How to tell parents that my brother is gay

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oneofmany said:
Well some priests today won’t say anything, they just want to be liked.

My friend’s son went to a Catholic university and a nun there told him he had to be himself. Some religious suffer from the same feelings that gays have even if they aren’t suppose to act on them. They aren’t ones that can counsel someone when they can’t be objective.

I hope your brother can find a priest who is not biased and can instruct him like Jesus would.
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👍
 
ArielRussu said:
Because religious/conservatives Catholics get butt hurt whenever people express a dis-regard for there personal beliefs and those with beliefs similar to theres and can’t see past that to acknowledge that some people, like in the OP case, are just seeking information to simply understand the Catholic viewpoint, not embrace it as there own, for whatever there reasons are.
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  1. What is a “religious” Catholic? Heaven forbid we be one of those…
  2. The beliefs you are referring to are not personal beliefs, they are God’s teachings.
  3. The annoyance posed by some was due to the comment that the OP “couldn’t give a hoot” about her parents’ religious beliefs. Granted that was probably overstated by her, but that was the genesis of some of the comments.
  4. Try not to turn every topic into your own personal rant against “religious” Catholics.
 
Maximilan_Kolbe said:
  1. What is a “religious” Catholic? Heaven forbid we be one of those…
  2. The beliefs you are referring to are not personal beliefs, they are God’s teachings.
  3. The annoyance posed by some was due to the comment that the OP “couldn’t give a hoot” about her parents’ religious beliefs. Granted that was probably overstated by her, but that was the genesis of some of the comments.
  4. Try not to turn every topic into your own personal rant against “religious” Catholics.
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  1. I should have just put conservative. But anyway, that is a person who is averse to change and innovation and holds to traditional values and attitudes. Thus someone who follows a religion and its beliefs, strictly and thus has a “black and white/it’s our way or the highway” thinking.
  2. Regardless, they are still your personal beliefs, as you accept the Catholic version of God. No one really knows absolutely how God actually feels about a topic, unless you were to sit and talk too Him (which obviously can’t happen unless we are dead or He chooses to give someone a supernatural experience), as the Bible is up for interpretation.
  3. Yes, that annoyance = butt hurt
  4. Isn’t that what we are all doing? Everything aside, everyone on these forums are sharing there advice and there beliefs to others who either share that view of not, whether it be Catholic or not. Everyone on earth has some belief system that helps them through life and the day to day events. In this thread it is about the OP is asking for a Catholic view to help understand how her parents maybe thinking or feeling when they learn that her brother is gay, she is not looking to go back to Catholicism.
 
It’s a slang wording meaning to be overly annoyed, bothered or bugged because of a perceived insult; needlessly offended.
 
Maximilan_Kolbe said:
  1. What is a “religious” Catholic? Heaven forbid we be one of those…
  2. The beliefs you are referring to are not personal beliefs, they are God’s teachings.
  3. The annoyance posed by some was due to the comment that the OP “couldn’t give a hoot” about her parents’ religious beliefs. Granted that was probably overstated by her, but that was the genesis of some of the comments.
  4. Try not to turn every topic into your own personal rant against “religious” Catholics.
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What is wrong with being a religious Catholic?
 
I just wanted to add that it might be a good idea, if he does want to tell both parents at once, to have one other person there primarily to support him, but who the parents are comfortable with too. That way, he doesn’t feel outnumbered and the parents won’t feel ganged up on. I think a family member, a priest you all trust, or a close family friend might all be good choices.

I don’t think it should be the boyfriend because I think that could upset the parents more and I think they should be able to react however they react, hopefully without the situation becoming too inflamed. The boyfriend is likely to take their reaction very personally and since they aren’t his parents, he might feel way more inclined to cut them dead than their son would. It’s best to avoid a falling out, in my opinion, but I do think it’s understandable if the son doesn’t want to come out with no one else there.
 
Irishmom2 said:
How to tell parents that your brother is gay: you don’t, he does. It’s his life, not yours.

And one more thing. He shouldn’t be springing this on your parents at a family gathering or on a holiday.
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Ditto. Could be a phase, too.
 
Padres1969 said:
Being homosexual is not a “phase”.
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Have you never heard of "LUG"s (“lesbian until graduation”?) I knew not a small number of those.

I’m not a fan of calling things “phases” anyway because it tends to be dismissive, but for some, the feelings are temporary. It doesn’t mean that it’s not significant, but it does occur.
 
ArielRussu said:
It’s a slang wording meaning to be overly annoyed, bothered or bugged because of a perceived insult; needlessly offended.
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It refers to overreacting to a little swat as if the pain were commensurate to a full-fledged trip to the woodshed, but you were referring to offense taken by Catholics who feel they have been subjected to religious insult.

Considering where you were posting, that was a flippant and therefore a very bad choice of metaphor.

To be fair to the OP, the characterization of the adult children in the family is that they would not have to give a hoot about their parents’ religious beliefs, since they live too far away to be in close contact with them. As for whether or not they actually do give a hoot, the OP said the adult children love their parents and respect their devotion to their faith.
 
Padres1969 said:
Being homosexual is not a “phase”.
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Some persons perceive their preference for and persistent attraction to the same sex as a permanent and intrinsic feature of their being. Some discover otherwise. Note that the etiology of homosexuality is unknown, thus we can’t really know what to expect in regards to permanence either.
 
Padres1969 said:
Being homosexual is not a “phase”.
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Not everyone with same-sex attraction is homosexual. It’s part of human sexual development to undergo massive shifts in hormone levels at various different stages, meaning that a person could be same-sex attracted temporarily, or attracted to both sexes at the same time. Hence, “a phase,” especially if the person is young. Although it can happen in middle age as well.
 
EasterJoy said:
It refers to overreacting to a little swat as if the pain were commensurate to a full-fledged trip to the woodshed, but you were referring to offense taken by Catholics who feel they have been subjected to religious insult.

Considering where you were posting, that was a flippant and therefore a very bad choice of metaphor.

To be fair to the OP, the characterization of the adult children in the family is that they would not have to give a hoot about their parents’ religious beliefs, since they live too far away to be in close contact with them. As for whether or not they actually do give a hoot, the OP said the adult children love their parents and respect their devotion to their faith.
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My use of “butt hurt” was not flippant or a bad metaphor choice, it was used in a correct context, for the Catholics I am referring to are overreacting by taking personal offense to the OP words which are not directed toward them. The OPs words are towards Catholicism in general. I guess people just feel so passionate about there faith, they feel the need to take personal offense to anything negative anyone says about it.

Also, there is a difference between loving someone and respecting there beliefs and having an opinion about that particular belief system. It is out of respect that one does do not verbally talk against someone’s religion to that person but that does not mean that person has to agree with that religions teachings.
 
KildareBrigid said:
If you don’t give a hoot about Catholicism then you are probably not on the best forum for advice. Also, a statement like that comes off as rude to people who do give a hoot about Catholicism.
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Wow, I agree with this. I’m offended just reading this. Why do you want your parents in your life if you feel this way?
 
BioNerd said:
Thank you for your advice! As a side note, I’m a girl, we’re fraternal twins. We do think that he should tell them in advance so they can have time to “grieve” if needed. They have all our support, but what else can we do? We will understand if they decide not to go, that absolutely have that right and we won’t be upset but I’m sorry, we will not go sit with them alone at their house when it’s their choice to isolate themselves from a family event because my brother will have his partner there. My sister is ok with it as well, we might even go the day after to spend time with them. Also, I don’t see how anyone is drawing a line…my brother got a boyfriend. We’re open to them and if they choose not to go then…🤷
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Did you ever consider they may feel they are committing scandal by being at the dinner? That is a sin. We had the opposite scenario. My BIL came out to my in-laws and tried to sway our Catholic beliefs. Well, we were forced to part ways when they wanted to push an agenda on our son. Sad ending. They have passed now, so God will judge them on their actions.
 
Rau said:
Unlikely. He is their son. They are his parents. A family gathering / dinner is an ordinary event.
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Sadly, we had a similar “family gathering” where untruths were said about us publicly, making it seem like we fully supported said BIL and all his adopted lifestyle. DH and I had to “save face” against those told about this wonderful family acceptance. Trust me, I have the OP-Ed piece in their newspaper to prove it. DH and I were horrified.
 
1990Domer said:
Sadly, we had a similar “family gathering” where untruths were said about us publicly, making it seem like we fully supported said BIL and all his adopted lifestyle. DH and I had to “save face” against those told about this wonderful family acceptance. Trust me, I have the OP-Ed piece in their newspaper to prove it. DH and I were horrified.
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The fact remains, a family dinner is not scandal. Subsequent acts pursued by some may be calumny or mis-representation. There is no information to hand that suggests that is a concern and it’s clearly not on the mind of the patents yet.
 
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