Princess_Abby:
Those who claim men are all about their egos and vanity seem unable to recognize that assumption as merely a generalization. …
I was not generalizing by gender, and in my post, I qualified my statement with “what I have learned of MY husband after almost ten years of marriage” was to appeal to him through his vanity. I may not be able to speak generally of the male gender, or of other’s husband’s, but other than God, I am THE MOST qualified to speak on MY husband’s ego and vanity, as well as his many wonderful qualities. I actually think his cockiness is kind of cute … but that’s just my opinion.
Princess_Abby:
… or annoucing you’ve seen them naked and therefore due to your astounding observational skills are able to assess their needs pertaining to weight loss… it just smacks of insensitivity…
I’ll leave aside your sarcasm.
I had already stated in my post, that my reasons for him to lose weight were HEALTH RELATED … he has had Juvenile Diabetes since he was fifteen . So why are you implying (when I have said otherwise) that my motivations for him to lose weight was so he would have a nicer butt? (Even though he does, and I REALLY like it!!)
I will say AGAIN that my comment to my husband, was very gentle. You were not there, you do not know the context of our relationship or our situation, so you are in the unfortunate position of needing to take my word for it.
You are focusing on the fork thing WAY TOO MUCH. There was no “dig” or “unspoken statement” behind it … he could have been holding a pen or his keys and it would have made no difference. I was just getting him to look at me.
I never claimed to have ASTOUNDING observational skills, but I do have eyes, and I can see, and it is true that those who are at a heathy weight have a more attractive physique. Do you disagree with this statement?
Princess_Abby:
Maybe some spouses enjoy that and respond to it but most of people I know like to be met with compassion first and foremost…
When he responded to me from his “denial”, I did meet his denial compassionately. I gently and compassionately reminded him that I saw him naked.
And I do … don’t most wives see thier husband naked at one point or another?
Princess_Abby:
I also personally wouldn’t want to hear about how my nakedness is so repulsive followed by “baby, make some time for me, those pants make you look so slim!” I’d be like, well it’s just an illusion, honey, so forget that, I know how you feel about me naked! …
You are merging posts and citing things out of context.
I am surprised, I have never seen that coming from you. Seems to have struck a nerve I guess, and I am sorry for that, but you are WAY off base with your assumptions of my motivations, intentions and the relationship between my husband and I.
For one thing, I never said that I told him how I feel when I saw him naked (this is where you are getting thrown off in your ASSUMPTIONS), I simply said I saw him naked.
I also never told him that his nakedness was repulsive, nor would I (because I didn’t feel that way). He knew that I didn’t find him repulsive because of the very simple fact that I didn’t find him repulsive. Many other posters have testified to the fact that their spouse was overwieight, yet, they still loved them and found them attractive. This does not mean we are blind. I would be lying if I said that my husband looked the same twenty five pounds heavier, or that he looked “just as sexy.” He didn’t, but I didn’t love him any less. And I don’t love him more because he is is slim and trim. The added sexiness is a bonus in my opinion, and a REALLY NICE ONE!! I was concerned about his health. I was concerned that as long as he had no challenge to the illusion that “he was fine” (when even his doctor had told him otherwise) that I would lose him sooner. I don’t want him to die young, not when there is something he can do about it.
Princess_Abby:
But then again, my husband would never treat me that way.
What … with love and compassion, and a concern for what is best for you? I am sorry for that … I hope things improve.
The OP asked for suggestions. I don’t care if you agree with my methods, but I do care that you keep keep judging based on your misinterpretation and misunderstanding of my methods.
I completely disagree with the “kitchen nazi” methods of some of the other posters. I am a big advocate of “free will.” And I can judge their methods without calling into question thier intentions.
Seriously, princess, you know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about my marriage or my intentions … so stop with your assumptions. I would appreciate it in the future if you would please quote my posts, instead of mixing up my words to support your paranoia.
My goodness!! I think I would be hurt forever if my husband told me I looked bad naked. I have gained weight myself, but he always tells me I look great (I know he’s telling a little white lie, but hey, it makes me feel good). I still say, just try to make healthy meals, and get yourself on an exercise routine. Maybe even tell your hubby that you’re trying to look good for him or something. I’m sure that most people know if they’ve gained weight, and it bothers them waaaayyyy more than it bothers the people around them.
