How to stop being so judgmental all the time?

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Obsidion

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I find that I have a really hard time not being judgmental of people who constantly put themselves in bad situations and then cry about it, or people who keep going around in circles when the answer to their problem is right in front of them, yet they don’t see it. I’m not harsh towards people who struggle but are trying to do the right thing; I get so annoyed with people who keep repeating the same mistakes/sins, know that they need to change, and yet they keep putting themselves in compromising situations and then try to get me to feel sorry for them when they backslide. If you know that something’s going to lead you down a bad road, then why even put yourself in a position where it’s possible you’ll fail?

I know that this is the wrong attitude for me to take, and I want to know a different way to view people like this and not be so unsympathetic. I guess maybe I get aggravated about this because I personally am very self-aware (based on what everyone I know tells me and just knowing myself) and have little understanding for people who are not. I think I almost wear it like a badge of honor that I’m more self-aware than most, and I know I shouldn’t be so prideful.

How can I change this? What are some good prayers?
 
Well, first of all, they may needs some “tough love”. Maybe tell them in a charitable way what you have just told us. It’s a work of mercy to admonish the sinner too, and show him/her how one can remedy the situation.

Also, it could be that they have not received the same graces you have received.

I like to say to myself, "But for the Grace of God, there go I!" (St. Francis?)

It’s best to be hard on ourselves but merciful and gentle towards other’s faults and failings.

One more thing: It’s good to ponder the Parable of the Pharisee and Tax Collector

Luke 18: 9-14
 
I always say; “Judge not, lest ye be judged”. And also; "But there for the Grace of God; could go I.
 
People you are speaking about are engaging in a game called, “yes,but…”. No matter what suggestions, or help, is offered, they always have a reason why it won’t work for them. It was very well explained in an old psychology book called "Games People a Play"by Eric Berne.

I find engaging in this game very negative for myself and just enabling for the other person. My reaction is sorrow for the situation they have carved out for themselves, rather than judgement. I think what you feel might be more frustrational than judgemental.
 
Obsidion said:
I find that I have a really hard time not being judgmental of people who constantly put themselves in bad situations and then cry about it, or people who keep going around in circles when the answer to their problem is right in front of them, yet they don’t see it. I’m not harsh towards people who struggle but are trying to do the right thing; I get so annoyed with people who keep repeating the same mistakes/sins, know that they need to change, and yet they keep putting themselves in compromising situations and then try to get me to feel sorry for them when they backslide. If you know that something’s going to lead you down a bad road, then why even put yourself in a position where it’s possible you’ll fail?

I know that this is the wrong attitude for me to take, and I want to know a different way to view people like this and not be so unsympathetic. I guess maybe I get aggravated about this because I personally am very self-aware (based on what everyone I know tells me and just knowing myself) and have little understanding for people who are not. I think I almost wear it like a badge of honor that I’m more self-aware than most, and I know I shouldn’t be so prideful.

How can I change this? What are some good prayers?
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It is good to keep in mind that people who find themselves in a rut may know intellectually that they’re setting themselves up and yet have an emotional block that keeps them engaging in the same type of behavior again and again. That doesn’t mean the given person is not self-aware. He might be painfully self-aware but struggles. You cannot rightfully judge the person’s inner disposition because you do not know it.

Though I don’t struggle with this flaw on a regular basis, I sometimes do with people who have hurt me a lot. When you feel this way recall that Jesus loves every sparrow. Offer up your frustrations and put them in the wounds of Jesus. Unite them to Jesus as a little sacrifice for the person you feel judgmental to. Pray for that person to overcome the struggle. And pray to imitate that person’s virtues yourself. Eventually you will feel compassion instead.
 
Obsidion said:
I find that I have a really hard time not being judgmental of people who constantly put themselves in bad situations and then cry about it, or people who keep going around in circles when the answer to their problem is right in front of them, yet they don’t see it. I’m not harsh towards people who struggle but are trying to do the right thing; I get so annoyed with people who keep repeating the same mistakes/sins, know that they need to change, and yet they keep putting themselves in compromising situations and then try to get me to feel sorry for them when they backslide. If you know that something’s going to lead you down a bad road, then why even put yourself in a position where it’s possible you’ll fail?

I know that this is the wrong attitude for me to take, and I want to know a different way to view people like this and not be so unsympathetic. I guess maybe I get aggravated about this because I personally am very self-aware (based on what everyone I know tells me and just knowing myself) and have little understanding for people who are not. I think I almost wear it like a badge of honor that I’m more self-aware than most, and I know I shouldn’t be so prideful.

How can I change this? What are some good prayers?
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Take it easy. You may not be as judgmental as you think. I think you lack patience and understanding of those who are different than you are. I think everyone does to a certain degree. I’m a deep-thinker. I get frustrated when people are shallow-thinkers or scratch the surface on topics I consider important. Some people do not value self-aware or even know what that means. Prayer for patience. Simply avoid people who are making trainwrecks of their own lives. Remember some people are just forgetful. Maybe what you have is actually A LOT OF SYMPATHY. Maybe you can’t stand watching people destroy themselves.
 
I am very judgemental. It is a deeply ingrained habit, and not merely a habit, but a whole attitude, an orientation of character that I have. I have been working for years to tamp it down, to repress it, to channel it, to get rid of it somehow, but it is just as bad as ever and sometimes I feel it is getting worse. I need to think positive and speak positively. My pastor is a wonderful example of someone who is strict and has authority and speaks the truth with charity, but is not rudely judgemental. I am not outwardly rude, most of the time, because I censor myself extensively in public situations and even in one-on-one encounters. However, my typical thought train in going outside and getting on a bus to start my day of errands, is “UGH! JAYWALKING!” “NOOO! ONE OF THOSE STUPID MOTOR BICYCLES!” “DON’T STAND IN THE DOORWAYS!” and on and on.

A few years ago I decided to use ejaculations to condition myself against judging, just like I had used them to cure myself of profanity. So I simply say mentally “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” or, “Jesus loves you.” or “Lord Jesus Christ, son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” But unlike the profanity, my judgemental mentality isn’t getting any better. Perhaps I need professional help, a systematic way to dismantle my attitude and piece it back together in the image of Christ.
 
Elizium23 said:
“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
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Haha I’ve said this more than one time before. Guess I should say it a little more often. Anyhow thanks everyone for your advice! I’ll try to keep it all in mind going forward.
 
CRATUS said:
Take it easy. You may not be as judgmental as you think. I think you lack patience and understanding of those who are different than you are. I think everyone does to a certain degree. I’m a deep-thinker. I get frustrated when people are shallow-thinkers or scratch the surface on topics I consider important. Some people do not value self-aware or even know what that means. Prayer for patience. Simply avoid people who are making trainwrecks of their own lives. Remember some people are just forgetful. Maybe what you have is actually A LOT OF SYMPATHY. Maybe you can’t stand watching people destroy themselves.
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I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. But a lot of these train wrecks in my life are either family members or close friends, people who I can’t simply avoid. That’s what’s frustrating about it all. I never hear the end of it from those people.
 
Nelka said:
Pray for humility.

The Efficacious Novena to the Sacred Heart is a great prayer.
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Or the “Litany of Humility”

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved…
From the desire of being extolled …
From the desire of being honored …
From the desire of being praised …
From the desire of being preferred to others…
From the desire of being consulted …
From the desire of being approved …
From the fear of being humiliated …
From the fear of being despised…
From the fear of suffering rebukes …
From the fear of being calumniated …
From the fear of being forgotten …
From the fear of being ridiculed …
From the fear of being wronged …
From the fear of being suspected …

That others may be loved more than I,
 
Obsidion said:
I find that I have a really hard time not being judgmental of people who constantly put themselves in bad situations and then cry about it, or people who keep going around in circles when the answer to their problem is right in front of them, yet they don’t see it. I’m not harsh towards people who struggle but are trying to do the right thing; I get so annoyed with people who keep repeating the same mistakes/sins, know that they need to change, and yet they keep putting themselves in compromising situations and then try to get me to feel sorry for them when they backslide. If you know that something’s going to lead you down a bad road, then why even put yourself in a position where it’s possible you’ll fail?

I know that this is the wrong attitude for me to take, and I want to know a different way to view people like this and not be so unsympathetic. I guess maybe I get aggravated about this because I personally am very self-aware (based on what everyone I know tells me and just knowing myself) and have little understanding for people who are not. I think I almost wear it like a badge of honor that I’m more self-aware than most, and I know I shouldn’t be so prideful.

How can I change this? What are some good prayers?
Click to expand...
I’m wondering if you are unnecessarily harsh with yourself as well? I sometimes recognize that in myself and know if I cannot be kind and understanding of myself, I can project it outwards toward others. And it is known that what we dislike in others, is sometimes the very things we dislike about ourselves. (Even if we’re not fully conscious of it.)
 
Do not underestimate how powerful prayer is; if you ask for the grace of humility you will receive it.
 
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