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TheLittleLady
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Have you a spiritual director?
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lonegreywolf20
Guest
Are you sure? Did he tell you that he doesn’t have the same call, and you interpreted it to be that he is not open?
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MrsSmith
Guest
No. How does one go about getting a spiritual director?
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TheLittleLady
Guest
This is a good point. Perhaps the call from God is to be a spiritual mother by volunteering, to be a foster parent (either a respite or full time foster), an adoptive parent.
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MrsSmith
Guest
Yes I’m sure.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Ask at your parish office or call your Diocese.
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lonegreywolf20
Guest
You’re gonna have to flesh that out a bit more.
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MrsSmith
Guest
There is a list. While it can be interpreted broadly, it does exist. It is in the encyclical.
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TheLittleLady
Guest
Everything in an encyclical does not have the same weight of authority. For instance, many disagree with parts of Pope Francis encyclical Ladato Si. Heck, I do like my air conditioning!!
This list is similar, it is advice but not doctrine.
This list is similar, it is advice but not doctrine.
Well, in a marriage, it’s not just about a call that one spouse feels, it’s about a call they both feel together. The two become one, it’s not just about you and what you believe you are hearing.No I feel a call from God to have a child deeper than anything I’ve ever felt. I want to have a child for God to have another object for His love, and to strengthen the kingdom of God in earth.
It’s important to be able to distinguish between God’s voice speaking to us and our own desires. It is not outside the realm of possibility that a person could mistake their own desires for a call from God. I’m not saying God isn’t calling you to this, just that it is not that simple to determine.
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lonegreywolf20
Guest
How old is your husband?
I have two younger kids, one is six and the other is four. I am forty-four going on forty-five in October. I can tell you from experience that I don’t have the energy that I once did when I was in my twenties or even late thirties. Once I hit forty I started to feel it. I know in my bones that I couldn’t handle an infant now or a toddler when I am forty-seven or forty-eight. I feel sore more after doing things, it takes me longer to recover when I am doing something that requires more energy.
This is what could be going on in his mind. You need to also take his thoughts into consideration.
I have two younger kids, one is six and the other is four. I am forty-four going on forty-five in October. I can tell you from experience that I don’t have the energy that I once did when I was in my twenties or even late thirties. Once I hit forty I started to feel it. I know in my bones that I couldn’t handle an infant now or a toddler when I am forty-seven or forty-eight. I feel sore more after doing things, it takes me longer to recover when I am doing something that requires more energy.
This is what could be going on in his mind. You need to also take his thoughts into consideration.
What I mean is, there is no specific list, such as this:There is a list. While it can be interpreted broadly, it does exist. It is in the encyclical.
Acceptable reasons to avoid pregnancy:
• Making $30,000 a year or less
• Cancer
• Already having 7 children
Unacceptable reasons to avoid pregnancy:
• Making $50,000 a year or more
• Having 2 children already
• Living in a three bedroom house
There is no list of specific concrete reasons for a couple to avoid pregnancy.
In many of your posts, you cite very concrete reasons why you think your husband is being selfish — such as, he says he is worried about extra stress, while you say he is not experiencing “enough” stress to justify avoiding pregnancy.
The thing is, there is no meter in this encyclical laying out how much stress a couple must experience in order to have an unselfish reason to avoid pregnancy…or how much financial distress a couple must experience, or how bad of a health problem a couple must have before they have unselfish reasons to avoid pregnancy.
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F_Marturana
Guest
Why not decide to postpone discussing it for a few months, and then discuss it again?
I’m not sure feeling disrespect for your husband and insisting are the best strategy right now.
I’m not sure feeling disrespect for your husband and insisting are the best strategy right now.
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Lifeisbeautiful3
Guest
But do you want to keep adding to the plate until he’s stressed??!I don’t think my husband is at his limit. I can tell when he’s stressed. I can see it on his face before he even speaks a word.
I am not sure what to advise you, in fact your post break my heart.
It seems very common that women, who are more implicated in child rearing, for natural reasons wish more children than men who are more worry about finances. Even if they make a good money, they offen fear the cost of studies, unemployment for their future children or themselves…
I think you need to be sure of what you want. Do you really want another child for itself, or just because you feel that you feel that you have not enough reason to not have another one, due to your confortable life’s circunstances?
If it is the first, one, and I don’t doubt it is, I think it is the better to try to make your husband understand this. You are at the end of your fertile time, and can have many regrets after.
You can also underline that you worked, whereas it was not your wish, to support your family, so it is not as if you do not any effort.
Try to understand what is feelings are.
I pray that your retreat will bring more peace and understanding in your marriage.
It seems very common that women, who are more implicated in child rearing, for natural reasons wish more children than men who are more worry about finances. Even if they make a good money, they offen fear the cost of studies, unemployment for their future children or themselves…
I think you need to be sure of what you want. Do you really want another child for itself, or just because you feel that you feel that you have not enough reason to not have another one, due to your confortable life’s circunstances?
If it is the first, one, and I don’t doubt it is, I think it is the better to try to make your husband understand this. You are at the end of your fertile time, and can have many regrets after.
You can also underline that you worked, whereas it was not your wish, to support your family, so it is not as if you do not any effort.
Try to understand what is feelings are.
I pray that your retreat will bring more peace and understanding in your marriage.
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0Scarlett_nidiyilii
Guest
When you were dating, what did the two of you decide about family size?
Also, have you always wanted four kids, or is this a new development?
Also, have you always wanted four kids, or is this a new development?
Or even sponsoring a child through an outreach program. There are many children in the world who are waiting for someone to help them go to school. It would be a beautiful thing to do, if you have the financial means.This is a good point. Perhaps the call from God is to be a spiritual mother by volunteering, to be a foster parent (either a respite or full time foster), an adoptive parent.
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Viki63
Guest
I would say this is a good suggestion. except that with 3 toddlers under 6 and a job, you really don’t have time to put in the effort that being a foster parent would entail. Maybe you could keep it in mind for the future when all your children are in school.This is a good point. Perhaps the call from God is to be a spiritual mother by volunteering, to be a foster parent (either a respite or full time foster), an adoptive parent.
When I was a foster parent, there was no respite care, as there were no respite foster parents available. of course, if you do consider that, I recommend not providing care for any child older than your own., for safety reasons.
Four children is a lot. My mom had 4, and while they were good parents, there wasn’t enough time to go around. I suggest you concentrate on the three that you have and enjoy them. Besides you never know when God will drop another child into your life.
That is why I suggested sponsoring a child. You can financially help a child in a third world country go to school and excel in life. You can even write letters and keep in touch with the child, send gifts during the holidays, and have a photo of the child in your home. But it won’t put you — and more so your husband — over the edge as far as doing the work of raising your own family while holding down a job and nurturing your marriage.I would say this is a good suggestion. except that with 3 toddlers under 6 and a job, you really don’t have time to put in the effort that being a foster parent would entail. Maybe you could keep it in mind for the future when all your children are in school.
By far the best post on this thread.I believe that you desire another child strongly. Although I (personally) do not believe inspirations that drive a wedge between sacramentally married couples, come from God. Couples frequently disagree, and aren’t equally happy about change. However when one is 100% for something big (new baby, new house, job change) and the other is 100% against, I don’t believe that is from God but from personal desires or elsewhere. Provided that both husband and wife are in a state of grace and attend Mass and Confession regularly of course!
The fact that you are opposite is serious. When your husband tells you he’s concerned about mental health, believe him. Ask what you can do to support him now. Tell him you love him. I know what it’s like to desire more children, it’s strong and can even be painful. Mary loves you, praying for you.
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