How would you ask someone out at school?

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If it were Lent, I would do it this way. Sadly, I don’t know how to do it in Advent 😐

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No 17 year old is dating solely for the purpose of getting married soon. Of course you shouldn´t date anyone unless there´s a chance you´d wanna be together and get married as the ultimate goal of the relationship. But to tell a 17 year old that he can´t date unless he plans to marry the girl soon shows a lack of understanding.

He´s just 17! He´s supposed to be having fun and relationships at that age aren´t that big of a deal. And with regards to your questions about his seriousness in the faith, I think it´s quite obvious that he´s serious as he actually seems to care a lot about her work in their Catholic community/parish. It´s appears to be significantly important to him that she is a practicing Catholic.

I would say to could perhaps ask her out and see if there´s a connection there or not. As @HomeschoolDad says, if it happens then great, and if not, no harm is truly done.

But of course, always remember to have boundaries and in the long run; make sure that you want this relationship from the right reasons - and not because of loneliness or a feeling of unfullfillment, which is the reason why some people desire love.

But at this point, enjoy it for what it is and don´t take it too seriously! 🙂
 
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Do you have any way to contact her that isn’t in person? If you have her phone number or some kind of social media, reach out there if you’re nervous about directly approaching her in person. I know sometimes it seems more confident and masculine to speak to her directly in person, and to an extent it does, but doing it a little less directly cushions the blow for both of you if she isn’t interested. I would do like another user mentioned, say something about how you miss your talks at lunch and ask if she’d like to get coffee or something similar some time!
I saw a lot of comments here about how it’s unlikely your potential relationship with her would lead to marriage, and thus you shouldn’t pursue it, but I disagree. Even if it doesn’t lead to marriage, there’s a lot to learn about about yourself and how to have a healthy relationship from failed relationships. Just go for it! Relax and be yourself. 🙂
 
Kima said:
No 17 year old is dating solely for the purpose of getting married soon. Of course you shouldn´t date anyone unless there´s a chance you´d wanna be together and get married as the ultimate goal of the relationship. But to tell a 17 year old that he can´t date unless he plans to marry the girl soon shows a lack of understanding.
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Good advice, but there are scads of young people, usually with no real plans for the future, who get married as soon as they get out of high school. Very often, the groom is two or three years older. I know a lady who married her high school sweetheart two weeks after graduation. They are still together forty years later, three wonderful children, the son a minister (Lutheran), the daughters, one biological, one adopted, bunches of grandchildren. So far as I am aware, they are still passionately in love and have a wonderful (if financially modest) life together.

So it can happen, but it’s not the best chance to take.
 
My own son has just started this stage. He asked this girl over for airsoft battles along with his usual gang of friends. Then she asked him over to work on Minecraft (they share a server), and help with her yard work. In both cases, parents were there and it was kind of an extended visit. He wants to take her to an arcade, as she has never been. I am going to allow it, when we next run to the mall area, meaning, his parents will be with them. No only does this keep things safe (for now), it is a better way of defining the relationship as a friend that you like that’s a girl, because she’s a girl.

They are a year younger than you.
 
superhancpetram said:
It also depends where you live/want to live. If you want to live in some place like New York or London, you will be probably well into your 30s before you can afford a family home. We do not have that problem here in the beautiful state of Wyoming.
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Kind of depends on what you think of as a “family home.” It’s just a totally different lifestyle. My friends aunt lives in Manhattan. She’s a physician and her husband is a tenured professor. In most parts of the country, they’d easily be able to afford a 6000 square foot home. In Manhattan, they live in a two bedroom apartment and don’t own a car. And I never got the impression they felt cramped or anything; they’ve just always lived in an urban environment so it’s just normal to them.
 
My first couple of dates were unmitigated disasters. The first time I asked a girl out was 7th-8th grade, and I had been harboring a crush on her for a long time, so I somehow obtained her phone number and then just rang her up. I didn’t merely ask her on a date. Nope, there was hardly any small talk when I went right for the trophy: I asked her to go steady. Then she launched into her explanation of already having a boyfriend, and I was mortified.

The second attempt at dating was a couple years into high school, I saw a gorgeous blonde at the dance (she went to the girls’ school, I to the boys’, we mixed at dances.) I think she willingly gave me her phone number (I still remember all of them perfectly) and she agreed to go out with me! Mirabile dictu, I had my first date.

The agreed venue was a movie theater at a mall downtown. I had Mom drop me off – didn’t drive yet. My date showed up with another girl in tow. That was shocking to me, but I played it smoothly. We seemed to get along during the film – Peggy Sue Got Married but after agreeing to a second date (another movie at the mall???) she stood me up plain and simple.

My love life has never been particularly rosy, and I should’ve discerned religious life as a teenager. I’m 48 years old and single now, with essentially no vocation discerned. I am satisfied and happy with my life, but there’s still a longing to be more.
 
Anesti33 said:
I asked her to go steady. Then she launched into her explanation of already having a boyfriend, and I was mortified.
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Guessing it was something like “HiThisIsAnestiWillYouBeMyGirlfriendILikeYourHairOkBye.”

(Slams Mountain Dew, passes out)
 
First date… not sure if I remember. First knockback… still cringe when I think about it some 46 years later. Lol. Message to OP. Just go for it son and put whatever happens in your inner experience folder. If everything goes belly-up, just remember: someone once said “If reincarnation is true, then I want to come back rich and good looking! This ‘great personality’ thing isn’t really working!”
 
pnewton said:
My own son has just started this stage. He asked this girl over for airsoft battles along with his usual gang of friends. Then she asked him over to work on Minecraft (they share a server), and help with her yard work. In both cases, parents were there and it was kind of an extended visit. He wants to take her to an arcade, as she has never been. I am going to allow it, when we next run to the mall area, meaning, his parents will be with them. No only does this keep things safe (for now), it is a better way of defining the relationship as a friend that you like that’s a girl, because she’s a girl.

They are a year younger than you.
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Airsoft, Minecraft, and Mountain Dew — all of this sounds very, very familiar.

Such is life with a teenager in the year 2020. There are far worse things they could be doing. My son is pestering me to get with the local homeschool group, once people are able to interact normally again, without fear of COVID, so he can have some IRL friends.

Sounds like a nice, chaste, chaperoned “teen date” to me.
 
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Kinda off topic here but I myself have a friend that goes homeschooling that I recently met. As someone who goes to a Catholic school, I honestly wish in a way that I was home schooled because when I met this friend, he seemed like an honestly genuine, not your typical high school teen which is a good thing because form my experience, teen life nowadays is so toxic per se. And when I finally met all these homeschooled kids, they didnt seem to conform to any harmful social standards. So props to you for choosing homeschooling:)
God Bless!
 
Why are we so sure he can’t get married at 17? I know people who have. They have had to work very hard because when all their friends went to college and hung out for fun, these guys were helping their wife change diapers and bounce babies. They also had manual labor type jobs, but they work very hard and have beautiful families. One has five kids and I believe the other has eight kids now.
 
I mean it is possible to get married at 17, I just dont know how tge church or state would go about this. Even though I’m not sure if I can get married at 17 (most likely won’t due to circumstances), I think I understand what your saying as anything is possible as a vocation and taking all opportunities would never be a bad thing. Plus, that one story you just talked about proves that everyone has a different vocation and that taking that faithful leap into the unknown is necessary to uncover that certain path:)
 
MysticChris said:
Kinda off topic here but I myself have a friend that goes homeschooling that I recently met. As someone who goes to a Catholic school, I honestly wish in a way that I was home schooled because when I met this friend, he seemed like an honestly genuine, not your typical high school teen which is a good thing because form my experience, teen life nowadays is so toxic per se. And when I finally met all these homeschooled kids, they didnt seem to conform to any harmful social standards. So props to you for choosing homeschooling:)
God Bless!
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Thanks. Homeschooling is very good and is becoming more common in American life. I am only somewhat troubled by the fact that the educational qualifications of many homeschooling parents are very low, in many if not most states, the parent need only have a high school diploma. I have a fine liberal arts university education at the master’s level, and am able to weave in threads from what I know of history, geography, political science, philosophy, and to some extent literature, things I couldn’t bring to the homeschooling experience if I hadn’t already studied them myself. You cannot give what you do not have.
 
That’s true, but if the parents choose to buy a curriculum (is it how you name the lessons?) for their children, they will not need a lot more than to know how to read the instructions, the explanations and succeed in making their children work enough.

I am correct that the majority of homeschooled children in the USA functionned like this?

It is the case in France, mostly in higher classes, certainely less in kindergarten.

I have also a master degree in history. Even if it is not necessary it’s definitely valuable for homeschooling because we are able to open more our children to others topics of interest than strictly the programm and are more inclined to search new things, supports, pedagogy.
 
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HomeschoolDad said:
You cannot give what you do not have
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True but you can gain what you don’t have while homeschooling! My mom (a nurse before homeschooling me) did. I went on to get three different teaching licenses but don’t believe someone like my mom was less qualified to homeschool than I am. A love for learning & a determination to give your kids a great education is all it takes. My mom learned some subjects right alongside me and it was so fun for both of us! Wouldn’t trade it for the smartest teacher in the world!
 
I am a 17-year-old girl, so maybe I can give you a perspective from your age but from the other side? :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

Try to make good friends with her–spend time with her, ask her to go to Mass with you! (Seriously, I always wished that my first date would be to go to Mass! Instead he asked me to our homeschool prom (insert shrug here).) See where it goes from there! If she’s receptive, then pursue a relationship with her. Always make sure you ask her out face-to-face, though–my first invitation to a date was sent by text, but I think it’s more cordial to ask her out in person 🙂

And remember–always keep praying about both of your vocations! I really liked the boy I mentioned above, but after praying really hard about everything, I am now preparing to enter a cloister on my 18th birthday, God willing!

You’ll be in my prayer! 🙂 Good luck!
 
Anicette said:
That’s true, but if the parents choose to buy a curriculum (is it how you name the lessons?) for their children, they will not need a lot more than to know how to read the instructions, the explanations and succeed in making their children work enough.

I am correct that the majority of homeschooled children in the USA functionned like this?
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For our home school, we do not “buy” a curriculum, I put it together separately for each class, both purchasing texts and using online resources, and sometimes we take a lot of “detours” in search of information that isn’t in any one particular text. For social studies, literature, and religion/philosophy (we treat R&P as one integrated unit), I bring together several different “strands” based upon my knowledge and our interest. For that reason, it takes us a bit longer to get through a text, but it’s worth it, because the learning is so much richer and more organic. Our state simply requires broad subject areas, and leaves the question of “what do you study within those areas?” largely up to the parent. My son wants to go to community college the first two years — he is not a particularly strong student, our means are modest, a four-year degree may not be the best choice for him, and their prerequisites are very lenient.
Jen7 said:
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HomeschoolDad:
You cannot give what you do not have
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True but you can gain what you don’t have while homeschooling! My mom (a nurse before homeschooling me) did. I went on to get three different teaching licenses but don’t believe someone like my mom was less qualified to homeschool than I am. A love for learning & a determination to give your kids a great education is all it takes. My mom learned some subjects right alongside me and it was so fun for both of us! Wouldn’t trade it for the smartest teacher in the world!
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I do concede that there is such a thing as “getting what you need as you go along, and being able to impart it to your student that way”. Truth be told, that’s what we do with science, because I don’t have nearly the background in it, that I do in liberal arts, humanities, and social sciences. We are using an Apologia text for “easy” conceptual physics — we don’t spend a lot of time dwelling upon their creationist polemics, I have taught my son both sides, including the many problems that evolution has — and will be moving onto a Glencoe general science text in the next quarter. (We run our school year about a month later than the public and private schools in our area, as this works out best for us, it is “summer” here well into October, and I wish to combat the “summer vacation reduction creep” that I’ve seen happen over the years. The educational establishment has succeeded in making what was once a three-month summer vacation into a two-month one. No pupil wants to start the new school year in the middle of August!)
 
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