and insulting generalizations like that, you never know who you’re talking about. In this case, she spit on the marriage of a fellow Catholic who converted after her wedding.

Situations like this are exactly why the Catholic church insists on charity and speaking with love, btw.

I think Ed is married.

Anyway, I agree with your take on gross and insulting generalizations about others.

Yet you do the same about the never marrieds. I take it that your rolling eyes at the end of that comment is not meant to be complementary.

Now if you say that the post was not meant to be insulting, why even bother taking into account the marital status of the people you disagreed with?

The argument you said in your later post against unnecessarily flinging judgement and insults should stand well on its own.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I think Ed is married.

Anyway, I agree with your take on gross and insulting generalizations about others.

Yet you do the same about the never marrieds. I take it that your rolling eyes at the end of that comment is not meant to be complementary.

Never-marrieds talking down to married people about the value or meaning in their wedding days? Nope, I’m not complimentary towards that behavior.

When did I grossly generalize never-married people?

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I think Ed is married.

Anyway, I agree with your take on gross and insulting generalizations about others.

Yet you do the same about the never marrieds. I take it that your rolling eyes at the end of that comment is not meant to be complementary.

Now if you say that the post was not meant to be insulting, why even bother taking into account the marital status of the people you disagreed with?

The argument you said in your later post against unnecessarily flinging judgement and insults should stand well on its own.

It’s not an insult. But I take people who act like that about as seriously as I take non parents who talk down to parents about letting their kids watch television. Its wrong and rude either way, but it’s extra obnoxious out of people who don’t have kids.

If you have so much respect for “the family”, then show a little respect.