Provided that she is honest, I don’t think the issue is her past acts so much as her current and likely future attitudes. She’s not only going to be your wife, she’s going to be the mother of your children and a major influence on their attitudes, so what she thinks is very important even if she acts otherwise within your marriage out of deference for your thoughts. That is a big deal.
I generally fail to see a whole lot of difference between “serial monogamy” (what most americans do) and poligamy, except in terms of rate (poligamists do their deeds all at once
)… so if this was a past opinion of hers, then I’d say move past it…Honestly her life in that department before she met you is really her business only. If it bothers you now and you feel worried over it for the future you might think of moving on and finding someone else because she can’t change her past. It’s not really important weather or not she believes everything you do but it is important that she RESPECTS your beliefs. If you can live with that then your relationship has a chance if not then it’s better to acknowledge it now and let her go.
Polyamorous means more than just having had sex previously… it means that she has previously been engaged in relationships where there was no such thing as exclusivity (for example, one girl and two boyfriends… presumeably who know about each other and don’t mind).
All relationships that exceed the boundaries of friendship serve the purpose of discernment of marriage with that specific person firstly (since it wouldn’t be fair to use a living person as a vocation discernment tool) and in general secondarily. Reason requires that appropriate discernment should precede an important decision. Reason also dictates that if we think the match is poor, after all, or there are serious problems we can’t solve, we do not proceed with a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship (if we’re dating) or with engagement (if we’re in a relationship) or with marriage (if we’re engaged), depending on the stage we’re at. What is wrong is when sexual relations become a a part of this discernment or if there is no discernment whatsoever but just a sexual relationship to serve current needs.I generally fail to see a whole lot of difference between “serial monogamy” (what most americans do) and poligamy, except in terms of rate (poligamists do their deeds all at once
I don’t know. When I run that thought experiment, I think once would be more than enough to convince me that I never wanted to get into that arrangement again!
I do somewhat agree with you. I do think it is possible for someone to leave that lifestyle behind and commit themselves to morality, of course it’s possible with our Lord. But I do not agree with the “It’s none of your business” mentality. Sexual history DOES have meaning. Be it physical baggage (This lady could very well have acquired an STD from a past sexual partner, a future husband deserves to know about that) or spiritual baggage. When two people have sex, they connect with one another. Society tries to tell us that they don’t, that it’s just meaningless fun, but they do connect with one another. All of those fleeting connections can lead to life long emotional issues.
Polyamorous can also mean that all three people are having sex, each with both of the others, and living in a household together.
Pssst… by definition in human sexuality, serial monogamy involves sequential maited pairings (aka, sex in flightly relationships).
I was speaking in a broader context, including relationships where there is no sex. Intercourse doesn’t exhaust the whole matter of male-female relationships that exceed the boundaries of friendship.
Not only that, it makes me wonder if such a perseon has a higher risk of having STDs (in case this point has not been brought up).