How'd it turn out for you?

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monicatholic

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we’ve gone out on a limb again. you’d think with all the unconventiuonal stuff we do, we’d be used to it. still, it’s scary.

here’s my story:

this year, in order to get my husband out of his job in hell (22 years in the steel mill: screaming loud, broiling hot, filthy, dangerous, demoralizing AND weekly swing shift) i took another job as DRE in a second parish. so husband left the mill and had a wonderful year staying home with the kids, homeschooling, doing all the stuff i usually do. (some things he did a lot better.)

financially, it was a very terrible year. on paper, we didn’t make it. on paper, we lost the house, starved to death, died of influenza. but God isn’t on paper. HE’s everywhere else, including in the little miracles. that’s what we lived on this year-- grace and miracles, like daily manna in the desert. we lived on THIS day our daily bread. and counted on God again every day new. (sometimes, things seemed urgent and… i’m sorry to confess, i got ugly. …*** forgive us our trespasses.!!!..***.)

well, one of the churches i work for offered me full time. if i fenagled the schedules good, i could keep both jobs and make decent money. it would be the FIRST time in 22 years of marriage we could pay the bills every month. what would that be like…?
but i just let go the part time DRE job and kept the full time DRE job.

i need to be home more with my kids.

i’m going to miss the other job, all the catechists, all the beautiful children, the joy of the program etc., but i need to be home more with my kids. i can’t be away 50 hours a week.

the bitter little pill: the fulltime position will not pay the bills (which are already BARE BONES, no extras) but i need to be home with my kids more.

…

i know this seems so nuts. i know this doesnt make any conventional/ financial/ real-world sense. but as much as i’ve fenagled schedules and responsibilities these past few months, i never have ANY peace when i think, “maybe there’s a way to keep both jobs…” the only time i have peace-- that weird peace that surpasses ALL understanding-- is when i accept, “OK Lord. I let the second job go…”

so, i’m not asking God to tell me the future of this. we are in the “Stay Tuned…” mode. Trusting HIM is my only business. my future is HIS business.

but my question for you all is this: ***when you prayerfully went out on a limb, how’d it turn out?

what’s your story?***
 
*I will share a story later…

But, wow…I love yours here. Second, I had no idea how to spell ‘‘fenagle.’’ I’ve always wondered that. 😃 Thanks for sharing this with us…You’re right…God is SO not on paper!*
 
whatevergirl said:
  • I had no idea how to spell ‘‘fenagle.’’ I’ve always wondered that. *
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"F I N A G L E"

(Spellcheck, anybody?)

Monicatholic, I hope and pray that all works out well for you… and your “main man”…
 
*why use spellcheck when someone (like you) will correct me? perfect! thanks 😃

Replying to you monica…I’d say that moving to Florida was very much a leave it in God’s hands decision. As you probably recall, the first two years, I missed Pgh…now heading into the third year, I absolutely love it here…I think much of it came from joining a great and lively parish, unlike the others we had checked out here. I also think the kids making great friendships, and I decided to explore Florida more…come out of my own shell…meeting new people, making friends, taking up running again, and seeing the beauty of what Florida has to offer. Staying locked inside myself, only made me want to run back to Pittsburgh. I will always love Pgh, but we no longer have the desire or motivation to move back. I asked God to give me a sign, as to what He wanted us to do…and I feel this is home, at least for a while, now. I choose this as a recent story, because I didn’t like Florida, and was against moving here. My employer presented me with a most wonderful oppty a few years ago, and they were offering to relocate us. I said…Florida? to myself. But, I just left it in God’s hands, and while there have been bumps…it has worked out. God wanted us here. My husband was promoted at Disney, and things just seem to be falling into place…although, not perfect. Nothing is perfect in this life, and I learned that running back to Pgh, would not be the same as the memories I hold in my heart. Things and people would be different. So…that’s my story. Sometimes, God chooses a different place for you to go in life…and if you put your ear to His still small voice, He will tell you what He wants for you to do…

and then some! I also learned a lot about myself, and that I still have some work to do, as it relates to carrying my crosses. Perhaps, God needed to move me away from what I was familiar with, to get through to me. I don’t know.*
 
whatevergirl said:
why use spellcheck when someone (like you) will correct me? perfect! thanks 😃
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Happy to be your indebted servant! 😃

:tiphat:

(T’was all in jest, if you didn’t catch that already… no rotten-ness intended… please forgive me if I came across as “superior”! )
 
sorry ponyguy, i can’t seem to fanagle spell check on this computer. we just install and re-install…

whateverG, yep. got it. i’m remembering the whole florida-isn’t home thing. there were times you thought you had not only gone out on a limb, but the branch was low hanging over a pond of piranhas.

so, here’s a chicken/ egg question: what came first–

did the acceptance and surrender usher in a better liking of Florida?

OR

did the the happy expereinces that began to make Florida home help you surrender and accept you wouldn’t be going back to Pgh?
 
Ponyguy said:
Happy to be your indebted servant! 😃

:tiphat:

(T’was all in jest, if you didn’t catch that already… no rotten-ness intended… please forgive me if I came across as “superior”! )
Click to expand...
haha Oh no, I took it as light hearted…😃 I consider myself a decent speller, anyone who can correct me, I will always give credit to. Feel free to red mark my work here all you like…really! 😛
 
monicatholic said:
sorry ponyguy, i can’t seem to fanagle spell check on this computer. we just install and re-install…

whateverG, yep. got it. i’m remembering the whole florida-isn’t home thing. there were times you thought you had not only gone out on a limb, but the branch was low hanging over a pond of piranhas.

so, here’s a chicken/ egg question: what came first–

did the acceptance and surrender usher in a better liking of Florida?

OR

did the the happy expereinces that began to make Florida home help you surrender and accept you wouldn’t be going back to Pgh?
Click to expand...
*It’s funny you ask that, because I think it could have been a combo of both. It’s as though the beauty of Florida was there all along, but I wasn’t seeing it. God seemed to present me with new opportunities, that I otherwise would not have pursued on my own, and I think by opening myself up, and surrendering to whatever He wanted to show me HERE, I finally gave Florida a chance. And really, the reality is? God doesn’t live in Pgh, He is everywhere. ha He is not holed up or contained in one town, one parish, one set of circumstances. Life is continuous and He wanted us to come here for a reason…and as I continue to open myself up more to His plan for us here, I see the reasons…I feel and live the reasons. I find that I’m even at peace, now, about it, and not just fleetingly happy.

I think that surrendering to His will for us here came first, and when I did, the experiences seemed to have gotten richer. There are days when I miss certain things about Pgh, or people…but, I no longer think that happiness is ‘‘back there’’ somewhere…it’s right before us, everyday. Just have to open our eyes to see it. :o I’m running in a 5k soon…that was not my idea…so God’s sense of humor obviously prevails. In entering this race, and training for this, it’s as though I have learned a lot about myself, and where I am weak and strong. Not just in running, but in my own life…and to me, God wanted me to see that. God works in mysterious ways–what an understatement. ❤️*
 
yes we have taken chances like this, as when DH bailed out of corporate world to start his own business, and again when he sold his business and went out as a lone ranger. 3 risky “idiotic on paper” moves were involved as well.

do what God is asking you to do, but look at all aspects of your decision not exempting the practical. Take the job with benefits, easily worth another part-time salary. Your husband is refreshed and renewed, he perhaps can find a part-time job to help him decide the direction he should take in life.

we are retrenching, now on a cash basis, and hunkering down so we can live on my income, and use his to rebuild our retirement savings which have tanked not once but twice.

take chances if it means doing the right thing
you can live on a lot less than you think
cash is king, credit means slavery, so do all in your power to get on a cash basis and use credit wisely to maintain a good credit rating.
your kids can live with a lot less than they think
you and your husbands made the decisions, not your children.
think outside the cubicle
stay at home dads can provide children with a glorious experience most children miss out on.
 
We’ve been saved many times. This past year, we had an unexpected bequest that kept us treading water when our income dropped $15,000.

Of course, dh is laid off again. I’m not working. And, I feeling panicky again. I’m starting a novena to St. Philamena. I’ve heard she’s a miracle worker/intercessor. So, don’t let me down, St. Philamena!!

.
 
I’ve been getting by on miracles the last 4 years, working full time, but not really totally making it. I keep wondering what I am going to do when the miracles stop coming, but really can’t figure out a way to make more money right now in this economy.

The best thing I have been able to do is to find ways to cut expenses, which has ended up making more of a difference than any pay raise could have.

But still, I am often stuck.

Could your husband work part time somewhere? There is some middle ground between working a job you hate and staying home.
 
We got married when DH was an unemployed musician with a couple of underpaid gigs a week and I was an unemployed graduate of English Literature with nothing but plans for enrolling a postgraduate program and a bit of teaching I was doing.

If you think that was insane, we didn’t avoid. We just freely enjoyed married sex 😃

Then I enrolled postgraduate studies. We lived on the measly scholarship I received from the gov’t as a good student and which fully depended on my academic success. Then I got pregnant. 😃

I thought we were done for. That I wouldn’t be able to do anything with a baby and that I’d lose my scholarship and that then our family would starve.

But later I realized that I’d done nothing *without *my daughter. Really, I passed my first exam when I was pregnant and didn’t even realize it at the time. I finished everything in time and then a good Catholic friend working at a university recommended me as a teacher there, exactly when I needed the job and DD was almost two and quite ready to be left alone with Daddy a few hours a day.

The money just barely pays our bills and we even spend a bit every month or so trying to transform the small apartment I inherited from my grandparents into a place where a family can live. And we’re very happy.

Things worked out so beautifully for us. I hope they do for you too. 🙂
 
Go with your gut instinct. We have barely made it but have tried to put our family first in the scheme of things. God always seems to provide.👍
 
moving backward:

musician, it really is weird how clearly one’s “gut” can guide. i mean, if we pray, receive the sacraments and try to love God above all things, we have to trust HIM that HE really does speak in the still, small voices ***inside ***of us. usually, the best i can hope (after i’ve sought good councel and prayed) for from ***outside ***of me is for someone to confirm my decisions. i’ve heard of a few stories where someone has approached another with a “word of God” guidance, but it’s never happened to me. i know a priest who tells a story about praying in a nearly empty church for direction on job choices. at 35, he had already believed he’d discerned he WASN’T called to the priesthood and he had a couple of really great job options. but an old guy, also praying in the church, came up to him and said, “i’ve never done this before, but as i was praying, something was urgently telling me to tell you ‘priesthood.’” yikes, right?

litcrit, arent i glad you went out on your limb! because when i finish the book i’m writing (now I’ll have time because i’m working less hours) YOU’LL get it first (or almost first. … … what ***number ***is that-- almost first…??)

what does your husband play? my oldest 6 kids are all musiciansor singers (ahem. vocalists.) my 20 year old (all percussion inc piano) is at the University of a music composition scholarship. now ***he’s ***getting good. if we can keep all this together until he makes it big, he’ll save the day and buy his mum a new washing machine…

dulcissima,
you’re very correct that GoodHusband can pick up part-time hours. last summer he went to the polysomnography institute (sleep studies for apnea evaluations). he did exceedingly well. and he’s working on his online courses now. he’s already employable. in this, we’re praying for the perfect miracle part time job-- the one that gives him midnight shift hours on my days off.

last year, when he worked the weekly swing shift and i was part time as DRE, we’d have to meet every monday morning and determine which parent was going to be home with the kids and when. it was always stressful, but that DRE job had very flexible hours. this full time job is forgiving, but the hours are less flexible.

additional factors in concern about conflicting hours:

*Naomi (almost age 4) is walking now and in ISD preschool twice weekly. she needs lots of supervision and school attention.

*Ju and Jo are (9 and 7) finally cranking out some academics and need to be homeschooled with some increased structure.

our fifth oldest will be leaving to college, leaving the sixth oldest at home age 15. she’s not as reliable as her brother was and shouldn’t be counted on for taking stand-in babysitting hours-- not too often, anyway. maybe she’s not so unreliable as that she doesn’t have as good rapport with her siblings as did her brother. last year, when he stepped in to pinch hit, he could get all the sibs to cooperate. his younger sister doesn’t have that interrelational finesse. (that’s fancy talk for: she’s bossy and impatient…)

(the only one flexible enough and reliable enough to handle all sorts of change is our 12 year old daughter. she’s the UN-squakiest wheel we have, which means we work tripply hard to stay in tuned with her because she could get lost in the shuffle. instead, we keep her close, communicating, and cuddled.)

but essentailly you’re right duicissima, had my husband NOT had this employable skill, i would have HAD to keep both jobs.
 
leonie, i was thinking of you when i wrote my OPost. you guys have had real struggles with employment-- especially since any good employment seems to mean your husband is away and you are single parenting. wow. wow.

in fact, i’ve been thinking of you a LOT. my husband’s best employment options are at the institute where he studied-- 2 hours away. could he take 2 nights weekly and sleep/ stay there a couple days a week? i think about what that would be like. i think about single parenting. i think about you doing it for weeks at a time. … no answers yet.

annie, i adhere to almost all you financial advice, because we have to. we have no credit debt except for our house (no cars. we drive aspiring junkers. no cards, thank God. but no good credit, either.) and we do live on so much less than we might. my kids are completely satisfied to buy second hand clothes (esp. since their mom is the resaler queen and knows all the best places and times to shop. the world is DROWNING in great cast-offs. you just gotta be patient…)

and you are entirely correct about the blessings we’ve received by GoodHusband being at-home this year. here’s one that wwas so unexpected:
of our oldest 5 kids, there’s a daughter surrounded by sons
of our youngest 5 kids, there’s a son surrounded by daughters. that son, Ju, age 9 has been smothered, catered to, bossed around and essentially mothered to by 3 of these sisters for a looong time. even his younger sister-- 2.5 years younger had taken on a mommy role with him. as his brothers all grew up and moved out, and as the weekly swing shift drained the life out of his middle aged dad more and more, Ju was growing up in an environment of women— not terrible, but not optimal either.

who knew that when Dad came home, Ju would absolutely THRIVE!! within weeks, his dad had him doing morning chores without being re-taught every day. within a few months, he was doing yard work and doing it good. he learned to throw a football and he’s like an expert! and so much more. as his confidence improved, so did his reading skills. wow!

and the rest of my kids have been entirely cured of the falacy that clean clothes, moderately neat house, nutritious foods, morning prayer, etc are just some of mom’s silly ideas. dad values the same things— maybe there really IS something to all this!

so, yeah, Annie. Husband being home has been really super great. we’ve had our challenges to be sure. and we really are still in the transition of it all. i was home for 28 years-- there was/ is a LOT of stuff that i’ve had a hard time letting go of.

but that’s part of the reason i want to be home more. what i do with/ for my kids is a lot of my vocation. it really is an integral part of the definition of me. i’m not ashamed of that at all.

wow… who knew i’d write a novella this weekend???

i’m so interested to hear more stories of limb-climbing/ God-providing!
 
Well, monicacatholic- i seems like God was telling me to leave my thankless, horrible, Godless job filled with people that were just guided by things other than God. Not a judgement call. A priest I know was a patient there as he was also a Chaplain and we talked about it - I told him about half after he left the area and he gave me the bottom line real quick about what his impression were there.

Well, I ended up being an accident caused by a seizure. I can’t go back to work. It’s going to be a while before my disability starts to kick in if it is approved. It gets a bit rough - My dh and I were trying to figure out how to manage our finances and everytime we mentioned that God would provide my dh got a new student. Things will be OK as long as we put our tust in the Lord.Same with you.
 
joan,

i’m so sorry for your accident. i pray your disability pay is approved.
My dh and I were trying to figure out how to manage our finances and everytime we mentioned that God would provide my dh got a new student. Things will be OK as long as we put our tust in the Lord
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this is so true-- the way HE orders things. God does provide.
 
We’re still in the beginning stages of our “going out on a limb” but so far it’s working. We live in a rural area, less than 9,000 people and a couple hours from the nearest big city. About 4 years ago when I first moved to this area, I took a job as a rehab aide in the hospital in this town (my background is in accounting, this was totally different for me), and I loved it…I mean really, REALLY loved it! So, I talked to the hospital and they said they’d pay for me to go to school to be a Physical Therapist Assistant if I worked for them for 2 years after graduation. Wonderful right? Well, not exactly…school was 2 hours away 2 days a week so I was working so minimally that I couldn’t pay bills. Even though the hospital paid for my school, I had to take out full student loans just to live. Fast forward to the end of school, my husband and I were close friends at this time but not dating. The hospital tells me there is no job for me there and when I graduate, not only can I not work there, but I owe them $14,000…yeah I owed DOUBLE what school cost me. I got a job working in a hospital 2 hours away that paid off the loan for me and then I had a commitment to work for them. We got married in September of last year, and are expecting our first baby in about 8 weeks.

Onto the limb climbing…I was supposed to work for the hospital 2 hours away from home until of October of this year. It was super hard to be newly weds and only see each other two days a week (or on a good week for his job he would come in the middle of the week to see me too) and then to be pregnant and not get to experience all of that together was even harder. In April, my husband decided to empty most of the savings to pay off the remainder of my contract to bring me home. I’m not planning on working when the baby comes, but have taken some per diem or as needed work at a local nursing home. But really, the bulk of our financial burdens is on him. I’ve been home since April 9th and I love it! I don’t think he ever regrets it either! 😉 So far we’ve been able to make it, and we REALLY need to sell my car (upside down in the loan, huge payment…ridiculous) and he still is paying on my school loans too.

He’s a saint! We’re trusting the Lord to provide, and having faith that He will. But, it’s hard still. Ask me again after July 24th (baby’s due date). Oh, and because his insurance is so awful, we’ve had to keep mine so that’s a COBRA insurance payment for 3 months at least. Yikes!
 
I did want to let you know that about 6 years ago I had a severe traumatic situation occur, which threw me into PTSD with reactive psychosis, deep depression, suicidal attempts, etc. My DH quit his JOB to stay home and take care of me. We had to move into an ancient 2-BR trailor in the middle of nowhere and basically live off the land and charity (I did end up receiving SS Disability for a while) with our kids. It was a nightmare. But my DH was right with me for a year and half, nursing me 24/7. I am now healed by the grace of God and because of my husband’s care.
The point is that through it all, God was there. We never went hungry, or homeless. Trust God to guide you (and it seems to me that He is), and don’t let anxiety get to you. It will all work out. You sound like a marvelous person and your family sounds lovely!👍
 
Hi. I was in your shoes once years ago, when my kids were little. I had a full time career in a very good profession but I became most unhappy, when my kids were small, and felt incredibly guilty leaving them elsewhere when I went to work. So I quit. It was the best decision of my life for then…

So…how it turned out for me was this:

I made the decision to be home with my kiddos.

I was so much happier.
My marriage was better
I lived each day and I raised my kids, not someone else
My husband picked up the slack and provided

Now, this was a long time ago for me…like 15 years ago, and my situation is much different now. But then, I did what I had to,and what I felt in my gut, and I’m glad I did.

Follow your heart~
 
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