Husband lied about strip club

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If there is a reason for a married man with a child to ‘fly to Vegas with his friends’ the same friends to encourage him to go to a strip club and have ‘lap dances’ on his bachelor party night, well, I can’t think of any. Can he afford it? Who pays for baby clothes, diapers, etc.?

It sounds as if his friends are the type who never grow up, and see nothing wrong with interfering in his marriage. Are most of them married? Single? Divorced? If things don’t change soon, I see a lot of problems ahead.

Does he give you the same freedom? Do you go on overnight trips with friends while he stays home with the baby?

Whatever you do, don’t let him isolate you. Do you have family
nearby? See them. Keep in touch! The strip club incident was years ago, and frankly, I’m more concerned about him going on these long trips without you and your child, than what he did or did not do at his bachelor party. You probably should see a counselor. Him, too. I’ve seen this kind of ‘friend group’ in action. It’s all about macho pride. Well, a real man, if married, is concerned first with his wife and kids!Please, see your family. Make friends at church, Women, couples, people who share your interests. I’ll be praying.
 
I don’t understand your need to know every last detail. Knowing it happened would be enough to know for me, because honestly, the details have now opened the wounds once again. Either you forgive him, or you don’t, regardless of knowing it was 3 not 1 or it was in this room or that etc.

I think the problem at hand right now is the Vegas trip. It has only been 2 years that you are married and your husband thinks he needs to go away with the guys? This isn’t a hunting trip, or bowling night out with the guys. This is Vegas, baby. Ask him why he feels the need to spend family money on a trip that does not include his family. Did he ask you if you were okay with him going or did he say he is going? If that is the case, then you two have some problems to work on.
 
liaeona said:
It may not make sense to you, but for me to move on, I needed to know the entirety of the scenario, or I would always won
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What he allowed to happen was inappropriate and hurt your trust (with cause) but don’t blow up a bachelor party lap dance to represent infidelity. Assess what kinda of person he as been since your marriage and really really study up on forgiveness.

I still wonder how you found out, is some 3rd party trying to damage your marriage?
 
Youthful indiscretions occur quite frequently. The human condition is flawed. There is no perfect. Best we can do is live an ‘examined’ life, reflect upon our shortcomings, and resolve to do better. And forgive. That is very important. You must forgive. If you set your standards way too high, you will end up driving your husband away. There are far, far worse behaviors.
 
Greenfields said:
His priority should be his family.
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Occasional outings with old friends is not forsaking your family.
Every Friday night with the boys is a problem, not an infrequent get together.

One must also give their partner some room to breathe, not suffocate them.
 
Irishmom2 said:
By going to Vegas?
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Girls do it too.

I’m not saying it’s nothing, just that it doesn’t indicate the guy doesn’t treat family as his priority. We don’t know his behavior the past two yrs 24/7, when he may have shown to be a good husband, or not.

Any trip with friends out of town raises stuff, especially Vegas
 
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I can see that your husband hurt you very much and I wish for the sake of both of you that this didn’t happen. He temporarily broke your trust in him by his participation. How old is your husband and is he often influenced by his friends? I would encourage him to move away from these friends and to not hang out with them without you being there. It’s time to get involved in groups of friends that you trust and have the same values as yours. Are there any young adult groups at your church?
That being said this is something that can be overcome if he regrets his actions. You must forgive him. If he can rebuild the trust connection then it would be wise to not bring this up again. Just move on but since he was tempted by this group of friends and cooperated with this bad decision you must help him avoid temptations in the future. We all fall to temptation at times but through confession we can get on the right track again!
 
1ke said:
NO man, married or single, should be visiting strip clubs. It’s grave matter against the sixth commandment.
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Exactly. And the same goes for ladies and so called “ladies” night events.
 
Elizabeth3 said:
Exactly. And the same goes for ladies and so called “ladies” night events
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yes, I took heat back in the day (in my late 20s) when my childhood best friend and roommate (not religious, somewhat loosely Methodist) got married. I was in the wedding party as a bridesmaid and her bachelorette party consisted of dinner out plus going to a male strip club. I went to the dinner and not the strip club and I took a ton of crap from the other people at the dinner. But, whatever, I didn’t care.

My friend knew ahead of time I would not be going to the club just to the dinner. While disappointed she also is the type who doesn’t let peer pressure impact her own decisions so she could respect mine. That’s called being an adult.
 
I had a similar experience. Although it didn’t involve visiting a strip club. I declined the whole event because the plan was to bar hop all night. All the ladies were supposed to wear T-shirts with life-saver candies sewn all over the front, sporting the phrase “Buck for a s***”

Definitely wanted no part of that. Luckily, though I didn’t get any pressure to attend.
 
Yeah. It makes one wonder what kinds of things fill the minds of those who would think up something like that or who would think, “Hey, that sounds like fun.”
 
This is actually a “thing” on Pinterest and on websites that give ideas for “bachelorette parties”.

While my range of friends is broad and deep, I cannot imagine any of my friends doing such a nasty thing.
 
Seriously? It’s still a thing? My experience was over 20 years ago. I don’t really keep up with what’s new on the bachelorette party front anymore because it’s been a really long time since I’ve expected an invitation to one.

Luckily, I wouldn’t really call the ladies who invited me “friends.” They were co-workers who I didn’t care to socialize with much anyway.
 
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I don’t know if the OP is still following this thread, has found a solution satisfactory to her, or has lost interest, but my biggest concern is that this has become a pattern…that it has become an expected thing for her to tolerate questionable behavior from her husband!

Usually, the litmus thread is what I already stated…if she wanted to make an overnight trip, for something other than a crisis or family matter(ex. A family wedding that would cut into his work time), would he be.just as accepting as she was, about his trip to Vegas with his friends?

I don’t buy into the idea that men have to be ‘a little bit bad’ once in a while…or that ‘he works so hard, he needs time to wind down’. In Vegas, away from his wife and child, at least overnight? No way!!!

I could almost excuse the whole bachelor party event. It happened years ago, no lasting consequences seem to have happened…
But, they have! In the same breath she speaks of being hurt because of this long ago party, she seems to see nothing wrong with him not being available to confront face-to-face…because he’s flying to Vegas with these same friends!

With Vegas, gambling-even if you are convinced the other attractions of said city hold no attractions/temptations for this man-is definitely expected. That’s why I asked if he can afford it? Because, unless you both hold six figured salary jobs, or have massive trust funds, it will drain your finances! But,it seems to have become expected behavior for him. If you’re still reading this, OP, keep a large account where he can’t get to it! You and your child deserve much more than getting stuck at home with the utilities cut off, while he’s out partying!
 
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