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triumphguy
Guest
You’re welcome
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odile53
Guest
The priest’s words sound a little harsh to me, but quite honestly, if you tolerated such a one-sided relationship in which this man just threw you a couple of emotional scraps now and then to keep you involved in the relationship for three years, maybe the pattern the priest was referring to was being willing to settle for very, very little. Three years IS a long time: If you had put up with this kind of treatment for a couple of months, and then told Mr. Negligent to hit the bricks, that would be a different situation. That’s a pretty common scenario with a lot of women, which might be why the priest said that you might have a “pattern.” He’s heard a lot of confessions, and what you described might be a very common scenario that he’s heard hundreds of times. You’re about a decade younger than I am, and I see those kinds of things a lot with my contemporaries.
When we were children we played with high fashion dolls that gave us an unrealistic image of what a woman should look like. School told us there was nothing we couldn’t accomplish if we were smart enough. Enter adolescence, with the teen magazines who held up more unrealistic images of young women, along with the not so subliminal message that if there wasn’t a man in our lives, we were some sort of miscreant. The women’s movement added that we had to have a brilliant, high paying career, on top of perfect looks and a great guy in order to be perfectly happy. Nowhere were we told that we were good enough the way we are.
This took its toll on a few generations of women, and they learned to settle for whatever they thought they could get, and got willing to tolerate lousy relationships for the sake of having one at all. They spoiled men in this, and men learned to not value women as the wonderful creatures of God that we truly are.
I’m not sure about the devil (although I think that the horrible nasty uncomfortable fashionable shoes which objectify us are diabolically inspired!) but can you see the influence of “the world and the flesh” here?
I re-read your original post, and you yourself identified the low self esteem that you’re experiencing. That tends to ingrain itself. Could this be the “pattern” the priest referenced? In any case, I think the advice he gave to be very careful with the next relationship was good advice. It would be good advice for anyone.
How do you do that? Don’t get too flattered by someone’s attentions, don’t be ready to drop things on a moment’s notice to be available whenever the man wants some attention or companionship, cultivate your own interests and activities. In prayer, meditate on the fact that you are a precious child of God. God doesn’t want His kids settling for table scraps (look it up, it’s right there in the Gospels, He wants to give us good things, much better than what we’d even try to find on our own.)
You might want to consider doing spiritual direction as well. That’s where you are meeting with a specific director, working on specific things on a regular basis. It’s a little like counseling, but not exactly, because it presumes someone who is pretty intact psychologically but hitting a speed bump in life. Working with a director over a period of time helps you customize your faith experience and your prayer life to address your own particular personality, your own prayer experience, and even identify your own particular proclivity to sin. Getting such individualized work helps you apply your faith in a way that will get you out of a rut or a pattern (if it exists.) Coupled with the Sacrament of Reconciliation, it’s an incredibly powerful tool to help someone make real changes. That tends to spill out over one’s entire life, making the person a more effective Christian, and even a happier one.
Check with your diocese to see whether spiritual direction is being offered somewhere in your diocese. Directors may be priests (the Jesuits excel at this, their hallmark is the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius of Loyola,) but there are other religious orders, and some lay people, who do spiritual direction from a wide variety of bases. If anything of what I’ve written here resonates, see what you can find is available out there, and take advantage of it. You’ll thank God, and thank yourself.
And I pray that God shower His blessings on you.
When we were children we played with high fashion dolls that gave us an unrealistic image of what a woman should look like. School told us there was nothing we couldn’t accomplish if we were smart enough. Enter adolescence, with the teen magazines who held up more unrealistic images of young women, along with the not so subliminal message that if there wasn’t a man in our lives, we were some sort of miscreant. The women’s movement added that we had to have a brilliant, high paying career, on top of perfect looks and a great guy in order to be perfectly happy. Nowhere were we told that we were good enough the way we are.
This took its toll on a few generations of women, and they learned to settle for whatever they thought they could get, and got willing to tolerate lousy relationships for the sake of having one at all. They spoiled men in this, and men learned to not value women as the wonderful creatures of God that we truly are.
I’m not sure about the devil (although I think that the horrible nasty uncomfortable fashionable shoes which objectify us are diabolically inspired!) but can you see the influence of “the world and the flesh” here?
I re-read your original post, and you yourself identified the low self esteem that you’re experiencing. That tends to ingrain itself. Could this be the “pattern” the priest referenced? In any case, I think the advice he gave to be very careful with the next relationship was good advice. It would be good advice for anyone.
How do you do that? Don’t get too flattered by someone’s attentions, don’t be ready to drop things on a moment’s notice to be available whenever the man wants some attention or companionship, cultivate your own interests and activities. In prayer, meditate on the fact that you are a precious child of God. God doesn’t want His kids settling for table scraps (look it up, it’s right there in the Gospels, He wants to give us good things, much better than what we’d even try to find on our own.)
You might want to consider doing spiritual direction as well. That’s where you are meeting with a specific director, working on specific things on a regular basis. It’s a little like counseling, but not exactly, because it presumes someone who is pretty intact psychologically but hitting a speed bump in life. Working with a director over a period of time helps you customize your faith experience and your prayer life to address your own particular personality, your own prayer experience, and even identify your own particular proclivity to sin. Getting such individualized work helps you apply your faith in a way that will get you out of a rut or a pattern (if it exists.) Coupled with the Sacrament of Reconciliation, it’s an incredibly powerful tool to help someone make real changes. That tends to spill out over one’s entire life, making the person a more effective Christian, and even a happier one.
Check with your diocese to see whether spiritual direction is being offered somewhere in your diocese. Directors may be priests (the Jesuits excel at this, their hallmark is the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius of Loyola,) but there are other religious orders, and some lay people, who do spiritual direction from a wide variety of bases. If anything of what I’ve written here resonates, see what you can find is available out there, and take advantage of it. You’ll thank God, and thank yourself.
And I pray that God shower His blessings on you.
R
rebeccajohns
Guest
Thank you. I did interpret a bit of what the priest said as helping me especially when he referred to the desperation/pattern. I am very guilty of that, but I did not appreciate when he referred to my situation as “nonsense” and compared it to soldiers fighting for our country." I know we have bigger problems, but my problems is also a problem. My problem is also important to God and I do not believe God would refer to my not so important problem when compared to others as “nonsense.” I still think he should have been a little more supportive and not sarcastic and no chuckle was necessary either. He does do beuaitufl homily, but I think he needs to improve his technique w/ people. We have another priest who does great homilies, and when you speak to him he so understanding and respectful. This is the priest I thought I was going to have at confession, but I got the harsh one. I am okay. I have put his comments behind me, but I still think he needs improvement when counseling.
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tbcrawford
Guest
Lord please hear our prayers for our friend Rebecca.May she feel Your love for her in her everyday life.Please comfort her and fill her with confidence.I pray she will have happiness and companionship in her life.Our dear friend has suffered so much in her life and I pray she can be happy and fullfilled in a relationship where her partner would value her and treat her equally.Lord in Your mercy please hear our prayers for Rebecca Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
J
JillianRose
Guest
What a awesome post… I think you should be the new CAF Dr. Phil
OP- YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS. YOU DO NOT NEED ANYONE BUT GOD TO VAILDATE WHO YOU ARE. THIS TOO SHALE PASS… :hug3:
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bcra
Guest
praying hard for you so you will be lonely no moere. when I was a chil i too was loney until I met my wife and now have a lovely family thank you lord i pray that you too someday will be loney no more. if you wish you may chat to many on catholic forum ask for their help or I if i can help.you are in my prayers. God Bless you our lady of lourdes pray for this loney soul bring hercloser to God for help.
:irish2::bible1:
:irish2::bible1:
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thequeen
Guest
Honey I just want to tell you good riddance to this idiot I went through the same thing when I was 19, I was with this guy I thought he really loved me well the night I lost my virginity to him he dumped me, told me Why did I just have sex with you your ugly and short I am 5 feet 2 an 3/4 inches tall and skinny I weighed around 105 at the time even today I weigh between 108 and 110 pounds. Shortly after i discovered I was pregnant when I told him he kicked me in the stomach causing me to miscarry Thankfully I had no more to do with him and realized that he did me a favor in dumping me I finally came home to the Catholic Church got a better set of moral values I have never been married an I have been celibate ever sense I have gotten rid of that jerk I was diagnosed with cervical cancer when I was going through private instructions to become Catholic and thankfully I have survived have been cancer free for nearly twenty years I just want to say hang in there and I liked another posters suggestion that you imagine an ugly rat when you think of him.
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NeedsMercy
Guest
I know this post is kinda late, but some of the other posters gave some really good advice. That guy put the “K” in the word CREEP! To the curb with him! You have a beautiful new life now. Ask the Lord for guidance as far as what His plan for you is. And, if you feel that marriage is the path, try asking my favorite saint, the Head of the Holy Family, St. Joseph, for help. Who else would know better what a good spouse should be than the spouse of the Blessed Virgin? You’re in my prayers…
A Special Prayer to St. Joseph
O St. Joseph, whose protection is so great, so strong, so prompt before the throne of God, I place in thee all RebeccaJohn’s interests and desires. O St. Joseph, assist her by thy powerful intercession and obtain for her all spiritual blessings through thy foster Son, Jesus Christ Our Lord, so that, having engaged here below thy heavenly power, she may offer thee her thanksgiving and homage.
O St. Joseph, I never weary contemplating thee and Jesus asleep in thine arms. I dare not approach while He reposes near thy heart. Press Him in my name and kiss His fine head for me, and ask Him to return the kiss when I draw my dying breath. Amen.
St. Joseph, pray for her!
A Special Prayer to St. Joseph
O St. Joseph, whose protection is so great, so strong, so prompt before the throne of God, I place in thee all RebeccaJohn’s interests and desires. O St. Joseph, assist her by thy powerful intercession and obtain for her all spiritual blessings through thy foster Son, Jesus Christ Our Lord, so that, having engaged here below thy heavenly power, she may offer thee her thanksgiving and homage.
O St. Joseph, I never weary contemplating thee and Jesus asleep in thine arms. I dare not approach while He reposes near thy heart. Press Him in my name and kiss His fine head for me, and ask Him to return the kiss when I draw my dying breath. Amen.
St. Joseph, pray for her!
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adrift
Guest
You say you were married for 25 years. Do you have an annulment?
Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be
done, on earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our
trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil. Amen
Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee
blessed art thou among women and
blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus
Holy Mary mother of God pray for us
sinners now and at the hour of our death
Amen.
Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning is now ever shall be world without end Amen
Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be
done, on earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our
trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil. Amen
Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee
blessed art thou among women and
blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus
Holy Mary mother of God pray for us
sinners now and at the hour of our death
Amen.
Glory Be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning is now ever shall be world without end Amen
T
tbcrawford
Guest
Lord please hear our prayers for our friend Rebecca.May she feel Your love for her in her everyday life.Please comfort her and fill her with confidence.I pray she will have happiness and companionship in her life.Our dear friend has suffered so much in her life and I pray she can be happy and fullfilled in a relationship where her partner would value her and treat her equally.Lord in Your mercy please hear our prayers for Rebecca Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
D
drtdj1
Guest
a little late but… if you take to heart what everyone has been telling you for months you have Gods words. they all have been telling you the VERY same thing! hear them and know that you are loved.
Dear Lord help this woman find and keep her way and her eyes open. in your name, amen
Dear Lord help this woman find and keep her way and her eyes open. in your name, amen
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tbcrawford
Guest
Lord please hear our prayers for our friend Rebecca.May she feel Your love for her in her everyday life.Please comfort her and fill her with confidence.I pray she will have happiness and companionship in her life.Our dear friend has suffered so much in her life and I pray she can be happy and fullfilled in a relationship where her partner would value her and treat her equally.Lord in Your mercy please hear our prayers for Rebecca Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
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randirhoades
Guest
I love this for it spoke to me too. I am praying for you RebeccaJohns and I’m sorry for your hurt. You didn’t deserve to be treated like a door mat and that was how you were being treated by that guy. I’m sorry for it.Here’s a prayer and a quote I love.
Quote first:
“There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all
the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with
people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the
good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones
who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling
down is a part of life, getting back up is living.”
***Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee.
Blessed art Thou among women,and
blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us now, and
at the hour of our death.
Amen
Glory be to the Father, to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning, as is and ever shall be, world without end.
Amen
***
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tbcrawford
Guest
Lord please hear our prayers for our friend Rebecca.May she feel Your love for her in her everyday life.Please comfort her and fill her with confidence.I pray she will have happiness and companionship in her life.Our dear friend has suffered so much in her life and I pray she can be happy and fullfilled in a relationship where her partner would value her and treat her equally.Lord in Your mercy please hear our prayers for Rebecca Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
T
tbcrawford
Guest
Lord please hear our prayers for our friend Rebecca.May she feel Your love for her in her everyday life.Please comfort her and fill her with confidence.I pray she will have happiness and companionship in her life.Our dear friend has suffered so much in her life and I pray she can be happy and fullfilled in a relationship where her partner would value her and treat her equally.Lord in Your mercy please hear our prayers for Rebecca Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
T
tbcrawford
Guest
Lord please hear our prayers for our friend Rebecca.May she feel Your love for her in her everyday life.Please comfort her and fill her with confidence.I pray she will have happiness and companionship in her life.Our dear friend has suffered so much in her life and I pray she can be happy and fullfilled in a relationship where her partner would value her and treat her equally.Lord in Your mercy please hear our prayers for Rebecca Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
I
itullian
Guest
prayer said
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tbcrawford
Guest
Lord please hear our prayers for our friend Rebecca.May she feel Your love for her in her everyday life.Please comfort her and fill her with confidence.I pray she will have happiness and companionship in her life.Our dear friend has suffered so much in her life and I pray she can be happy and fullfilled in a relationship where her partner would value her and treat her equally.Lord in Your mercy please hear our prayers for Rebecca Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
T
tbcrawford
Guest
Lord please hear our prayers for our friend Rebecca.May she feel Your love for her in her everyday life.Please comfort her and fill her with confidence.I pray she will have happiness and companionship in her life.Our dear friend has suffered so much in her life and I pray she can be happy and fullfilled in a relationship where her partner would value her and treat her equally.Lord in Your mercy please hear our prayers for Rebecca Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
T
tbcrawford
Guest
Lord please hear our prayers for our friend Rebecca.May she feel Your love for her in her everyday life.Please comfort her and fill her with confidence.I pray she will have happiness and companionship in her life.Our dear friend has suffered so much in her life and I pray she can be happy and fullfilled in a relationship where her partner would value her and treat her equally.Lord in Your mercy please hear our prayers for Rebecca Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
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