R
Rosebud77
Guest
My jaw just hit the floor!
- Status
A
ArielRussu
Guest
Seeing how the OP parents are religious Catholics they probably will feel at fault for the son “going a stray”, to them they would grieve that there son is rejecting his birth religion, which is a big part of the parents life and something they feel very strongly about. In addition, in Catholicism and Christianity living a homosexual life style is a mortal sin and when you die in mortal sin you go to Hell. So the OP parents may fear there son is going to Hell for rejecting Church teachings, and that should the parents go to heaven when they die, they acknowledge that if there gay son does not repent for his sins, they will not see there son in Heaven and they will be separated from him for eternity. After all, according to Catholicism the son, the OP brother must be willing to “take up the cross” God gave him and instead live a celibate life as the Catholic Church states. For in Catholicism it is believed that homosexuals are created to live celibate lives and be an example of devotion to Christ, either that or they must marry a person of the opposite gender, which often can lead to resentment and built up frustration over time.
For instance, my grandfather had a best friend, whom he is no longer friends with, back then it was common for people to cut contact with homosexuals and isolate them, at least that’s what I was told by my family. Anyway this friend was gay and he married a woman and had children with her to hide the fact he was gay. He was also a woman beater/womanizer and alcoholic as I’ve been told homosexuals, who hide there sexuality or can’t come to terms with it, can become violent and take there frustration out on others of the opposite gender or even the same gender, especially the spouse they forced themself to marry or turn to alcohol to suppress there emotions because they are disgusted by what they are, and that they have same sex attraction.This friend then left his wife and kids 10 or so years into the marriage for another man and to this day his kids want nothing to do with him because of how he lied and betrayed his family, not to mention how he used to beat there mother and I believe them as well.
R
Rau
Guest
The parents will be suffering at the thought of the difficulties their son may face from his inclinations.
If the son chooses to engage in same sex sexual relationship(s), which he has, they will likely fear for his health, the prejudices he may experience, and for his eternal soul,
T
Thorolfr
Guest
Then hopefully his parents will fight against prejudice towards gay people and encourage their son to practice safe sex.
I’m sure that black parents and Muslim American parents and parents in other minority communities suffer at the thought that their children will suffer from racism or prejudice. So it’s not only gay people that have parents who might be worried for them.
B
bitterhope
Guest
I agree on everything except the safe sex part. But I understand the point you are making. As a mom I worry about my kids. It’s what us moms do. Having a child come to me to tell me they were gay is the least of my worries and the farthest thing from my mind quite honestly. There are much bigger worries in this world.
J
jmcrae
Guest
Black and Muslim parents have personal experience to draw on for wisdom to impart to their children.
Parents of homosexual children would have no such resources - some may be in the dark about what it even means, other than in the most general terms.
B
bitterhope
Guest
Speaking as a mom that is not white, I assure you personal experience really means nothing and does not make it easier.
R
Rau
Guest
Did someone suggest otherwise? You’d recall that the poster to whom I responded seemed surprised that the parents would have anything at all to worry about. She said: *“Why would the parents need concern? It’s the brother that is gay, it’s the brother that might be shunned/attacked, not the parents…” * Does she assume the parents are heartless, or that to embrace same sex sexual relationships is (given a Catholic outlook) as insignificant as the decision to buy GM instead of Ford?
R
Rau
Guest
For a black person or a Muslim living in places where prejudice is prevalent…at least you know what might be coming, and you’ve likely experienced it yourself. And a child being black or Muslim - unlike choosing same sex sexual relationships - presents no moral fears for the parents.
J
jmcrae
Guest
Life isn’t easy for anyone, but a non-white Mom can remind me, “don’t let my coloured child ask for candy from people he doesn’t know; this could get him killed some day.” “Don’t let my child play with realistic looking toy guns.” And so on.
(A white parent would say these aren’t smart things to do but a non-white Mom knows they can be fatal.)
B
bitterhope
Guest
Honestly that is nothing like I was talking about. Those are things I would hope any parent would teach their child regardless of race, color, creed, gender or sexual preference. And no, I don’t always know what to tell my kids or comfort my kids because it really varies drastically how the would sees and treats them depending upon where the Army sends us to live at any given moment. I lived in the same place most of my childhood life. The people there never caused me any trouble with being Indian. It was a fascination to them but that wore off after a while. I had more trouble about being Catholic there. Now we move a lot. My kids have no “home” and people don’t find it fascinating that a bunch of little Mexican Indian mixed kids are now invading their town, instead they tend to treat them with disgust. Most of my kids barely speak Spanish (some are fluent though) so Hispanics look down on them for not speaking Spanish. Indians look down on them for not having tribal affiliation. White people are fascinated with them at first but then shun them once they figure out they are just normal people and not exotic. This is just the tip of what we deal with on a daily basis. And no, I wouldn’t expect anyone to understand what it’s like because it isn’t anything g that you will need to deal with. But having a gay child would not make it any harder than what most of us deal with anyway. There is no personal experiences to draw words of comfort or advice from because the world is constantly changing. It is not becoming more or less discriminatory. It is just changing the way that looks and how that is carried out. It’s frustrating trying to explain and I haven’t explained it very well. I know somebody is going to try to say I’m angry at whites but honestly I am not. And most of the discrimination does not come from whites. Usually it is from other minorities including many in both sides of our extended family. Thankfully our parents and siblings aren’t like that.
R
Rose71
Guest
As I understand that the OP’s brother is reading this thread too, I’ll just address this straight to him.I’ve been trying to think how I’d want my son to raise the issue of his sexuality with me if he was gay. I’m struggling because we don’t have a son (
we’re hoping, but it’s work in progress!) but I do have friends who were brought up Catholic and are gay and living with partners.What would matter most to me is that my son could be honest with me. As a Catholic, I have all those beliefs about mortal sin and Hell and the thought of my baby (no matter how old he is) ending up there would be an awful thing to contemplate in itself, without thinking he was living his life on Earth hiding a secret from me and agonizing over my reaction.
I would appreciate being told in private, without the boyfriend present and with some prior warning that you had something pretty big to tell me. I would also appreciate your understanding that the news will take a while to sink in and accept that for a while, I may be lost for words. I might scream and rave, or I might be left speechless! I might say things that hurt you and me because I am in shock. I would like you to know that I still love you and we are still family. As a Catholic, above all, I believe you are created by God and God makes everyone for a purpose, so I still believe you have lots to bring to the family and the world regardless of your sexuality.
I would be thankful if you told me that while you haven’t embraced the Catholic Faith in adult life, you have learned enough from your upbringing and education to be a compassionate and kind human being, who knows right from wrong. I’d like you to talk openly and calmly (one day - maybe not the day you break the news) about the Catholic Church’s teaching on sex outside marriage and see that as a Catholic, I love the sinner and hate the sin: I do not advocate discrimination or hatred towards gay people.
I’d also like you to respect my beliefs and accept that you and your boyfriend would not be sharing a bed under my roof if you came to stay. If you felt you’d rather stay elsewhere, I’d respect that. I would say exactly the same if you were sleeping with a woman outside marriage.
I can’t speak for your parents, but for me, even though I might never accept that same-sex relations are not disordered, I would still see you as a wonderful human being and as my son. I would hope with all my heart that you could still accept me as your mother.
J
jtauke
Guest
Yeah, that’s not your information to tell.Hello everyone! I haven’t used this site since sophomore year of college but I do need some advice.
So my twin brother is gay and has been in a relationship for a little more than four years. Our older sister, and a few close relatives know he’s gay and of course he has all of our love and support. I guess I can say all of our family is baptized Catholic but the only devout and heavily practicing Catholics are our parents who go to daily mass, adoration, have crucifixes on every wall etc. due to this (and the fact that they make comments about another relative’s son being gay as if it were an awful tragedy) my brother never came out to them. My sister and I have a closer relationship with him as well as his partner. My parents just think he’s his best friend and are always lamenting that my brother hasn’t met a “nice Catholic girl” to marry.
We all live independently so we wouldn’t really have to give a hoot about our parents religious beliefs but this upcoming thanksgiving we are celebrating at my sister’s house. We are more than happy to invite my brother and his boyfriend so he can meet the rest of the family but we’re trying to figure out how to give my parents the heads up. Obviously my brother will be the one telling them and my sister and I will just be there for moral support. I looked up other threads similar to the situation but the main thing a lot of people say is to not come out to the parents at all, which, to me seems unlikely because I don’t want my mother or father to get a brain aneurism from seeing my brother and his boyfriend act like a couple for the first time at thanksgiving dinner.I would appreciate any advice on how and when to break it to our parents in the most gentle way possible. Thank you!
J
jtauke
Guest
L
Lea101
Guest
? Neither? I was asking why they need equal or more concern than the gay person, not that they are heartless or that it is insignificant.
The gay person could lose his parents/family if the family rejects him, the parents are the ones that can decide whether to reject him or not.
I understand the whole “worrying that your child will go to hell” thing but the same thing could be said to your child sleeping around with everybody, for instance. So I genuinely did not understand why everyone here keeps mentioning about their parents.
I mean, I would rather be a mom to a gay person than a gay daughter coming out to religious parents. I’m religious myself but I know how terrible it would be someone your parents are completely against, that’s all.
I didn’t say that nobody should have ANY concern for them, geez
R
Rau
Guest
Well, I quoted you verbatim, and I saw no reference to “equal or greater”. perhaps I missed it? or perhaps you misspoke?? Neither? I was asking why they need equal or more concern than the gay person, not that they are heartless or that it is insignificant.
The gay person could lose his parents/family if the family rejects him, the parents are the ones that can decide whether to reject him or not.
I understand the whole “worrying that your child will go to hell” thing but the same thing could be said to your child sleeping around with everybody, for instance. So I genuinely did not understand why everyone here keeps mentioning about their parents.
I mean, I would rather be a mom to a gay person than a gay daughter coming out to religious parents. I’m religious myself but I know how terrible it would be someone your parents are completely against, that’s all.
I didn’t say that nobody should have ANY concern for them, geez
R
Rau
Guest
Your Post #28 is the one where you made the statement in question, and with which I took some issue. In that post, you wrote: “Why would the parents need concern?”.
In post #136 you write: “I was asking why they need equal or more concern than the gay person…”. Perhaps that’s what you meant to say, but it’s not what you said.
C
CatholicRaven
Guest
Maybe I read it wrong, but it seems to me the OP gave the impression that the siblings were all prepared to reject the parents if they didn’t accept the lifestyle and boyfriend of their son. I think a lot of people were responding to that. After reading further, though, it seems like perhaps there is more respect and love in the family than what first came across, so hopefully, all will work out for the best.
O
oneofmany
Guest
Yes, from reading the first post it seems like the children have all decided their parents were behind the times with the religion they follow but oh well, they really don’t care about their parents thoughts about religion anymore. They were more concerned how their brother was going to be treated.Maybe I read it wrong, but it seems to me the OP gave the impression that the siblings were all prepared to reject the parents if they didn’t accept the lifestyle and boyfriend of their son. I think a lot of people were responding to that. After reading further, though, it seems like perhaps there is more respect and love in the family than what first came across, so hopefully, all will work out for the best.
- Status