Hurtful Experience in a Catholic Church

[Faxero]

I don’t know. It is indeed a two-way street, and I’ve always found it difficult to develop and maintain friendships, so I can’t speak from personal experience.

With that in mind, I’m not as concerned with the practical applications of my argument as much as I am with its theoretical value. People must navigate the world by themselves. I’ll just provide food for thought, and hope that I’ll be able to navigate the world too.

 

[bmaj]

I’m so very sorry to hear that you’ve felt so much like an outsider at your Church. I’m sure Our Lord is deeply saddened as well that it’s been like that for you. I’ve noticed that many Catholics, including myself, will smile and try to be as friendly as possible upon entering, leaving, and at the Sign of Peace at Mass. My main priority during the rest of the service, though, is usually to focus on the healing power of the Eucharist and prayer. I often have serious concerns about loved ones that I wish to place before Our Lord, so I imagine many others may, too, and are possibly concentrating on that for much of the time. This may also be the case in the Rosary Prayer Group that you attend. It’s hard to say what might be happening in the lives of those there - possibly a very ill child or loved one, a marriage that might be disintegrating after many years, or continued and agonizing grief and loneliness over the loss of a spouse. They may be attending that group because they desperately need to hand their heartbreak over to Our Blessed Mother and Lord if they can’t bear it themselves any longer. They also could be extremely shy with people they don’t know well. There are so many possibilities, but they also should hopefully remember the very important lessons Our Lord taught about kindness and caring toward all others, including you and everyone else who may be in need. I pray they will one day be much kinder toward you and all others and remember what He preached in that regard. We are all so human and sinful with so much to learn on this earth.

Please don’t let these experiences you’ve had affect your love for the Church and the Most Holy Eucharist. Know that Our Merciful Lord is definitely with you every single moment and feels every sadness and hurt just as deeply as you do, if not more. When I feel slighted and hurt in ways such as you’ve been, it often helps me tremendously to pray for those people who seem to be so uncaring - and try in my heart to forgive them… “seven times seventy” as He said - and even more if necessary. May Our Dear Lord bless you always, Chinita, and keep you in His tender, loving care. I pray that all of this will get much better and easier for you.

 

[Chinita_12]

My apologies, then.
In any case, it really is possible that the root of the problem could be on your end, rather than on your fellow Parishioner’s end. I’ll expound on my statements on page 1, post 12.

When I was in elementary school, I had the same classmates for 5 consecutive years. My school’s system was set up so that each class had an assigned classroom for each year.

Despite being exposed to the same social environment with the same people for 5 years, I only made 3 friends.

This is because I took the time to interact with 3 classmates, while ignoring most others. I was physically present in the classroom, yet kept my distance from most of my peers.

I was physically present, yet emotionally absent.
Your circumstances aren’t exactly the same as mine. However, I believe that they’re similar enough so that the same principle ‘Physically present, emotionally absent.’ might be applicable.

You may be physically present at the Parish, but if you’re not emotionally connected to the others, if you’re ‘absent’, you’ll be ignored. That’s just how it is.
I am not saying that you *are *the root of the problem. I am merely considering possibilities, the same way Phil19034 on page 1, post 6 considered the possibility of geographical influence affecting the community, which in turn affects your circumstances, or how JimR-OCDS on page 4, post 57 considered the possibility of devotion to families inclining people to refrain from developing friendships.

Allowing oneself to consider a wide range of possibilities, including possibilities that may reflect critically on oneself, is indicative of being open-minded.

God bless.

You SHOULD apologize, and although I personally feel sorry for your childhood and family tragedies, your situation is not applicable to mine, because unlike you, I have absolute no problems developing and maintaining friendship OUTSIDE the church, even if I am in currently in a much different culture. So would you stop making false accusations of me being distant from the parishioners?

 

[Chinita_12]

The U.S is most certainly a materialistically competitive, goal-oriented place to live. People there seem to be frowned upon for not having amenities which everyone else seems to have, such as a car.

By the same token, I suppose the main reason you have problems making friends is becuase you live in a culture where most people must have relatives and family members to turn to, and people automatically shun those who come from dysfuctional and problematic families, such as, a family where the male head fails to proivde and is having an extramaritial affair.

 

[Chinita_12]

It can be very hard to assimilate into a new culture and especially a different country…you may have come from a country that is much more family oriented…the US is very much a fast paced materialistic don’t crowd my space society now a days…(sadly)…much of the family structure has broken down…people are so busy in their own lives they don’t have time…or the inclination to get involved even with their own families let alone strangers…and of course to a degree that is reflected also in church…most Catholics who attend mass I’m sure are genuine in their faith but even many of them are caught in the same day to day pressures of todays living…of course there are many genuine caring Catholics in all churches I am sure…unfortunately you may have to do much of the searching yourself to find a group where you will feel comfortable…don’t give up if you feel let down at times…maybe if you talk to your priest and let him know how you feel he could put you in touch with Catholics who really do care…God bless

I consider myself as a person with a “gypsy spirit” , because I have lived in many places in the world and feel comfortable and accepted most of the time. I understand that America is a highly developed capitalist society where people must climb the social ladder to feel fulfilled. But I also believe in the kindness among ordinary people and I don’t think America lacks it. It is the Catholic church that I feel particulary cold and unfriendly… Thank you for your response and God bless you too.

 

[Chinita_12]

Chinita, I hope you do not leave us. Some of us may be an acquired taste, but generally we mean well.

Thank you for your kindness, Sarcelle. God bless you.

 

[Chinita_12]

I guess the question is how you become emotionally connected? These feelings don’t come from nowhere and if you have tried like the OP and people don’t want to know or if your church doesn’t do a lot outside of mass then it’s hard to feel any emotional attachment to a parish. You could be the most loving person in the world but it’s a two way thing.

I did engage at the church, a lot, and additionally, I supported this church in many aspects including financial donations. I didn’t want to elaborate this part in my previous posts because I believe Jesus taught one should never let the left hand know what the right hand does. And, after all this, there are indeed feelings of betrayal and disappointment when the church alienated me… as you said, love is a two way thing. Thank you for your reply. God bless you.

 

[Chinita_12]

Chinita,
I bet you’re glad you shared your experience in here huh ?

Don’t let the high-school student upset you.

Jim

Jim, CAF might not be the best place to expose personal experiences in the world, but I am still glad that I voiced my opinions and the majority people here are supportive. Actually, it had been a healing process to write things down and to analyze myself. Thank you and God bless you.

 

[Chinita_12]

Chinita you might try other groups in the parish l had a similar experience with one group in my parish but then searched for other groups and found one that was friendlier in fact they almost beg to give me a ride home I have a car but sometimes because I am a type1 diabetic my blood sugar drops and and I am unable to drive home until I can bring it up to a proper level.

I had the financial means to buy a car, I just didn’t have a US driver’s license. Regardless of the what reason is, people at the church should be more charitable and try to provide some conveniences for people in need. Especially when they were at a rosary prayer group. I assume they prayed the rosary not just to feel good about themselves? It is good to know that your group were so charitable and supportive for you. That’s what our spiritual homes should be like. God bless you!

 

[Faxero]

It appears we misunderstood each other. I felt that you were being overemotional, while you felt that I was being judgmental.

We shouldn’t add fuel to the flames. I’m unsubscribing from this thread.

Remember, I never intended to judge you. I was merely being ‘coldly objective’, to borrow from Porthos11’s vocabulary.

I’ll remember to pray for parishes worldwide being worthy conduits of God’s love, so that those suffering from circumstances similar to yours may experience the light of Christ… God bless.