How to respond to the “sexual compatibility” argument

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Whenever the topic of premarital sex comes up I hear the argument about sexual compatibility. Quite honestly the argument makes sense. How do I convince others and myself otherwise
 
Le_Crouton said:
Whenever the topic of premarital sex comes up I hear the argument about sexual compatibility. Quite honestly the argument makes sense. How do I convince others and myself otherwise
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Being compatible now doesn’t mean you’ll stay compatible is the main one that comes to me, in terms of libido.

In terms of satisfying each other you can learn that as a couple.
 
Its first and foremost not compatible because pre marital sex is a sin against God and neighbor. Who would want to do an act that is a sin?

Compatibility can only come from a committed relationship, which is only a valid marriage bond.

The best conjugal relations come not by way of the physical but by way of the relationship between spouses and in their every day loving and sacrificing for each other.
 
That how can you know if you’re sexually compatible unless you have premarital sex
 
This is the first time I have ever heard that sexual compatibility is a prerequisite for marriage.
 
I’m never quite sure what someone means by that. You can try to discuss frequency/libido, my husband and I did, it turns out that we were very… ambitious.

I have also heard people argue that specific likes/dislikes/habits could be incompatible, but if both are virgins, and are not accustomed to porn/masturbating, I don’t really see how that could be an issue, since there should be no preferences.
 
Have you ever meet a couple who had premarital sex who broke up strictly for being sexually incompatible?
 
Sexual intamacy flows from love, it ain’t the other way around. If you hear it all the time, maybe it’s the crowd you hang around with.
 
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Sexual incompatibilty do not exist as a biological given. A man and a woman with healthy parts are compatible.

What can only exists is a divergeance in people expectations. For exemple, if one want premarital sex and the other don’t. If nobody changes his view, they are incompatible. They should’nt get married. Same with contraception, and many sexual details.

Some will want sexual relations more often than others, but that should be compromized.

You cannot take someone to test him to see if he is compatible with you. People are not disposable objects or means. It is something very important in Christian morality.

If there is love, a shared view of life and sexuality guided by Church exceptations, they will be compatible. Sexuality is the expression of their love and their desire to extend their family. It would be great.
If some issues appears, they can worked respectfully on resolving them.
 
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4 answers

Sex isn’t the most important part of marriage

The sex will always be good if it’s with someone you love

People’s tastes change over time, the couple will learn to enjoy each other even if it’s not as good at first

Is there really that much of a difference? Our bodies are all basically similar, sex is sex right?
 
Well those are people that mistakenly believe sex is the most important thing in the marriage then.

Or, most likely, they use that as an excuse to justify pre-marital sex.
 
Le_Crouton said:
That how can you know if you’re sexually compatible unless you have premarital sex
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Well, you can discuss it, openly and honestly. It’s not a crazy concern. If a couple discerning marriage has wildly differing ideas of what their sex life will be, they need to hash that out before saying “I do.”

They just don’t need to actually have sex in advance, but laying out expectations and desires is highly advisable.
 

Article 1:​

chastity.com

Don't you want to know before marriage if you're sexually compatible? You wouldn't want to be disappointed. - Chastity

Sex is not a tryout. If she fails to live up to your expectations in the bedroom, will you love her less? If so, you can be certain that you never loved her to begin with.
chastity.com chastity.com

Seek2019 talk​


Time at 33:32.

Random media​

I heard this but done remember the origin,
  • “does your girlfriend need to read the gossip magazine on the shelf of the airport”.
  • You got one of those, she got one of those; you are sexually compatible."
  • “Oh no, we are not sexually compatible, I guess we will just have to try again tomorrow”.

Things I thought of myself​

  • No one is sexually compatible after cleaning up 2 year old sickness.
  • No one is sexually compatible after staying up all night with the 12 day old.

Take a look at this graph here:​

(Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.)
 
It is a very common argument made, especially from Millennials and Gen Zs. Its not an argument so much as a rationalization. People want too rationalize their sins. I sure have done it a ton. People who say this incompatibility argument want to have sex whenever they want it and are finding a reason to make this fine.

Lets be honest, if we could find an excuse to rationalize a sin we would do the sin. This is why half this forum has masturbation and porn questions, people try to rationalize something so they can do it.

My response to the compatibility concept would be, at some point you have sex together for the first time. Either when you are married or not when you are married. Will it not be awkward that first time together? Will you not have to grow together in wants and intimacy? Its incompatible either way at first.
 
Le_Crouton said:
That how can you know if you’re sexually compatible unless you have premarital sex
Click to expand...
Many people’s first times are awkward in general. Even when they’re dating someone new, their sex lives may be awkward and different at the start. But eventually they get the hang of it and cater to each other, forming sexual compatibility.

Most people tend to have the idea that the first sexual encounter in marriage must be perfect and hence, they find the idea of waiting to be bizarre. In reality, their first times with their girlfriend or boyfriend were uncomfortable and they became good at it.

So apply that to a marriage. Eventually the couple will get the hang of it. Most of what they’re referring to are learned behaviors so it’s nothing to worry about.

However there might be some areas that may require both of them to sit down and discuss during their engagement. Certain things that they may feel are deal-breakers.

I’ve heard (and I’m sure other young people have heard as well) about couples divorcing because they waited and found something disturbing on their wedding night. I would hope couples actually sit and talk about these things before.
 
What about someone who has a micropenis or a woman who has vaginismus
 
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