How would you handle this situation?

[BibleReader]

I did have sex with the girl who is now my wife, while we were engaged. It was sinful, in my view gravely sinful. The simplest reason is this: Even on the eve of my wedding, I was terrified of saying, “I do.” I.e., deep within, I recognized that I was not bound until I declared myself bound. This is precisely opposite the meaning of the sex act.

 

[Tulkas]

Without reading any other replies, i apologize for my ignorance it it will come to that: My vote, other:

Sex is a natural human emotion, and to supress such emotion is un-natural. Have sex before you get married, except, with reason, use your brain, take precocious steps, and enjoy life instead of hiding beyond a set of rules that prevent you from enjoying nature’s gifts.

 

[demolitionman65]

Tulkas: Do you get your name from the Silmarillion? If so, you should know better. Tulkas was THE enforcer of law and order within the Valar.

Sex is a natural human emotion, and to supress such emotion is un-natural. Have sex before you get married, except, with reason, use your brain, take precocious steps, and enjoy life instead of hiding beyond a set of rules that prevent you from enjoying nature’s gifts.

Tolkien’s “Tulkas” would know the law he is talking about here, and would defend it. Sex is reserved for marriage for the good reason that it is unitive, (which needs the Sacrament) and procreative, which needs parents that have committed to one another publicly, and that is what marriage is: a public vow before people and before God.

 

[Binney]

NO SHACKING… :bigyikes: SHEESE… :nope:

Ditto
If I know a couple is openly shacking I refuse to go to the bridal shower. I do go to the wedding but I always wonder how it seemed to help each other into their wedding attire. Did he button or zip the back of her dress? Did she fasten his cumberbun and tie? Did they have sex before they dressed or after they dressed?

 

[mikev]

Whether we did or didn’t commit a sin doesn’t determine whether we can give advise to someone who asks for it. If it did, there would be little counsel available to anyone.

You should answer your friends question to the best of your ability in keeping with the morals of the Church.

 

[turboEDvo]

Veronica Anne:

Even better, that’s why it’s called the “marital embrace.”

Sexy, huh?

Hahaha, yeah pretty sexy! I actually had a quick question for you all: cohabitation. What exactly is implied by this term? I have heard that “cohabitation before marriage is wrong.” Is that implying that premarital sex is occuring or what. Thanks.

Eamon

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

turboEDvo:

I actually had a quick question for you all: cohabitation. What exactly is implied by this term? I have heard that “cohabitation before marriage is wrong.” Is that implying that premarital sex is occuring or what. Thanks.

Eamon

Cohabitation simply means living together. Obviously this is wrong when a couple is sleeping together. However, for a couple to live together even if they are not sleeping together is also wrong. It has a lot of negative consequences. One, it is the imitation of marriage, even if less complete than a sexual relationship. That is a lie. Two, it gives the appearance to others of a sexual relationship, and thus causes scandal because it appears to endorse this. Three, it puts the couple in a position of too much intimacy (not just sexual) too soon. They are not certainly committed to each other until marriage, and therefore, are not able to deal with whatever problems arise from a perspective of total committment. And if the couple breaks up, the “baggage” that they bring to the rest of their life will be so much more. A future marriage could be affected by the people having gotten to closely embroiled with each other prior to their break. Also, the sacrament of marriage gives the couple the grace to deal with whatever hardships arise, and to make something beautiful out of their relationship. Cohabiting without these graces is not only risky to the relationship, but will result in a duller love.

 

[bcuster]

but because I did the same wrong thing, I struggle with what to tell her.

I understand your dilemma. I feel like a hypocrite telling my chldren to abstain from sex until marriage. I didn’t. I became pregnant. My husband and I were both Catholic and we had a civil wedding. After our second child was born we returned to the Church and were married sacramentally. Those first 5 years were very, very difficult. Even though we were engaged, I had doubts about my husband’s love for me. Had he married me because I was pregnant? We fought and were very unhappy for the first 3 years. I would not wish that on anyone. I also wonder if our bad example set the stage for our nieces and nephews to live with their boyfriends or girlfriends before marriage. After all, Aunt and Uncle did it.
I am convinced that the best way to show love for the person you are engaged to is to wait for sex until you are married. Sex is holy. It is sacramental. Outside of marriage it is blasphemy. People may not agree with me, but I have lived it. God has been merciful to me. He protected me from my worst inclinations and placed my husband and me in families that gave good example. Through God’s grace we were forgiven and have a beautiful, holy marriage now.

 

[SWTHRT]

I think sex outside of marriage is wrong even though I know it is natural for many people to give in to the temptation. What bothers me is how many people justify what they are doing. If I was weak, I would know it was wrong and repent. However, it seems most people believe the commandment should be interpreted as " Premarital sex is wrong UNLESS…". I get tired of people saying things are right because they are in love, etc. I was always willing to admit when I had done wrong, and never tried to give justification to it.

Karen

 

[feather]

I checked other because I didn’t know what I was clicking into or I wouldn’t have.

I can’t quite get into saying what is right for other people. I know I am supposed to. But I did it and I think I might know one person who didn’t. I don’t justify it. It is wrong. Just imagine how many unwanted pregnancies would be avoided if everybody stopped sinning that way. I think it would be wonderful if the world could be convinced.

 

[LSK]

abcdefg:

choose the 1st option. sex is designed for procreation not personal pleasure.

suppose one day I get a girlfriend and she asks me for sex. if I refuse her, she might doubt my sexuality. that’s the truth in China

Huh?

 

[BioCatholic]

by this reasoning i think, that married couples have chosen to forsake all others and pledged to remain together until death, correct? engaged means NOT MARRIED, right?

then where is the harm in a person who is dating\engaged in seeing other people? that person has not PLEDGED to forsake all others, so arent they free to date until they day they are married?

why do finaces get so mad that the other “cheats” on them? they havent said their vows in a church, so all is fair game right?

i dont see ANY church teaching on remaining completely faithful during courtship or engagement.

 

[katieq]

An excellant book on this topic is “The Good News About Sex And Marriage” by Christopher West. It really helped me solidify my views on this subject (my parents had done their best to explain it to me, so I always had “it’s a sin” but this logical progression and basis on scripture/ccc really helped).
God Bless,
k