Hurt and Lonely

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rebeccajohns

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I am new to this forum, and so far I am glad I found it. I am looking for advice and prayers. I am very lost and lonely. I was in a relationship of almost 3 years w/ a man, who never committed to me. He never showed me affection. caring, support and never said I love you not even once to me. I could look like a million $ and he never complimented. Whenever I was having financial hardship or needed his support emotionally he was never really there. I always found excuse to say this is just the way he is not a very affectionate loving person, but he is still a good man. We do not live together, but I would drive 56 miles every weekend to see him and spend the weekend w/ him. He never gave me any types of gifts, never acknowledge valentine’s, bdays, or like to spend money. A month ago I had plans w/ him and he completely blind sided me by telling me he went out on a date. I was completely devastated and hurt. I don’t know why I find myself beating myself up and wondering why I was never good enough for him or why I didn’t do more to make him realize that I am the right woman for him. I don’t know why I kept hanging on and settling for so little. I am a loyal, honest woman raised w/ good principles and morals and values in life. He told me once that we are not fiscally compatible. I want to move on but I find my self esteem very low and wondering if any man will ever want to be w/ me and marry me some day. I have been divorced 25 years and I have been praying and begging the Lord and all the saints to hear my prayers and send me a husband and yet I am still wiating. Everytime I meet someone, and I feel that this could be good regardless of whether I take it slow or fast, I find myself w/ a man who is not willing to love me or commit. I need to get over this relationship and I find myself thinking over and over what I could have done to make this right. I felt I gave my all almost 3 years of me doing all the 100% giving and I feel betrayed, unworthy, and hopeless. Please pray for me. Ask God to send me a husband. Amen! And do not pray for RebeccaJohns as this is not my real name. This is just a user name, but not my name.
 
I have said a prayer for you just now, and will say another tonight.

Have you asked God what HIS plan for you is? Sometimes (not all the time) we find ourselves frustrated in our own plans, it may be a sign that our plans are not His plans for us. His plan is the only one that is truly the best for us. He is all Loving (He cares more about our welfare and eternal hapiness than ANYONE), He is all Knowing (He knows exactly what we need to be happy and loving), He is all Powerful (He has the power to move all obstacles that are in the way of His perfect plan for our eternal happiness).
 
rebeccajohns said:
I am new to this forum, and so far I am glad I found it. I am looking for advice and prayers. I am very lost and lonely. I was in a relationship of almost 3 years w/ a man, who never committed to me. He never showed me affection. caring, support and never said I love you not even once to me. I could look like a million $ and he never complimented. Whenever I was having financial hardship or needed his support emotionally he was never really there. I always found excuse to say this is just the way he is not a very affectionate loving person, but he is still a good man. We do not live together, but I would drive 56 miles every weekend to see him and spend the weekend w/ him. He never gave me any types of gifts, never acknowledge valentine’s, bdays, or like to spend money. A month ago I had plans w/ him and he completely blind sided me by telling me he went out on a date. I was completely devastated and hurt. I don’t know why I find myself beating myself up and wondering why I was never good enough for him or why I didn’t do more to make him realize that I am the right woman for him. I don’t know why I kept hanging on and settling for so little. I am a loyal, honest woman raised w/ good principles and morals and values in life. He told me once that we are not fiscally compatible. I want to move on but I find my self esteem very low and wondering if any man will ever want to be w/ me and marry me some day. I have been divorced 25 years and I have been praying and begging the Lord and all the saints to hear my prayers and send me a husband and yet I am still wiating. Everytime I meet someone, and I feel that this could be good regardless of whether I take it slow or fast, I find myself w/ a man who is not willing to love me or commit. I need to get over this relationship and I find myself thinking over and over what I could have done to make this right. I felt I gave my all almost 3 years of me doing all the 100% giving and I feel betrayed, unworthy, and hopeless. Please pray for me. Ask God to send me a husband. Amen! And do not pray for RebeccaJohns as this is not my real name. This is just a user name, but not my name.
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I know this won’t seem comforting, but the truth is this guy did you a favor by dumping this relationship. You should be grateful to him for doing something you seemingly did not have the strength to do on your own. If you think you’re suffering now, it’s nothing to what it would have been like had you married the guy. Let’s just face it. He’s a rat. You are going to have trouble believing it, but maybe it would help if you repeated every now and then that he’s a rat and thank God for letting you know it.

I’ll pray for you. I’ll pray that God gives you wisdom and implants in your brain the image of a rat every time you think of this guy. I guess maybe I’m not too nice, but I don’t like guys who are rats. And I’ll pray that you get to feeling better, too.
 
Thank you so much for your prayers and advice. Reading the forum makes me feel so much at ease. I know that many times I can be my worst enemy. You are correct God has a different plan for me, I just need to see this and understand it and overcome the pain I am enduring. Many times I have said perhaps he did do me a favor in dumping this relationship because I didn’t know how to end it and I guess being forced to end it was the best way or I would still be in it. Although I know it is the right thing that happened, I am so devastatingly hurt and feel so lonely and despaired. Thank you all for your support, and please continue to pray for me. Praise God!!!
 
Youll always find friends here at CAF and you are certainly in my Prayers!
 
rebeccajohns said:
I am new to this forum, and so far I am glad I found it. I am looking for advice and prayers. I am very lost and lonely. I was in a relationship of almost 3 years w/ a man, who never committed to me. He never showed me affection. caring, support and never said I love you not even once to me. I could look like a million $ and he never complimented. Whenever I was having financial hardship or needed his support emotionally he was never really there. I always found excuse to say this is just the way he is not a very affectionate loving person, but he is still a good man. We do not live together, but I would drive 56 miles every weekend to see him and spend the weekend w/ him. He never gave me any types of gifts, never acknowledge valentine’s, bdays, or like to spend money. A month ago I had plans w/ him and he completely blind sided me by telling me he went out on a date. I was completely devastated and hurt. I don’t know why I find myself beating myself up and wondering why I was never good enough for him or why I didn’t do more to make him realize that I am the right woman for him. I don’t know why I kept hanging on and settling for so little. I am a loyal, honest woman raised w/ good principles and morals and values in life. He told me once that we are not fiscally compatible. I want to move on but I find my self esteem very low and wondering if any man will ever want to be w/ me and marry me some day. I have been divorced 25 years and I have been praying and begging the Lord and all the saints to hear my prayers and send me a husband and yet I am still wiating. Everytime I meet someone, and I feel that this could be good regardless of whether I take it slow or fast, I find myself w/ a man who is not willing to love me or commit. I need to get over this relationship and I find myself thinking over and over what I could have done to make this right. I felt I gave my all almost 3 years of me doing all the 100% giving and I feel betrayed, unworthy, and hopeless. Please pray for me. **Ask God to send me a husband. Amen! ** And do not pray for RebeccaJohns as this is not my real name. This is just a user name, but not my name.
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You mean someone who is a potential husband;)

I’ll pray for you.
 
rebeccajohns said:
I am new to this forum, and so far I am glad I found it.
I am looking for advice and prayers.
I am very lost and lonely.
I was in a relationship of almost 3 years w/ a man, who never committed to me…
I was completely devastated and hurt.
I don’t know why
I find myself beating myself up and wondering why
I was never good enough for him or why
I didn’t do more to make him realize that
I am the right woman for him.
I don’t know why
I kept hanging on and settling for so little.
I am a loyal, honest woman raised w/ good principles and morals and values in life…
I want to move on but
I find my self esteem very low and wondering if any man will ever want to be w/ me and marry me some day.
I have been divorced 25 years and
I have been praying and begging the Lord and all the saints to hear my prayers and send me a husband and yet
I am still waiting. Everytime
I meet someone, and
I feel that this could be good regardless of whether
I take it slow or fast,
I find myself w/ a man who is not willing to love me or commit.
I need to get over this relationship and
I find myself thinking over and over what
I could have done to make this right.
I felt I gave my all almost 3 years of me doing all the 100% giving and
I feel betrayed, unworthy, and hopeless.

Please pray for me.
Ask God to send me a husband. Amen!
And do not pray for RebeccaJohns as this is not my real name. This is just a user name, but not my name.
Click to expand...
I’m sorry 'RebeccaJohns", I took the liberty to remove all references to your ex boyfriend. I just wanted to see a little more clearly how you felt about yourself. I see a woman who has great qualities. You are very devoted and sincere. You have lots of love to give. You are a very strong woman and very committed.

Why do you think your relationship failed because you didn’t do enough? A relationship involves two people and it takes two together to make a relationship work.

More than that, it takes more. This is God’s Word for you;

Matthew 6:32
“For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33“But seek** first **His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Psalms 146:3
Do not trust in princes, In mortal man, in whom there is no salvation.
Psalms 3:5
Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.

You are precious in your Holy Fathers eyes. He loves you with an everlasting love and wants to bestow abundant life for you. He desires to draw you close to Him. Draw close to Him, and He will draw close to you.
He will remind you who you really are. You are the daughter of the most high God. You are full of light and He has great plans for your future.
 
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
Ask the Holy Spirit to grant you the gift of discernment and prudence.

This may sound a little harsh, but it is possible that God might not have marriage in mind for you. He may have other plans, such as the religious life or the single life. Or possibly, maybe He does have marriage in mind for you, but not right now. You may have other gifts that He wants you to cultivate for His greater glory.

People limit themselves when they think that they will only be fulfilled when they are in a marriage. That isn’t necessarily the case. All you have to do is look at the sad reality that of every couple who gets married nowadays, at least fifty percent of them will end up telling it to the judge. While a good marriage can be a metaphor of the relationship of Jesus with His Church, there are not all that many that even begin to approach that metaphor. So please, don’t think marriage in and of itself will give you happiness.

Discerning, and doing, the will of God in your life, however, will make you supremely happy right here on earth, and infinitely happy with Him in heaven.

I’ll share some of my own story: I was single for many, many years, and did not meet my husband until I was in my forties. At times I envied friends who seemed to be in decent marriages.

I studied classical ballet from the time I was six years old and demonstrated talent. I was blessed that I had supportive parents. The long and short of the story is that I ended up dancing for NY City Ballet for twenty-two years, during which time I also earned a degree in performing arts from Fordham (they had a program that was friendly to our rehearsal and performance schedules.) While I was with the company, I had the opportunity to travel worldwide, and saw all sorts of interesting sites and met all sorts of people. I remained active in my parish, volunteering for the bread line and the thrift store. I also had the incredibly enriching experience of being the RCIA and Confirmation sponsor to a fellow dancer who converted to the Catholic Church. The friendship we forged was somewhat like Lucy and Ethel, and we maintain the friendship to this day.

I met my husband on a school sponsored trip to the Adirondacks (Fordham,) when I was in my early forties, and our wedding ceremony (at St. Patrick’s,) was presided over by an old high school flame who had entered the priesthood.

Sadly, we did not have children of our own: Two miscarriages, and an abruptio placentae (stillbirth accompanied by profound hemorrhage,) was the only brush we had with parenthood. I think of this as I have three children who are in heaven. In the abruptio placentae episode, I nearly hemorrhaged to death, and underwent an emergency hysterectomy.

After I retired from the ballet company, I earned a degree in physical therapy, and work in that field nowadays. Additionally, I teach ballet with a local ballet school. Nowadays, I consider my patients and my students as “spiritual children.” The patients, obviously so. My students: I was able to intervene in the case of a twelve year old girl who was developing an eating disorder, and convince her stage-mother to get her into effective therapy.

So I’ve been through a protracted single state (which was very enjoyable,) and the married state, in which I find myself nowadays. Believe me when I tell you: Marriage can be a martyrdom of empty toilet paper rolls! We went through a period where he was drinking heavily and foolishly, we’ve been separated when he became abusive, but ended up reconciling. I wouldn’t say our marriage approaches a mystical union, but we’ve learned to hammer out our differences peacefully and with an eye to the other’s happiness.

My advice: Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in discernment of a state in life. And then, if you are bold enough to follow His leadings, you will find yourself very happy. Regardless of who else is or isn’t there.
 
Lord God, I pray for this woman. Heal her broker heart. Help her to move on from the hurt of this relationship. Let her know in ways she will understand, Your wonderful plan for her life and her future. Bless her always so that she will feel fulfilled in her life. AMEN.
 
Wow thank you all for your support. This is really close to my heart and I truly appreciate your advice and honesty. I am left speechless and w/ great gratitude. I am so glad that I found this forum because your support helps me everyday. Have a blessed and safe Memorial Weekend. Praise God and thank God.
 
odile53 said:
Ask the Holy Spirit to grant you the gift of discernment and prudence.

This may sound a little harsh, but it is possible that God might not have marriage in mind for you. He may have other plans, such as the religious life or the single life. Or possibly, maybe He does have marriage in mind for you, but not right now. You may have other gifts that He wants you to cultivate for His greater glory.

People limit themselves when they think that they will only be fulfilled when they are in a marriage. That isn’t necessarily the case. All you have to do is look at the sad reality that of every couple who gets married nowadays, at least fifty percent of them will end up telling it to the judge. While a good marriage can be a metaphor of the relationship of Jesus with His Church, there are not all that many that even begin to approach that metaphor. So please, don’t think marriage in and of itself will give you happiness.

Discerning, and doing, the will of God in your life, however, will make you supremely happy right here on earth, and infinitely happy with Him in heaven.

I’ll share some of my own story: I was single for many, many years, and did not meet my husband until I was in my forties. At times I envied friends who seemed to be in decent marriages.

I studied classical ballet from the time I was six years old and demonstrated talent. I was blessed that I had supportive parents. The long and short of the story is that I ended up dancing for NY City Ballet for twenty-two years, during which time I also earned a degree in performing arts from Fordham (they had a program that was friendly to our rehearsal and performance schedules.) While I was with the company, I had the opportunity to travel worldwide, and saw all sorts of interesting sites and met all sorts of people. I remained active in my parish, volunteering for the bread line and the thrift store. I also had the incredibly enriching experience of being the RCIA and Confirmation sponsor to a fellow dancer who converted to the Catholic Church. The friendship we forged was somewhat like Lucy and Ethel, and we maintain the friendship to this day.

I met my husband on a school sponsored trip to the Adirondacks (Fordham,) when I was in my early forties, and our wedding ceremony (at St. Patrick’s,) was presided over by an old high school flame who had entered the priesthood.

Sadly, we did not have children of our own: Two miscarriages, and an abruptio placentae (stillbirth accompanied by profound hemorrhage,) was the only brush we had with parenthood. I think of this as I have three children who are in heaven. In the abruptio placentae episode, I nearly hemorrhaged to death, and underwent an emergency hysterectomy.

After I retired from the ballet company, I earned a degree in physical therapy, and work in that field nowadays. Additionally, I teach ballet with a local ballet school. Nowadays, I consider my patients and my students as “spiritual children.” The patients, obviously so. My students: I was able to intervene in the case of a twelve year old girl who was developing an eating disorder, and convince her stage-mother to get her into effective therapy.

So I’ve been through a protracted single state (which was very enjoyable,) and the married state, in which I find myself nowadays. Believe me when I tell you: Marriage can be a martyrdom of empty toilet paper rolls! We went through a period where he was drinking heavily and foolishly, we’ve been separated when he became abusive, but ended up reconciling. I wouldn’t say our marriage approaches a mystical union, but we’ve learned to hammer out our differences peacefully and with an eye to the other’s happiness.

My advice: Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you in discernment of a state in life. And then, if you are bold enough to follow His leadings, you will find yourself very happy. Regardless of who else is or isn’t there.
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Yes, one of the things I need to work on is my own happiness w/ self. I have to accept that I need to be happy w/ or w/out a man in my life and I am yet to feel that this emptiness is never filled and I walk around w/ a hole in my heart because I do not have a spouse. Sad, but I am being honest about how I truly feel. Once again, your story is very inspitational. I am now 45 years old so the older I become the emptier I feel. 😦
 
Our Father, Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.
 
rebeccajohns said:
Wow thank you all for your support. This is really close to my heart and I truly appreciate your advice and honesty. I am left speechless and w/ great gratitude. I am so glad that I found this forum because your support helps me everyday. Have a blessed and safe Memorial Weekend. Praise God and thank God.
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That’s because most people on here are good people, as you are too.

Most people in the world are good too.

Expect good things to happen for you.👍
 
Well, I decided to go to confession yesterday and I ended feeling worse by the time I left the confession room than when I went in. The priest was a bit sarcastic and considered my circumstances nonsense. I did fill him in my situation and I told him how I felt like a sinner because I should be trusting God’s plan for me, and the priest just responded to me as this entire situation being nonsense, and that I am a bit desperate and to be careful w/ the next person I meet because I may do the same thing because it seems I have a pattern. I was shocked. A pattern? He doesn’t even know my life history. No nonsense? I thought to God no problem is too small and no situation is nonsense. I always go to God for every detail of my life. I depend on God for everything so although I know my situation compared to someone else’s may be smaller, to me it is still a problem that I am dealing with and a pain in my heart so it is important to God. The priest also went about to say there are people fighting for our country and your situation is nonsense. He kind of chuckled too. I did not persist the confession, but I felt horrible about myself. This did not help. Thank God I attended mass and just prayed and prayed to God and asked for his guidance even if my situation is nonsense to some people. 😦
 
Forget what the priest said if it doesn’t apply to you. The grace of forgiveness comes from Jesus, not the priest. He is irrelevant.

All your sins have been forgiven. And you have received the King of the Universe.👍
 
Our Father…
Glory Be…
Hail Mary…

Remember, O Most Gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known that anyone who fled to Thy protection,
implored Thy help or sought Thine intercession,
was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence,
I fly unto Thee, O Virgin of Virgins, my Mother;
to Thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate,
despise not my petitions,
but in Thy mercy, hear and answer me.
Amen.
 
triumphguy said:
Forget what the priest said if it doesn’t apply to you. The grace of forgiveness comes from Jesus, not the priest. He is irrelevant.

All your sins have been forgiven. And you have received the King of the Universe.👍
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Thank you. I appreciate it your time and support. 🙂
 
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