Rob’s Wife said:
Well, I’m with your dh. My dh isn’t Catholic either, but none of us shake for the sign of peace and we don’t hold hands for the Our Father either. Maybe instead of shaking hands, you could take that moment to share a kind word with your dh? Most people assume you’re “busy” and move on pretty quickly rather than interrupt.
**To avoid the “odd people” issue, I usually take the time during the sign of peace to give each of my children a little pat on the back for being good in church or a quiet reminder to behave, maybe a kiss on the top of the head, ect… It’s clear we are “busy”, but we give nice smiles and acknowledging nods. So far, so good - I think anyhow. **
During the Our Father we just face forward and keep our eyes on the cross.
I don’t do this because of germs or anything like that though.
**I do it because we have found this practice to be an interuption to the Mass for our kids. We have a fairly set custom of “keep your eyes and mind on the cross” and “your hands and heart in prayer” (hold hands in “prayer position” in lap when sitting/standing or on pew in front of you when kneeling) - this keeps the children from being distracted by the going ons of parishoners and keeps their hands from getting into trouble.
**
**I don’t know why, but the sign of peace and/or the our father used to be the beginning of the end of a pleasant Mass for the longest time until we started this practice.
**
Unlike non-Catholic guests, though, Catholics at Mass are all participants, and participate
as a unified group. We should always make an effort to participate in the sign of Peace, if possible, just like every other part of the Mass. People who try to extend a sign of peace are not interrupting you. They’re celebrating the Mass. That is of course why you and your kids are there, too. That it might give your kids an opportunity to misbehave isn’t an excuse for skipping it, under normal circumstances. To do otherwise is along the lines of leaving early. It might be much more convenient, but it isn’t kosher.
The problem with trying to experience Mass apart from others is that it is not in keeping with the Church’s understanding and teachings concerning the Mass. There is no “Jesus is my personal Savior” in the Catholic mindset. We are supposed to be celebrating the Sacred Mysteries together. It is supposed to reflect and celebrate our unifed life. We can’t very well do that and also do our best to ignore each other whenever humanly possible.
I want to be clear: This may not apply to Rob’s Wife’s family. I don’t want to mischaracterize or dismiss her method out of hand. Of course smiles and nods suffice, if they are the most the kids can manage without essentially losing control for the rest of Mass. Parents have to make these kinds of decisions all the time. If you can’t bring yourself to touch other people, you can’t. Your brothers and sisters have to meet you where you are. Nevertheless, holding yourself out of the general practice would be the exception, a stop-gap measure you’ll ideally leave behind when you can, not the norm.
I guess I mean to say that if you are not schooling your kids in full participation
where possible, including the Sign of Peace, you may be training them to miss one of the main points, (if not the main point) of the entire liturgy. That would be a major case of throwing baby out with the bath water. (Besides, coming from Rob’s Wife, it would knock me over with a feather if that were even remotely her intent!)
PS Holding hands at the Our Father, unlike the Sign of Peace, is not part of the liturgy. There are those who will argue that it is not only optional, but an illegitimate addition to the Mass. It goes without saying that it can be skipped without qualm.
After all, you don’t know to what degree his participation is a trial by fire, something that he only does because of how much he loves you!
, so I long ago decided I didn’t want to be part of it anymore. So if someone puts out a hand I will reciprocate but I never go looking for it.
, and so I also wanted to offer the OP my opinion there as well: so often I get caught up in the little distractions of life that I can’t see the big picture. I don’t know, but perhaps that’s what is happening here too. Remember your job is to get yourself to heaven by getting your husband to heaven. Pray for his soul and his conversion and don’t let pride distract you from that focus.