How to stop being so prideful and selfish?

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frankielogue

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I’ve noticed a tendency in myself to turn the conversation to me. To only think about me. Me me me.

It disgusts me, thinking about it. I want to stop caring so much about myself. I want others’ will, and God’s will most of all, to be done, rather than mine. I want to be more empathetic.

How do I go about trying to be less prideful and selfish?
 
Try to go deeper into other people´s life, get involved, also connected with some duties. Sometimes too much time leads to ego-fixed thinking. If this is not the case, read maybe biographies of saints or impressive people with role model potential, think about other life´s challenges, experiences, what you could learn of it.
I find myself sometimes more, sometimes less in the near to those sins, it´s hard. I think it depends also on current life stages (some points in life give more room to egoistic thinking than other).
 
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Do you have a copy of the spiritual classic The Imitation of Christ by Thomas á Kempis? Compact, affordable and easily read, it provides absolutely great advice on implementing the virtue of humility.

I need it.
 
To start with, pray for the grace to be less prideful and selfish. Prayer that is persistent and authentic will gradually transform us.
 
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Listen when a conversation starts and postpone the answer as long as you can. And give up all the comebacks that you were so excited to just say and instead say something else. Or even better ask more questions and get curious about the answer.
And loosen up build a sense of humor about yourself.
Woody Allen said from the distance life is a comedy and from closeups it’s a tragedy. Try looking from a distance. 🤩emphasized text
 
frankielogue said:
I’ve noticed a tendency in myself to turn the conversation to me. To only think about me. Me me me.

It disgusts me, thinking about it. I want to stop caring so much about myself. I want others’ will, and God’s will most of all, to be done, rather than mine. I want to be more empathetic.

How do I go about trying to be less prideful and selfish?
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@frankielogue

We are obliged to care about ourselves. Christ cared about us enough to die for us.

About your question:

We are what we do. We become kind by acts of kindness. We become humble by acts of humility. We become selfless by acts of selflessness.

St Mother Teresa combated pride by cleaning toilets. She is known to have cleaned the toilet while mid-flight on an airplane. When asked about what she was doing, she would respond, “Exorcising demons.”

This is one example among many.
 
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You’re becoming self-aware of yourself and want to change, which is good.

Detachment from the ego is the first step, followed by following a non-dualistic spiritual life, rather than a dualistic one. Unfortunately, most of us are raised in dualistic spirituality. It’s God, us and the discursive others. Non-dualism is where we see God in everyone and everything, both sinner and saint. We are all connected to God, through His spirit dwelling within us.

Also, it’s about not following ego driven agenda’s which we set up for ourselves which creates an us and other mentality.

One of the best teachings I’ve read on how to weaken the ego, is to learn to be in the present, which is the only place where God dwells.

The past is gone and the future is yet to come, if it ever does.

The ego will dwell on the past and future, but not the present.

Being in the now, weakens the ego, because it can’t plan to serve the false image we try to project to the public.

Of course, prayer is the key, especially interior prayer, where God dwells.

It takes a life time, but remember, it is God’s transforming grace which transforms us.

Jim
 
The Litany of Humility works very well:

Litany of Humility

Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930),
Secretary of State for Pope Saint Pius X

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved…
From the desire of being extolled …
From the desire of being honored …
From the desire of being praised …
From the desire of being preferred to others…
From the desire of being consulted …
From the desire of being approved …
From the fear of being humiliated …
From the fear of being despised…
From the fear of suffering rebukes …
From the fear of being calumniated …
From the fear of being forgotten …
From the fear of being ridiculed …
From the fear of being wronged …
From the fear of being suspected …

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I …
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease …
That others may be chosen and I set aside …
That others may be praised and I unnoticed …
That others may be preferred to me in everything…
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…
 
Pray for it. To ask for genuinely good things, along with the faith, itself, that’s required just to make the effort to ask, is more precious to`God than gold to inhabitants of planet earth.
"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Heb 11:6
 
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Do something nice for someone else each day. If nothing else, pray for others.

Also, if you’re aware of your conversational pattern, then be aware of it and seek to change it. Listen more, talk less. Or, as the “Hamilton” musical said, “Talk less, smile more”.

Ask the other person questions to draw them out, rather than you talking about yourself. Put a rubber band on your wrist and every time you catch yourself talking about yourself, snap it to remind yourself to “Stop”.

Also think about why you are talking about yourself so much. Maybe you have some issues or worries that you really need to discuss with someone. Maybe you feel lonely or like you are not getting enough attention. Maybe you are not comfortable being silent and listening so you just rush to fill in empty conversational space with whatever springs to mind and it ends up being about you. Once you understand why you are doing this, you will find it easier to change.
 
Lots of other good suggestions. For me doing things helps to properly order my mind. I’d start asking questions in conversations. I’d learn to pay attention and care about the answers. You can also volunteer to do small things for people. I find the smaller things easier to do but greatly beneficial.
 
Meditate. Practice breathing exercises and mindfulness. That will help you be more aware of what you speak. It’ll help you be more calmer and ‘slower’. That way you can slowly change.

As for being more humble, pray.
 
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