How to "treat" homosexual relative

[mercygate]

Cupofkindness:

MikeinSD:

. . .
Not only is this guy gay, but he left the priesthood. . . . Here’s a man who had consecrated his life to the Lord and the Catholic Church and then, abandons all of it, and doesn’t give his own brother any explanation of his incredbile behavior? That is just unkind and shows a lack of respect for other people in his life. That sort of behavior should be called what it is: dishonest and manipulative. . . …

This man has choosen a gay life style and a gay partner for support. So he can make his home in the community he has choosen. By treating his family of origin in this manner, he has shown them that their values and feelings are simply not all that important to him. . . . This man sounds self absorbed and confused, I’m sure in time more will surface as to what motivated his unfortunate choices. I’m glad the OP has made a decision to pray for him, he really needs it. I’d skip the invitations to graduation. Why should you put yourself through the anxiety of wondering how this guy and his boyfriend are going to act on your son’s big day or what sort of message he will send to the rest of your guests?

Cup – you have said it all. I have been astonished at how little attention the “left the priesthood” part of this story has garnered on this thread.

And yes: if there is *any *question that the person’s behavior could be troublesome, then that person – not the host – has **invited himself ***out *of family gatherings. It is not reasonable to hold the rest of the family hostage to any unpredictability on the part of a person without the resources to control himself (if that is, in fact, the case here.)

 

[Anglican77]

contemplative:

Does unjust discrimination include a father and mother not inviting uncles Bill and Bob to a tender family gathering because they want to protect their home from the angst of openly blatant sin?

Contemplative,

I understand your not wanting to subject your children to sinful behavior, however, I must ask the question if this is solely in the case of homosexuality? While I am not a parent, I can say that my parents and the Church did an excellent job of teaching me how God wants us to live. Therefore, I don’t feel threatened in anyway while I am in the company of homosexuals, those delving into the occult, etc. I know that God is protecting me from these evils so being around them is of no consequence to me or my beliefs.

 

[Anglican77]

Also allow me to add that while I am a proponent of “tough love” especially in cases of alcohol and drug abuse (which often times can put the family in danger), from the information given thus far I see no reason to cut this brother out of your lives altogether. Clearly this brother is in need of family support and if these events happened recently, perhaps there’s some hope of him repenting these sins.

 

[Cupofkindness]

It isn’t at all clear to me that this brother needs his family’s support. He’s never asked for it, unless there’s more to this story than what has appeared in this thread. What I see is that he wants all of the social benefits of a hetrosexual marriage when in fact, he’s an ex-priest living with a man. Yes, this man is imposing himself on his family members and is hoping that everyone will be silently acquiescent as he insinuates his boyfriend into family gatherings. Remember, all of this happened fairly quickly, these men were undoubtably seeing each other while he was a priest. Geeze, not even my husband and I sign our mail from the two of us… what are these guys thinking? They are thinking that they can get away with this, this pain that they are causing everyone around them.

 

[MikeinSD]

comtemplative:

in the south, family consists of immediate kin and extended kin, i.e. uncles, aunts, cousins, plus all married people’s spouses’ brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers. Yes, it gets confusing. And yes I forget that many people consider family only the siblings and parents and kids. My bad.

My siblings all have children. These children are the teen agers. All my siblings are Catholic of the “cafeteria” type. The devout Catholics are assorted cousins, aunts, uncles, and some immediate family members of the spouses (of my siblings).

We all gather for the holidays. I am not invited, nor do I go to, some of the devout Catholics’ homes. But when they are invited to my siblings’ homes, they have to be polite. I also have to be polite. In the past, I have exchanged harsh words with some (not all) of the devout Catholics. And these people gave my siblings a hard time about having a gay man around their kids. Hence the hard feelings. But the devouts are still my family.

So you are correct that there are 2 stories. One story is the extended family. The other is the immediate family.

From some of your other postings, I understand you feel excluded from some of your family. I’m sorry because it is hard to feel left out. I’ve been excluded too and it is disheartening. PM me if you have more questions.
Mike

 

[contemplative]

MikeinSD:

comtemplative:

in the south, family consists of immediate kin and extended kin, i.e. uncles, aunts, cousins, plus all married people’s spouses’ brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers. Yes, it gets confusing. And yes I forget that many people consider family only the siblings and parents and kids. My bad.

My siblings all have children. These children are the teen agers. All my siblings are Catholic of the “cafeteria” type. The devout Catholics are assorted cousins, aunts, uncles, and some immediate family members of the spouses (of my siblings).

We all gather for the holidays. I am not invited, nor do I go to, some of the devout Catholics’ homes. But when they are invited to my siblings’ homes, they have to be polite. I also have to be polite. In the past, I have exchanged harsh words with some (not all) of the devout Catholics. And these people gave my siblings a hard time about having a gay man around their kids. Hence the hard feelings. But the devouts are still my family.

So you are correct that there are 2 stories. One story is the extended family. The other is the immediate family.

Wow! What a story!
Thanks for clarifying

 

[Anglican77]

Cupofkindness:

It isn’t at all clear to me that this brother needs his family’s support. He’s never asked for it, unless there’s more to this story than what has appeared in this thread. What I see is that he wants all of the social benefits of a hetrosexual marriage when in fact, he’s an ex-priest living with a man. Yes, this man is imposing himself on his family members and is hoping that everyone will be silently acquiescent as he insinuates his boyfriend into family gatherings. Remember, all of this happened fairly quickly, these men were undoubtably seeing each other while he was a priest. Geeze, not even my husband and I sign our mail from the two of us… what are these guys thinking? They are thinking that they can get away with this, this pain that they are causing everyone around them.

Do all of us who need support always ask for it? I would guess that many of us do not. Regardless, being around a family with Christian values may turn out to be a good influence on them. I know since he left the priesthood it may seem that all hope is lost, however in situations like these we must not lose faith. It reminds me of Luke 15:3-10.

3 And he spoke to them this parable, saying:

4 What man of you that hath an hundred sheep, and if he shall lose one of them, doth he not leave the ninety-nine in the desert and go after that which was lost, until he find it?

5 And when he hath found it, lay it upon his shoulders, rejoicing?

6 And coming home, call together his friends and neighbours, saying to them: Rejoice with me, because I have found my sheep that was lost?

7 I say to you that even so there shall be joy in heaven upon one sinner that doth penance, more than upon ninety-nine just who need not penance.

8 Or what woman having ten groats, if she lose one groat, doth not light a candle and sweep the house and seek diligently until she find it?

9 And when she hath found it, call together her friends and neighbours, saying: Rejoice with me, because I have found the groat which I had lost.

10 So I say to you, there shall be joy before the angels of God upon one sinner doing penance.

 

[Cupofkindness]

Mike:

With every holiday season there are new opportunities to heal broken family relationships. I hope this year brings that for you.

 

[Cupofkindness]

Angelican:

Don’t forget that this man was a priest! He knows all about good Christian values and has turned his back on them completely. This man is not misguided… he knows exactly what he’s doing and failed to use the countless graces offered by the Church to address his problem in a fruitful way. It will take more to save his soul than a graduation party.

Parents have only one chance with each of their children. One opportunity to raise them right. Why should any parent even consider subjecting their children to an ex-priest and his boyfriend? Why open the door to confusion and doubt about the Catholic Church and sin? Certainly, the OP and her husband can meet this man and his boyfriend for dinner somewhere, show their tolerance, but inviting them to child-attended family events will only lead to tension at this point.

 

[Wondering_Waif]

fix:

Please explain what you disagree with. The agenda is helping to change society for the worse. This seems self evident. It is one more serious symptom of decline. Is that not obvious?

There is no serious decline that hasn’t been around since time began, you can’t blame the Gay community for the abortions, or for the terrible sins against humans committed by Enron, or for the upsurge in adultery during marriages.
On the basis of what I’ve read I wouldn’t want the guy at my Thanksgiving Dinner because he sounds like a grumpy old goat, not because of his sexual orientation, but I see no problem with treating a Gay relative the way you would treat any other relative who would like to have and family type celebration on Thanksgiving.

 

[Libero]

Angelican:

Don’t forget that this man was a priest! He knows all about good Christian values and has turned his back on them completely. This man is not misguided… he knows exactly what he’s doing and failed to use the countless graces offered by the Church to address his problem in a fruitful way. It will take more to save his soul than a graduation party.

Parents have only one chance with each of their children. One opportunity to raise them right. Why should any parent even consider subjecting their children to an ex-priest and his boyfriend? Why open the door to confusion and doubt about the Catholic Church and sin? Certainly, the OP and her husband can meet this man and his boyfriend for dinner somewhere, show their tolerance, but inviting them to child-attended family events will only lead to tension at this point.

Parents can only shield their children to an extent. There is a point in virtually everyones life when they question their beliefs, the ways that a childs catholic beliefs could be comprimised are immeassurable, you could go as far as preventing the child from watching news, reading books and talking with any other non catholic people to defend your childs upbringing. It is a very grave and distressing situation where one has to cut their own sibling completely from the family in order to “defend their children”. I would advise just reaching a compromise such as many that have been stated.

 

[marymol]

Those with SSA and those in the bondage of sin expecting that the respect of others would somehow erase their own inner turmoil and emptiness are mistaken…
We read St. Paul - in prison and in chains tell us 'rejoice ’ for he knew the Presence of The Lord …was immersed in The Father’s Love …
Instead of changing their hearts , values ,lifestyle , the shame of sin make persons think they can get a temporary fix of feeling superior, by putting down others
…
Cor.1 33 'Bad company ruins good morals ’ …

Did all this start in The Garden ? - possible …Did the seductive spirit keep Adam from having been man enough to defend His Father ( the serpent insinuated God was a liar !) and defending his wife ? May The Father’s Heart hold each one of us … and bring us to the dignity He want for each of His children !

 

[Wondering_Waif]

MikeinSD:

comtemplative:

in the south, family consists of immediate kin and extended kin, i.e. uncles, aunts, cousins, plus all married people’s spouses’ brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers. Yes, it gets confusing. And yes I forget that many people consider family only the siblings and parents and kids. My bad.

My siblings all have children. These children are the teen agers. All my siblings are Catholic of the “cafeteria” type. The devout Catholics are assorted cousins, aunts, uncles, and some immediate family members of the spouses (of my siblings).

We all gather for the holidays. I am not invited, nor do I go to, some of the devout Catholics’ homes. But when they are invited to my siblings’ homes, they have to be polite. I also have to be polite. In the past, I have exchanged harsh words with some (not all) of the devout Catholics. And these people gave my siblings a hard time about having a gay man around their kids. Hence the hard feelings. But the devouts are still my family.

So you are correct that there are 2 stories. One story is the extended family. The other is the immediate family.

From some of your other postings, I understand you feel excluded from some of your family. I’m sorry because it is hard to feel left out. I’ve been excluded too and it is disheartening. PM me if you have more questions.
Mike

It would be nice if you and Contemplative were in the same area, then you could have a Thanksgiving together.
My bro has Thanksgiving at his house, and he invites everyone, so I’m very fortunate, however since I spent a lot of my youth bringing him up I take some credit for the way that he turned out.
Kudos to your siblings for refusing to kowtow to those who would separate a family!!!
I was not raised around my extended family and I wish that we lived closer, they are all very precious to me.

 

[contemplative]

Wondering Waif:

Kudos to your siblings for refusing to kowtow to those who would separate a family!!!

In the beginning, God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” [Gen. 2:18] “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then he took one of the ribs of Adam and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called Woman, for out of Man this one was taken.’ Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife and they become one flesh.” [Gen. 2:21-5]

So if a man and woman become one and have a family and enjoy very special times in their home …in the comfort and protection of their home …that is enough.
Imagine that…a father and mother and their children.

And when their children grow up and get married they cling to their spouse and become one and have a family and enjoy very special times in their home …in the comfort and protection of their home …that is enough.
Imagine that…a father and mother and their children.

And when their children grow up and get married they cling to their spouse and become one and have a family and enjoy very special times in their home …in the comfort and protection of their home …that is enough.
Imagine that…a father and mother and their children.


“And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the Earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the Earth”
(Genesis 1:27-28).

over and over and over again

 

[Wondering_Waif]

contemplative:

In the beginning, God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” [Gen. 2:18] “So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then he took one of the ribs of Adam and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; this one shall be called Woman, for out of Man this one was taken.’ Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife and they become one flesh.” [Gen. 2:21-5]

So if a man and woman become one and have a family and enjoy very special times in their home …in the comfort and protection of their home …that is enough.
Imagine that…a father and mother and their children.

And when their children grow up and get married they cling to their spouse and become one and have a family and enjoy very special times in their home …in the comfort and protection of their home …that is enough.
Imagine that…a father and mother and their children.

And when their children grow up and get married they cling to their spouse and become one and have a family and enjoy very special times in their home …in the comfort and protection of their home …that is enough.
Imagine that…a father and mother and their children.


“And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the Earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the Earth”
(Genesis 1:27-28).

over and over and over again

Contemplative, thanks for your support!

 

[JKirkLVNV]

Anglican77:

Do all of us who need support always ask for it? I would guess that many of us do not. Regardless, being around a family with Christian values may turn out to be a good influence on them. I know since he left the priesthood it may seem that all hope is lost, however in situations like these we must not lose faith. It reminds me of Luke 15:3-10.

3 And he spoke to them this parable, saying:

4 What man of you that hath an hundred sheep, and if he shall lose one of them, doth he not leave the ninety-nine in the desert and go after that which was lost, until he find it?

5 And when he hath found it, lay it upon his shoulders, rejoicing?

6 And coming home, call together his friends and neighbours, saying to them: Rejoice with me, because I have found my sheep that was lost?

7 I say to you that even so there shall be joy in heaven upon one sinner that doth penance, more than upon ninety-nine just who need not penance.

8 Or what woman having ten groats, if she lose one groat, doth not light a candle and sweep the house and seek diligently until she find it?

9 And when she hath found it, call together her friends and neighbours, saying: Rejoice with me, because I have found the groat which I had lost.

10 So I say to you, there shall be joy before the angels of God upon one sinner doing penance.

AMEN! I’m always humbled and profoundly grateful that we worship the One who will leave the ninety-nine safe in the fold and go out ***in search of ***the one who is lost. That’s a mystery we could spend the rest of our lives contemplating and never plumb the depths of it. We should never despair of anyone’s salvation, never fail to hope.

 

[Urf]

For God’s sake this is one place where the BIBLE WONT TELL YOU WHAT TO DO. Yes, we all know what the Catholic belief on homosexuality is. And it doesnt really address this current issue.

Something tells me that given the fact that your Husband’s brother was a priest… he’s questioned this a lot more than you have, and whatever you have to say wont make him go “maybe you’re right, this is a sin against God, I had better stop.”

I think you’re failing miserably to do what Jesus did. Whatever he would have done in this situation, I can tell you it wouldnt have been to tell the couple to stay away.

 

[LeahInancsi]

Other Eric:

The answer is simple. Cut this man completely out of your life and the lives of your children, whom it is your responsibility to protect. In the Church at large, excommunication is a compassionate act of correction. The same will be true of alienating this man from your family.

This forum is not for me. If a senior member has this kind of hatred in his heart, I prefer to “cut this man completely out of my life and the lives of my family.”

Other Eric, your ignorance is beyond belief. You are the sinner here.

 

[Urf]

Orionthehunter:

God did not make him this way. The Church is clear that homosexuality is a disorder and its practice is a sin. He was made “very good” and it is sin that corrupts us. He is a victim of his sin and the sin around him in this culture. With God’s grace and dedication of his God-given will, he can overcome this disorder.

This being said, we need to love the sinner and hate the sin. Embrace his personhood and don’t condone his behavior.

The church says no such thing. The church acknowledges that they dont know what makes a person gay. Wether it is a choice, developmental, or from birth.

 

[Ferdinand_Mary]

Notice:

Thank you to all those who have participated in this discussion. This thread is now closed.