Humiliated at church

[LilyM]

It isn’t she who owes the apology.

For future reference I also suggest reviewing how to conduct oneself in theaters, auditoriums, houses of worship, courtrooms, and other places where one is expected to be quiet, respectful, and polite and also to refrain from use of one’s electronic devices. This is how one behaves when one has manners, regardless of one’s personal beliefs.

Your behavior sounds awfully immature for a 24 year old.

Good point. I’m a lawyer, so very aware of courtroom etiquette. Everyone who enters a courtroom is expected to be aware of the significance of the place and behave approrpriately. Repeated poor behaviour will get out asked yo.leave by the judge, removed forcibly by bailiffs and even possibly charged with contempt! Clients will either ask me how they are to behave or at least follow.my lead and do as I ask them in court.

 

[casslean]

If you didn’t intend to treat her religious beliefs with respect by behaving appropriately during Mass, then you should have declined to go. Your behaviour showed a tremendous amount of disrespect for your girlfriend.

 

[Padres1969]

Don’t know if this is the right section of the forum, forgive me if it’s not, i just would like an opinion from you all.

Thing is, i was dating this very religious girl (i’m 24 and she is 21), i went to church with her just to make her happy (i’m atheist).
During mass, i was chatting with her and using my mobile phone cause i was really bored, she asked me to keep quite but i didn’t; i’m aware i’ve been stupid and disrespectful. After a while, she put one hand over my mouth and with the other hand she held my wrists tight so that i couldn’t move, at the beginning i tried to react and to speak (but obviously with her hand over my mouth it sounded like “mmmmm” :ehh, but then i noticed people around us was watching me so i stopped.
Honestly i felt really embarassed by the situation, but she is still angry with me and doesn’t want to apoogize for what she did. What do you think of it?

I would imagine your girlfriend is just as if not more embarrassed by your actions and the fact she felt she had to restrain you to make you understand your behavior was wrong. Might I suggest you apologize to her? Even most atheists I know, know that for those that believe, Churches are holy places for worship, not places to chit chat and use your phone. And to do so as you did was very disrespectful to not only God (whom I know you don’t believe in) but also to your girlfriend and the rest of the congregation.

 

[tawny]

It isn’t she who owes the apology.

For future reference I also suggest reviewing how to conduct oneself in theaters, auditoriums, houses of worship, courtrooms, and other places where one is expected to be quiet, respectful, and polite and also to refrain from use of one’s electronic devices. This is how one behaves when one has manners, regardless of one’s personal beliefs.

Your behavior sounds awfully immature for a 24 year old.

 

[Brendan_64]

I would say that by you chatting to her and using your phone at Mass it was you who humiliated her in front of her fellow parishioners. Why would you even do such a thing?

 

[Lou2U]

Don’t know if this is the right section of the forum, forgive me if it’s not, i just would like an opinion from you all.

Thing is, i was dating this very religious girl (i’m 24 and she is 21), i went to church with her just to make her happy (i’m atheist).
During mass, i was chatting with her and using my mobile phone cause i was really bored, she asked me to keep quite but i didn’t; i’m aware i’ve been stupid and disrespectful. After a while, she put one hand over my mouth and with the other hand she held my wrists tight so that i couldn’t move, at the beginning i tried to react and to speak (but obviously with her hand over my mouth it sounded like “mmmmm” :ehh, but then i noticed people around us was watching me so i stopped.
Honestly i felt really embarassed by the situation, but she is still angry with me and doesn’t want to apoogize for what she did. What do you think of it?

As an Agnostic, I say: do you really believe YOU were humiliated? Seriously?

You were incredibly rude. You completely disrespected your girlfriend by talking through a religious service she believes in and you disrespected the other parishioners by distracting them. Would it really have been impossible for you to sit still and listen?

Your girlfriend was the one who was humiliated. She brought you to Mass to show you what she lives her life by, and she had to physically stop you from using your phone and talking? You sound completely immature.

I thought for christians nothing could justify violence, or physical restrain, or whatever you wanna call it in this case…

Why do you so desperately need to be right? Why can’t you understand that what you did was wrong?

I understand that you’re Atheist. But that does NOT give you the right to disrespect the religious beliefs of others and it does not make you superior.

You need to apologise to your girlfriend. Profusely. And you need to hope that she can forgive you, because your behaviour was appalling.

Lou

 

[Intosh]

Frankly i don’t understand your answers. I have admitted i acted badly and probably childish, i’ve learned the lesson and i wouldn’t do it again, but she closed my mouth in front of other people for a couple of minutes, publicly embarassing me, and that’s something i wouldn’t do to anybody in any occasion. She could have just walked away or sat somewhere else. I guess you religious people are used to “gag” anybody who doesn’t share your believes…

 

[7_Sorrows]

your behavior sounds very immature considering you are the 24 year old. atheist or not you should realize you need to be reverent in a church and quiet and respectful. you were invited as a guest and if she is your girlfriend you shouldn’t have tried to cause any disturbance by using your mobile and causing distraction.

 

[Lou2U]

Frankly i don’t understand your answers. I have admitted i acted badly and probably childish, i’ve learned the lesson and i wouldn’t do it again, but she closed my mouth in front of other people for a couple of minutes, publicly embarassing me, and that’s something i wouldn’t do to anybody in any occasion. She could have just walked away or sat somewhere else. I guess you religious people are used to “gag” anybody who doesn’t share your believes…

Again, insulting others’ religious beliefs won’t help you anywhere in life.

You haven’t admitted you’ve acted badly. You’ve stated that your girlfriend should not have restrained you and you haven’t apologised to her for your behaviour. Your posts are also coming close to breaking the forum rules, so be careful.

The thing is, you shouldn’t have been talking. You should have listened to your girlfriend when she asked you to be quiet. You publicly embarrassed her by talking through a religious service. Maybe the best thing would have been for her to move away from you. But what would you have done then? Followed her? Shouted after her? It would have probably created even more disruption.

You need to learn that religion is the most important thing your girlfriend’s life. You should respect that.

Oh, and all this is coming from a non-religious person as well…

Lou

 

[LightBound]

Frankly i don’t understand your answers. I have admitted i acted badly and probably childish, i’ve learned the lesson and i wouldn’t do it again, but she closed my mouth in front of other people for a couple of minutes, publicly embarassing me, and that’s something i wouldn’t do to anybody in any occasion. She could have just walked away or sat somewhere else. I guess you religious people are used to “gag” anybody who doesn’t share your believes…

You just tipped your hand with the last sentence.

8/10 for trolling effort.

 

[casslean]

Frankly i don’t understand your answers. I have admitted i acted badly and probably childish, i’ve learned the lesson and i wouldn’t do it again, but she closed my mouth in front of other people for a couple of minutes, publicly embarassing me, and that’s something i wouldn’t do to anybody in any occasion. She could have just walked away or sat somewhere else. I guess you religious people are used to “gag” anybody who doesn’t share your believes…

You weren’t voicing a contrary belief or attempting to engage in conversation. You were just behaving disrespectfully and childishly.

You were embarrassing her publicly by behaving in such a manner in her church. Why is it okay for you to behave in such a manner, and not her? You placed in a stressful and trying situation, and now you’re angry because she didn’t react to your poor behaviour as you think she should have?

Apologize and stop looking for who is “more wrong”.

 

[Brendan_64]

Frankly i don’t understand your answers. I have admitted i acted badly and probably childish, i’ve learned the lesson and i wouldn’t do it again, but she closed my mouth in front of other people for a couple of minutes, publicly embarassing me, and that’s something i wouldn’t do to anybody in any occasion. She could have just walked away or sat somewhere else. I guess you religious people are used to “gag” anybody who doesn’t share your believes…

By behaving as you did, YOU publicly embarrassed her. Her actions were because of the embarrassment you caused through your actions. You seem to think that it is OK for you to embarrass her, but she must not react in any way that might embarrass you.

Why should she have to move because of your completely disrespectful behaviour?

This is not about anyone forcing their beliefs on you, it is about you not showing a modicum of decency or respect to those around you. And if you didn’t like it at Mass, you could have quietly and respectfully left, but no, you’d rather stay and chat to her and play on your phone, despite her asking you to stop.

It was you who publicly embarrassed her. How do you think she will feel the next time she goes back to Mass and people remember how you behaved when you were with her? But it doesn’t seem as if you are remotely bothered about her feelings, only about your own.

I wonder have you shown her what you have written on this thread? Why don’t you show her your posts on here and ask her what she thinks?

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Frankly i don’t understand your answers. I have admitted i acted badly and probably childish, i’ve learned the lesson and i wouldn’t do it again, but she closed my mouth in front of other people for a couple of minutes, publicly embarassing me, and that’s something i wouldn’t do to anybody in any occasion. She could have just walked away or sat somewhere else. I guess you religious people are used to “gag” anybody who doesn’t share your believes…

Why did you persist after she asked you to stop? If she had gotten up to move why do I think you would have found something wrong with that, too?

As others have mentioned there are plenty of other venues in which one respectfully stays quiet: the cinema, court, etc. Several times I’ve observed when people have to talk or text through movies, make comments under their breath in court and it’s disruptive, rude, and unnecessary. Some atheists who don’t respect religion think they have a right to disrupt services because they believe people and religion are sooooo stupid and actually have it coming. Is that the case here? If not, then why did you continue after she asked you to stop? Why did you think it was okay in the first place? You’re 24; I knew better at 8 or younger not to do stuff like that.

 

[SMHW]

Don’t know if this is the right section of the forum, forgive me if it’s not, i just would like an opinion from you all.

Thing is, i was dating this very religious girl (i’m 24 and she is 21), i went to church with her just to make her happy (i’m atheist).
During mass, i was chatting with her and using my mobile phone cause i was really bored, she asked me to keep quite but i didn’t; i’m aware i’ve been stupid and disrespectful. After a while, she put one hand over my mouth and with the other hand she held my wrists tight so that i couldn’t move, at the beginning i tried to react and to speak (but obviously with her hand over my mouth it sounded like “mmmmm” :ehh, but then i noticed people around us was watching me so i stopped.
Honestly i felt really embarassed by the situation, but she is still angry with me and doesn’t want to apoogize for what she did. What do you think of it?

Is this post for real?

You are dating a Catholic girl and you are an atheist. She wants you to come to Church with her. What do you think was her motivation? That she trying to impress you? That she trying to impress her family and/or friends? Or that her faith really matters to her and she wanted to share it with you? You said you wanted to make her happy but then you went about annoying her.

To me that sounds more like you were testing her to see where you stand in the rank of what is important to her and you didn’t come out as high on the list as you’d hoped so you kept pushing the limit to see if she’d change her mind.

I think neither one of you was very wise. You wanted her attention to be on you. She tried to ignore you. You kept needling her. She finally snapped because she was embarrassed. I think her behavior was a bit over the top but you were making of show of your lack of respect for where you were.

Maybe he both need to find people who don’t require reformation to be suitable for each other.

 

[lax16]

Frankly i don’t understand your answers. I have admitted i acted badly and probably childish, i’ve learned the lesson and i wouldn’t do it again, but she closed my mouth in front of other people for a couple of minutes, publicly embarassing me, and that’s something i wouldn’t do to anybody in any occasion. She could have just walked away or sat somewhere else. I guess you religious people are used to “gag” anybody who doesn’t share your believes…

I understand that you were embarrassed by the actions of your girlfriend. However, there are times when we sit quiet even if we are bored. At the movies, in school, in a library…

You could have sat in the back or in your car if you didn’t want to be there.

The point is, it’s most unusual to carry on a conversation in a church (or in class or at the movies). If you can’t control yourself in life, there is always somebody that will do it for you.

 

[pnewton]

. I guess you religious people are used to “gag” anybody who doesn’t share your believes…

No. We just aren’t really used to people being that clueless and/or rude. It has nothing to do with disagreement.

I went to a funeral this week with a Baptist preacher. I didn’t particularly care for what he said. I was the one who disagreed. Yet out of respect for the occasion, I sat and endured. I darn sure didn’t start talking on the phone.

Did you not care enough about your girlfriend to give her an hour without a cell phone? I think this say volumes about the two of you, if this is true, or about your real purpose here, if it is all made up.

One more thing about Catholics, we do not consider anything that brings about humility and breaks our pride as bad. It is part of what builds character. Perhaps this will make more sense when you are older.

 

[Midwest88]

I thought for christians nothing could justify violence, or physical restrain, or whatever you wanna call it in this case…

Forget what you thought of Christians in terms of using physical force, you were in the wrong. Your actions were inconsiderate and you showed how ignorant you are in a general setting when someone is speaking or when there is silence. It ain’t rocket science, bud. It’s common sense.

 

[ProdglArchitect]

Frankly i don’t understand your answers. I have admitted i acted badly and probably childish, i’ve learned the lesson and i wouldn’t do it again, but she closed my mouth in front of other people for a couple of minutes, publicly embarassing me, and that’s something i wouldn’t do to anybody in any occasion. She could have just walked away or sat somewhere else. I guess you religious people are used to “gag” anybody who doesn’t share your believes…

You sound incredibly narcissistic. This wasn’t people gagging you for beliving differently; this was you’re girlfriend being forced to physically make you shut up because you’re too much of an immature a** to show any degree of respect for her or her beliefs.

If you honestly can’t see this, then you are an immature man-child who needs reality to kick them in the face a little. This young woman, and any young woman, deserves someone who will show her respect, especially when it comes to one of the focal points of her life. If you can’t be that person, then you need to shove off and let her find someone who will show her the respect and consideration she deserves.

 

[Beryllos]

I thought for christians nothing could justify violence, or physical restrain, or whatever you wanna call it in this case…

Well, nobody’s perfect. She didn’t know what to do, and that’s what happened.

If I were her, I imagine I would have led you out of the church, so you wouldn’t distract everyone else. But that’s what I think as sit here comfortably at home with no one watching. I can’t be sure what I would have done.

 

[JRS_88]

If you didn’t intend to treat her religious beliefs with respect by behaving appropriately during Mass, then you should have declined to go. Your behaviour showed a tremendous amount of disrespect for your girlfriend.

^^^This!