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hma1010
Guest
Hi all - hoping I can get some good advice re: my situation…
My husband and I have been married for only 11 months and just had our first child almost 2 months ago. As you can see, we got pregnant right away…such a wonderful blessing that God has bestowed on us!!!
A few months ago, just after the baby was born, I happened to see my husband at home texting with a person in his phone labeled as “HR.” I thought that was odd that he had only their initials entered into his phone…and got an uneasy feeling. I was able to figure out who this person was by looking at the number and a few texts talking about what they were up to that weekend…it was a female co-worker of his around his age. My heart dropped. He was sitting at home with his recovering wife and a brand new baby texting this woman about things not even related to work! He must know it’s wrong if he has labeled her with only her initials…and, I noticed, deletes their text messages usually right away. It made me get to thinking back to if there were any times where I suspected something was going on. Just a month prior he went to a work-sponsored happy hour and stayed out until 2am. He never stayed out late for those things and would usually say how he dreaded them and just wanted to come home after work. When it started getting late, I texted and called and couldn’t get a hold of him and worried that something was wrong. Then he called right before 2am and said he was on his way home. When he got home he had a story about all the young co-workers of his that are on his team being too intoxicated to drive and he stayed and made sure they got cab rides home. I felt like he wasn’t being completely honest with me, just a gut feeling. And he seemed overly sorry, like something else had happened. The story just didn’t fit. So going back to when I discovered he was texting with “HR”… I logged into our cell phone provider’s website and checked the call and texts logs for his number. I found that they had been texting for the last 2 months and A LOT. There was texting during work and on week nights and weekends…sometimes until 12:30-1am. They would text when I was around and when I was out of town, usually more during this time. I checked the night of the happy hour and saw they were texting then…I guess during happy hour? He also made a call to her after he had called me to say he was coming home! I was devastated and needed to know what their conversations were about and if it was more than friendly. I did some snooping on his work email and found some flirty emails between the two. Nothing too incriminating but some comments were made that I was not comfortable with, especially with him being a married man! He also found me on his computer and questioned what I was doing and seemed a bit nervous… he has never done this before.
I am completely okay with my husband having relationships on a more personal level with his co-workers. But this one just doesn’t seem right. Frequently texting outside of work? Calling each other at 2am after a happy hour? My husband gets along well with women; he has a lot of women friends…maybe because he grew up with four sisters. I’ve always been fine with these relationships and have never noticed any flirting.
Would you say this is an emotional affair? I don’t get it. Our marriage is great. For goodness sakes we’ve only been married for less than a year!! Isn’t this the “honeymoon period”?? We don’t have any communication issues. We are both very caring and supportive of each other. We joke around a lot like best friends. We tell each other everything (except he is keeping this from me and that makes me sick to my stomach). The thing that we are lacking in, though, is intimacy. We haven’t had sex since we found out I was pregnant (I had horrible morning sickness, was not allowed to have sex for a few months for a medical reason and then was too big and too uncomfortable). My husband is a wonderful Catholic man and has great will power (no sex before marriage). I would think that he would not go out and look for something physical outside of our relationship. But I have wondered if this relationship he has with this woman could blossom into something more physical because he isn’t “being satisfied” at home. Before we got married, our relationship started out through email when we worked together, then texts, then phone calls, etc… and he seems to be going down the same path with this woman!
How would you approach this situation? I know I need to talk to him and have been thinking about it a lot; it really has been bothering me. I’m not overreacting, am I? I feel like this is something I (he) needs to nip in the bud asap. But I worry he won’t end it because they work so closely together on their account. I also worry about what he will say about my snooping. Should I tell him I checked the cell phone text log and looked at his work emails? I had to to know if this was something more than just a friendly work relationship.
Have been doing a lot of praying and would also appreciate any advice, (name removed by moderator)ut… thanks so much. God Bless.
My husband and I have been married for only 11 months and just had our first child almost 2 months ago. As you can see, we got pregnant right away…such a wonderful blessing that God has bestowed on us!!!
A few months ago, just after the baby was born, I happened to see my husband at home texting with a person in his phone labeled as “HR.” I thought that was odd that he had only their initials entered into his phone…and got an uneasy feeling. I was able to figure out who this person was by looking at the number and a few texts talking about what they were up to that weekend…it was a female co-worker of his around his age. My heart dropped. He was sitting at home with his recovering wife and a brand new baby texting this woman about things not even related to work! He must know it’s wrong if he has labeled her with only her initials…and, I noticed, deletes their text messages usually right away. It made me get to thinking back to if there were any times where I suspected something was going on. Just a month prior he went to a work-sponsored happy hour and stayed out until 2am. He never stayed out late for those things and would usually say how he dreaded them and just wanted to come home after work. When it started getting late, I texted and called and couldn’t get a hold of him and worried that something was wrong. Then he called right before 2am and said he was on his way home. When he got home he had a story about all the young co-workers of his that are on his team being too intoxicated to drive and he stayed and made sure they got cab rides home. I felt like he wasn’t being completely honest with me, just a gut feeling. And he seemed overly sorry, like something else had happened. The story just didn’t fit. So going back to when I discovered he was texting with “HR”… I logged into our cell phone provider’s website and checked the call and texts logs for his number. I found that they had been texting for the last 2 months and A LOT. There was texting during work and on week nights and weekends…sometimes until 12:30-1am. They would text when I was around and when I was out of town, usually more during this time. I checked the night of the happy hour and saw they were texting then…I guess during happy hour? He also made a call to her after he had called me to say he was coming home! I was devastated and needed to know what their conversations were about and if it was more than friendly. I did some snooping on his work email and found some flirty emails between the two. Nothing too incriminating but some comments were made that I was not comfortable with, especially with him being a married man! He also found me on his computer and questioned what I was doing and seemed a bit nervous… he has never done this before.
I am completely okay with my husband having relationships on a more personal level with his co-workers. But this one just doesn’t seem right. Frequently texting outside of work? Calling each other at 2am after a happy hour? My husband gets along well with women; he has a lot of women friends…maybe because he grew up with four sisters. I’ve always been fine with these relationships and have never noticed any flirting.
Would you say this is an emotional affair? I don’t get it. Our marriage is great. For goodness sakes we’ve only been married for less than a year!! Isn’t this the “honeymoon period”?? We don’t have any communication issues. We are both very caring and supportive of each other. We joke around a lot like best friends. We tell each other everything (except he is keeping this from me and that makes me sick to my stomach). The thing that we are lacking in, though, is intimacy. We haven’t had sex since we found out I was pregnant (I had horrible morning sickness, was not allowed to have sex for a few months for a medical reason and then was too big and too uncomfortable). My husband is a wonderful Catholic man and has great will power (no sex before marriage). I would think that he would not go out and look for something physical outside of our relationship. But I have wondered if this relationship he has with this woman could blossom into something more physical because he isn’t “being satisfied” at home. Before we got married, our relationship started out through email when we worked together, then texts, then phone calls, etc… and he seems to be going down the same path with this woman!
How would you approach this situation? I know I need to talk to him and have been thinking about it a lot; it really has been bothering me. I’m not overreacting, am I? I feel like this is something I (he) needs to nip in the bud asap. But I worry he won’t end it because they work so closely together on their account. I also worry about what he will say about my snooping. Should I tell him I checked the cell phone text log and looked at his work emails? I had to to know if this was something more than just a friendly work relationship.
Have been doing a lot of praying and would also appreciate any advice, (name removed by moderator)ut… thanks so much. God Bless.