How would you handle this situation?

[cheezey]

AE:



:thankyou:

 

[EasterJoy]

Actually, truthfully, I haven’t discerned this. To me it seems like she doesn’t know or realize what she is doing. That is why I have been giving her the benefit of the doubt. She made mention of seeing 3 different types of counselors all at once… So I don’t suspect she is cold-hearted, just lost and confused and concerned. I also know she has gone through an abusive boyfriend situation… I do know from reading about it that that can effect a person’s behavior as well. And yes, I have discerned though she could potentially take out her frustrations on me and so I have opted to stay away.

Anyway, regardless I’ve already discerned that this is not a friendship that would be healthy. Thanks to you and all the other’s replies.

I meant that if you were to say, “Wow, that was kind of harsh?” that she would actually ask (and care) what you meant, and when you explained she would reply, “Oh, wow, do you think I hurt their feelings? Oh, I hope not. I never meant that.” Or if she said something snarky and stopped off, she’d at least apologize later. That is what I mean by she doesn’t realize. I don’t mean that she’s in a state where she is too wound up in her own feelings to care about anyone else’s. That is work for a professional, yes.

I don’t know many of us who would expect our friends to put up with that. Our spouses ought not put up with that. I mean that if those close to you are asked to put up with that, you ought be expecting that they will call you on it, and you will expect to accept their feedback, even if you don’t like it. Maybe you don’t change in a day or you and they have to agree to disagree about what is tolerable behavior, but in the long run you don’t think your friends should be able to let you treat other people any way you like, with hell to pay if they don’t like it. You have to let them have their own standards, too. Otherwise, it’s a gross violation of a friendship.

Yes, I’m saying that not every decent person can be your close friend, not unless you’re abiding by the community rules of a monastery. That’s OK. It’s not heaven yet.