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Falco
Guest
How very presumptuous of you to say that. How can you make a judgement on my experience? I can cite a few other women in my predicament, and let me tell you - we avoid the ‘big boys’. And there ARE big boys out there!
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PetrusRomanus
Guest
If sex was so trecherous with your husband, was abstaining from sex ever an option for you guys, especially since it was damaging your body? People will not die without sex ya know
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Falco
Guest
It was for me - not for him - END OF STORYIf sex was so trecherous with your husband, was abstaining from sex ever an option for you guys, especially since it was damaging your body? People will not die without sex ya know
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fpt
Guest
The solution is to talk, to communicate, to discuss before the marriage on all the marital sexual topics because** the marriage is a sexed and sexual contract and a sexed and sexual institution.**
Each engaged person has to say to the other* its needs, its desires, its hopes, its wishes, its wills, its vows, its ideals, its intentions, its fears, its moral issues, its religious issues, its spiritual issues, its religious mentality, its spiritual mentality, its religious beliefs, its spiritual beliefs, its cultural beliefs, its fears, its diseases and its almost non-negociable things…etc
ABOUT THE MARITAL ACT AND THE COROLLARIES.
*
The fact of being be honest and the fact of praying are the very good ways for preparing the marital sexual life.
**
Pray, pray, pray God during the fiançailles. Talk, communicate between fiancées.**
The marriage and the conjugal life mean, also,** the fact of making some sexual efforts in favor of the other, and some sexual sacrifices in favor of the other.** The sexual ajustements have to be mutual and reciprocal** (the reciprocity, the mutuality, the alternativity)**
Questions in link with:
.The “Quis”, the person who has realized the act (who): The husband and the wife, it is moral.
2.The “Quibus auxiliis”, the means used or employed:
- The “Quid”, the act that the person has made (what);
- The “Ubi”, the place where the person has made the act (where);
- The"Quando", the time when the person has made the act (when);
- The “Quomodo”, the manner which the person has made the act (how);
- The “Cur”, the motives that have motivated the person to perform the act (what for);
- The “Circa quid”, the matter (material) on which the person has acted;
…
Concerning the MARITAL ACT
B
Bezant
Guest
Nobody compelled you to share your private details, which frankly, sound unconvincing.
Okay.
A
Allegra
Guest
Is you husband Catholic? I only ask because during my days on CM, I swear I remember some divoced guy on the forums there who swore up hill and down dale that his marriage was annulled because his package was too big. No one believed him either.
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Brandall
Guest
I’m going to wade very cautiously into this. Before I married and even before having even met my wife, I was rebelling against many things, God was one of these. Needless to say, there were no surprises on the honeymoon.
In the original question, it was put forth that what if one wanted sex 5 times a week and the other only once a month. In that case, compromises, on both parts, would be necessary.
There will be times in any relationship where drives are incompatible. Hopefully, those problems situations work themselves out, either spontaneously or resolved through communication. Of course, there may be physical or mental issues that can get in the way but those are an entirely different story.
What happens when your sex life goes into a long term drought? Many on here would say that may be something you just have to accept. I say, in reality, that is easier said than done.
There was a time in my life where due to various situations, that for a about a year and a half, our sex life dwindled to about 7 times a year. I was frustrated beyond belief. Everytime I thought about discussing the situation with my wife, I was afraid that in my frustration I would just come across as bitter. I was at the point of frustration that I was leaning toward cheating to solve the problem that frankly would have escalated the problems and destroyed the marriage. One night I managed to talk with her calmly about it and the situation was solved over time.
No, it wouldn’t have been right to cheat but I was super frustrated. I was short of 40 years old with a nearly non-existent sex life. I’m not a cheater and am incredibly loyal. However, the extended sexual drought nearly overcame my sensibilities. If not for that drought, I never would have considered straying.
The point being, if compromises aren’t made, when possible, then it can lead one or the other into a situation that isn’t ideal. A lot of people cheat out of frustration that wouldn’t if compromises were made. Yes, everyone should be striving to be holy and it shouldn’t be a problem. However, you are talking about the sinful nature of man. This can be an easy situation for satan to exploit.
Now to dive into another subject that I find even more uncomfortable, re: the woman that mentioned incompatible sizes of equipment, why doubt her story? Male parts come in all different sizes and female parts come in all different sizes. Normally, the size differences aren’t enough to make it near impossible for normal relations but it does happen. I looked over several of her answers to previous questions and they seem to fit well with this forum. For those reasons, I give that woman the benefit of the doubt regarding the situation.
In the original question, it was put forth that what if one wanted sex 5 times a week and the other only once a month. In that case, compromises, on both parts, would be necessary.
There will be times in any relationship where drives are incompatible. Hopefully, those problems situations work themselves out, either spontaneously or resolved through communication. Of course, there may be physical or mental issues that can get in the way but those are an entirely different story.
What happens when your sex life goes into a long term drought? Many on here would say that may be something you just have to accept. I say, in reality, that is easier said than done.
There was a time in my life where due to various situations, that for a about a year and a half, our sex life dwindled to about 7 times a year. I was frustrated beyond belief. Everytime I thought about discussing the situation with my wife, I was afraid that in my frustration I would just come across as bitter. I was at the point of frustration that I was leaning toward cheating to solve the problem that frankly would have escalated the problems and destroyed the marriage. One night I managed to talk with her calmly about it and the situation was solved over time.
No, it wouldn’t have been right to cheat but I was super frustrated. I was short of 40 years old with a nearly non-existent sex life. I’m not a cheater and am incredibly loyal. However, the extended sexual drought nearly overcame my sensibilities. If not for that drought, I never would have considered straying.
The point being, if compromises aren’t made, when possible, then it can lead one or the other into a situation that isn’t ideal. A lot of people cheat out of frustration that wouldn’t if compromises were made. Yes, everyone should be striving to be holy and it shouldn’t be a problem. However, you are talking about the sinful nature of man. This can be an easy situation for satan to exploit.
Now to dive into another subject that I find even more uncomfortable, re: the woman that mentioned incompatible sizes of equipment, why doubt her story? Male parts come in all different sizes and female parts come in all different sizes. Normally, the size differences aren’t enough to make it near impossible for normal relations but it does happen. I looked over several of her answers to previous questions and they seem to fit well with this forum. For those reasons, I give that woman the benefit of the doubt regarding the situation.
F
fpt
Guest
**
Before the marriage:**
*Pray God, pray Holy Mary, pray your Patron saint, pray your keeper Angel for your future conjugal sexual life; Trust to your soul, to your psyche, to your body, to your sexual physiology: trust to you; Visit the catholic doctors, the catholic sexologists, the catholic psychologists, the catholic priests, the catholic ethicists for getting information about the morality of the marital act with all corollaries: rights, obligations and duties; Take the medical treatments (psychological treatments, mental treatments, physical treatments), the moral treatments, and then the spiritual treatments if you have many important problems in the different subtopics of the marital act: moral issues, mental issues, cultural issues, spiritual issues, religious issues, psychological issues, physical issues about the marital act; Trust to your future husband or your future wife for the foreplay and for the sexual foreplay done on your body: the preliminaries and the sexual preliminaries (mental, moral, psychological, spiritual, physical): the massages, the touchings, the kisses, the licks, the suctions (the sexual cooperation in the human manner); Agree with the fact of making some sexual efforts and some sexual sacrifices in favor of your husband or in favor of your wife; Agree with the fact that in the couple, there is a mutual and reciprocal submission concerning the conjugal sexuality: equality and equity, no superiority, no inferiority. *
During the preparation of catholic marriage, the engaged persons need to have a talk with a focus on the morality of marital act, in the catholic way with all corollaries, in general:
the sexual needs, the sexual desires, the sexual hopes and the sexual expectations; Each one should explain to the other, everything concerning the sexual expectations of the marital act: a great discussion on the potential libido of each one, on the sexual harmony, on the preliminaries and on the sexual preliminaries (foreplay and sexual foreplay) in the catholic future marriage.
She and he should say their moral beliefs about the physical activities in the context of marital act; she and he should say their moral beliefs about the physical tenderness out of the context of marital act;
Honestly, before the wedding, each one is almost able to evaluate its own sex drive. Of course, it is not an exact science, but a good evaluation is probable and possible: a reasonnable understanding of its average libido is not impossible.
Before entering into a catholic marriage, the future couple needs to know, in the details with all the subtleties, the catholic doctrine of the morality of the marital act. You (him and her) need to agree with the natural rules of marriage. Thus, you should be, morally speaking and intellectually speaking, I mean in doctrine, against: the theory of gender, the theory of homosexualism, the lesbianism, the sodomism, the feminism radical, the misandrism, the sexism from female, the misogynism, the sexism from male, the machism, the Manichaeism, the Catharism, the Jansenism, the neo-Jansenism, the Puritanism, the neo-Puritanism, the Victorianism, the neo-Victorianism, the quietism, the fideism, the theoretical providentialism, the quiverfull movements, the absolute procreationsim, the absolute physiologism, the primary anti-personalism, the primary anti-phenomenologism, the philosophical absurdism of the conjugal sexual morality, the theological absurdism of the conjugal sexual morality, the moralism, the rigorism.
Only, the natural moral law that is explained by the Church is the rule, not more, not less. In fact, they should be agreed with, morally speaking and intellectually speaking, the fight against the heresies and ideologies going against the human nature. They should not be in favor of the direct and voluntary contraception and not be in favor of the direct and voluntary abortion.
A chaste engaged couple does not have to be naive about the nature of marriage: a sexed and sexual contract. If him and her are “innocent”, “naive” or full “shame” about this topic, in my opinion, it is very sad and it is imprudent. The naivety is not the virginity. In my opinion, each one should explain to the other everything about sexual expectations of the marital act.
**
Communication, talk, information, discussion, prayers, trust, sacrifices, efforts are the keys.**
Before the marriage:**
*Pray God, pray Holy Mary, pray your Patron saint, pray your keeper Angel for your future conjugal sexual life; Trust to your soul, to your psyche, to your body, to your sexual physiology: trust to you; Visit the catholic doctors, the catholic sexologists, the catholic psychologists, the catholic priests, the catholic ethicists for getting information about the morality of the marital act with all corollaries: rights, obligations and duties; Take the medical treatments (psychological treatments, mental treatments, physical treatments), the moral treatments, and then the spiritual treatments if you have many important problems in the different subtopics of the marital act: moral issues, mental issues, cultural issues, spiritual issues, religious issues, psychological issues, physical issues about the marital act; Trust to your future husband or your future wife for the foreplay and for the sexual foreplay done on your body: the preliminaries and the sexual preliminaries (mental, moral, psychological, spiritual, physical): the massages, the touchings, the kisses, the licks, the suctions (the sexual cooperation in the human manner); Agree with the fact of making some sexual efforts and some sexual sacrifices in favor of your husband or in favor of your wife; Agree with the fact that in the couple, there is a mutual and reciprocal submission concerning the conjugal sexuality: equality and equity, no superiority, no inferiority. *
During the preparation of catholic marriage, the engaged persons need to have a talk with a focus on the morality of marital act, in the catholic way with all corollaries, in general:
the sexual needs, the sexual desires, the sexual hopes and the sexual expectations; Each one should explain to the other, everything concerning the sexual expectations of the marital act: a great discussion on the potential libido of each one, on the sexual harmony, on the preliminaries and on the sexual preliminaries (foreplay and sexual foreplay) in the catholic future marriage.
She and he should say their moral beliefs about the physical activities in the context of marital act; she and he should say their moral beliefs about the physical tenderness out of the context of marital act;
Honestly, before the wedding, each one is almost able to evaluate its own sex drive. Of course, it is not an exact science, but a good evaluation is probable and possible: a reasonnable understanding of its average libido is not impossible.
Before entering into a catholic marriage, the future couple needs to know, in the details with all the subtleties, the catholic doctrine of the morality of the marital act. You (him and her) need to agree with the natural rules of marriage. Thus, you should be, morally speaking and intellectually speaking, I mean in doctrine, against: the theory of gender, the theory of homosexualism, the lesbianism, the sodomism, the feminism radical, the misandrism, the sexism from female, the misogynism, the sexism from male, the machism, the Manichaeism, the Catharism, the Jansenism, the neo-Jansenism, the Puritanism, the neo-Puritanism, the Victorianism, the neo-Victorianism, the quietism, the fideism, the theoretical providentialism, the quiverfull movements, the absolute procreationsim, the absolute physiologism, the primary anti-personalism, the primary anti-phenomenologism, the philosophical absurdism of the conjugal sexual morality, the theological absurdism of the conjugal sexual morality, the moralism, the rigorism.
Only, the natural moral law that is explained by the Church is the rule, not more, not less. In fact, they should be agreed with, morally speaking and intellectually speaking, the fight against the heresies and ideologies going against the human nature. They should not be in favor of the direct and voluntary contraception and not be in favor of the direct and voluntary abortion.
A chaste engaged couple does not have to be naive about the nature of marriage: a sexed and sexual contract. If him and her are “innocent”, “naive” or full “shame” about this topic, in my opinion, it is very sad and it is imprudent. The naivety is not the virginity. In my opinion, each one should explain to the other everything about sexual expectations of the marital act.
**
Communication, talk, information, discussion, prayers, trust, sacrifices, efforts are the keys.**
P
Phil_Marinus
Guest
Yawn…
W
WingsOfEagles
Guest
Not that I’d suggest trying things out ahead of time, but I think it is unfair of you to state that this couldn’t ever be a problem. This is not the first time that I’ve heard of a woman having this issue. Some women are smaller than average and some men are bigger than average. If you combine those two people into a couple, there can be issues.
F
Falco
Guest
Brandall, and Wings of Eagles - Thank you!!!
Too often on these forums people claim disbelief of statements that can be very hard for others to make. Nobody forced me to share these facts - true - but I am not ashamed of them, and sometimes to share knowledge of an intimate nature can help others.
A true Catholic probably has no other experience besides that of their marriage partner, and how else can they gather knowledge but by others sharing their own personal experiences?
The other grumble I have is that so often people cry ‘TROLL’ when a question is raised, that is outside their comfort zone. I have been accused of being a troll on more than one occasion in the few months I have been here. It is insulting, to say the least, and almost drove me away from the Forum. There are many people here who are not cradle Catholics, and who have lived their lives so far in a far freer mode than Catholicism allows. These experiences will show in our questions, and responses. We are hear to learn about our new Faith, not to be put down at every turn with insults and incredulity. Just because something is outside your experience or knowledge does not mean it does not happen. Look and learn, don’t deride.
Too often on these forums people claim disbelief of statements that can be very hard for others to make. Nobody forced me to share these facts - true - but I am not ashamed of them, and sometimes to share knowledge of an intimate nature can help others.
A true Catholic probably has no other experience besides that of their marriage partner, and how else can they gather knowledge but by others sharing their own personal experiences?
The other grumble I have is that so often people cry ‘TROLL’ when a question is raised, that is outside their comfort zone. I have been accused of being a troll on more than one occasion in the few months I have been here. It is insulting, to say the least, and almost drove me away from the Forum. There are many people here who are not cradle Catholics, and who have lived their lives so far in a far freer mode than Catholicism allows. These experiences will show in our questions, and responses. We are hear to learn about our new Faith, not to be put down at every turn with insults and incredulity. Just because something is outside your experience or knowledge does not mean it does not happen. Look and learn, don’t deride.
L
livingwordunity
Guest
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Phil_Marinus
Guest
Life is like a box or Chocolates , you never know what you gouanna get…
And that exactly what life is about… Good luck.
Code:
Say that with a kinky southern gun tooten accent, ....
and thats what any sexually compatible or friendship..or any human malfunctionability
syndrome complexity nose pickin attribute you or some random lover in or long term partner of the opposite gender ...phew.!
Best of luck if you can work that out . And God bless you too !
B
Bezant
Guest
I didn’t say differences in size couldn’t be problematic.
I said it was not a physical impediment to intercourse.
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Phil_Marinus
Guest
You pair crack me up…
B
Bezant
Guest
That’s not what I said.
I said size differences are not a physical impediment to intercourse.
B
Bezant
Guest
I was splitting my hairs over the grammar before editing that one, I was.
W
WingsOfEagles
Guest
And a size issue wouldn’t impede intercourse?
P
Phil_Marinus
Guest
I can just see it now…
You pair at a camp fire site chatting about this nonsense …
And I suggest you both show & tell…
Golly…
Think I’l check the Horses…
W
WingsOfEagles
Guest
Not really nonsense when one considers it was brought up as an argument to the original question. Also, I’m gonna lose the show and tell, considering I’m female.
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