Hurtful Friends

  • Thread starter Thread starter Anonymous
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Be like a Mamma Bear and protect your children. You were right and seem to be a very considerate person. Other people can surprise you with their actions/reactions. Put your chin up and stay firm. Sorry the little one has such influence in her formation. You handled it well.
 
Rob's Wife:
As for geting resentfull and blaming people if your kid gets sick, no offense, but that’s foolish. Kids get sick and I don’t care who you “think” they caught it from - the reality is they could* have gotten it anywhere*.** Colds are viral. Viruses happen. Kids get sick. Yeah, it’s a less than thrilling parental duty to deal with it, but such is life. Keeping them cooped up, just makes it MORE likely that they will get sick. Fresh air does more to keep and get a kid healthy than all the colds meds sold.**
Click to expand...
IF YOUR KIDS ARE SICK, AND YOU KNOW IT, KEEP THEM AWAY FROM MY KIDS!!!
I don’t “coop” my kids up and they have caught things from who knows where…BUT…if you are around someone with chicken pox, or the flu, or whatever, and have not been around other sick people, practice good hygiene, etc., then it’s a pretty good bet where ya did get it! I knew someone who would send her kids, sick or not, to any ones house who would take them…just to get them out of HER hair. Several people were infected when HER child was turned loose on unsuspecting friends, because Mom was tired of being “cooped” up with the kids and instead of putting the sick one to bed…decided they weren’t that sick yet, and propped her own feet up…RIDICULOUS! It is only RIGHT if you know your child is ill to either keep them home or tell the poor unsuspecting host. I would be upset too and I don’t fault her for calling a nurse one bit…she’s pregnant!
 
40.png
jasm:
if you are around someone with chicken pox, or the flu, or whatever, and have not been around other sick people, practice good hygiene, etc., then it’s a pretty good bet where ya did get it!

Actually, it’s not. Almost all viruses have an incubation time. Usually, it takes about 3 to even 14 days before you see syptoms. So if you see a coughing kid today, it highly UNlikely that the cough your kid has tomorrow or the next day will have anything to do with that other kid. It probably has more to do with who knows who you may have come into contact with a good deal before that.

I knew someone who would send her kids, sick or not, to any ones house who would take them…just to get them out of HER hair. Several people were infected when HER child was turned loose on unsuspecting friends, because Mom was tired of being “cooped” up with the kids and instead of putting the sick one to bed…decided they weren’t that sick yet, and propped her own feet up…RIDICULOUS!

**I agree it’s ridiculous that several people didn’t just tell her “No” or would even associate with such a lazy mother. That is not how I am. **
It is only RIGHT if you know your child is ill to either keep them home or tell the poor unsuspecting host.

Did I say otherwise?? Noooo, I did not.
Click to expand...
 
40.png
Princess_Abby:
Are you overreacting? Heck no! I am shocked by the lack of understanding so far in many posts.
Click to expand...
I really am shocked by the lack of understanding as well. I keep asking myself what I am missing. Being told that calling the RN was overreacting really baffles me. As a mother, I am obligated to do what is best for my children, including my unborn. I am not a health care professional, therefore I called someone who could assess the situation objectively and tell me what was best. The last thing I WANTED to do was to turn the child away!
 
40.png
LeahInancsi:
I have to agree with Pammie. When I first started reading your post, I thought you were upset because of the fear that chicken pox had been brought into your come and could endanger your pregnancy. I don’t believe I’ve heard of chicken pox being dangerous, but measles is.

I’m not familiar with chicken pox vaccine since they didn’t have it when I was a kid and I don’t have any children. Does this vaccine protect for life?

In my own experience, I purposefully exposed myself to chicken pox when I was 9 so I could stay out of school. It turned out to be a good move. If I had gotten chicken pox in my teens or later in life, I would have been much sicker, very sick. I’m 50 years old now, and caring for my elderly mother. She developed shingles a couple months ago and neither of us knew what it was. If I had not had chicken pox as a child or since then, I would have been exposed to it now and could be much sicker than when I had it at 9. Although there is a vaccine and chicken pox is not as common as in the past, it’s still a relatively harmless childhood disease. Better now than later.

INMO, you’re over-reacting, but you know your children best.
Click to expand...
If you have never had chicken pox and you are pregnant it can indeed endanger your pregnancy, my sister in laws day care provider had never had chicken pox and while pregnant with her second child her first child got the chicken pox and she (the mom) got the chicken pox and miscarried at 5 months, so, if you haven’t had the chicken pox and your an adult you do need to be very careful.
 
Rob’s Wife said:
Did you read all my post?
Click to expand...

Not carefully. You are right. I re-read ALL of it and see that you do appreciate the situation. Sorry.
 
40.png
Anonymous:
I really am shocked by the lack of understanding as well. I keep asking myself what I am missing. Being told that calling the RN was overreacting really baffles me. As a mother, I am obligated to do what is best for my children, including my unborn. I am not a health care professional, therefore I called someone who could assess the situation objectively and tell me what was best.
I don’t think anyone has an issue with you calling to ask about any possible danger to you or your unborn baby.
That is not the impression your post gave though. Your post made it seems as though you were upset to have a sick kid come over and used a call to the nurse as “ammo” when you spoke to the mother. Why? It doesn’t matter what your medical theory on the kid may have been. You don’t want a sick kid over, so she doesn’t come that time. No big deal.
I wouldn’t have cared what she was sick with, I would have just taken her home and then called the nurse/ob with any questions. Afterall, if there had been a risk all you were doing is prolonging your exposure to that risk.
Let me put it this way, if a mom calls me and says my ds appears sick and she would like to cut the visit short. I say okay and we’ll do whatever some other time. Maybe I know he’s not sick, maybe he didn’t appear to be sick until after he was out and about, maybe he’s allergic to her carpet - who knows?? Doesn’t matter to me. It’s no big thing. Just life with kids. I’d probably laugh it off and say I was sorry it had to be cut short, but I’ll be right over to get him.

Now let’s say the same situation comes up, but the mom calls me and says she called the dr/nurse line and thinks my ds has blank and she thinks I should do whatever and so forth. THAT’s going to tick me off some. I know my kids better than she does, I’ll get my own medical evaluations, handle it as I see best, and not so thank you very much. I doubt I’d actually SAY that, but I’d sure think it. I’d probably ask why she didn’t see fit to just call me, rather than the nurse, and let me come get him to deal and be done with it from the begining?! Not to mention kids are legendary for not getting the facts quite right, so I might just know more about the situation than she or the kid does.
The last thing I WANTED to do was to turn the child away!

THAT is what is throwing me off. WHY?? If she’s sick, why wouldn’t you want to just take her home?? It shouldn’t have been a big deal at all and it really shouldn’t have mattered what she was sick with either.
Click to expand...
 
I agree with Rob’s wife, I would have simply taken the child home and said, oh, your child is feeling sick so I brought her home, when she is better give us a call.

The original post is different than later posts and that is why we are confused.
 
I would not have sent her home for a cold/rash/cough. I would have taken precautions and I would have spoiled the heck out of the child. She has been here with colds before. It was the POX that scared me. The child had the symptoms combined with possible exposure. My “pox or not” comment was flip and born of anger. Had I **not **known about the pox, the child would have stayed, period.

Now if my child was down with a cold, I’d keep her home. There is a double standard and that may be confusing but understand that the situations in the homes are very different. I hope that clears it up.

Hey, look how close we are in our pregnancies! That’s pretty cool.

Anon~
 
" Did I mention that my visitor was pale, had dark circles under her eyes, was coughing, and complained of a RASH? "

If she was this sick, you should have just taken her home, dear, simple as that. IMHO.
 
I am going to turn my **full **attention to my daughter, the one who has suffered a very painful loss. It really is about HER and has been all along. With God’s help that has become clear.

Thanks.

Anon~
 
I have found, regarding my children’s friends and playmates, that if I don’t enjoy and respect the parents, I do not support my child’s relationship with that other child. Period. The children can play at school, visit at games and scouts, and that’s enough. I am very careful about the friends we invite to our home and encourage our children to form lasting friendships with kids from families that are similar to our own, especially on spiritual issues.
 
I do feel bad for the little girl who is in the middle of this, by no fault of her own but that of her mother, my kids have a couple friends like these and I had a couple friends like these, they were the ones who came over to my house when I was little and they told me they wished my mom and dad were their mom and dad, they were so starved for love and affection and my mom tried to give them that little bit extra hug and care because they just were not getting it at home.

My own kids have a couple friends like this and although it is difficult, I try my best, I can’t turn these children away because I’m not thrilled with their parents, the kids are totally innocent, maybe its becuase I’m a foster mom and I look at these kids in different eyes, I think of them as my responsibility too, if they don’t know someone out in this world cares, they will grow up into very bitter and angry people, I want them to know that not all people are like this.

So, I will pray for this child who will no longer be welcome in your home and I’m not trying to hurt your feelings but at this very moment she must be hurting and the next time she wants to see your child and is told “who knows what lies about why she can’t” I ache for her becuase she is innocent.

This is a sad situation no matter how you look at it 😦
 
40.png
kamz:
I do feel bad for the little girl who is in the middle of this, by no fault of her own but that of her mother, my kids have a couple friends like these and I had a couple friends like these, they were the ones who came over to my house when I was little and they told me they wished my mom and dad were their mom and dad, they were so starved for love and affection and my mom tried to give them that little bit extra hug and care because they just were not getting it at home.

My own kids have a couple friends like this and although it is difficult, I try my best, I can’t turn these children away because I’m not thrilled with their parents, the kids are totally innocent, maybe its becuase I’m a foster mom and I look at these kids in different eyes, I think of them as my responsibility too, if they don’t know someone out in this world cares, they will grow up into very bitter and angry people, I want them to know that not all people are like this.

So, I will pray for this child who will no longer be welcome in your home and I’m not trying to hurt your feelings but at this very moment she must be hurting and the next time she wants to see your child and is told “who knows what lies about why she can’t” I ache for her becuase she is innocent.

This is a sad situation no matter how you look at it 😦
Click to expand...
 
40.png
kamz:
I do feel bad for the little girl who is in the middle of this, by no fault of her own but that of her mother, my kids have a couple friends like these and I had a couple friends like these, they were the ones who came over to my house when I was little and they told me they wished my mom and dad were their mom and dad, they were so starved for love and affection and my mom tried to give them that little bit extra hug and care because they just were not getting it at home.

My own kids have a couple friends like this and although it is difficult, I try my best, I can’t turn these children away because I’m not thrilled with their parents, the kids are totally innocent, maybe its becuase I’m a foster mom and I look at these kids in different eyes, I think of them as my responsibility too, if they don’t know someone out in this world cares, they will grow up into very bitter and angry people, I want them to know that not all people are like this.

So, I will pray for this child who will no longer be welcome in your home and I’m not trying to hurt your feelings but at this very moment she must be hurting and the next time she wants to see your child and is told “who knows what lies about why she can’t” I ache for her becuase she is innocent.

This is a sad situation no matter how you look at it 😦
Click to expand...
Foul! Laying on a guilt trip.

Kamz and others are perfectly in their rights to welcome any and all children into their homes as they wish. But, this does not obligate any one else to be as magnanimous.
 
40.png
kamz:
I do feel bad for the little girl who is in the middle of this, by no fault of her own but that of her mother…
So, I will pray for this child who will no longer be welcome in your home and I’m not trying to hurt your feelings but at this very moment she must be hurting and the next time she wants to see your child and is told “who knows what lies about why she can’t” I ache for her becuase she is innocent.This is a sad situation no matter how you look at it 😦
Click to expand...
NO OFFENSE TAKEN!!! I am praying for her too! That’s really about all I can to deal with her hurt. She is not in my sphere of influence. My daughter is and I have been comforting her, praying for her, and keeping the lines of communication open. Today at breakfast she told me she had a dream she was playing with her little friend. So sad. Oh, and don’t misunderstand, the friend is DEFINITELY welcome in my home. However, it is VERY unlikely her mother would allow that.
 
Okay…the fact that you’re pregnant should have been ‘enough reason’ to keep ANY sick kid out of your way…I belong to a ‘Mother & baby/toddler’ group, and there are always a few pregnant ladies there, with older children who come to play. And everyone automatically stays home if either they or their children have a cold or worse, to protect the pregnant women.

Having said that, I had chicken-pox at 23, and it was AWFUL…to get it as an adult is so much worse than to have it as a child… That’s why here in Britain (before mass-vaccination) they used to hold ‘chickenpox-parties’ so that children could all get it over and done with at a young age.

Anna x
 
Anon-

It’s just simple courtesy to notify someone if your child is sick. It doesn’t matter if it’s chicken pox or just a “cold”. Sometimes a mom has to work, her children have school, or the family has vacations or other family gatherings that they’ve planned. All of those things are impacted if an inconsiderate “friend” sends a kid over sick. You should be allowed to make a decision regarding having a kid over AFTER being fully informed. I agree with the other posters that if someone drops a sick kid off, and you are not comfortable, just bring that kid home. I have had situations where a sick kid is dropped off because the mom has an “important appointment”, and is unavailable. I make sure I am no longer available to these people for babysitting services.

WIth that being said, it does sound like there is more to this story. Perhaps this mom has taken advantage of you in the past? My son has a friend whose mother is very manipulative and has taken advantage of my good nature many times. I am trying to cut ties with her, but maintain my son’s friendship. It is difficult. I wish I had kept things less personal with this mom. I knew her personality very early on in the relationship, yet I allowed her to get “too close”. You live and you learn. :banghead:
 
40.png
coyote:
Foul! Laying on a guilt trip.

Kamz and others are perfectly in their rights to welcome any and all children into their homes as they wish. But, this does not obligate any one else to be as magnanimous.
Click to expand...
I’m most certainly not laying on a guilt trip, but, I am feeling bad for the “child who loses out in this situation” I feel like she has a pathetic mom and wish she could have a loving, caring family, I ache for that child and I will pray that God will watch over her and change her life for the better.

I understand how the op feels and I totally respect her opinion and I think the mother of this poor child is a little “nuts” that said, I still feel really bad for the kid who didn’t ask for any of this and I don’t think it would hurt for us to say a prayer for her, after all, prayer is amazing and very powerful and God can change this mothers heart.

I don’t know what I would do in the op’s situation, but, I would pray for the child and her family and I would ask God to work this out and pray that the mother would come around and allow the children to remain friends at least. 👍
 
40.png
coyote:
Foul! Laying on a guilt trip.

Kamz and others are perfectly in their rights to welcome any and all children into their homes as they wish. But, this does not obligate any one else to be as magnanimous.
Click to expand...
by the way,

Magnanimous = very generous, kind, or forgiving

Yes, I am those things, God asked us to do for others, to be a brother to others, to love our neighbor as ourselves, even when it is very, very hard.

God never said it would be easy and sometimes taking the higher ground is not easy and being kind and forgiving when we would rather not be is also very hard but what if God would not be kind and forgiving to us? I hate to even think of it :eek:
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top