Prince Charming doesn’t bother women at bus stops.
Yes, it was a poor choice of words on my part, which I realized a couple of minutes later but the cat was already sleeping on me, so I couldn’t get up and fix it.
However, even whether something — or someone — could be described as a bother or as bothering you (or me or anybody) has a lot to do with the manner rather than the action (polite people get away with a lot, if they do it politely) but also with the attractiveness of the person doing it.
You’re going to hate me saying this, but the part that I have just bolded is incredibly rape-y sending.
I’m not a big fan of political correctness and the kind of histeria and scare rhetoric that associates normal men mentally with rape — or suggests it’s somehow acceptable to think or say something like that.
Besides, I wasn’t even referring to sex obviously, I was referring to something like calling someone after being told not to, continuing to fight for someone’s affections after being told not to and other such things that brought many of our parents together. And that something usually either worked or it didn’t work precisely based on the attractiveness of party A or at least subjective attractiveness of party A to party B, as well as party B’s overall personality and mood of the hour. History doesn’t judge victors. It’s more like being judged retroactively as a display of courage and perseverance and steadfast, mature feelings when it works and creepiness etc. when it doesn’t work. And it is judged on the basis of all sorts of criteria that have absolutely or almost absolutely nothing to do with the ‘perpetrator’s’ mens rea and not that much with his modus operandi.
The some happens when you pop out of nowhere and initiate a conversation with someone, including someone apparently busy with something he or she has been doing. If you’re nice to look at (in some cases that will be dress and manner and not just natural features of one’s face or body) and a good conversationalist, then they will think you’re a charming, polite person and be thankful for the opportunity to have met you. On the other hand, if you’re ugly, you stutter, struggle to find the right words etc., then they’ll think you a creep. This is how it works.
In my long, eventful life I’ve been in both situations. And I’ve been in the bus-stop scenario too. Several times. Also on the receiving end.
As a lot of us know from experience, it is really dangerous for women to spend time with men who do not respect their boundaries. People who do not take “no” for an answer are BAD people–or at least dangerous people.
That includes a vast crowd of our fathers and forefathers, the guys who didn’t give up when first rebuffed. They are judged positively precisely because it worked.
If you’ve been dating for a long time and wondering where all the nice women are, it may be because some of your behaviors are extremely off-putting to nice women.
I have no such problem.
I’m sure you’re quite a good person and well-meaning, but at least in the US, the behaviors that you recommend are a whole May Day parade’s worth of red flags. DANGER DANGER!
I don’t recommend anything, show me where I do. I’m sorry, but it appears to me you’re filling some gaps with imagination. All I say is that whether striking up a conversation with a stranger, or pursuing an existing relationship or something that might lead to it despite being initially rebuffed is something people get either praised or criticized for doing depending squarely on whether they ultimately succeed or not. Which has a great deal to do with their attractiveness or lack thereof. And admittedly manners and social skills to pull it off in terms of how its’s done, but mostly the subjective attractiveness of their efforts to the recipient that is the be all end all of all of this.
As for modern-day US, it sadly has progressed from a right to bear arms to a duty to be scared and offended these days (and need a safe space because not feeling safe at the moment etc.), as sadly as this is to note from the point of view of someone who had and still has a lot of appreciation for what America was before. Europe is, obviously, following in tow. This atmosphere is actually part of what’s responsible for Catholics being in the bad place they are now, with all the oppressive laws rebranding religious convictions and patriotism as hate speech, forcing Christianity outside of the public sphere, moving toward the acceptance of all sorts of deviations and shoving it down people’s throats (psychiatrists are condoning paedophilia these days, at least the less extreme kind), all of which is predicated on safety, affirmation, personal boundaries, individual sovereignty and all that jazz by which I, naturally, continue to be thoroughly unimpressed and don’t feel obliged to hide it. It’s conceivable I might one day wind up in prison for saying or even thinking just the same things that were natural to our parents and grandparents. But that would mean the system was guilty as heck, not I. Anyway, enough digression.
2. How many attractive men can you think of who would try to chat up a strange woman at a bus stop wearing ear buds? Nope. Handsome, charismatic men have more appropriate opportunities and don’t need to act so desperately.