T
teeiniowa
Guest
Im new and glad I found this.
My husband of 24yrs (25 in April) asked for a divorce at the end of January. We havent had the best of times to say the least in the past 6 years in particular. That part is my fault. I suffer from depression/ptsd from being assaulted in the most heinous way 10yrs ago. I am also physically disabled. Although I look fairly healthy, my condition limits my ability to participate in life other than the sporadic (but joyful!) occasion. Its presently not treatable but I am to be in a study for a new medicinal treatment in the next few months. These things of course also affected and frustrated my husband. He would encourage me, and was patient with me, usually. He was a good husband to me. He is well liked by others, and considered a pillar in the community. He’s been an outstanding father to our 9 year old adopted son (I cannot have children). He has gotten very angry at me at times, recently saying he has so many crosses to bear that if I kept up my current state, he would lay a cross down that would affect us directly (meaning me being his cross that burdens him). 2 weeks later he definitely did start acting oddly. I have always encouraged him to go out with friends, without me, because of my medical condition. I would have been a burden if I could have tolerated it at all. He began to spend more and more time on his cell texting or whatever especially after these outings.
He became extremely cold for a week, then after I returned home from having a molar extracted, he served me papers. I begged him to try counseling. He also stated he wanted me to leave (he would help me find somewhere) and he would want sole custody of our son. He said hes unhappy, and no longer loves me. He looked into my eyes and swore he wasnt seeing someone. It hurts to even rethink this. I knew he had been unhappy. As I also have been. But not with him, just myself. I LOVE HIM. He is the only man I have ever told “I love you”. Hes also of course my best friend, and due to my homebound state, really my only friend, besides my son and my 75yr old severely disabled mother (who also would be forced out of our home). My first thoughts were of course of my son. How it would affect him. I was 31 when I was baptized, and we renewed our vows in the church 8 years into our marriage. I take those vows as seriously as my baptism, and my sons as well, along with our commitment to raise him catholic,and be examples for him. I do NOT want a divorce. But heres the other thing:
Hes with a new woman. He met her 3 weeks before asking me for a divorce. I found out who she was. I asked him about it. He said he loved her, shes 11yrs younger than me, 15yrs younger than him, and she wants to have a baby with him. My husband knows my 2 biggest fears/self depricating flaws have been that he would leave me, and, that I cant have children. When he said that about the baby it was like someone kicking me squarely in my heart. Shes an unemployed divorced bartender (hes been in AA for 24yrs…so Im nervous for his sobriety) with 2 children (one near adulthood, another young teen). I will also add he turned 51 1 week after he served me papers, and filed for the divorce the day after buying a 20k dollar new motorcycle.
I DID call our priest. My husband is actually very involved with our church. Our priest was pretty concerned, I hadnt found out about the adultery until after I had spoken to Fr. He did speak to my husband. My husband said he explained to Fr. that he had enough. I dont know what I was hoping for. I dont even know where I stand spiritually if he divorces me…??? I would never remarry, so I guess I wont worry about that.
(continued next post)
My husband of 24yrs (25 in April) asked for a divorce at the end of January. We havent had the best of times to say the least in the past 6 years in particular. That part is my fault. I suffer from depression/ptsd from being assaulted in the most heinous way 10yrs ago. I am also physically disabled. Although I look fairly healthy, my condition limits my ability to participate in life other than the sporadic (but joyful!) occasion. Its presently not treatable but I am to be in a study for a new medicinal treatment in the next few months. These things of course also affected and frustrated my husband. He would encourage me, and was patient with me, usually. He was a good husband to me. He is well liked by others, and considered a pillar in the community. He’s been an outstanding father to our 9 year old adopted son (I cannot have children). He has gotten very angry at me at times, recently saying he has so many crosses to bear that if I kept up my current state, he would lay a cross down that would affect us directly (meaning me being his cross that burdens him). 2 weeks later he definitely did start acting oddly. I have always encouraged him to go out with friends, without me, because of my medical condition. I would have been a burden if I could have tolerated it at all. He began to spend more and more time on his cell texting or whatever especially after these outings.
He became extremely cold for a week, then after I returned home from having a molar extracted, he served me papers. I begged him to try counseling. He also stated he wanted me to leave (he would help me find somewhere) and he would want sole custody of our son. He said hes unhappy, and no longer loves me. He looked into my eyes and swore he wasnt seeing someone. It hurts to even rethink this. I knew he had been unhappy. As I also have been. But not with him, just myself. I LOVE HIM. He is the only man I have ever told “I love you”. Hes also of course my best friend, and due to my homebound state, really my only friend, besides my son and my 75yr old severely disabled mother (who also would be forced out of our home). My first thoughts were of course of my son. How it would affect him. I was 31 when I was baptized, and we renewed our vows in the church 8 years into our marriage. I take those vows as seriously as my baptism, and my sons as well, along with our commitment to raise him catholic,and be examples for him. I do NOT want a divorce. But heres the other thing:
Hes with a new woman. He met her 3 weeks before asking me for a divorce. I found out who she was. I asked him about it. He said he loved her, shes 11yrs younger than me, 15yrs younger than him, and she wants to have a baby with him. My husband knows my 2 biggest fears/self depricating flaws have been that he would leave me, and, that I cant have children. When he said that about the baby it was like someone kicking me squarely in my heart. Shes an unemployed divorced bartender (hes been in AA for 24yrs…so Im nervous for his sobriety) with 2 children (one near adulthood, another young teen). I will also add he turned 51 1 week after he served me papers, and filed for the divorce the day after buying a 20k dollar new motorcycle.
I DID call our priest. My husband is actually very involved with our church. Our priest was pretty concerned, I hadnt found out about the adultery until after I had spoken to Fr. He did speak to my husband. My husband said he explained to Fr. that he had enough. I dont know what I was hoping for. I dont even know where I stand spiritually if he divorces me…??? I would never remarry, so I guess I wont worry about that.
(continued next post)
Have you been able to confide all of this with your parish priest or some other spiritual director? Also, you should get the help of any family that is able to come in and give you support.