T
turkeysandwich
Guest
I work outside the home one to two days a week, during which time my mother, who lives down the street from us, cares for my four children, ages 8 and under, in our home. She is a wonderful, energetic, disciplined caregiver who truly enjoys being with her grandkids and my children adore her- for the most part we also have a good relationship.
However…
My family and I live in a very small home. We purchased it as a “fixer-upper” several years ago because it was what we could afford on one income (we homeschool and are committed to my staying home most days). My husband, who is very handy, has done a tremendous amount of work himself (on evenings and weekends) on the house in order to make it safe and structurally sound for us to live in : replaced all the plumbing and electricity, replaced all the windows, re-shingled the roof, put new cabinets and appliances in the kitchen, to name a few. In addition, of course, he also takes care of the regular home maintenance issues that arise. We have not hired someone to do this work for us because we cannot afford it.
Because we’ve done all this work ourselves, and because my husband has a physically demanding 50-hour a week job, we haven’t put much effort into the cosmetic appearance of our house. For instance, my husband remodeled the kitchen cabinets but hasn’t finished painting all of the walls yet. We replaced the windows but haven’t put the curtains and curtain rods back up. There are stains on some of the walls from some previous water damage. We don’t have any pictures on the walls. It seems like we’re so happy to get the majority of the work done that neither one of us cares about the details at the end that would go toward making the house really look pretty. This drives my mom CRAZY. She sees this all as jobs unfinished and criticizes my husband (to me, never to his face) for being unmotivated and lazy for not finishing a job once he’s started it. She believes we don’t have enough “pride” in our living arrangements and should take more care to make it look nice, or at least finished. She has even said that she finds our house embarrassing.
While I agree that it would be nice to have a more finished looking house, and while I recognize that maybe most people wouldn’t enjoy living in our crazy house, it doesn’t bother me as it is. I am happy with it, I am proud of the work my husband has done, and I usually don’t notice these things until she points them out to me. Her statement about our house being “embarrassing” was particularly hurtful. I am starting to question whether she is right-- is my home a dump? Should I be too embarrassed to invite colleagues or the priest over for dinner? How can I evaluate this and how should I respond to my mother, whom I know means well and whom I want to honor?
However…
My family and I live in a very small home. We purchased it as a “fixer-upper” several years ago because it was what we could afford on one income (we homeschool and are committed to my staying home most days). My husband, who is very handy, has done a tremendous amount of work himself (on evenings and weekends) on the house in order to make it safe and structurally sound for us to live in : replaced all the plumbing and electricity, replaced all the windows, re-shingled the roof, put new cabinets and appliances in the kitchen, to name a few. In addition, of course, he also takes care of the regular home maintenance issues that arise. We have not hired someone to do this work for us because we cannot afford it.
Because we’ve done all this work ourselves, and because my husband has a physically demanding 50-hour a week job, we haven’t put much effort into the cosmetic appearance of our house. For instance, my husband remodeled the kitchen cabinets but hasn’t finished painting all of the walls yet. We replaced the windows but haven’t put the curtains and curtain rods back up. There are stains on some of the walls from some previous water damage. We don’t have any pictures on the walls. It seems like we’re so happy to get the majority of the work done that neither one of us cares about the details at the end that would go toward making the house really look pretty. This drives my mom CRAZY. She sees this all as jobs unfinished and criticizes my husband (to me, never to his face) for being unmotivated and lazy for not finishing a job once he’s started it. She believes we don’t have enough “pride” in our living arrangements and should take more care to make it look nice, or at least finished. She has even said that she finds our house embarrassing.
While I agree that it would be nice to have a more finished looking house, and while I recognize that maybe most people wouldn’t enjoy living in our crazy house, it doesn’t bother me as it is. I am happy with it, I am proud of the work my husband has done, and I usually don’t notice these things until she points them out to me. Her statement about our house being “embarrassing” was particularly hurtful. I am starting to question whether she is right-- is my home a dump? Should I be too embarrassed to invite colleagues or the priest over for dinner? How can I evaluate this and how should I respond to my mother, whom I know means well and whom I want to honor?
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