Husband has fallen out of love with me

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My husband recently told me that he’s not in love with me anymore. He doesn’t know if he will ever get these feelings back. There is no one else. He says that we have been growing apart for for years. I just thought we were comfortable together. I never thought we would stop being us.
We have seen our Priest. I am working on the issues that were brought to my attention. I explained that I need him to communicate better.
Has anyone ever encountered this and regained the lost feelings? I can’t take this pain. It’s the most unbearable feeling of loss.
Thank you for any help.
 
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I have never been in your position, but from the people I know who have gone through this, in every single instance, there has been another person involved. Every one.

I’ve found, over the course of a 47-year marriage, that romantic love does ebb and flow, depending on a great number of factors, but the underlying love is always there.

I will keep you in my prayers.
 
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Being “in love” is a stage that people go through in the beginning of a relationship. It is often followed by a more mature love that cares about the other person, and if one is a Christian, it’s based on Christ’s love for us.
It’s fairly immature to base a marital relationship on those feelings. I hope you will continue to go to your priest or another counselor who can help you both keep the vows you made at your wedding. They should not be based on feelings, despite what our culture tells us. Hollywood folks tend to base their relationships on feelings, which is why some (certainly not all!) of them go through serial marriages.
You are right, you and he need to work on communicating. Maybe go on some dates, have some conversations about what really interests you.
All that’s really needed for a good marriage is respect for one another and faith in Christ.
As Catholics, we in our marriages need to be a sign and example to the world of the love of Christ for his church, complete with sacrifice and humility.
 
Viki63 said:
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Being “in love” is a stage that people go through in the beginning of a relationship. It is often followed by a more mature love that cares about the other person, and if one is a Christian, it’s based on Christ’s love for us.
It’s fairly immature to base a marital relationship on those feelings. I hope you will continue to go to your priest or another counselor who can help you both keep the vows you made at your wedding. They should not be based on feelings, despite what our culture tells us. Hollywood folks tend to base their relationships on feelings, which is why some (certainly not all!) of them go through serial marriages.
You are right, you and he need to work on communicating. Maybe go on some dates, have some conversations about what really interests you.
All that’s really needed for a good marriage is respect for one another and faith in Christ.
As Catholics, we in our marriages need to be a sign and example to the world of the love of Christ for his church, complete with sacrifice and humility.
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Exactly!

May God bless you and your husband.
 
it is all about communication, the more you communicate the better the relationship becomes. watch a funny movie together, laughter can ease tensions. share your thoughts and know his thoughts too. know the things that hurt him and avoid it. do not confront him,
be open to criticism and work to fix your relationship from there.

most important of all, pray for guidance from the Holy Spirit…

God bless you and your husband.
 
Marraige is not a bubbly rosy fantasyland as you know,
A good Marraige in my opinion is when you have a happy partnerships ,
When you are comfortable being with the same person,with little need of conversation ,
When one knows what the other is thinking without saying anything ,
When one suggests making a coffee and the other says, that’s just what I was thinking,
There are some things you could maybe do… But there is little point if all interest is gone,
You could firstly ask would he like to try a couple of things, like holding hands. Movies , going out for a picnic, toes touching toes,if one of you gets an aching back suggest a mutual massage, hopefully you will give an opinion,
 
It is so easy to forget that love is not a feeling but a commitment.

Prayer and seeking help can resolve this! Good communication is so important.
 
Praying for you. Keep doing the work you mentioned and things will have a better chance of turning around.
 
Nelka said:
That doesn’t mean that there is a third party in this one.
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I agree. My friend left her husband many years ago, there was no-one else involved and she had great affection for him - but she felt she was just in a rut and that she’d rather be on her own again than in the confines of a marriage.

I’m sorry OP, I really hope you can work this out.
 
Nelka said:
That doesn’t mean that there is a third party in this one.
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I didn’t say there was, but it’s a possibility I would certainly investigate.

I have ached for friends who tried so hard to rekindle the spark when their DH “fell out of love” with them and tried to fix everything he said was wrong, only to learn that there was indeed another woman involved. All of their efforts had only made the DH more manipulative.
 
Look at your husbands disclosure to you as a positive sign and a cry for help. The fact that he is sharing his thoughts with you about this are indeed a positive sign. At least now, there is a great opportunity to work on those things which are separating you. Years of being together sometimes causes us to take one another for granted. Definitely, see your priest for marital counseling. Pray for God’s mercy in your sadness, but don’t wallow in it. Instead, turn this suffering into a chance to examine how you relate to one another, take stock of strengths and weaknesses, show your spouse in positive ways how much you love them and give reassurances that you are committed to those sacred vows you made on your wedding day. Pray, receive the sacraments and rely on God’s mercy at this time. I will pray for you and your husband.
 
The best thing you can do in your situation is get support and help for yourself. Get a spiritual director, pray, attend daily mass, join a 12-step program, whatever. This is a time to grow and mature spiritually…we heal others by first healing ourself. Get busy seeking…and you WILL find. You have your work to do…
 
We went through a few years where we knew we loved each other but we weren’t really feeling it. The feelings were there, but buried. We started going for walks, talking about any and every thing, sharing wine and a tv show we dvr’d or just lighting candles and incense and listening to music. Basically, we started treating each other the way we did when we first dated.

We also cleared the air regarding some miscommunications that had upset us and caused distance. We started openly and honestly explaining our feelings and reasons for them in a way that didn’t sugarcoat, but was kind and wouldn’t hurt the other. And we started checking in, so to speak. You know, “Hey, hon, you ok?” “Hey, sweetie, I’m going to get something. You want anything?” “I’m getting the feeling you’re upset. You want to talk? Is there anything I can do to help?”

I won’t lie, it wasn’t easy. It’s difficult to open up mentally, emotionally, and physically after being not exactly close for a time. The effort is so worth it, though. We’re as happy now as we were 15 years ago and we are in some ways happier.
 
I think that he is going to priest with you is a positive sign that all is not lost. I think that it is a common thing for mates to lose that “loving feeling” at some point in time in their marriage. And, it is common for them to get it back when they address it, and work on their goal. And, the fact that he told you he lost that feeling indicates that he wants to work on it.

During one of our priest’s sermons, he told us of a couple that went to him for counseling. They were on the brinks of divorce. He suggested that they pray together every day. At the time of the sermon, I believe our priest told us they celebrated their 25th anniversary.

My prayers for you and your husband.
 
I have no advice just know that you are in my prayers as I am currently going through something similar and am completely lost.
 
Yes, I’ve seen people get on “meh” and “my life is running out, I want something more” terms and turn things around. It takes work, but it does happen. Do get help, as it will greatly enhance your chances of success. There are many mistakes that can sink this process, so get the advice of someone who can help you avoid as many of the hazards as possible.

I am also a bit wary of the “there isn’t anyone else” claim, although this does not mean I’m saying the DH is lying. Still, even being over-impressed with someone you imagine would be a great spouse can cool your ardor towards your own spouse. Sometimes even being close to a couple with a marriage that looks better from the outside can make your own marriage look “shabby.” Sometimes being around someone who got a divorce and is far happier can make you question whether you would be happier looking out for yourself. Many marriages have been sucked into that kind of a “black hole.” And of course sometimes people who are falling for someone else rationalize that they wouldn’t be feeling this way except that their “love is dead” for their spouse. Sometimes, they need an excuse for why the temptation they are feeling is a legitimate desire, and not a temptation. We can be played by the evil one, with these rationalizations, without ever really examining how our thoughts are slipping away from grace.

I’d also examine whether something, even your children or even plain laziness or outside interests you don’t share with your DH, has taken the place your husband ought to have in your life. Emotional abandonment can start that way, too, so subtle that it is hardly noticed before it is too late.
 
I recently experienced this, and I understand your sense of deep loss and confusion.

Is this possibly a mid-life thing? Those are not uncommon and it is also common for couples to see them through and be a loving couple on the other side.

I do believe that it can’t be forced, it takes time, and that love and respect that lies as the foundation below the “in love” feelings.

If there is no third party involved, and he is willing to see this through, I think there is great hope for you and your marriage.

Are the two of you still friends, with trust and care?
 
Has he gotten a medical exam lately? Sometimes there is a physical reason underlying sudden attitude or behavior changes. In the meantime the spouse, the marriage, whatever is at hand is blamed. See if he will agree to a really thorough medical work-up. I know from firsthand experience that this can happen.
Praying for you :signofcross:
 
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