A
angel12
Guest
And that’s a good thing. It should make you happy, not disrespect him for knowing his limits. I really don’t think you’re being fair to him.
- Status
T
TallyGirl
Guest
I just turned 40 this year. I gave birth to my fifth child right before my birthday. I had waited and prayed for my son for ten years. For ten years my husband would not agree to have another child. I do not tell you this to hurt you but to tell you I understand the longing for another baby can be very intense and can easily drive a wedge between spouses. I adore my son but I now see the reasons for why my husband was content with our other 4 children. I wish that I could have understood how he felt before, but I could not. My desire for a child blinded me to the delicate balance our family was in. No one here has the whole answer for your family life. I know I always felt justified that my desire for another baby was the correct one and my husband was being selfish. I hope you will continue to pray for your family and your husband. Pray that God’s will be done in your marriage and that you will find peace to be content for the season you are in now. Do not let disrespect creep into your marriage, it can be a poison that can cause great harm. I will pray for you.
C
chevalier
Guest
You may be struggling with perfectionism and trying to act something out rather than being more firmly grounded in real life, I think.
Remember you aren’t in charge of the marriage, you both are. Meaning things aren’t supposed to be going your way, they’re supposed to be going both of you’s way (and God’s way isn’t necessarily what one or the other thinks it is, either).
Or perhaps you just have a strong desire for more children, which is clouding your judgement a bit.
But avoid acting on some sort of perfectionism, obsession, compulsion or anxiety (anxiety about not being a good enough Catholic or living a sufficiently exemplary Catholic life), especially when it comes to bringing a child to the world.
And don’t force your husband’s hand emotionally, either, or that could lead to a child feeling unwanted and having issues all the child’s life. Better wait a while till the child’s welcome by both parents. (This includes you desiring the child itself rather than desiring to be in compliance with some sort of exemplary standard, also.)
It’s not bad that you care about ideals, standards, perfection and so on, but apply sound judgement.
Remember you aren’t in charge of the marriage, you both are. Meaning things aren’t supposed to be going your way, they’re supposed to be going both of you’s way (and God’s way isn’t necessarily what one or the other thinks it is, either).
Or perhaps you just have a strong desire for more children, which is clouding your judgement a bit.
But avoid acting on some sort of perfectionism, obsession, compulsion or anxiety (anxiety about not being a good enough Catholic or living a sufficiently exemplary Catholic life), especially when it comes to bringing a child to the world.
And don’t force your husband’s hand emotionally, either, or that could lead to a child feeling unwanted and having issues all the child’s life. Better wait a while till the child’s welcome by both parents. (This includes you desiring the child itself rather than desiring to be in compliance with some sort of exemplary standard, also.)
It’s not bad that you care about ideals, standards, perfection and so on, but apply sound judgement.
Maybe he feels he can’t cope with any more kids right now. Maybe he’s finding it more difficult than you are. Have you asked him this? It’s possible you are being the selfish one by not taking him at his word that his mental health would suffer from another baby. In any case, nagging and forcing the issue isn’t going to endear any man to your way of thinking. Maybe you should say nothing for a few months and pray about it.
This is a good answer. At the end of the day, this is a desire or feeling that you have, on it’s own it’s neutral. But it can become something that is stoked into a sinful pattern of behaviour or a resentment toward your husband. Instead of viewing him as selfish because he’s not on the same page in this issue, you should be trying to understand his feelings and trying to control your building disrespect to him. Instead of praying that he change his mind, pray that harmony is restored to your marriage, in whatever form that takes.
- Status