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GeorgiaPeach
Guest
Garyr - Thank you for the link. I’m always looking for things like this. He is gone now but I will email him each day’s reading every morning. He will at least read it, that I know.
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garyr
Guest
This is exactly the type of thing that the Consecration will help with - it will help him (and you) to turn over to the Holy Family the things that we alone cannot begin to handle or deal with - kinda like letting Jesus and Mary (‘she will crush the head of the serpent’) handle the heavy Spiritual Warfare end of things - as they are a ‘little’ better equipped - plus it’s Their ‘job’, not ours, right? Our job is to put our faith in them. This will help.
YBIC,
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Liberanosamalo
Guest
Peach, I suspected he was SF just from what you’ve said about his deployment schedule and travels. God bless them… they see things no one should have to.
The question of God and evil and reconciling it with the horror… it’s not something we can reconcile without Christ.
May I suggest you two watch together the movie The Passion of the Christ. That’s the satan still prowling the world. That’s the Christ who defeated him. The battle is over. It’s won. In eternity. People like your husband, people like you who are praying for him… people like all of us here… we’re still fighting that battle in time. But it is won. God won. Your husband needs to be reminded of it. And perhaps seeing the movie will remind him what he’s fought is as old as time itself.
Your husband has been on the front lines in the battle against evil. Christ has been with him every step of the way. His guardian angel has witnessed it also. Probably saved his bacon more than a few times. I advise you to start praying to your DH’s guardian angel.
If he can find his way through this, your husband can become a tremendous help to others who maybe aren’t so grounded in faith. He can be point man for others finding their way out of the hell they have seen. It may be his post-military mission. Without it, there will be too many good men lost… post-war casualties.
He’s had the strength to come this far. He can become a powerful help to others if he hangs in there. And you and your faith can have a huge impact on that if you don’t listen to the voices that want you to leave him.
No, you’re not ready for Marriage Encounter. Not yet. You both need to get on the same page about what you’re really dealing with and who the real enemy is, and develop a cooperative plan to confront that. The enemy divides and conquers. You two are smarter than to let that happen.
The question of God and evil and reconciling it with the horror… it’s not something we can reconcile without Christ.
May I suggest you two watch together the movie The Passion of the Christ. That’s the satan still prowling the world. That’s the Christ who defeated him. The battle is over. It’s won. In eternity. People like your husband, people like you who are praying for him… people like all of us here… we’re still fighting that battle in time. But it is won. God won. Your husband needs to be reminded of it. And perhaps seeing the movie will remind him what he’s fought is as old as time itself.
Your husband has been on the front lines in the battle against evil. Christ has been with him every step of the way. His guardian angel has witnessed it also. Probably saved his bacon more than a few times. I advise you to start praying to your DH’s guardian angel.
If he can find his way through this, your husband can become a tremendous help to others who maybe aren’t so grounded in faith. He can be point man for others finding their way out of the hell they have seen. It may be his post-military mission. Without it, there will be too many good men lost… post-war casualties.
He’s had the strength to come this far. He can become a powerful help to others if he hangs in there. And you and your faith can have a huge impact on that if you don’t listen to the voices that want you to leave him.
No, you’re not ready for Marriage Encounter. Not yet. You both need to get on the same page about what you’re really dealing with and who the real enemy is, and develop a cooperative plan to confront that. The enemy divides and conquers. You two are smarter than to let that happen.
M
monicatholic
Guest
yes.
and consecration. as part of healing the memories.
several of us are naming aspects of the very same rotten core: spiritual warfare-- the lies your good husband was infected with and cannot reconcile-- who the true enemy is-- looking into the face of evil---- many of us strongly discern this is the rotten core.
so, the battle, while aided on a psychological front (keep up all that good activity) is essentially a spiritual one.
praise be to Almighty God! HE has overcome evil. HE has crushed the head of the serpent. your husband is blessed beyond measure to have a prayerful faithful wife who prays, fasts and offer sacrifice for him.
gary had urged you to get the kids praying. of course!
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Liberanosamalo
Guest
The power of the prayers of children is especially strong.
Again, Peach, Monica is right, it is wonderful to hear wives like you want to work at it. Too many of these poor men come back to find wives who throw in the towel, or already ran off with Jody. You are admirable standing by your college sweetheart. If you don’t hear it enough, you’re a valiant woman and far beyond the price of pearls. Don’t quit.
Again, Peach, Monica is right, it is wonderful to hear wives like you want to work at it. Too many of these poor men come back to find wives who throw in the towel, or already ran off with Jody. You are admirable standing by your college sweetheart. If you don’t hear it enough, you’re a valiant woman and far beyond the price of pearls. Don’t quit.
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Kindness
Guest
My DH asked if your husband has taken advantage of Combat Stress counseling offered by the all of the commands, they have them out in the field even. Dh says he has heard that the SF people are not always allowed to see certain counselors because of the nature of their work but they can request to see someone at a major medical facility. DH says no one should have to deal with that on their own and they can definitely be helped if they are willing to talk to someone. DH said they are not always willing to talk.
DH says some medications can help for nightmares etc. DH also mentioned EMDR which does not involve medication has been very successful. CPT - Cognitive Processing Therapy has also had good results. DH also asked if your husband had any kind of head injury as this can complicate matters, which can make people agitated and have difficulty concentrating which can be misdiagnosed as purely PTSD. If he was around explosions he should be screened for injury.
You can always PM me if you or your husband have any questions for DH.
God bless you Georgia!
DH says some medications can help for nightmares etc. DH also mentioned EMDR which does not involve medication has been very successful. CPT - Cognitive Processing Therapy has also had good results. DH also asked if your husband had any kind of head injury as this can complicate matters, which can make people agitated and have difficulty concentrating which can be misdiagnosed as purely PTSD. If he was around explosions he should be screened for injury.
You can always PM me if you or your husband have any questions for DH.
God bless you Georgia!
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Liberanosamalo
Guest
I think in the SF community there is a real need for one-on-one mentoring from someone who has “been there.” If your husband can find a good Catholic SF mentor that can sometimes be very productive. He needs to see that “this too shall pass” and learn techniques for waiting out the storm.
Good advice on the head injury possibility… even if from being around explosives.
Good advice on the head injury possibility… even if from being around explosives.
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ahollars
Guest
Make up his mind for him, and force him into retirement. Tell him also to decline his next promotion. That is a favorite tactic of the military used to entice servicemembers to stick around just a little while longer. He may resent it, but he’ll thank you later. Trust me.
My wife did the same thing to me. I received a letter inviting me to sign up for the Army Special Forces (I kept that letter for bragging rights), but she was tired of me being gone. I declined, and I left when my time was up. For years I wondered what I was missing, but eventually, my family became my entire life, and I learned to enjoy what I had as well as think about what I was missing. I know he’ll never say it to you, but the Army does come before you and the kids. It’s something we are all subliminally taught. We have given our lives for our country, and we must always be ready to answer the call.
Survivor’s guilt is one of the most painful experiences in this world, and he will need all the help you can give. It’s possible that he may never completely recover 100%. After he is retired, he will have to find a new calling in life. Parish volunteer work is a good place to start if your kids are doing fine.
Remind him daily that he is alive because God isn’t done with him. Until he believes that and understands God’s will for him, he will still feel some guilt. Also, remind him why he fell in love with you, as many different ways as you can. It isn’t easy hanging up the uniform and boots for the last time.
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tedfay
Guest
I will pray for you. I truly feel for your situation, it must be incredibly painful.
As a person who went through a divorce and anullment - I can say with confidence that you must throw out any and all thoughts of running. Divorce will cause more problems than you think it will solve. Marriage is permanent, and you should assume your marriage is valid. That means you must fight and fight hard.
Recognize, as others have mentioned, that your husband is now a different man. For three years he has been deployed and (If I’m reading your post right) has dealt with life and death in combat situations. He is suffering in ways that none of us who have not been there cannot fathom.
I urge you to keep fighting for your marriage.
Some suggestions:
Go to daily mass. Adore the blessed sacrament regularly, and beg God in the name of Jesus Christ to guide, to save your marriage, and also to heal your husband and change his heart. Go to confession once per week. Do lots of extra spiritual reading. Fast and do penance for the both of you. All of this in addition to marriage counseling.
God will see what you are doing and you will be rewarded no matter what - even if your husband ultimately does leave you. I pray fervently he does not.
God Bless,
As a person who went through a divorce and anullment - I can say with confidence that you must throw out any and all thoughts of running. Divorce will cause more problems than you think it will solve. Marriage is permanent, and you should assume your marriage is valid. That means you must fight and fight hard.
Recognize, as others have mentioned, that your husband is now a different man. For three years he has been deployed and (If I’m reading your post right) has dealt with life and death in combat situations. He is suffering in ways that none of us who have not been there cannot fathom.
I urge you to keep fighting for your marriage.
Some suggestions:
Go to daily mass. Adore the blessed sacrament regularly, and beg God in the name of Jesus Christ to guide, to save your marriage, and also to heal your husband and change his heart. Go to confession once per week. Do lots of extra spiritual reading. Fast and do penance for the both of you. All of this in addition to marriage counseling.
God will see what you are doing and you will be rewarded no matter what - even if your husband ultimately does leave you. I pray fervently he does not.
God Bless,
G
GeorgiaPeach
Guest
I’m still reading…taking it all in. There is a lot of good stuff here; the wheels in my head are turning. I’m printing out this thread so I can reflect on all that has been said.
ahollars: I think he will retire at 20 but the post-retirement jobs he is looking at are along the same lines of what he does now.
Kindness: You are correct, up until now Combat Stress counseling hasn’t been available. They have the suck it up and drive on mentality. He is currently seeing someone through the post hospital. I don’t know how much it is helping, I don’t ask questions and he says very little about his appointments. He doesn’t have nightmares as far as I know. I had never considered head trauma. He has never mentioned anything.
Liberanosamalo: DH actually felt what he thought was his guardian angel (St. Michael, of course) pulling him out of a near fatal accident.
I cann’t even begin to express how thankful I am for all of you taking the time out of your day to help guide me in the right direction.
ahollars: I think he will retire at 20 but the post-retirement jobs he is looking at are along the same lines of what he does now.
Kindness: You are correct, up until now Combat Stress counseling hasn’t been available. They have the suck it up and drive on mentality. He is currently seeing someone through the post hospital. I don’t know how much it is helping, I don’t ask questions and he says very little about his appointments. He doesn’t have nightmares as far as I know. I had never considered head trauma. He has never mentioned anything.
Liberanosamalo: DH actually felt what he thought was his guardian angel (St. Michael, of course) pulling him out of a near fatal accident.
I cann’t even begin to express how thankful I am for all of you taking the time out of your day to help guide me in the right direction.
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Liberanosamalo
Guest
So many warriors for St. Michael to protect…
That sends chills up my spine.
That sends chills up my spine.
Actually, we owe you and your husband. Because of people like him, we are free to sit on the internet and openly talk about Christ and the Church. It’s the least I can do…
J
John21652
Guest
GeorgiaPeach, I truly hope this mess will resolve beautifully for you. I think it will. I think it will because you love your husband very much and Love is a powerful driver to do right. Your husband needs his “best friend” and that is you. Get him talking to you about what ails him and you will be his fix.
God bless.
God bless.
R
rayne89
Guest
Praying hard for your family.
I would reconsider Marriage Encounter or even Retrouvaille since he says he doesn’t know if he wants to be married. There was a time in our marriage many years ago that my husband said those words to me and Retrouvaille truly saved our marriage.
I would reconsider Marriage Encounter or even Retrouvaille since he says he doesn’t know if he wants to be married. There was a time in our marriage many years ago that my husband said those words to me and Retrouvaille truly saved our marriage.
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sambfive
Guest
In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
Please, Oh Lord Help this family. Please also help this couple through this very difficult time. May their marriage be restored, by the power of the HOLY SPIRIT! In Your Precious Sweet Name, Jesus!
AMEN!
Please, Oh Lord Help this family. Please also help this couple through this very difficult time. May their marriage be restored, by the power of the HOLY SPIRIT! In Your Precious Sweet Name, Jesus!
AMEN!
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whatevergirl
Guest
Amen…praying for you and your husband, Georgia!
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wanner47
Guest
I’m praying for you and your husband, GeorgiaPeach. Holy Family, pray for us!
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GeorgiaPeach
Guest
No update as he is gone until next weekend. I have felt an inner peace all day that I haven’t felt in a long time. I’ve ordered some books and can’t wait to sit down and read them.
Thank you for all the prayers!
God Bless!
Thank you for all the prayers!
God Bless!
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Liberanosamalo
Guest
Inner peace is contagious. And if you can react with inner peace to someone else’s inner storms it keeps a situation from deteriorating. Allows you to remain in a holding pattern rather than a free fall till the storm passes.
And if you can react with inner peace to someone else’s inner storms it keeps a situation from deteriorating. Allows you to remain in a holding pattern rather than a free fall till the storm passes.
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ahollars
Guest
What kind of work is it? If it doesn’t involve imminent danger, you will see a big shift in his mentality and behavior between military and civilian, even if he is doing the same kind of work. Again, I can vouch for that as well. Also, don’t allow him to take any government or contractor jobs that could take him either right back into the warzone, or to be on the road regularly. That is no longer his responsibility anymore, and he may be in denial about that. His primary concern should be to find a job that will allow him to stop traveling. With the retirement check coming in, he doesn’t need to make as much money afterwards to make ends meet.
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GeorgiaPeach
Guest
Same type of work…only when they “disappear” finding them isn’t a priority. He has been advised, point blank, for his own sanity, not to do this type of work after retirement.
Change of plans, he is coming home tonight, for a couple days…then he heads out again. sigh He called yesterday (big positive) and seemed happy about coming home (bigger positive). I don’t know “who” is going to walk through the door though.
Please continue to pray. I’ve done a lot of soul searching this past week. I have my share of moments but I am a peace. It’s in God’s hands but I still have a huge responsibility. I’ll do the best I know how…no less than 110%. This will NOT break me, only make me stronger.
God Bless all of you!
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