How to observe a woman on a first date?

[AllSeasons]

I suppose women are usually more observant on a first date, and notice everything about the guy they’re with. But for guys, what are some of the things we should notice/observe about a girl? I mean things that would be good indicators of who she really is, because let’s face it - when people are on a first date, you only meet their representatives. What are some of the little “tells” that you can observe to help you? Thank you in advance.

 

[1ke]

You are being obsessive about this first date, to the point that it is starting to be creepy.

Please just go on the date and enjoy yourself. Why are you asking about “tells” and what you should “observe” about her?

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I agree with 1ke about this being creepy and obsessive.

But to answer your question as best I can: How does she treat bartenders/waitstaff? Is she polite and respectful to them or entitled and belittling? I would never go on another date with someone who didn’t use please and thank you. Does she smile at people when she makes eye contact with them? Is her attention on you and only you? Is she texting or checking her phone, or worse, chatting up a bartender? She should be able to spend an evening focused on her date. Is she catty about other women, either ones she sees in the room or ones that come up in conversation? That’s a sure sign of insecurity.

 

[AllSeasons]

You are being obsessive about this first date, to the point that it is starting to be creepy.

I agree with 1ke about this being creepy and obsessive.

Geez, thanks. I didn’t come here to be called obsessive and creepy. I suppose you’ve never obsessed over an upcoming date in your lives. And I suppose you’ve never “observed” your dates, when there’re tons of magazines and internet articles out there about “observing” your dates - I suppose you’ve never read any of them. And thanks for stalking my posts, as well as being charitable towards a fellow forum member.

I don’t appreciate being called these things, so please stop.

 

[PatriceA]

Geez, thanks. I didn’t come here to be called obsessive and creepy. I suppose you’ve never obsessed over a date in your lives. And I suppose you’ve never “observed” your dates, when there’re tons of magazines and internet articles out there about “observing” your dates - I suppose you’ve never read any of them. And thanks for stalking my posts, as well as being charitable towards a fellow forum member.

I don’t appreciate being called these things, so please stop.

First advice, don’t read any more magazines and internet articles about “observing” your dates. That advice is GARBAGE! Any of the secular “advice” columns, articles, posts are phooey!

Second, just relax, have fun. This isn’t a situation that you have to pass or fail, you just go and be with someone for a few hours and you see if there’s something that sparks your interest to see the person again. You wouldn’t scrutinize your friends the same way would you? So this date is just a potential friend or acquaintance at this point, nothing more. You’re putting way too much pressure on yourself to “get it right”. You could have a great first date, but this constant anxiety isn’t going to help you in that department.

 

[miketv]

If the person you are out with incessantly speaks of past relationships that have failed, you may have a moment of pause but that is certiantly not a deal killer. Relax and have fun, be charitable and kind

 

[Kelfa28]

If you over analyze everything you’ll never enjoy your date.

It’s not a job interview. You don’t have just one chance to make a good impression. Take her out, have a good time, if you had fun and want to go out again then call her back and ask.

The worst thing that can happen is she says no.

If you try to “observe” hidden cues…then you’ll start looking for things that aren’t there and missing things that are there.

You’re not going to be able to discern an entire lifetime within a 3-4 hour window. A first date won’t tell you anything like that.

All it’s going to tell you are two simple things…did you have fun? and would you go out with her again?

I don’t even think my husband and I talked about our life history. I honestly don’t remember much of the conversation of our first date. I just knew that I did have fun with him and I wanted to go out with him again.

If she is the one and you do marry her…you won’t care one iota about the conversation you had, the observations you made, the cues you looked for. All you will remember was you had a good time and wanted to see her again.

It’s a simple as that.

 

[PaulinVA]

Gaming theory and getting the upper hand and deciding whether a person is the one on the first date removes any fun from a process that is supposed to be fun.

I have not dated in decades, but something I will tell you is that extreme intensity and “observing” everything turns people off. Just be yourself, and enjoy yourself, and don’t make every interaction, every word, every action, mean something. Sometimes a shrug is just a shrug, and really doesn’t mean anything.

And, when ladies who are worthy of respect tell you that you are being creepy, look to yourself, not to them. I say that in Christian love as a father of daughters and a son who are in your shoes.

 

[Razanir]

Gaming theory and getting the upper hand and deciding whether a person is the one on the first date removes any fun from a process that is supposed to be fun.

But game theory is fun!

That aside, I tend to be an analytical person by nature. I’m the type of person who correctly deduced one of my friends was Catholic just because I noticed she made the Sign of the Cross at lunch one day.

Trust me. It gets really annoying with dating.

xkcd.com/55/

Sometimes I wish I could stop overanalyzing everything. For instance, there’s a girl in my English class who I think might like me, depending on if our conversation was flirting, if she’s coquettish, and if flirting implies interest. Oh, and the conversation retrospectively reminded me of Beauty and the Beast. The point is, take this advice from someone who does overanalyze in relationships– DON’T

 

[SurprizdbyLewis]

I recommend a periscope.

 

[JackieMom]

They write articles on how to analyze someone on a first date?! I feel like it’s a pretty innate human skill to be able to tell if another person is enjoying your company or not.

 

[agapewolf]

Geez, thanks. I didn’t come here to be called obsessive and creepy. I suppose you’ve never obsessed over an upcoming date in your lives. And I suppose you’ve never “observed” your dates, when there’re tons of magazines and internet articles out there about “observing” your dates - I suppose you’ve never read any of them. And thanks for stalking my posts, as well as being charitable towards a fellow forum member.

I don’t appreciate being called these things, so please stop.

All seasons,

Before I even opened the thread, the title made me think it sounded creepy. Then I saw 1ke comments imply there was another thread. I agree with them. It’s creepy.

Instead of blaming people who are telling you something you don’t want to hear, and sarcastically getting defensive, why not take the advice with humility.

Dating is for the purpose of finding a spouse, so it is important to pay attention to important issues earlier on… But a first date is simply that. Relax

 

[marysfiat]

wow. I was shocked to see the responses saying those words. Those responders are the ones who are analyzing your thread to much! Geez is right.

So first, I would humbly like to ask for your forgiveness for such harsh responses.

your questions is simple and a great, I wish more men would reach out for ideas.

I love the response that says to look at how they treat the wait staff. That is huge.

Another idea I suggest is to pray before your date, ofcourse to have fun and enjoy…dahh everyone wants that…so that is not what you were asking!!

I believe it is so important to discern every relationship, people get so mixed up with words that these responders took it wrong! Ofcourse you know your not in an interview!!

But when potentially spending the rest of your life with someone or just even, making a new friend it is WISE to analyze! You want to surround your life with people that are LOVE minded, not judging, just listening to your heart for red flags.

after all, if your not paying attention to any red flags you may find yourself spending MORE time with someone who could eventually be a struggle to get OUT of your life…lol

I respect your thread, and sorry for the negative (name removed by moderator)ut you got.

Im sure thy didn’t MEAN, to come across like that, or maybe they did? lol…

hope all goes well in your journey, believe me, I wish I would have listended to red flags in my past instead of just focusing on “having fun”, that is the easy part. And that is what gets people off track!

respectfully your sister in Christ.

 

[agapewolf]

Another idea I suggest is to pray before your date, ofcourse to have fun and enjoy…dahh everyone wants that…so that is not what you were asking!!

I believe it is so important to discern every relationship, people get so mixed up with words that these responders took it wrong! Ofcourse you know your not in an interview!!

But when potentially spending the rest of your life with someone or just even, making a new friend it is WISE to analyze! You want to surround your life with people that are LOVE minded, not judging, just listening to your heart for red flags.

after all, if your not paying attention to any red flags you may find yourself spending MORE time with someone who could eventually be a struggle to get OUT of your life…lol

:

But this is a first date— there isn’t even any “potentially spending the rest of your life with someone”. This is a FIRST DATE. The only red flags that would come up here are ones that would obviously show and one wouldn’t need to be even thinking about observing them.

For me to go on a first date and intuitively see that a guy is “observing” me in the suggested way would creep. me. out.

 

[Regina_Love]

I suppose women are usually more observant on a first date, and notice everything about the guy they’re with. But for guys, what are some of the things we should notice/observe about a girl? I mean things that would be good indicators of who she really is, because let’s face it - when people are on a first date, you only meet their representatives. What are some of the little “tells” that you can observe to help you? Thank you in advance.

I used to ask if they belonged to a church? See what they believe. I look for selfishness. Is she too self focused, or does she care about getting to know you? Is she always focused on what she wants, or does she ask your opinion, and show equal concern for your preferences in choices like restaurants, movies, and activities.

Most men go after women who are totally decked out! Just remember, all that jewelry, clothing, fancy hair, professional nails, and matching heels…cost big bucks! A lady with a more simple style, could save a family literally 6k a year.

How does she talk about children? are they a burden? or does she see them as a blessing she looks forward to having?

Nice people are nice to every one. Witchy women are not. If she is mean, or disrespectful to anyone, it will happen to you too eventually.

Does she demonstrate self control, when it comes to alcohol, and other risky activities?

Bottom line…Is she a positive influence in your life moving you closer to God, good morals, and lofty goals? or is she a negative influence, who’s language and choices encourage you to be lowly?

I hope that helps. Have fun, and enjoy your time visiting even if you know she’s not the one.

 

[PatriceA]

I used to ask if they belonged to a church? See what they believe. I look for selfishness. Is she too self focused, or does she care about getting to know you? Is she always focused on what she wants, or does she ask your opinion, and show equal concern for your preferences in choices like restaurants, movies, and activities.

Most men go after women who are totally decked out! Just remember, all that jewelry, clothing, fancy hair, professional nails, and matching heels…cost big bucks! A lady with a more simple style, could save a family literally 6k a year.

How does she talk about children? are they a burden? or does she see them as a blessing she looks forward to having?

Nice people are nice to every one. Witchy women are not. If she is mean, or disrespectful to anyone, it will happen to you too eventually.

Does she demonstrate self control, when it comes to alcohol, and other risky activities?

Bottom line…Is she a positive influence in your life moving you closer to God, good morals, and lofty goals? or is she a negative influence, who’s language and choices encourage you to be lowly?

I hope that helps. Have fun, and enjoy your time visiting even if you know she’s not the one.

Wow, those are some really deep questions for a first date! If my husband had asked these types of questions on our very first date I would have thought he was way too intense for me. There will be a time and place for such in-depth questions, but not on the very first date. A first date shouldn’t be that serious, it should be fun and light hearted.

 

[Kelfa28]

I used to ask if they belonged to a church? See what they believe. I look for selfishness. Is she too self focused, or does she care about getting to know you? Is she always focused on what she wants, or does she ask your opinion, and show equal concern for your preferences in choices like restaurants, movies, and activities.

Most men go after women who are totally decked out! Just remember, all that jewelry, clothing, fancy hair, professional nails, and matching heels…cost big bucks! A lady with a more simple style, could save a family literally 6k a year.

How does she talk about children? are they a burden? or does she see them as a blessing she looks forward to having?

Nice people are nice to every one. Witchy women are not. If she is mean, or disrespectful to anyone, it will happen to you too eventually.

Does she demonstrate self control, when it comes to alcohol, and other risky activities?

Bottom line…Is she a positive influence in your life moving you closer to God, good morals, and lofty goals? or is she a negative influence, who’s language and choices encourage you to be lowly?

I hope that helps. Have fun, and enjoy your time visiting even if you know she’s not the one.

There is so much about this that just can’t be discerned from a first date.
I’m a low maintenance kind of gal…but when I went out on a first date…I’d get a manicure and a pedicure…as a treat for me.
I make sure I look nice…I don’t cover myself with jewelry but I wear more then I would on a normal day.

Why would children be brought up on the first date? If any did this…I’d be running for the hills!

How in the world can you tell what kind of an influence a person has on you on the first date? You’re hanging out for what? Three hours? Most of that could be sitting silently next to them during a movie.

These are good things to discern…but not all in their entirety on the first date!

I think anyone would be ashamed to be seen with someone who decided to get totally drunk on a date.
But what is two much? If she orders a second drink…are the alarm bells sounding off in your head?
Personally, I would order the second drink to help relax me…it is a first date after all and I’m nervous.

On my first date…I wanted to just relax and have a good time. If he makes me genuinely laugh, isn’t trying way too hard to be impressive, it isn’t awkward and I find myself relatively attracted to him…then yes…sign me up for date number two.
Otherwise, thanks for dinner…Good luck with everything…good bye!

You get to know a person over a period of time…not in a rush on the first 3-4 hours you hang out.

 

[detoutcoeur]

I suppose women are usually more observant on a first date, and notice everything about the guy they’re with. But for guys, what are some of the things we should notice/observe about a girl? I mean things that would be good indicators of who she really is, because let’s face it - when people are on a first date, you only meet their representatives. What are some of the little “tells” that you can observe to help you? Thank you in advance.

I am saddened by some of the strongly worded and unkind responses you’ve received. It’s normal to be nervous about a first date, which I think is what’s led to your questions.

My favorite first dates were those that were simple and offered opportunities to talk and get to know the guy–meeting for coffee or lunch/dinner, going for a walk, going to a concert, visiting a gallery or museum or bookstore. You’ll know soon enough if you have enough in common for a second date.
Best wishes, and may the Holy Spirit guide you.

 

[marysfiat]

Every marriage started with a “first date” …just saying…

Its a simple question…with simple suggestions…

Lets not put too much salsa on the tacos…lol…

Peace b with u all♥

 

[AnastasiaRomano]

I agree with other posters who advised you to take a deep breath and not put too much pressure on this first date.

There are very few non-negotiables in relationships, the largest one of which is faith. Everything else is a matter of preference and compatibility. I suspect from other threads that you’ve been corresponding with this lady for a while. In many ways, that’s great – because you’ve already started the process of getting to know her. In other ways, it’s not so great – because the sometimes artificial intimacy of the Internet can lead you to put a lot of pressure on yourself, seeing this first date as something more serious than a first date. Even if you’ve been corresponding with her for weeks or months, a first date is still a first date. Don’t try to rush things and feel like you have to discern everything all in one weekend.

Use the first date to start to get to know this lady better. Have fun. Don’t focus on quizzing her, or looking for “tells,” or analyzing every movement she makes. Just relax, and try to get to know her. It will be OK. At the end of your date, it should be pretty obvious to both of you whether there ought to be a second date.

Everyone is nervous about first dates. Take a deep breath, you’ll be fine!