Husband and I not having sex because we don't want children.

  • Thread starter Thread starter dluna
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

dluna

Guest
My husband and I recently got baptized into the Catholic faith. We realized that the use of contraception is a sin. But because we don’t want children, we decided not to have sex. Is this still wrong and sinful?

We are coping pretty well after a year of no-sex. My husband is very active at Church while I read the Bible daily, trying to know God better. We’ve talked about this lately and we agree that even if we want children later on, it seems quite impossible to be “lustful” with each other as we seem incapable of sexual or lustful thoughts now.

I guess I am just asking if there are others like us, who now find themselves incapable of sex and who live with their spouses like brothers and sisters? My husband and I love each other very much and often pray that we can leave together as we are quite inseparable.

:(:confused:
 
dluna said:
My husband and I recently got baptized into the Catholic faith. We realized that the use of contraception is a sin. But because we don’t want children, we decided not to have sex. Is this still wrong and sinful?

We are coping pretty well after a year of no-sex. My husband is very active at Church while I read the Bible daily, trying to know God better. We’ve talked about this lately and we agree that even if we want children later on, it seems quite impossible to be “lustful” with each other as we seem incapable of sexual or lustful thoughts now.

I guess I am just asking if there are others like us, who now find themselves incapable of sex and who live with their spouses like brothers and sisters? My husband and I love each other very much and often pray that we can leave together as we are quite inseparable.

:(:confused:
Click to expand...
Wow! You guys live in a sexless marriage.
I’m baffled by your obedience to The Lord and your willingness to sacrifice for him, but be aware that a marriage without intimitsy quite easy may turn into a cold relationship.
So it’s a risky road to drive no doubt and remember that jeopardising your marriage due to this celibacy idea of yours may be considered a sin in itself as it may be the reason why you’ll have problems living together later on.
I think it’s important to live your life according to Our Lords will not becouse we are afraid of the consequences of not doing so, but out of love for him.

I mean, sex is ment for married people for a reason. It’s quite easy to feel repulsive if your wife/ husband ignores you sexually every night.
Just be carefull that’s all I say.

Also remember that it’s perfectly fine to calculate and have sex at certain times when you know your not fertile.

I wish both you and your husband good luck and I hope your not winding up in big problems.

Yours in Jesus and Mary
  • MarianCatholic
 
dluna said:
My husband and I recently got baptized into the Catholic faith. We realized that the use of contraception is a sin. But because we don’t want children, we decided not to have sex. Is this still wrong and sinful?

We are coping pretty well after a year of no-sex. My husband is very active at Church while I read the Bible daily, trying to know God better. We’ve talked about this lately and we agree that even if we want children later on, it seems quite impossible to be “lustful” with each other as we seem incapable of sexual or lustful thoughts now.

I guess I am just asking if there are others like us, who now find themselves incapable of sex and who live with their spouses like brothers and sisters? My husband and I love each other very much and often pray that we can leave together as we are quite inseparable.

:(:confused:
Click to expand...
Are you abstaining until you are ready for kids or do you not want children, at all?
 
dluna said:
My husband and I recently got baptized into the Catholic faith. We realized that the use of contraception is a sin. But because we don’t want children, we decided not to have sex. Is this still wrong and sinful?

We are coping pretty well after a year of no-sex. My husband is very active at Church while I read the Bible daily, trying to know God better. We’ve talked about this lately and we agree that even if we want children later on, it seems quite impossible to be “lustful” with each other as we seem incapable of sexual or lustful thoughts now.

I guess I am just asking if there are others like us, who now find themselves incapable of sex and who live with their spouses like brothers and sisters? My husband and I love each other very much and often pray that we can leave together as we are quite inseparable.

:(:confused:
Click to expand...
Hmm, run this by me again.

Do you not want children temporarily (as in, you want to wait for social, economic or health reasons) or permanently (as in, living the “childfree” lifestyle)?

If the latter, this doesn’t seem to be a valid marriage. However, there are rare examples of couples living together as brother and sister, in a “Josephite” marriage, for spiritual reasons.

A little more detail would fetch you better answers to your query. 🙂
 
dluna said:
My husband and I recently got baptized into the Catholic faith. We realized that the use of contraception is a sin. But because we don’t want children, we decided not to have sex. Is this still wrong and sinful?

We are coping pretty well after a year of no-sex. My husband is very active at Church while I read the Bible daily, trying to know God better. We’ve talked about this lately and we agree that even if we want children later on, it seems quite impossible to be “lustful” with each other as we seem incapable of sexual or lustful thoughts now.

I guess I am just asking if there are others like us, who now find themselves incapable of sex and who live with their spouses like brothers and sisters? My husband and I love each other very much and often pray that we can leave together as we are quite inseparable.

:(:confused:
Click to expand...
dluna, is there a reason why you and your husband don’t learn and practice Natural Family Planning (NFP)?
 
dluna said:
My husband and I recently got baptized into the Catholic faith. We realized that the use of contraception is a sin. But because we don’t want children, we decided not to have sex. Is this still wrong and sinful?

We are coping pretty well after a year of no-sex. My husband is very active at Church while I read the Bible daily, trying to know God better. We’ve talked about this lately and we agree that even if we want children later on, it seems quite impossible to be “lustful” with each other as we seem incapable of sexual or lustful thoughts now.

I guess I am just asking if there are others like us, who now find themselves incapable of sex and who live with their spouses like brothers and sisters? My husband and I love each other very much and often pray that we can leave together as we are quite inseparable.

:(:confused:
Click to expand...
You need the help of a good holy priest. If you “never” want children that could invalidate your marriege. God Bless. Memaw
 
We don’t like children. Before RCIA and witnessing the mighty hand of the Lord, we hated them to the core. We live in a country where children are raised as ill mannered brats and where the education level and standard of living are very, very high.

After accepting Christ, our hearts have been thawed to actually not hate them but we still do not want children because of lifestyle reasons (selfish reasons - we want our time to ourselves and would rather serve God in other ways.)
 
Cat said:
dluna, is there a reason why you and your husband don’t learn and practice Natural Family Planning (NFP)?
Click to expand...
We don’t want the risk of having a baby. I am also fearful of childbirth. I have low pain threshold and pass out during a health examination.

A few times last year, we were on vacation but didn’t even feel the urge to have sex. But we are very loving and inseparable. Husband ever mentioned that he would quit job to serve Church full time if I go before him.
 
Memaw said:
You need the help of a good holy priest. If you “never” want children that could invalidate your marriege. God Bless. Memaw
Click to expand...
Im sorry to say it Memaw but that sounds awfully lawish to me.
Do we live for and by the law or do we live by the gospels?
The way your saying that not wanting kinds is equal to have an invalided marriage seems a lot more Jewish than Catholic Christian to me.
 
MarianCatholic said:
Im sorry to say it Memaw but that sounds awfully lawish to me.
Do we live for and by the law or do we live by the gospels?
The way your saying that not wanting kinds is equal to have an invalided marriage seems a lot more Jewish than Catholic Christian to me.
Click to expand...
To be a valid marriage in the Catholic Church the marriage has to be open to having children. Thats why I suggested they talk to a priest. Needless to say the Church doesn’t run on our ‘opinion’. God Bless, Memaw
 
I just want to commend you for following your consciences and being obedient to the requirements of your faith as you come to understand them. The fact that you were married prior to converting to catholicism means that catholic requirements for marriage didn’t apply to your consent to one another. So don’t let others cause you to question yourselves.

If you currently don’t wish children, but are open to God changing your desires, that is all you need to concern yourself with at present. There seems to be evidence that He is at work.

You aren’t contracepting, which is praiseworthy compared to most catholics, and it appears that God is sustaining you without sexual activity, so continue to trust Him and follow the requirements as you are now with an openness to a change in your desires in the future.
 
dluna said:
We don’t like children. Before RCIA and witnessing the mighty hand of the Lord, we hated them to the core.** We live in a country where children are raised as ill mannered brats **and where the education level and standard of living are very, very high.

After accepting Christ, our hearts have been thawed to actually not hate them but we still do not want children because of lifestyle reasons (selfish reasons - we want our time to ourselves and would rather serve God in other ways.)
Click to expand...
The way children are raised comes from home. If you don’t raise children to be “ill mannered brats” then they won’t be. 🤷 Not all children are ill mannered brats, no matter where you live.
 
Memaw said:
To be a valid marriage in the Catholic Church the marriage has to be open to having children. Thats why I suggested they talk to a priest. Needless to say the Church doesn’t run on our ‘opinion’. God Bless, Memaw
Click to expand...
I totally agree With you that they should consult With a priest and follow whatever he says.
thats the 100 per cent correct way to approach it no doubt.
AND yes the Church doesnt listen to the Public opinion, which is good.
I didnt for 1 sec ment that the OP should disobey the Church, not one bit.
If I gave that impression, Im sorry.

If a marriage is seen as invalid it has to mean that they have lived in sin.
I just think it seems very harsh though.
and as non servian has mentioned, they got married outside the Church and that may complicate a bit, or not?

But again, they should follow the priests advice:)

-Yours in Christ
MarianCatholic
 
dluna said:
We don’t like children. Before RCIA and witnessing the mighty hand of the Lord, we hated them to the core. We live in a country where children are raised as ill mannered brats and where the education level and standard of living are very, very high.
Click to expand...
Having seen more than a few such children, I feel for you. But it doesn’t have to be this way. A lot depends on the parents themselves.
After accepting Christ, our hearts have been thawed to actually not hate them but we still do not want children because of lifestyle reasons (selfish reasons - we want our time to ourselves and would rather serve God in other ways.)
Click to expand...
Well, I’m not one to impose anything on another person, especially if they are following their conscience and not sinning - but I have a sneaking suspicion you’re missing out on something wonderful. To each his own, though. 🙂
 
dluna said:
My husband and I recently got baptized into the Catholic faith. We realized that the use of contraception is a sin. But because we don’t want children, we decided not to have sex. Is this still wrong and sinful?

We are coping pretty well after a year of no-sex. My husband is very active at Church while I read the Bible daily, trying to know God better. We’ve talked about this lately and we agree that even if we want children later on, it seems quite impossible to be “lustful” with each other as we seem incapable of sexual or lustful thoughts now.

I guess I am just asking if there are others like us, who now find themselves incapable of sex and who live with their spouses like brothers and sisters? My husband and I love each other very much and often pray that we can leave together as we are quite inseparable.

:(:confused:
Click to expand...
Your journey sounds very similar to the story of the couple from the biography “A Severe Mercy” by Sheldon Vanauken. Their love began as pagan love but it was a type of love that couldn’t help but lead them into the Church eventually. Many of their ideas were similar to what you and your husband have and perhaps these steps are somewhat natural when a couple progresses from no faith to Catholic faith. (Most converts come via another Christian denomination)

This couple were friends with CS Lewis and it was in talking with him that they honed their faith. However one thing CS Lewis did criticise them on was the decision not to have children. He didn’t see that choice as being truly compatible with married love. The wife in the story passes away before she has the chance to have a child but Vanauken wrote a follow up book called ‘Under the Mercy’ to reflect on their journey and chronicle the things he came to understand and the things he came to regret later in his life.

The books might give you some real life reflections on a journey that you are similarly making and honestly, the story is a testament to love in an unusual but transformative way.
 
dluna said:
I guess I am just asking if there are others like us, who now find themselves incapable of sex and who live with their spouses like brothers and sisters? My husband and I love each other very much and often pray that we can leave together as we are quite inseparable.

:(:confused:
Click to expand...
Yes there are many many others in sexless marriages for various reasons, some of which are out of the couples control.

To answer your first question, mutual abstinence is not sinful. If you don’t want to have children, it is the most logical and effective way.
 
2370Periodic continence, that is, the methods of birth regulation based on self-observation and the use of infertile periods, is in conformity with the objective criteria of morality.158These methods respect the bodies of the spouses, encourage tenderness between them, and favor the education of an authentic freedom. In contrast, “every action which, whether in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible” is intrinsically evil:159
Click to expand...
vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm

Saying that other kids in your country are brats is NO excuse for not having kids…if you dont want bratty kids then raise them to be respectable responsible moral human beings.

It sounds like you are slowly damaging your marriage…married couples are meant to have sex…by avoiding it you have killed off the feelings that god built into you both so that you would desire each other enough to have sex …its slowly killing your love for each other if you now think of each other more as brother and sister than husband and wife

It sounds like there is more going on than avoiding having a baby…
 
I don’t think we are in a position to judge your marriage. You are not practicing artificial birth control, you are not denying each other since the lack of sex is consensual. I can second the opinion of discussing this with a priest. Your life is still evolving, don’t assume that it will always remain as it is now, but be open to following God’s will as you can discern it.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top