Husband is away, but I don't miss him

  • Thread starter Thread starter gloriapatri
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
40.png
contemplative:
Wives need to communicate to husbands. Husbands don’t want to read about their love life on a thread. There is no substitute for a real honest and open conversation between a husband and wife…face to face.
Click to expand...
Yes, you’re right; however, not all husbands want to converse or hear about it if it’s a negative comment on their behavior.
 
40.png
AServantofGod:
Yes, you’re right; however, not all husbands want to converse or hear about it if it’s a negative comment on their behavior.
Click to expand...
Some wives don’t want to hear about their own negative behavior.

Good open communication between husbands and wives still remains part of the life blood in a marital relationship.

I will elaborate on the lyrics of one of Mister Rogers oldies… There are Many Ways

There are many ways to say “I love you”
There are many ways to say “I care”
There are many ways to say “You are hurting me”
There are many ways to say “I need you”
 
Code: 
contemplative]Some wives don't want to hear about their own negative behavior.
 
Good open communication between husbands and wives still remains part of the life blood in a marital relationship.
I don’t disagree with you on any of these points but sometimes the communication is one way. Yes, good communication is vital; you have stated the obvious and the ideal; however, this is not always the case. If you are one of the fortunate ones to have experienced good communication on both sides then you cannot understand the difficulties of one spouse trying to communicate to a closed & disinterested other spouse.
 
40.png
contemplative:
Some wives don’t want to hear about their own negative behavior.

Good open communication between husbands and wives still remains part of the life blood in a marital relationship.

"
Click to expand...
I don’t disagree with you on any of these points but sometimes the communication is one way. Yes, good communication is vital; you have stated the obvious and the ideal; however, this is not always the case. If you are one of the fortunate ones to have experienced good communication on both sides then you cannot understand the difficulties of one spouse trying to communicate to a closed & disinterested other spouse.
 
40.png
AServantofGod:
I don’t disagree with you on any of these points but sometimes the communication is one way. Yes, good communication is vital; you have stated the obvious and the ideal; however, this is not always the case. If you are one of the fortunate ones to have experienced good communication on both sides then you cannot understand the difficulties of one spouse trying to communicate to a closed & disinterested other spouse.
Click to expand...
…you go girl, give her…opps, backing the wrong one… peace!👍
http://www.80stees.com/images/products/Space_Ghost_patches.JPG
 
40.png
AServantofGod:
difficulties of one spouse trying to communicate to a closed & disinterested other spouse.
Click to expand...
I guess we all know people who clam up or simply don’t want hear anything - especially the truth.

When this happens I try to remember all the times I simply walk away from God…all the times I just don’t want to hear Him…or are too stupid to hear Him. In all of history, how many times have men walked away from God only to return?
Give thanks to the God of gods, for His love endures forever!
Difficult as it may seem sometimes, husbands and wives need to have enduring love for each other in the same way God has enduring love for all!

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives.
1 Corinthians 7:39
 
Rob's Wife:
My own dh just got back from a business trip and instead of the happy reunion I would have liked - we had a HUGE meltdown ending with me asking when the heck his next trip was and him going on a long drive…😦

My dh wanted to come home, sit down, maybe have a nap, listen to the kids tell him about their homework - basicly he was dreaming!

Reality? I’ve been stuck home with 7 kids, 2 of which had some freaky, hivey rash thing the dr. just scratched her head over. A baby that decided to start walking while dad was gone and bashed his wee little head on his big brothers tonka truck and needed stitches, which meant a trip to the same head scratching dr with all the kids in tow again. In my spare time I’m cleaning every square inch of the house and redoing all 8 beds to try to wash out whatever it is that is causing the rash issue, explaining algebra, have discovered ticks in the yard, so I mow it and spray it and bury another son’s rescued rabbit in it. And that was what I did within 3 days of his leaving - the rest of the week did NOT go get better!

I’m not thinking dh is home to relax - I’m thinking dh is the calvary come to rescue me! Dh has been able to do some fun things after work during his trip - see a U2 concert, see Star Wars 3, eat at $40+ dinners, sleep all night, take a hot shower from beginning to end, and pee whenever he wants instead of having to wait until 1 of any 5 other little people use it, clog it with tiolet paper, and I unclog it only to turn and see the newest one being potty trained doing a version of my own pee-pee dance and knowing chances are bad that he can hold while I go, so of course I let him go and wait to repeat the procedure again before I can finally go.

Dh gets into the van at the airport and says “I’m going to sleep on the ride home. I’m beat!” and then, I kid you not he actually said, “What you gonna make me for dinner tonight?” Oh man! It’s a good thing I was driving or I’d a lost it!

Yes, we could use some alone time, but it isn’t going to happen. Period.

I need to make an effort to get him involved even when he isn’t here. Otherwise, we’re not working together and the feeling of going solo makes us both feel lonely and that makes us feel very grouchy.

I’ll talk to him over the week, when things have settled down some and we’ll work it out, just like we have the past 12 years.

I agree the only person you can change is you though, so you have an obligation to love your husband. Before you speak to him, you should look very closely at why you are reacting this way and pray for the Lord to give you understanding of your dh, so that you can reconnect. I have a theory that he may be seen as an “interruption” in the family???

I offer you much compassion, I know that you must be feeling very alone and cut off from him?
Click to expand...
Hey…remember me and our prior exchange about getting some help? Sounds like you’re in need and due for some. It doesn’t have to be a full-time, $20/hour French-speaking au pair. It could be as simple as recruiting an older neighbor kid who comes in while you’re there to entertain the little ones so you can get a few things done without constant interruption.

This is hardly an unreasonable request. It is NOT a personal failing to admit you need help when you have such heavy and unrelenting responsibility and your husband is away. If you are met with resistance after a reasonable conversation, inform your husband it will be much more economical than a trip to the Betty Ford Clinic!!

p.s. ANY man who, upon returning home after being away for days, knowing you were alone with 6 kids, (and you loaded them all up and went to the airport to pick him up–are there no cabs where you live?!) demands dinner and a nap should be left on the curb to find another way home–and that would be letting him off easy!!!
 
(Now that I’ve picked myself up off the floor after reading Rob’sWife’s post…)

Gloriapatri,
I feel the same way as you. My DH travels often and I too feel relief when he does. I feel like he’s some kind of “boss” that’s inspecting what I do each day (admittedly, I am VERY lazy). When he calls everyday that he’s gone, it’s the same old “what’s new?”, “any mail?”, “any packages?”, “anybody call for me?”. The romance is definitely on hold while real life plays its hand.

No biggie…relax. You’re pooped…you’re a full-time mom, so another job (a.k.a. “wife”) is just that much more stressful. All the “worldly” magazines will tell you to spice up your love life…to take a warm bath with candles and a romantic dinner…read the bible instead. It says something like “pick up your cross”…no candles or bubble-baths mentioned. Don’t feel guilty about not missing him, just remain committed to loving and praying for him. Doesn’t have to be gushy-mushy love, either. Role models: Mary and Joseph. Not every marriage will be two people totally and madly in love every second of their lives together.

Where do you think the idea for Natural Family Planning came from, anyway? 😃

p.s. Does he spend lots of time with you and the children doing fun things or is he a recluse at home?
p.p.s. Things cooled off drastically between me and hubby after his vasectomy…which we’re having reversed in two months, God willing!!!yippee
 
Island Oak:
If you are met with resistance after a reasonable conversation, inform your husband it will be much more economical than a trip to the Betty Ford Clinic!!

p.s. ANY man who, upon returning home after being away for days, knowing you were alone with 6 kids, (and you loaded them all up and went to the airport to pick him up–are there no cabs where you live?!) demands dinner and a nap
Click to expand...
ANY woman who has given her husband the impression that he can routinely make unreasonable demands as you describe above is quite likely in need of clinic of some kind already.

It may seem difficult to reverse nasty behavior but it is possible…communication.
 
my husband was an over the road truck driver and gone for one-two weeks at a time. i didn’t miss him at all…ever. our marriage was very wrong though, it was very abusive-pleased to say it’s done now! sounds to me though that you and your husband really need to get to a marriage counselor, not for the fact that you don’t miss him but for the fact that you feel more at peace without him around-maybe he alone could use counseling but if he’s like a lot of guys, he’d rather have his eyeballs plucked out!! Just take a little time for yourself now-take a breather! good luck! 👍
 
40.png
contemplative:
I guess we all know people who clam up or simply don’t want hear anything - especially the truth.

When this happens I try to remember all the times I simply walk away from God…all the times I just don’t want to hear Him…or are too stupid to hear Him. In all of history, how many times have men walked away from God only to return?
Give thanks to the God of gods, for His love endures forever!
Difficult as it may seem sometimes, husbands and wives need to have enduring love for each other in the same way God has enduring love for all!

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives.
1 Corinthians 7:39
Click to expand...
Again, I don’t disagree with anything you say. You are stating the obvious. I don’t think you are quite understanding what I am saying, however, and maybe never will if your situation is nothing like I described.
 
40.png
contemplative:
ANY woman who has given her husband the impression that he can routinely make unreasonable demands as you describe above is quite likely in need of clinic of some kind already.

It may seem difficult to reverse nasty behavior but it is possible…communication.
Click to expand...
A little empathy here contemplative. I don’t hear anybody bashing husbands just venting.
 
40.png
AServantofGod:
A little empathy here contemplative. I don’t hear anybody bashing husbands just venting.
Click to expand...
You need to reread IslandOak then. I am not at all bashing and I do have empathy.
 
Oh geez people haven’t you ever had a bad week?! Just because you have a fight with dh over something stupid at the end of a bad week - it doesn’t mean you need to enter a clinic or your dh is a jerk or your kids are brats.
Island Oak:
Hey…remember me and our prior exchange about getting some help? Sounds like you’re in need and due for some. It doesn’t have to be a full-time, $20/hour French-speaking au pair. It could be as simple as recruiting an older neighbor kid who comes in while you’re there to entertain the little ones so you can get a few things done without constant interruption.
My kids are not interruptions. As for the idea of recruiting an older neighbor kid: that’s just a prime example of how little you know about kids these days. 1. it’s just scary to think on and 2. the enlistment sheet for kids ready to sign up to help out with 7 little children is non-existant anyhow. 3. more likely I’d end up with a kid needing more supervison than my own.
This is hardly an unreasonable request. It is NOT a personal failing to admit you need help when you have such heavy and unrelenting responsibility and your husband is away. If you are met with resistance after a reasonable conversation, inform your husband it will be much more economical than a trip to the Betty Ford Clinic!!
Of course I’m not a failure for needing help and I met with zero resistance when I asked him to suck up the tireness and help me out. My dh couldn’t care less about money. ( I handle our finances.) Once he drove off some steam and I cooled off - we were able to get quite a bit done.
p.s. ANY man who, upon returning home after being away for days, knowing you were alone with 6 kids, (and you loaded them all up and went to the airport to pick him up–are there no cabs where you live?!) demands dinner and a nap should be left on the curb to find another way home–and that would be letting him off easy!!!
7 kids - not wild animals ordevils, just normal children. The airport is 30 miles away and a hefty cab fee. And husbands get tired too, it’s not a wife only thing. The dinner thing, well that normally wouldn’t have been a big deal because I usually make him a nice dinner the first night home. He really looks forward to it after having to eat who knows what on his trips. He wasn’t demanding anything - he was asking a normal question of an irritable wife.
Click to expand...
 
Rob’s wife -
Martha, Martha,
You really sound like a reasonable wife and mother. 6 sons and 1 daughter! Beautiful. 👍
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top