Hurtful Friends

[Island_Oak]

Anonymous:

I am cutting and running from this person. I have been praying for her and her family however, and will continue to do so… My “friend’s” little girl has been like a part of our family. We will all miss this child dearly. I don’t see any way that relationship can continue, unfortunately.

Am I being hormonal? Paranoid?

I think you are right on target. EVEN IF it could somehow be argued that you were overly sensitive, it is inexcusable to send an ill child into the home of an expectant mother (with other children of her own) without disclosing that the visiting child is ill or has been exposed to illness. How was she to know that you and/or your husband had previously had the CP?! Did she realize that exposure during certain stages of pregnancy (in women who do not have varicella antibodies) can lead to serious fetal complications!?!? How was she to know your children had been vaccinated or exposed in the past ?! Even if there was 0 risk to the pregnancy/you, what friend would ever take the chance of filling your house with illness and wearing you out caring for sick kids of your own?!?!

Aside from all the absence of forethought, a real friend would never react the way she did once this issue was brough to her attention. This is not someone who is looking out for your best interest. I would be looking at this “friendship” only in the rear-view mirror absent a profuse apology and claims of temporary insanity on her part!

…and while I am sorry for the inevitable loss of relationship with the child, perhaps better now than later…their judgement is so contrary to yours, that the conflict most surely would have manifested itself elsewhere in their parenting choices.

 

[vluvski]

I think she was using you as a free babysitter. Shame on that mom, dad needs to learn a few things about germ theory, and I feel really bad for the child. You did nothing wrong, anon.

 

[Peace-bwu]

I can’t believe how many people don’t understand how dangerous Chicken Pox can be to an adult, let alone a pregnant woman. Did your OBGYN say that there is any risk to the baby if mom has already had the pox? It is your job to protect your family. Your children come first. No matter what kind of obligation you may have felt for your child’s friend, chances are, there would be more serious problems in the future.

I pray you will not become ill.

For the person who asked: The chicken pox vaccine is not 100% effective and there is some controversey about how long it the effectiveness will last. I believe they were first issued in about 1997 or 98. I assume there will be a second vaccination as the child grows older, but I am not sure when that will be. The controversey lies in the fact that chicken pox is much more dangerous for adults, although some children have severe complications, adults are another ballgame entirely. So there is a debate whether it is better to allow a child to contract chicken pox so they will be immune as adults rather than be concerned that the vac will be ineffective in adulthood when complications are more serious. I opted for the vaccine for my three, but hope that there will be a definitive answer to the question of when they will need a second vaccine.

 

[katewithak]

(DH and I are expecting our third on or about April 30th!~)

A “friend” of mine allowed her daughter, my daughter’s playmate to come over the other day for a visit. The child comes here quite often and usually spends at least one night a weekend! What my “friend” FAILED to tell me is that there is Chickenpox in the home! I could not believe it when the child told me. I just happened to ask how my friend’s grandchild, who lives in the home, was doing! It was casual conversation! Luckily this was early on in the visit!

I am trying to accept that a “friend” would allow her child to come into my home (maybe on more than one occasion!) without informing me of the exposure. Heck, I reconsider letting my child visit other’s homes if she has the SNIFFLES! Fortunately, my children ARE vaccinated, DH and I had it as children, (she had no idea) but even that is not 100%! Her child is vaccinated too as I have learned but that does not mean 100% protection. How could she take a chance with MY family?

Did I mention that my visitor was pale, had dark circles under her eyes, was coughing, and complained of a RASH? I called my insurance 24-hour hotline while the child was here and at one point the nurse asked me to describe her condition. When I did, I was told it was NOT a good idea for my family to be exposed to this child. (Chickenpox or NOT!)

When I called my “friend” to gently explain (I was somewhat shocked at this point but not really angry. I thought she was uninformed!) why I had to bring the child to her daddy’s home early, the friend became belligerent and hung up on me! Then she called me AGAIN, told me her child was NOT a carrier as she was vaccinated, didn’t appreciate what I was ACCUSING her of, said I was a liar in that I did **not **call a health care professional, told me not to call her again then hung up on me AGAIN!

I have not responded in any way, nor do I intend to. I am cutting and running from this person. I have been praying for her and her family however, and will continue to do so. For the record, I asked the child’s father if HE was aware that there was chickenpox in the mother’s home and how exposure could affect others. He said he was aware. At first he laughed and brushed it off. (?) He truly seemed unaware of the ramifications. He even said at one point that he hopes HE does not become infected.

I have observed that my “friend” has exhibited jealousy of my family and me. I won’t get into details. I only mention the jealousy because I believe she deliberately exposed my family to something that was potentially harmful. I am not kidding. I think she WANTED to hurt us. I didn’t think it at first, but after her reaction, I can’t help but think anything else! Am I off the mark here?

My “friend’s” little girl has been like a part of our family. We will all miss this child dearly. I don’t see any way that relationship can continue, unfortunately.

Am I being hormonal? Paranoid? I really don’t think so but I ask your opinions. I am so hurt. I have been praying on this and have been having a hard time letting it go, as I know I should. Maybe by venting here, I will be able to finally get over this. It was a recent event. It’s a raw wound.

Thanks

Anon

No you are not being hormonal. Your vocation is obviously your family and you must care for the welfare of your own family. At this point, I would remain away from the child with chickenpox and pray for your friend. Your vocation comes first. Good luck and I’m sure the baby is fine.

 

[spiritblows]

If my kids are at all not in their best health, I always inform the other parent and let them decide. Everyone has different standards and levels of comfort about exposing their kids to illness.

In the hospital, any patient with chickenpox (Varicella-zoster virus) is put on airborne precautions, which means they are put into a negative-pressure room, with the door closed. This virus is considered dangerous for anyone who is immune-compromised. Airborne precautions are the same as used for patients with TB. They are also put on contact precaution. Therefore, the healthcare personel will wear a special airborne precaution mask, and gown and glove before entering the patient’s room.

This virus can reactivate later in life in localized areas of the body in the form of shingles (herpes zoster). Shingles affects nerves and is very painful. It can sometimes disseminate, requiring the same isolation protocol.

Your friend was very thoughtless and I don’t blame you for being upset. Her reaction is totally out of line. She sounds extremely immature and disrespectful.

 

[Loboto-Me]

My 12 yr old son contracted chicken pox when I was 3 months pregnant. I felt very safe knowing that I had gotten it as a baby according to my mom. A few weeks later, I was full fledged broken out with the wonderful, itchy, painful bubbles.

I’d never been so miserable in my life. I was sick for about 2 weeks. Honestly, I think the doctor should have admitted me into the hospital, but then, they don’t want to infect other patients who may be immuno suppressed. The doctor wanted to do an amnio on me and told me that it could affect the baby’s brain or the heart. I refused because whatever the outcome, I was not going to have an abortion anyway… so why subject my baby to a chance of miscarriage.

Thirty Two, pregnant, with 4 boys at home, and feeling like you’re on death’s door is not pleasant. I ended up worrying about this baby the whole time, but God blessed me with a healthy baby girl. She did have problems breathing (unmedicated birth), and the placenta was was covered in white spots. It was so strange.

 

[Anonymous]

Loboto-Me:

My 12 yr old son contracted chicken pox when I was 3 months pregnant. I felt very safe knowing that I had gotten it as a baby according to my mom. A few weeks later, I was full fledged broken out with the wonderful, itchy, painful bubbles.

WOW! I am so glad you had a healthy baby! God is great! Your story sends chills up my spine though.

I am pleased with the recent reponses by folks who appreciate the serious danger CP poses during pregnancy. There is a lot to be learned in this area. There are many myths to be dispelled.
Thanks.