D
Delphinus85
Guest
am very sorry you have to carry this burden. I will remember you in prayer. Be strong!:hug1:
- Status
S
stadre
Guest
Kristen,
I second the book recommendations. But mostly, I continue to think Retrouvaille is necessary. Perhaps you can make more of a commitment to it. You’ve suggested it and provided him with the information. You’ve also left it up to him to decide. Maybe you can decide. What I mean is that you can sign up and arrange childcare. Then you can tell him that it is all set.
I know you are hurt and you want him to acknowledge this in some way. This will be accomplished during that weekend. Maybe others on here will chime in differently, but I almost think that you should back off a little. You’ve told him how you feel, and that you have heard wonderful things about the weekend. Now leave him alone for a little while. Tell him when the weekend is and that everything is set. Maybe even, at that time, ask him simply to pick you up at X time so that you can drive together or you can offer the option to him. (“We are all set for Friday the Xth. It starts at X. Do you want to pick me up or meet there?”)
Please keep us posted. Our prayers are with all of you.
I second the book recommendations. But mostly, I continue to think Retrouvaille is necessary. Perhaps you can make more of a commitment to it. You’ve suggested it and provided him with the information. You’ve also left it up to him to decide. Maybe you can decide. What I mean is that you can sign up and arrange childcare. Then you can tell him that it is all set.
I know you are hurt and you want him to acknowledge this in some way. This will be accomplished during that weekend. Maybe others on here will chime in differently, but I almost think that you should back off a little. You’ve told him how you feel, and that you have heard wonderful things about the weekend. Now leave him alone for a little while. Tell him when the weekend is and that everything is set. Maybe even, at that time, ask him simply to pick you up at X time so that you can drive together or you can offer the option to him. (“We are all set for Friday the Xth. It starts at X. Do you want to pick me up or meet there?”)
Please keep us posted. Our prayers are with all of you.
K
kmc404
Guest
Retrouville emailed me information and I forwarded it to my husband. I wrote him an email thanking him for our 12 years of marriage and the memories I have of him. I told him he was my rock someone who I could always count on. I listed numerous instances where he was a good husband. His response was “No Problem. I am sorry I allowed things to get to where they are.” That was it. He came and cut the grass today while I was at work and helped with our pool, but now it is a month since he has left. No talking, he is suppossed to get our children on Saturday. I am so discouraged. I have prayed and tried. I feel like giving up. I cannot win. This man obviously doesn’t want to work on our marriage. Of all the things I could have been. I am a good mother, I pay the bills, I’m not a druggie, drunk or gambler. I have always been faithful. God only gives us as much as we can handle. This man in August said “You are perfect” while making love. How can this be how my life is turning out? It all seems like such a bad dream, and when I wake up my life could go two ways, and I will be a better wife and show him how much I love him. How can this man even think about going to church when he doesn’t even want to work on our marriage. He taught CCD last year and would attend church without me at times. I don’t have any answers and I want to escape. This hurt is too much to bear at times. I cry at work, I cry when I hear songs we danced to or listened to. Prayer and this site have kept up my spirits when I am so down. Lord carry me throughout this time and help me to live and love through you. My spirirt needs you.
Kristen
Kristen
5
57classic
Guest
Kirsten,
Please don’t think you are the only one hurting. Your husband is a man and he doesn’t react the same way you do. He has been conditioned to keep his feelings in and be strong. That’s not a bad thing, it’s hard to get things done when one is sobbing and the man is supposed to get things done. If he too, only sees the good he’s done and not the hurt he’s caused, well, then you both are in the same place and are going nowhere. Pride and stubborness have no place here. (“it’s my belief, pride is the chief cause in the decline in the number of husbands and wives.”)
You have come a ways since your first post but how long in your marriage have the two of you been hurling insults and threats at each other? Don’t give up after one month. The scar tissue is deep.
I posted here a year ago about my son who was having an affair with a highschool sweetheart. After my initial rage subsided months later, I found out the other side of the story. The sweet girl I believed my Daughter in Law to be was the side my son loved and wanted to be with forever. The side he saw far too often said “I hate YOU!” when she meant “I hate what you did”. She often threatened divorce and it cut him to the quick. She would shop to “get out of the house” but spend on unnecessary items to the point they couldn’t pay the bills then be furious with him when he wanted her to make the phone calls telling creditors the payment would be late or short. He works in agriculture, sun up to sun down and more, his time and resources for income is limited. I could go on but it’s unnecessary. The point is, until you spend some time putting yourself in his shoes he will see no reason to make an attempt to do the same. My son was soooooo coldblooded to everybody who loved him and he told me he got himself and his family into the mess, he wanted to prove he was mature enough to fix everything by himself with no help or advice from us. I suspect he was setting his own childhood up just to prove it could be fixed and didn’t have to end in divorce. So far, he’s failed but they still talk every night and they both still love each other, there are family pressures from her father to never come back and she is so far just not mature enough to tell her father he is not the head of her family. Time will tell.
The reason I recommended the books by Dr. Laura (and please do go to Retrouville!) is because that is something you can start on RIGHT NOW, you don’t have to wait for a class to open up. The books aren’t long. But they are thought provoking and will get your head out of what’s been done to you and will help you concentrate on what you can do from here.
The only person you can change is yourself and if this marriage fails do you want to take that same self into the rest of your life?
Love your marriage and care for it as though it were your first and most loved child.
Please don’t think you are the only one hurting. Your husband is a man and he doesn’t react the same way you do. He has been conditioned to keep his feelings in and be strong. That’s not a bad thing, it’s hard to get things done when one is sobbing and the man is supposed to get things done. If he too, only sees the good he’s done and not the hurt he’s caused, well, then you both are in the same place and are going nowhere. Pride and stubborness have no place here. (“it’s my belief, pride is the chief cause in the decline in the number of husbands and wives.”)
You have come a ways since your first post but how long in your marriage have the two of you been hurling insults and threats at each other? Don’t give up after one month. The scar tissue is deep.
I posted here a year ago about my son who was having an affair with a highschool sweetheart. After my initial rage subsided months later, I found out the other side of the story. The sweet girl I believed my Daughter in Law to be was the side my son loved and wanted to be with forever. The side he saw far too often said “I hate YOU!” when she meant “I hate what you did”. She often threatened divorce and it cut him to the quick. She would shop to “get out of the house” but spend on unnecessary items to the point they couldn’t pay the bills then be furious with him when he wanted her to make the phone calls telling creditors the payment would be late or short. He works in agriculture, sun up to sun down and more, his time and resources for income is limited. I could go on but it’s unnecessary. The point is, until you spend some time putting yourself in his shoes he will see no reason to make an attempt to do the same. My son was soooooo coldblooded to everybody who loved him and he told me he got himself and his family into the mess, he wanted to prove he was mature enough to fix everything by himself with no help or advice from us. I suspect he was setting his own childhood up just to prove it could be fixed and didn’t have to end in divorce. So far, he’s failed but they still talk every night and they both still love each other, there are family pressures from her father to never come back and she is so far just not mature enough to tell her father he is not the head of her family. Time will tell.
The reason I recommended the books by Dr. Laura (and please do go to Retrouville!) is because that is something you can start on RIGHT NOW, you don’t have to wait for a class to open up. The books aren’t long. But they are thought provoking and will get your head out of what’s been done to you and will help you concentrate on what you can do from here.
The only person you can change is yourself and if this marriage fails do you want to take that same self into the rest of your life?
Love your marriage and care for it as though it were your first and most loved child.
K
kmc404
Guest
57 classic
I agree he needs to see the hurt he has caused. Today I called him and asked if he was ever going to talk to me. He said he would call later. I said can we meet. We went out to dinner and he said he met with the counselor and she didn’t like his answers. He said he was truthful. He said that the therapist does not think he needs counseling. I don’t understand that. You left your family and your marriage, how can you not need counseling of some sort. He is still going to teach CCD. After dinner, we were in the parking lot and he kissed me. A real kiss. I was shocked. Didn’t know what to do I kissed him back. He came over the house to clean our pool and I tried to talk to him and he kissed me and said I will always love you, but I am not ready to come home. I asked him why? He said he just wasn’t ready. He says if he comes home and things get bad that I will find a replacement and then tell him to leave. He sounds very insecure. At times I see he has mixed emotions. He said he misses me and the kids, but can’t come home. He is not ready yet, he says. He acknowledges that I am the one making every effort to work on this and he hasn’t tried. The therapist asked him when his heart became so cold and he said,“When I put a price on my childrens lives” He saw an attorney in July and I didn’t know that. He said he tried to talk to me about our problems and I responded that we just have different personalities. But I honestly don’t remember him trying to talk seriously about this. I told him I am no longer kicking you out. And he responded you already did. I said now you are leaving. I asked him again about the weekend retreat. He said he would think about it. I told him that I think that would help us out alot. He says he has forgiven me he has no ill will toward me, but he is still hurt. I said I don’t want to hurt him anymore and I am hurting too. And he states I don’t want to hurt you anymore. He acknowledges that he has hurt me. I asked him to look at me and he says when he looks at me all he wants to do is kiss me and hold me. He said he would stay longer today but all he wanted to do was kiss. I said is that all I am good for and he said no. He said I am sorry if I confused you even more. I told him God has brought us together and he said God has also taken us apart. I said we can be stronger and healthier through this and I want to work on our marriage. Our children need 2 parents and he agrees. He told me to look at the small things that he went to dinner. And I said we need to talk then and work on small steps. He is to take the children tomorrow and Sunday I asked him if we could spend the day together and he said he would call in the morning. I told him we are at this point and I am willing to work on this and at least I can look at myself in the mirror and feel like I am not letting my family slip away without a fight. The ball is in his court and he needs to make the next move. He knows where I am at. Is he waiting to see if I am going to find someone else? Maybe. I meet with the therapist on Tuesday I will be curious to hear the questions that she asks. I have anger issues at times, when I get mad but my husband is no saint either. God give me strength and patience.
I agree he needs to see the hurt he has caused. Today I called him and asked if he was ever going to talk to me. He said he would call later. I said can we meet. We went out to dinner and he said he met with the counselor and she didn’t like his answers. He said he was truthful. He said that the therapist does not think he needs counseling. I don’t understand that. You left your family and your marriage, how can you not need counseling of some sort. He is still going to teach CCD. After dinner, we were in the parking lot and he kissed me. A real kiss. I was shocked. Didn’t know what to do I kissed him back. He came over the house to clean our pool and I tried to talk to him and he kissed me and said I will always love you, but I am not ready to come home. I asked him why? He said he just wasn’t ready. He says if he comes home and things get bad that I will find a replacement and then tell him to leave. He sounds very insecure. At times I see he has mixed emotions. He said he misses me and the kids, but can’t come home. He is not ready yet, he says. He acknowledges that I am the one making every effort to work on this and he hasn’t tried. The therapist asked him when his heart became so cold and he said,“When I put a price on my childrens lives” He saw an attorney in July and I didn’t know that. He said he tried to talk to me about our problems and I responded that we just have different personalities. But I honestly don’t remember him trying to talk seriously about this. I told him I am no longer kicking you out. And he responded you already did. I said now you are leaving. I asked him again about the weekend retreat. He said he would think about it. I told him that I think that would help us out alot. He says he has forgiven me he has no ill will toward me, but he is still hurt. I said I don’t want to hurt him anymore and I am hurting too. And he states I don’t want to hurt you anymore. He acknowledges that he has hurt me. I asked him to look at me and he says when he looks at me all he wants to do is kiss me and hold me. He said he would stay longer today but all he wanted to do was kiss. I said is that all I am good for and he said no. He said I am sorry if I confused you even more. I told him God has brought us together and he said God has also taken us apart. I said we can be stronger and healthier through this and I want to work on our marriage. Our children need 2 parents and he agrees. He told me to look at the small things that he went to dinner. And I said we need to talk then and work on small steps. He is to take the children tomorrow and Sunday I asked him if we could spend the day together and he said he would call in the morning. I told him we are at this point and I am willing to work on this and at least I can look at myself in the mirror and feel like I am not letting my family slip away without a fight. The ball is in his court and he needs to make the next move. He knows where I am at. Is he waiting to see if I am going to find someone else? Maybe. I meet with the therapist on Tuesday I will be curious to hear the questions that she asks. I have anger issues at times, when I get mad but my husband is no saint either. God give me strength and patience.
G
gmarie21
Guest
Have you suggested that your husband speak with a therapist that is a man? I know of a few men who tried therapy with women and well, some of them weren’t so good (brought their agendas into the session). When they switched to men, it was almost as if their worlds changed and they finally began to progress. Some of the time the male therapist said things that were the same as the female, but I believe for a man another man helping them and speaking their language is key. Maybe suggest that your husband seek out a Catholic male therapist and if the two of you end up going to marriage therapy, consider going to a male (most male therapists don’t gang up on the woman, but I have known of female therapists ganging up on the man).
K
kmc404
Guest
When I speak to the therapist on Tuesday I will see what she suggests. I was thinking that he should talk with a male. She did say she had one therapist to recommend that was male. Then maybe he can open up this man’s mind. He called today to take out our kids. No offer for me to go and I didn’t ask. He needs to make a move his father has spoken with him about our marriage and said things our not easy but to work on things and he should not allow things to keep on bothering him without talking about them. He just shuts down and now has left his life. He is bouncing debits on his account because the mail comes to our house and I received the notices, and yes I opened them up. My hands our tied at the moment and until he is ready and willing to start communicating and work on our marriage there is nothing else to do but pray. Thank you for your suggestions. One spouse cannot force another to go to Retrouville. Their is an interview process and they want to make sure both couples want to work on their marriage. I am committed to working on this but he needs to want to as well. I continue to pray.
R
RWMorris
Guest
I will pray for you and your husband. What a tough situation to be in! Keep praying and trying to make small steps. You can be the forgiving one if you pray for the Holy Spirit’s help.
We went through extreme marital difficulties and I told my husband numerous times to leave. He never did but we got very close to divorce. Thank God we persevered. Our marriage now is better than ever.
good luck and God bless…
We went through extreme marital difficulties and I told my husband numerous times to leave. He never did but we got very close to divorce. Thank God we persevered. Our marriage now is better than ever.
good luck and God bless…
N
Norseman82
Guest
You mentioned about a priest being on vacation. Is that priest back? Maybe try him again. Lot cheaper than a therapist, he is a male, and (hopefully) will give good Catholic advice rather than mere secular psychobabble.
K
kmc404
Guest
I am going to call the priest again to help me pray after my session with the counselor on Tuesday. The counselor is affiliated with our church and does the Social Ministry. I continue to ask the Holy Spirit to fill my soul with patience and forgiveness. My husband does not see the wrong that he has committed and feels that he is justified in just leaving. I never packed his bags and told him to get out. It was with arguing that I would say then just leave. I did not mean it. I shall see him tomorrow when he drops off our children and will not ask any questions. It will be very hard for me to do and I pray that I can get through just to be civil. My heart aches and I continue to pray for the Lord’s will be done.
C
catechumen08
Guest
Hi kmc404, I’m very sorry to hear about your situation. It’s not my place to pass judgment, but I just wanted to say that there’re no good guys or bad guys in a relationship. It takes two to make things work. If you want your husband back, you may want to look at things from his point of view, and he will start looking at things from your point of view. I don’t claim to be an expert, but keep in mind that love is forgiving.
J
jules11
Guest
Kristen, I had to post after reading this. Your husband sounds exactly like mine. We have had similar issues. I have reacted and said awful things to him in anger, only to find that he took it as truth and then says ‘its over’
Its a game of cat and mouse and it gets very exhausting and stressful. I have been where you are many many times, and I am there again right now.
Exactly the same situation almost. We see each other, he does stuff, but he has hardly talked to me for a month.
Then today he tells me he misses me.
This suffering is incredible. All I can do is ask God to get me through the next minute, then the next, and so on. Eventually I get through the day, then the week.
Even if you say nothing but, ‘help me God’ that is enough.
I have been there many times. I sometimes go around in a daze, not wanting to live this life I am living but even then, when everything is black and all you feel is emptiness and pain, God is there and using your suffering for good.
I think that emotional heartache is the hardest thing to cope with. Physical pain is not pleasant, but not as hard as dealing with heartbreak.
Try to go to Adoration or even go into a church. Ask God for peace as only He can give that to you. I’ve often sat before the tabernacle and just cried.
I have now decided that no matter how hurt I feel, no matter how angry or upset I get over what he does, I am going to try to do and say everything right. With God’s grace, I am going to swallow my pride and be the loving wife I should be regardless of what he does.
I will pray for you and your marriage.
I started a new thread for difficult marriages. Maybe we can get together and pray at a set time. More strength in numbers.
God bless and I will pray for you. I ask for you to please pray for me too.
M
Maria1212
Guest
Instead of focusing on past hurts, try asking your husband what he needs from you. Ask him how you can love him better. Down the road, hopefully he will ask yu the same question.
Definitely make an appointment for Retrovaille.
I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
Sincerely,
Maria1212
Definitely make an appointment for Retrovaille.
I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.
Sincerely,
Maria1212
K
kmc404
Guest
Jules 11
Thank you so much for replying and giving me inspiration. It is Sunday 5am and of course I cannot sleep because of this emotional pain that I am suffering. I want to write this man I call my husband and tell him that this unfair. I never packed his bags and forced him out the door. He freely walked away and I look at this as he did not love his wife or family enough to bother to try to work things out. It is a month, and this doesn’t seem to get any easier. Deep breathing and talking with God do help. This man I believe needs to admit that it was wrong for him to just walk out. OK maybe he needed to cool things down he was hurting. I try to walk in his shoes and feel that he really was unhappy he loves his children very much. But since he has been gone he has never asked how they are doing or to talk with them. Then I try to rationalize that it is hard for him maybe to talk on the phone with them because he would want to be here. I do not imagine it was easy for him to leave and maybe he felt hopeless that this was the only way. If you love something then let it free and if it was yoursit ill come back to you. But now I have definitely done a lot of effort I wrote cards, emails, tried to talk to him and I have asked him what I can do. He says he needs time that he is not ready yet that he still hurts. I am trying to understand and be patient. He admits that I am hurting and he doesn’t wan’t to hurt me anymore and I have said the same to him. At least he has acknowledged that he has hurt me. I would never want to live this again. But I don’t want to walk on eggshells either and feel the next argument or fight will turn out to be this all over again. I need God now more than ever and admit that I was lacking in my committment for Him in our lives, but my husband doesn’t exactly pray either. I believe he doesn’t want to suffer this hurt again and is afraid to open up until he is ready I cannot force his hand. I will continue to practice faith and spirituality adn try again to get through each minute, each day and week. Thank you again this website is a lifesaver and have so many times turned to this to vent my frustrations and thoughts. Jules 11 I will be praying for you as well and let me know what time we could pray together for our marriages. Please God continue to give us strength in our lives and help us be stewards of your love. Amen
Thank you so much for replying and giving me inspiration. It is Sunday 5am and of course I cannot sleep because of this emotional pain that I am suffering. I want to write this man I call my husband and tell him that this unfair. I never packed his bags and forced him out the door. He freely walked away and I look at this as he did not love his wife or family enough to bother to try to work things out. It is a month, and this doesn’t seem to get any easier. Deep breathing and talking with God do help. This man I believe needs to admit that it was wrong for him to just walk out. OK maybe he needed to cool things down he was hurting. I try to walk in his shoes and feel that he really was unhappy he loves his children very much. But since he has been gone he has never asked how they are doing or to talk with them. Then I try to rationalize that it is hard for him maybe to talk on the phone with them because he would want to be here. I do not imagine it was easy for him to leave and maybe he felt hopeless that this was the only way. If you love something then let it free and if it was yoursit ill come back to you. But now I have definitely done a lot of effort I wrote cards, emails, tried to talk to him and I have asked him what I can do. He says he needs time that he is not ready yet that he still hurts. I am trying to understand and be patient. He admits that I am hurting and he doesn’t wan’t to hurt me anymore and I have said the same to him. At least he has acknowledged that he has hurt me. I would never want to live this again. But I don’t want to walk on eggshells either and feel the next argument or fight will turn out to be this all over again. I need God now more than ever and admit that I was lacking in my committment for Him in our lives, but my husband doesn’t exactly pray either. I believe he doesn’t want to suffer this hurt again and is afraid to open up until he is ready I cannot force his hand. I will continue to practice faith and spirituality adn try again to get through each minute, each day and week. Thank you again this website is a lifesaver and have so many times turned to this to vent my frustrations and thoughts. Jules 11 I will be praying for you as well and let me know what time we could pray together for our marriages. Please God continue to give us strength in our lives and help us be stewards of your love. Amen
J
jules11
Guest
Just remember, we grow the most through pain and suffering. If we had none of it we would not be forced to seek out God. I know that through all my trials, that God is telling me that I do not need to know what is going to happen tomorrow or next week, that all I need to do is put my complete trust in Him and things will work out just how they are supposed to, if I do my utmost to do His will, everything else will fall into place.
I know the pain you are feeling, I have felt it many times, but through it, I have come a little closer to God every time. Little steps.
Ultimately our only goal is to be holy and as a dear friend once told me, we are all really on our own in this. We come into this world alone, we leave it alone and we meet God on our own. So it is up to us to get ourselves to Heaven,(obviously with God’s grace in our lives) but it is up to us to use these hard and painful situations to better ourselves and get us there.
It’s much easier for me to say this than it is for me to do. I have my good days and my bad days. Unfortunately, I’m a little at the mercy of my emotions on times. I am up and down, but at the end of the day, I know that God is always there for me.
I know that He will never let me down.
So when you feel that your heart is breaking in two, give that to God, every tear offer to Him and pray for peace. It will come.
And pray for the resignation to accept His will, whatever it may be.
And it will get easier. And you wont need answers today.
You will find that you find happiness in praying. You will find that you look forward to the end of the day where you can be alone with God and just talk to him.
Rely on Him. He is your loving Father. Imagine yourself wrapped in His arms, sobbing, if that’s how you feel. He will comfort you.
Every minute of your pain can be a prayer…that’s how I get through.
This may be God showing you how much you need Him. Think of this as a wonderful opportunity to get to know Him.
Noone can take away your pain, but God. In His time. He will make your cross bearable.
I often write in a journal to God… it helps me to make sense of things.
And as a dear priest said to me, say the Memorare over and over. It is a beautiful prayer in times of trouble and turmoil…Mary listens to our cries for help. She has pity on us too.
God bless you Kristen. I hope you find peace. I know it hurts… it will not always hurt this much. Things can change. Here’s the Memorare, just in case you don’t have it.
Remember O most Gracious Virgin Mary,
That never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection,
Implored thy help, or sought thy intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O virgin of virgins, my mother. To thee I come, before thee, I stand. Sinful and sorrowful. O mother of the Word Incarnate, depise not my petitions, but in thy mercy, hear and answer me, Amen.
I know the pain you are feeling, I have felt it many times, but through it, I have come a little closer to God every time. Little steps.
Ultimately our only goal is to be holy and as a dear friend once told me, we are all really on our own in this. We come into this world alone, we leave it alone and we meet God on our own. So it is up to us to get ourselves to Heaven,(obviously with God’s grace in our lives) but it is up to us to use these hard and painful situations to better ourselves and get us there.
It’s much easier for me to say this than it is for me to do. I have my good days and my bad days. Unfortunately, I’m a little at the mercy of my emotions on times. I am up and down, but at the end of the day, I know that God is always there for me.
I know that He will never let me down.
So when you feel that your heart is breaking in two, give that to God, every tear offer to Him and pray for peace. It will come.
And pray for the resignation to accept His will, whatever it may be.
And it will get easier. And you wont need answers today.
You will find that you find happiness in praying. You will find that you look forward to the end of the day where you can be alone with God and just talk to him.
Rely on Him. He is your loving Father. Imagine yourself wrapped in His arms, sobbing, if that’s how you feel. He will comfort you.
Every minute of your pain can be a prayer…that’s how I get through.
This may be God showing you how much you need Him. Think of this as a wonderful opportunity to get to know Him.
Noone can take away your pain, but God. In His time. He will make your cross bearable.
I often write in a journal to God… it helps me to make sense of things.
And as a dear priest said to me, say the Memorare over and over. It is a beautiful prayer in times of trouble and turmoil…Mary listens to our cries for help. She has pity on us too.
God bless you Kristen. I hope you find peace. I know it hurts… it will not always hurt this much. Things can change. Here’s the Memorare, just in case you don’t have it.
Remember O most Gracious Virgin Mary,
That never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection,
Implored thy help, or sought thy intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O virgin of virgins, my mother. To thee I come, before thee, I stand. Sinful and sorrowful. O mother of the Word Incarnate, depise not my petitions, but in thy mercy, hear and answer me, Amen.
K
kmc404
Guest
Jules 11
Thank you for the Memorare. I have wrote it down and have been praying this. It does give me peace to pray and to let God’s will be done that everything always happens for a reason. My husband dropped off our children today and no mention of the weekend. I didn’t bring it up and he obviously does not want that yet. Only time will tell. I asked him if he wanted the kids to call at night and he said yes. My dauhgter asked how can Daddy love me if he doesn’t live here. My daughter is only 4 yet her eyes are not blind. I responded Daddy loves you and always will. He is coming over for dinner on Wednesday. I asked him when he wanted to see the kids during the week. I said do you want me to drop them off. He said he would come here. I asked do you want me to leave when you are here. He said no you can stay and I suggested dinner. We shall see. He still does not want to address the issue of our marriage and I can only practice patience, which is very tough. We go through life expecting one thing and totally ending up with another. God’s love and strength help us endure. God Bless you Jules and I continue to pray for you and your husband.
Thank you for the Memorare. I have wrote it down and have been praying this. It does give me peace to pray and to let God’s will be done that everything always happens for a reason. My husband dropped off our children today and no mention of the weekend. I didn’t bring it up and he obviously does not want that yet. Only time will tell. I asked him if he wanted the kids to call at night and he said yes. My dauhgter asked how can Daddy love me if he doesn’t live here. My daughter is only 4 yet her eyes are not blind. I responded Daddy loves you and always will. He is coming over for dinner on Wednesday. I asked him when he wanted to see the kids during the week. I said do you want me to drop them off. He said he would come here. I asked do you want me to leave when you are here. He said no you can stay and I suggested dinner. We shall see. He still does not want to address the issue of our marriage and I can only practice patience, which is very tough. We go through life expecting one thing and totally ending up with another. God’s love and strength help us endure. God Bless you Jules and I continue to pray for you and your husband.
K
kmc404
Guest
Today talked with husband and he said he didn’t ask me to go on Saturday because I said I was tired and on Sunday he said he was waiting at the door and wanted me to invite him in and I just said goodbye. I am not a mind reader. I then said do you want to just take the kids on Wednesday and not pretend. Well this turned into a big argument over the phone, but at the end he said somehting mean and came over to our house. He said he wants to work on things and I said we need help. I suggessted couples counseling again. He said he would think about it. Then he is kissing and wants to make love. I said I cannot make love unitl he is home with us. I cannot get hurt again, this hurts too much. He has admitted to leaving our marriage and never thought he would be gone this long. He was stamping his feet, I guess. He said it was hard for him to leave and he didn’t want to but I was not listening when he was trying to talk with me. I suggested Retrouville again I said it is not counseling but helps us work on communication. We do not communicate effectively. I was clueless as to how bad our relationship was. He tried several times to make love and even begged me but I said I could not get hurt. He said he would not hurt me. I said you already have. We did not make love. He is to come over for dinner on Wednesday and he said we will take small steps but I think we are going to work this out. This man changes his attitude and mind continuously. I didn’t think making love would solve anything and I couldn’t be put out there to hurt anymore. He needs to come home to his family in order to get the privelege of our love making. Not sure if I did the right thing? We did have problems sexually before that I was not a willing partner, but the month before he left we were making love a lot more. He said we have gone through good months before and that went away, but I said you didn’t give it time to go away. You Left. He has no response to this. I wanted to make love and let all the pain go away, I said if you come home tomorrow I wil make love with you. He said he has to take small steps and that would be a lie to say he will be home tomorrow. We shall see what the next days bring. He says he loves me now, when he left he just winked and went on his way. Not sure on anyone elses thoughts??
M
Maria1212
Guest
I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. It sounds like there is a lot of anger on both sides and there will need to be some mutual forgiveness in order to move forward. You are on the right track with Retrouvaille. Definitely seek couples counseling with a Catholic counselor as well. Have you tried praying together?
Sincerely,
Maria1212
D
dolphinlove
Guest
Divorce is one of the hardest things to go through, especially when children are involved.
Ill keep you in my prayers.
I hope you get what you hope for. I really do.
Ill keep you in my prayers.
I hope you get what you hope for. I really do.
K
kmc404
Guest
Well the roller coaster of my life continues on. Husband today at the house talked and played with the kids for 1/2 hour said he was at happy hour before coming here. Offered him some wine. Started to talk to him about Retrouville. He sayd it interferes with football and hunting, so no. He would not be able to commit. Not good timing. I said I am putting us first, maybe I didn’t in the past. I became tearful and then walked away because I cannot cry in front of him anymore. He said I never have stood by him. I said what has changed in a day. You said yesterday I think we can work things out. He refused to pray with us as a faimly. He stood outside the door and listened to me and our 2 children pray together. He says he shouldn’t have come here today just came tomorrow I follow him to the car and his cell phone rings and says he has to go, and just drives off. I continue to pray and really am not surprised by the outcome. Each day something different comes up and I feel they are excuses to what the real problem is. He brings things up from over 3-4 years that we have already discussed. Not sure what the real issue is yet. Taking things minute by minute day by day. My faith in God’s plan is strong and I am becoming a stronger and better person. Please continue your prayers for all failing marriages.
Kristen
Kristen
- Status